


Keyboard

by starry_stan



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Anal, Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Anal Plug, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Comedy, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Cute, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Drama, Drama & Romance, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Fanfiction, First Kiss, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gay Panic, Gentle Kissing, Gentle Sex, Happy Ending, Holy Water, I Don't Even Know, I WANT TO CRY, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I just have a crippling obsession with fluff ok, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, LMAO, Light BDSM, Lube, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nipple Licking, Nipple Play, Oral Sex, Pining, Romance, Rough Sex, Seke, Slow Burn, Smut, Switching, Wholesome, so mostly fluffy, this is 90 percent fluff, versatile, why am I writing these tags, you're going to need holy water after this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-02-23 00:57:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 41
Words: 75,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23103181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starry_stan/pseuds/starry_stan
Summary: Yoo Kihyun has an embarrassing secret; he writes fanfiction... shipping himself with the other members of his band. If his guilty pleasure got out, how would the others react? His career would be over.But for Kihyun, fanfiction is an outlet to release all the stress that comes with being an idol. It's the only way he can relax after a tough day of work, tension from Hoseok's unprecedented departure and berating from his manager.Too bad his secret is about to be exposed.+ +Updates every week on Wednesdays
Relationships: Chae Hyungwon/Yoo Kihyun, Im Changkyun | I.M/Lee Jooheon, Lee Minhyuk/Son Hyunwoo | Shownu, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 367
Kudos: 350





	1. How It All Began

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1 - In which Kihyun is dragged into a Huge Mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I'm Starry Stan and I'm super excited to present this story to you!
> 
> Here's the weird part though; when I first stanned Monsta X (in the depths of 2018) I didn't like Kihyun. At all. And now I freaking love him... Ya boi got the finest voice I can imagine and he's hilarious. IDK what I was doing with my head down a hater hole but there we go.
> 
> I love them all!
> 
> So sad to see Wonho go but I wish him the best... just want to know what's happening in his life, really. It'd be great if he could open an IG account like Woojin, but I'll respect that he wants privacy.
> 
> Enjoy the book, I hope it makes every mon bebe that reads it laugh like there's no tomorrow.
> 
> :)))
> 
> Love,  
> Starry Stan

Kihyun sat down, his mind reeling.

He'd just opened fanfic.com, the site he used to write all his fanfiction. The website was growing in popularity, particularly since the layout and formatting used was so aesthetically pleasing, and partially because...

Only the best of the best fanfiction was written there.

Every weeb, kpopper and geek out there knew that fanfic.com was the place to go if you needed a quick, five-chapter Dracarry-fix. Or, if My Saviour Academy was more your style, a hefty one-hundred-or-so-chapter MidoKugo should do the job.

Kihyun's phone lay in his hand, which was lolling to one side limply. The phone buzzed every few seconds or so with notifications from the fanfic app (Fanfic!) telling him that yet another person had liked his latest saga.

20K views.

Twenty-thousand views in... three months. Kihyun could not believe what he was seeing, but it had to be true, because someone called 'UnicornDemon032' had just commented on the final chapter.

Lying on his back, he rolled from side to side, a gleeful grin on his face. "Yes!" he whispered, afraid of alerting the other members to his slightly odd behaviour. Realising that his door was, indeed, open, Kihyun ran to close it before jumping back onto his bed and reading through the comments section.

_"as I thought, Showki really is the best~~"_

_"OMG THIS IS SO FECKING CUTE SBAUDIVSJDHJ"_

_"Please give us more, @KihyunIsNotShort !"_

_"@KihyunIsNotShort , notice me sunbae TwT"_

_"This is soooo cute omg I'm dying"_

_"I freaking stan showki ahjagdjkfyas"_

Kihyun couldn't believe what he was seeing. Over a hundred comments on his latest chapter, thousands of likes and loads of saves. As he watched the screen, people added his book to their libraries, shared it with friends and demanded more in his DMs.

"Whoa," he murmured, shutting his phone off and lying down on his back. _I can't believe that what started as a joke snowballed into something of this scale..._

~ a few months ago ~

"So... how's your new house? And your parents?" Kihyun glanced at the man opposite him, only a shell of what he used to be. Hoseok grinned pitifully.

"Well... mum's devastated, of course, but they've both been supportive of me. Took a while to convince them I wasn't doing drugs though," he added, laughing. The laughter was void of any emotion, and petered out quickly.

He couldn't bear to watch Hoseok like this. "How's photography going? Taken any nice ones? Let me see," Kihyun added as Hoseok removed a sleek Canon from his satchel.

"I've got quite a few," he smiled, the first sign of happiness Kihyun had seen on Hoseok's face in a while. Together, they flicker through the multitude of photos Hoseok had taken over the past two weeks.

"I tried to take at least one every day," he sighed, showing him a picture of a rabbit he'd shot just outside a local cafe. Its bright eyes shone out of the screen, captivating the viewer. Hoseok definitely had a talent for this.

"They look great," Kihyun managed, knowing what Hoseok had left unsaid. _It's the only thing that keeps my mind off the group._ Suddenly, Kihyun's phone buzzed.

Grinning, Hoseok leaned over. "Who is it?" he asked curiously. Kihyun frowned.

"My older brother," he grimaced, checking the message. Hoseok saw a dark cloud appear over Kihyun's head, and his grin widened.

"What's he going to get you to do this time?" 

Kihyun groaned.

"Please, don't remind me." A rather unfortunate incident had occurred early last year involving Kihyun, Hyungwon and a pot of noodles. Courtesy of Jihyun.

Sharing the screen so that Hoseok could see too, they read the message. Then they read it again. "What? But that's easy. Don't some of our fans do this?" Hoseok asked, slipping into his old mindset. It took him a while to realise what he'd said.

A sudden gloom settled over the pair, shrouding them in regret. _I shouldn't have shown him,_ Kihyun thought balefully.

"I don't know what he's thinking," Kihyun muttered, returning to the matter at hand. "If he thinks writing 'fanfiction' will please the fans then he's a nutcase. Not that I didn't know that already," he commented wryly. 

"Furthermore, I don't think our manager would be too pleased if I opened an account on this dumb site," Kihyun added, frowning a little. "I swear, that Jihyun, he never thinks-"

"Wait." Hoseok had his thinking face on; he was fiddling with the paper napkin, folding it into a small triangle as he thought. It was one of his funny habits that Kihyun often missed on the rare occasion that the band managed to have a meal together. These days, it was getting even tougher to meet up as five, let alone six.

"Even if you used your real name... no one would believe it was you. Seriously," he added after seeing a protest on the tip of Kihyun's tongue. "Think about it. There are probably thousands of accounts with the name Yoo Kihyun; fans have probably made accounts with every variation of your name possible."

"So what's to stop you from doing the same?" Kihyun raised an eyebrow.

"Are you that keen for me to write this stupid stuff? Plus, the fans always write about us having..." Kihyun's face turned pink, and he trailed off before reaching the end of his sentence. They both knew exactly what Kihyun was referring to; it wasn't their first time seeing a fan fiction (though it had been accidental the first time; this time it was voluntary, which almost made it worse).

"Dude! Just don't write that kind, then!" Hoseok hissed, his own face heating up.

"Why write it at all!" Kihyun exploded, nearly knocking his meal off the table. They were at a family restaurant out in the middle of nowhere, closer to Hoseok's family home than the group's apartments.

"It might be a good stress reliever," Hoseok commented. The phrase was casual, but the meaning behind it was weighty. _I want to take the stress you're feeling, because of me, away._ Kihyun bit his lip, not entirely on board with the whole idea, but sighed.

"I'll—I'll do some research, first!" Hoseok laughed, the sound a joy to Kihyun's ears. Hoseok laughing was a rare occurrence these days. Scowling, Kihyun reread his brother's message.

Running a hand through his hair in annoyance, Kihyun put his phone on the table and searched up 'Kihyun' on fanfic.com.

The results were overwhelming, multitudinous and slightly disturbing. "Mafia AU? What? And I'm a teacher in this one... Biology? I hate Biology, though," he grumbled, amusing Hoseok to no end.

"See what I mean?" Though grudgingly, Kihyun had to admit that Hoseok had been right about one thing; there were tons of 'Yoo Kihyun's rocking the Internet. It wouldn't hurt if he added his own account, because no one would know it was him.

But there was still a niggling doubt. "I don't know, hyung," Kihyun quibbled, "I don't know if I want to waste my time-"

"Jihyun's _car,_ " Hoseok prodded. Kihyun's mouth practically watered at the thought of his brother's sports car. It wasn't like he had time to spend finding a nice car, let alone drive it, but it'd be awesome to have some sort of leverage against his older brother. 

He needed decent blackmail material after last time's catastrophe.

Directing him (much too eagerly, Kihyun noticed), Hoseok guided Kihyun in how to create an account, make a bio and pick a name. Kihyun already had the perfect one in mind.

"All these fanfictions seem to make a point about my... height," he grumbled, scrolling and pointing at one labelled "Short and Sweet" with an image of Minhyuk practically throttling him. He remembered that fan meet, that was for sure. So did Minhyuk, but not for the same reason.

He'd had his arse handed to him after that one.

"So, how about something like... uh... Kihyun is average height?" Kihyun grinned, the corners of his eyes scrunching up.

"I've got an even better one," he decided resolutely, opening the sign up page. Entering his details, he clicked the 'register' button and watched as the page loaded. Hoseok observed his new account.

"Why don't you take a selfie and use that as your profile picture? Then for the background... uh, our names?" Kihyun smiled.

 _Maybe this_ will _be fun._

"Think of it as a bet; just for laughs," Hoseok grinned, nudging him. Kihyun laughed, shoving him back with his elbow. The selfie of him smirking at the camera grinned at him from the screen. 

~ back to the future ~

Just a joke.

That was how it all started. But now... Kihyun wasn't so sure. And he'd ignored one piece of advice Hoseok had given him: "Just don't write the weird stuff, then!"

Biting his lip, Kihyun left his phone charging and got up. Leaving the room, he brushed aside the feeling of unease. It was too late for that now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, a quick note from the author: at the time of writing, the corona virus (COVID-19) is prevalent and spreading fast. Remember to always wash your hands and avoid crowded transportation! ❤︎


	2. Awkward Dinner Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun makes several bowls of ramen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS WONHO WAS CLEARED OF ALL CHARGES! I'm so grateful to every single mbb who stood up for him. There are loads of articles about it if you just type in his name on Google. Hwaiting!

Kihyun slurped his ramen.

It had been a while since he'd made himself a bowl. Picking up a slice of meat with his chopsticks, he waited for the soup to drip off before eating it in one bite. A muffled snigger behind him alerted Kihyun to his hoobae's presence.

"What are you laughing for?" Kihyun questioned. Changkyun waved a hand dismissively, trying to push away the image of a hamster filling its cheeks with food. "Nothing!"

"Hyung, give me a bowl too," Changkyun grumbled hoarsely, sliding a bowl over to Kihyun. Groaning, he got up slowly and filled it with noodles and soup, adding fried shallots (just the way Changkyun liked it).

Kihyun had everyone's ramen preferences memorised. Hyunwoo and Hoseok both loved ramen that was practically too spicy to consume; Minhyuk, Jooheon and himself all enjoyed ramen of a normal heat (Jooheon preferred soy sauce and Minhyuk liked chives); Changkyun liked fried shallots and Hyungwon had a cat's tongue, so he liked it with milk.

"How is practice going? Don't over work yourself, okay?" Changkyun nodded in response to Kihyun's beration, grinning weakly.

"I'm worried about Jooheon," he confessed, pulling out a chair and slumping down into it. "I hope he recovers soon. He's got an appointment with Hayoon-nim this evening," he added, stirring the ramen half-heartedly.

Jooheon's break had come upon them before they knew what was happening. However, all the members agreed that Jooheon needed a break, what with his health in a steep decline and the unnecessary pressure on him because of the recent tension.

"Talking of Jooheon, here he is," Changkyun remarked, nodding to his sunbae. Jooheon nodded back, grabbing his own bowl and adding some soy sauce. 

"You want a refill, hyung?" he asked Kihyun, the arms of his hoodie pushed up on one side and left loose on the other. He was wearing yoga pants, had zero make up on and was sporting bed hair. All in all, he was a walking mess. _But he's getting better,_ Kihyun thought happily. 

"No thanks," he replied, giving Jooheon an encouraging smile.

"Oh, Jooheon, we've got to do a V Live later," Kihyun reminded, smiling wryly. He wasn't really in the mood, but knowing how much the fans appreciated an appearance, he'd found it within himself to make an effort. "And yes, please."

"Sure," was Jooheon's monosyllabic answer. "I've got my appointment then, so you can do it whilst I'm out. It won't be any longer than an hour, right?" he asked. Kihyun shook his head. 

"I'm too tired to do one much longer than thirty minutes, let alone an hour!" Jooheon forced a laugh, washing his bowl up quickly before returning to the confines of his private room—Hoseok's old room.

The table was left in an uncomfortable silence. Gritting his teeth, Kihyun got up, about to go after him, but Changkyun tugged on his shirt. "Don't," he urged, in response to Kihyun's worried grumbling. "It won't help, I've tried," he mumbled, dejected. Kihyun paused.

"We'll just have to hope for the best," he concluded. Changkyun nodded. Kihyun stared at the door, willing Jooheon to come back, but got Hyunwoo instead.

"How was your work out, hyung?" the two asked. Hyunwoo came through the door and set his sports bag down, rubbing sweat off his face with the hem of his vest. 

"Good, I ran for a few kilometres today," he told them, sitting down rather forcefully at the table. "Could I-" Kihyun handed him the bowl, already knowing what he would ask for.

"I already added the white pepper and sriracha," Kihyun interjected, seeing Hyunwoo's mouth open to ask the question, "as well as fresh chilli. Don't thank me," he added, knowing how polite their leader was. Hyunwoo grinned, bowing his head slightly in the quiet manner he had before tucking in.

Boisterous laughter echoed down the corridor, making the three men smile despite themselves. "Minhyuk! Kihyun hyung made ramen," Changkyun called, tapping his chopsticks on the rim of his (now empty) bowl. "Could I get a refill?" he asked sheepishly. Kihyun complied, shaking out a few flakes of fried shallots on top and pouring in a little soy sauce to flavour it.

Whilst Changkyun dug in, Minhyuk appeared from around the corner and skidded to a halt by the table, eyes sparkling as he showed them all a meme on his phone. "The fans are so talented," he giggled, pretending to wipe a tear from his eyes. 

"This is so funny," he laughed, scrolling further on their shared twitter account to show the rest all the videos and images the mon bebe had tagged them in. Though it was left unspoken about, they saw the Hoseok posts as well. Tension fell upon the group once more, and the beaming grin dropped off Minhyuk's face.

Shutting off his phone abruptly, Minhyuk sat down and made himself a bowl of ramen. The twitter posts pushed to one side, everyone's mode improved and they began talking about their days and how individual practice, song writing and work outs were going.

"I'm thinking of writing a song for after our comeback, what do you guys think?" Kihyun waited eagerly for their response.

"Wow, Kihyun, sounds good! If you want help with lyrics just say so," Minhyuk added helpfully. Changkyun mirrored Minhyuk's offer, with Hyunwoo saying he'd chip in on the choreography.

"I'll ask Jooheon about it... when he's not so unstable," Changkyun murmured under his breath, drumming his fingers on the table. Kihyun smiled gratefully. He was so glad that, despite all the hardships they had faced over the past few months, the group was really working hard to retain the bond they'd nurtured over four years of friendship.

"Alright, I'm going to go wash up," Kihyun announced, taking his bowl to the sink and washing it up. "Make sure to clean the table when you're done," he reminded, making Changkyun roll his eyes and Minhyuk grin sheepishly. Hyunwoo nodded amiably, his face set in the comfortable Kihyun had sorely missed.

Practically sprinting back to his bedroom, Kihyun pounced on his phone and opened fanfic.com. Checking his account for new notifications (one hundred and fifty-eight) he opened his book of five-shots and opened a new chapter. 

Kihyun's five shots were, essentially, fanfics of five chapters depicting one of the many favourite Monsta X ships. He'd found that Showki, Hyungwonho and Jookyun had been the most successful so far. 

He got ideas for each fanfic by either asking his fan base (which was growing rapidly) what they'd like him to do next, or doing a quick prompt search on the internet and surprising them. It had been a while since he'd done a surprise fic, so he went on Google and typed: 'Monsta X fanfic prompts' then scrolled through the various options.

Little did Kihyun know, but his secret was about to be exposed. Big time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read all comments, so if you enjoyed this chapter, please feel free to write something!


	3. Shower Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun has some thoughts whilst showering.

_Changkyun wrapped his arms around the body and hoisted it over his shoulder. Kihyun felt limp; as light as a cloud. Worried, Changkyun whispered that it was going to be okay and hurried to the school infirmary as fast as his legs would let him..._

Kihyun tapped away giddily, the plot spilling out of his dexterous fingers. Finishing chapter one on a cliff hanger, he charged his phone and got up. Finding his pyjamas, he opened his door then helped as he ran into someone coming down the corridor.

"Hyungwon?" 

The man stood before him, the tips of his dyed hair dripping with water. His face remained stony. "Kihyun, I-"

"Did you eat yet? I'm sure there's still some ramen left; I made a lot. Oh, and how's your throat? I know you've been-"

"Kihyun." This time, he was more forceful. Kihyun tailed off, confused as to why Hyungwon seemed so on edge. It was now dark outside; his room was lit only by the light of his study light and a bedside lamp.

"What?" He stared at his friend, beginning to feel worried. Hyungwon looked furious, now that he looked closely; his jaw was set in the way it always was when he was about to lose it.

Shaking his head as if to rid it of thoughts, Hyungwon beckoned to Kihyun and walked to his room. Once inside, Hyungwon stayed standing whilst Kihyun flopped down onto his bed and subtly checked his phone.

Suddenly, Hyungwon took out his own phone. "What's this?"

The air in the room solidified, choking Kihyun. He blanched. Shaking, he tried to explain, but his voice didn't come out. Hyungwon—absolutely livid—was holding his phone like it was contaminated with a virus. A fan fiction virus.

"Showki? Assassin AU? Jookyun? Are you some sort of sick pervert?" Kihyun thought on his feet.

"That isn't me, you dummy," he laughed nervously, "it's one of our fans. There are loads of accounts using my name, look, I'll search it up for you-"

"No. This is you," Hyungwon asserted angrily. "I know it's you; stop trying to deny it. I've seen the notifications on your phone." It was Kihyun's turn to feel annoyed.

"You shouldn't be looking at my phone," he hissed.

"And _you_ shouldn't be writing this... this 'fan fiction' stuff! What the hell are you thinking?" Hyungwon asked, rubbing the bridge of his nose with one hand. "If our manager finds out, your career as an idol is over. Plus, this is... _disgusting._ "

Kihyun has to restrain himself from retorting.

"If you find me so disgusting," he sighed, "then at least leave me alone. The last thing our group needs is more animosity," Kihyun reminded Hyungwon, glaring in irritation. Pushing past him, Kihyun tried to get to the bathroom.

A hand, much stronger than he'd anticipated, grabbed his arm and held it fast, stopping him from going anywhere. "What the fuck do you want?" Kihyun asked, his anger levels beginning to rise. Hyungwon had been on tenterhooks for a while now—it probably had something to do with Jooheon taking his break. They were as close as siblings.

Kihyun had used that closeness to his advantage, of course.

Paling, it dawned on him that maybe Hyungwon had a reason to be livid. "I'll stop writing fan fiction about you," he reassured, hoping that would sate Hyungwon's apparent desire to hack Kihyun's head off.

Instead, his words caused the opposite effect. Hyungwon's brow furrowed and his grip tightened. "You've written about me?" _Oops,_ Kihyun thought to himself.

"N-No?" Kihyun blustered. Sighing and rolling his eyes, Hyungwon tugged on Kihyun's arm.

"Do it. Write about me," he muttered, "and I'll be the one to say whether it's disgusting or not." Abruptly letting go of Kihyun's arm, Hyungwon stalked down the corridor back the way he'd come. Kihyun stood in the middle of the hall, dazed and confused out of his mind.

"What?" he said aloud. Without warning, Hyungwon reappeared, making Kihyun jump several feet into the air then yelp when he landed.

"Bathroom's free," was all he said before vanishing once more. Kihyun made up his mind to interrogate him after he'd had a shower. Clutching his pyjamas a little tighter than necessary, he padded to the group's shared bathroom, locking the door once he was inside.

\+ +

Undressing quickly, he got in the shower and turned it up, letting the steamy water pour over his face and slender shoulders. Touching his face, he grinned at the mirror reflecting his image on the opposite side of the room. Kihyun was most confident in his dimples; he'd seen how much attention they'd received from fans, after all.

All he could think about was the fury and disgust on Hyungwon's face when he'd confronted him about the fan fiction. _Maybe I should turn my notifications off,_ Kihyun thought worriedly. The worst part was that Hyungwon was the _last_ person he wanted to find out about his secret.

At least, if it had been Changkyun, they could've had a laugh about it and forgotten that the event ever happened in the first place. The same went for the rest of the members (maybe other than Shownu; he'd probably be too scarred to function).

Hyungwon, however... was a different matter altogether. Kihyun and him always fought; it was never super intense, but he never felt truly comfortable around Hyungwon the way he did with Minhyuk or Changkyun.

Placing his hands over his eyes then dragging them down to remove the water, Kihyun shook his head a little before turning off the shower and getting out. He'd been in there for long enough that he'd managed to steams up said mirror.

As the steam dissipated and he delved further into his thoughts, Kihyun began to feel more and more self-conscious. Hoseok leaving the group then Jooheon taking a break almost adjacently meant that the rest of the active members were scrutinised even more closely by not only the critics but the public eye, too.

Fans had noticed Hyunwoo's weight loss, Minhyuk's red eyes and the lethargy hanging over the group like a thick smog. At times, the tension became so suffocating that Kihyun could hardly bear being in the same room at the same time as everyone else.

Placing a hand on the mirror, he let all his worries leave his mind for a moment. Breathing quietly, Kihyun looked up and smiled at himself. "Keep going!"

Drying himself off with a large, fluffy, white towel, Kihyun pulled on his white-and-blue striped pyjamas (one he'd used in one of their relaxed night time interviews with a girls' magazine) and unlocked the door. Striding out swiftly, he was about to go back to his room when he remembered Hyungwon.

Turning around, he bumped into something tall. Not something, actually, but someone.

Hyungwon raised an eye brow. "Where are you going? Your room's that way," he told him, pointing to the end of the corridor where Kihyun's door lay ajar. Thinking on his feet, Kihyun yanked on Hyungwon's arm—catching him unawares—and dragged the man over to his room.

Pushing Hyungwon into a chair, Kihyun walked up to him and barked: "What did you mean earlier?" Hyungwon's expression tightened.

"I meant exactly what I said. I want you to write about me," he explained, "because if you do, then I at least have something decent to hold over you." Kihyun stared, horrified at Hyungwon's smug expression.

"You know what? You've taken this too seriously and too far. Fine," Kihyun spat, "I'll write about you. I'll write it so well that you'll beg me for more." Hyungwon laughed in disbelief.

"I'd like to see you try," he goaded, his lips turned upwards in a sneer. His face mirroring Hyungwon's, Kihyun turned smartly on his heels and strode back to his room. Hyungwon was about to regret ever taunting him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked the chapter, please subscribe or comment; I read them all :))
> 
> Remember to stay safe, wash your hands and avoid the elderly! <3


	4. Rare Pair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun has a few issues getting inspired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning guys! I hope everyone's well, safe and remembering to eat well. As one user cleverly spotted last week, this fan fiction was inspired by the manhwa "Hyung, You're My Idol!" which, if you haven't already read, you should. It's hilarious so far!
> 
> However, I just wanted to make clear that my fic will not follow the plot of the manhwa; it was simply inspired by the idea. The plot is coming from my brain! With that short note over, Happy April Fool's Day (though, not for me; I'm really gullible TT) and enjoy the chapter!
> 
> PS: have you guys seen the new MX music video? It's awesome! :D

Kihyun's hair was still damp as he sat down in front of his laptop. Opening the lid, he typed in his password and waited for the screen to load.

Getting an idea, he jumped up and legged it to the kitchen, making sure no one was about. It was Friday, meaning that Saturday was a half day; practice and ideation. They'd talk to their manager and staff about concept ideas, new choreographies and interesting songs they'd come up with.

Then, after two, they had the rest of the day to themselves. Which, in Kihyun's case, meant vocal exercises, dance practice and—most importantly—a decent fan fiction-writing session.

However, even though it was Friday night, and he was sitting at the desk with a fresh document in front of him, his mind had gone blank. He'd vowed to make Hyungwon go back on his word, but then question was: how on earth was he going to accomplish that?

Worrying his lip, Kihyun clicked on a Hyungki fan fic that had popped up on his screen. Leaning on one hand, he began to read the first chapter.

Without realising it, an hour had passed, and he'd finished all twenty chapters in a feverish burst of speed-reading. Pushing away from his desk, Kihyun let his wheelie chair spin him around as he whisper-shrieked.

"How are there not any other decent Hyungki fan fictions?" he wailed, scrolling desperately in the vain hope that he'd find a good fan fiction to read.

He couldn't believe his eyes. Apart from the one he'd just read (the highest ranking fan fiction in the #hyungki tag) he'd only managed to find two others.

The first looked like it had been written by a three year old—it had the trilogy of bad fan fiction stereotypes: questionable grammar, a terrible blurb and an extremely cringey title ('Kihyun's Daddy').

Kihyun could already predict the exact chapter in which he and Hyungwon would... _do the do._

Wrinkling his nose, he turned his eyes to the other fan fiction. Excited, Kihyun clicked on the blurb and waited with bated breath as it loaded, but was immediately met with disappointment. The reason?

It had been discontinued.

He hated it when authors did that! But this one had a good reason, he supposed, his heart warming to the poor author who had apologised profusely, explaining how busy her life had become and asking her fans to forgive her.

Sighing, he opened his own story and stared at the expanse of white in front of him. _Let's see,_ he thought, a little frown appearing on his forehead the way it always did when he was thinking hard.

_'It was much too bright outside. Blinking his eyes open, Kihyun put a hand down and tried to regain his bearings. What had happened last night, exactly? And why did the duvet feel so weird?'_

_'Looking down, Kihyun had to restrain himself from letting out a scream. His hand was resting on a shoulder, not a cotton blanket. And it wasn't just any shoulder; to his side, Hyungwon lay, still sleeping peacefully.'_

_'_ What exactly did we do? _Kihyun thought worriedly, trying his hardest to recall the previous night's hazy memories. He could vaguely remember having a massive argument about something that had slipped his mind, then...'_

Kihyun grinned. "This is perfect! But how can I make it less of a cliche?" Suddenly, it came to him. Instead of making Hyungwon a tsundere top, he could make him all sweet and loving, then make _himself_ the tsundere.

It was the best idea he'd had in a while.

Kihyun was a sucker for loving, innocent tops. Which meant... he had to make himself the sexy but sensitive bottom. Crap. _Oh well,_ Kihyun relented, _I'll just have to suck it up and deal with the cringe,_ he grimaced, his fingers flying as he typed out the rest of the section's plot.

Finishing the first chapter, Kihyun saved it and pressed the 'Publish' button, his heart racing. Getting up to stop himself from staring at the screen and refreshing every five seconds, Kihyun drank some water and took out a book.

\+ +

Immersed in his novel, he didn't even realise that the clock had hit eleven. Gasping quietly, Kihyun was about to get into bed when he remembered his fanfiction.

Running over to his laptop, he flipped the lid open and hurriedly entered his passcode. The only light in the room came from his screen, which was emitting a bright white glow that illuminated Kihyun's face in a slightly terrifying manner.

However, Kihyun wasn't concerned with the fact that it had started to rain outside, or that his glass of water was dangerously close to the edge of the table. No, all Kihyun could focus on was the reaction to his post.

_"OGM HYINGKI ABDKWVSKDJEB"_

_"Guys we've been blessed, the god @KihyunIsNotShort has given us our one earthly desire"_

_"Finallyyyy my otp ahhhhhh"_

_"Author-nim you fulfilled my wishes"_

_"_ 사랑해요 _@KihyunIsNotShort"_

His story had already been followed fifty-two times, viewed one-hundred-and-three times, and shared five times. This was the fastest reaction he'd had so far.

Maybe the fact that Hyungki was a rare pair made the story so much better. Smirking at his good fortune and lucky discovery, Kihyun made a mental note to look up a list of other Monsta X rare pairs and write fan fiction about them.

Shutting down his laptop, Kihyun left his fan fiction to grow in follows and readers before opening his door and trudging to the bathroom. Calmer now, he opened the door, walked over to the sink and picked up his tooth brush.

Putting on the paste, he started to brush his teeth, absentmindedly staring at his reflection in the mirror. Suddenly, the door opened behind him, admitting Hyungwon and Minhyuk, who were laughing together about something.

Not in the mood to talk, Kihyun was about to prematurely finish brushing and high-tail it out of there when Hyungwon began looking at him strangely.

"What?" Kihyun retorted, frustrated at Hyungwon's prolonged silence.

"That's my brush," he said, simply. Kihyun looked down. He was holding the brush with the green handle, not the blue handle (his own tooth brush). Minhyuk laughed, his giggles bubbly and _way_ too energetic for eleven-twenty-two in the evening.

"Sorry," Kihyun apologised, washing the brush and handing it to Hyungwon. Wiping his mouth on his shirt, he opened the door and made a dash for it.

Recently, being around Hyungwon had become a bit _awkward_ (for obvious reasons).

Resigning himself to the fact that he'd have to actively avoid Hyungwon from now on, Kihyun fell onto his bed and fell asleep almost immediately, not even bothering to climb inside the covers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoyed the chapter, feel free to leave a comment or kudos! Stay safe, wash your hands and keep in touch with friends / family :3


	5. Take One For The Team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun must awaken a sleeping beast.

When his alarm went off, Kihyun groaned, blinking his eyes to open and rubbing them to get rid of last night's sleepiness. Swinging his legs out of bed and wincing at the cool air that hit them, Kihyun made his way to his closet and opened it, trying to decide what would be best to wear.

Since they were only going to be attending dance practice and a couple of internal meetings today, Kihyun didn't have to make too much of an effort with his outfit choice.

However, he had never really been that confident in his sense of style, so he quickly messaged his personal stylist and sent her a shot of his wardrobe captioned: _"What should I wear today~"_

Her reply was quick and helpful. _'Since it's dance practice, you're going to sweat a lot, so wear comfortable pants and a loose-fitting shirt. For the meetings, bring an extra change of clothes; just wear black trousers, a belt and a white dress shirt. Keep it simple. You can add an accessory as you feel necessary.'_

Following her advice, Kihyun picked out his dance clothes and packed the other outfit into a tote bag. Walking to the kitchen, he left his bag on his seat, removed a bottle of orange juice from the fridge and shuffled his way to the bathroom.

As usual, he was the first one awake. Cursing his body's weird internal clock, Kihyun opened the door to the bathroom and slipped inside, closing the door after himself.

He made sure to brush his teeth well after drinking the juice, gargle mouth wash and complete his skin care routine as normal. Just as he was getting changed, the door opened.

"Kihyun?" Minhyuk paused by the door, unsure of whether to come in or not. Kihyun waved him in, grinning past the neck of his cotton shirt. Soon, Hyunwoon joined them, still sweating after his morning run, and hastily seized a hair brush to cover up his wind swept head.

Chankyun followed suit, having already changed clothes in his room. They exchanged greetings and conversed about the latest news, family messages and what they were going to wear.

As Kihyun was about to start applying cream, Jooheon came into the room. A silence cloaked the atmosphere, each member stopping their activities to watch covertly as Jooheon grabbed his brush, washed his face then left like a bolt of lighting, only stopping to greet Changkyun briefly.

After the initial shock of Jooheon's disappearing act, the mood began to lift slowly but surely. However, Minhyuk suddenly noticed something that instantly brought Kihyun's mood crashing down.

"Who's going to wake Hyungwon up?"

Immediately, Minhyuk and Changkyun hid behind Hyunwoo's tall figure, shivering slightly at the prospects. "You do it, Kihyun," Hyunwoo said nervously, "you're the only one who can." Kihyun grumbled, but even _he_ remembered what had happened the last time someone other than himself had tried to rouse the demon.

"Alright, I'll be the human sacrifice," he relented. Seeing an obvious sag of relief from all three men, Kihyun rolled his eyes and trudged down the hall, his temper already beginning to rise.

Hyungwon was notorious among the members for being utterly _impossible_ to wake up. They had tried everything; alarms, manager-nim calling him, sleep deprivation (don't ask) but none of it had ever worked.

Other than Kihyun, for some reason.

Which had led to the awkward situation of Kihyun having to rouse Hyungwon every morning. On a good day, Jooheon might be able to get Hyungwon up without too much of a problem, but it was basically impossible now that Jooheon was on break.

Arriving at the door to Hyungwon's room, Kihyun threw it open and stalked to the bed side. He was in a seriously bad mood, so didn't waste time with niceties or patience. He just went in for the killer line.

Without any hesitation, he leant over and whispered, "If you don't get up instantly, I'll take a picture right here, right _now_ and upload it on Twitter," straight into Hyungwon's ear.

Reflecting on his choice later, Kihyun regretted it deeply, as it led to an unfortunate turn of events.

Hearing Kihyun's threat made Hyungwon sit up suddenly, causing his face to smash into the other man's cheek. Kihyun stumbled backwards from the shock, not realising that a duffel bag was lying right behind him.

Hyungwon, with his quick reflexes, saw that Kihyun was about to trip and grabbed his hand, tugging it sharply. This caused Kihyun to be launched onto the bed, so that he was lying across Hyungwon in an uncomfortable manner.

Due to the pain, humiliation and general awkwardness of the situation, Kihyun promptly slid off the bed (regardless of Hyungwon's efforts to prevent him from falling) and slunk to the door, where Changkyun, Minhyuk and Hyunwoo were all pissing themselves with laughter.

"Yeah, alright, laugh while you can," he muttered, "just remember who has to go through this every day," he added, which shut them up pretty quickly. Looking back momentarily to see if Hyungwon was _actually_ getting up (he was checking his phone), Kihyun made sure that the others couldn't see him then sprinted the rest of the distance to his room.

Once inside, he shut the door and sank down onto his bed. _What... what?_ His cheek was still smarting painfully from Hyungwon's _Forehead Attack!_ , his stomach hurt from lying on pure muscle and bone, yet...

Why did he feel so perturbed?

Shaking his head, Kihyun grabbed his own phone and opened the fanfic app. Suddenly, his phone emitted a series of high-pitched beeping tones, notifications pouring onto his screen. Confused, Kihyun recalled that he'd posted the first chapter of his book.

_I wonder if there are any comme-_

_Huh?_

Kihyun's eyes popped out of their sockets as he took in the appraisal. Two hundred and five follows, twenty-one shares and... 1K views?!

"How—what?" Kihyun said aloud, his breath cutting short as he scrolled as fast as he could. "Where have all these people come from?" As he read the comments, one thing became clear to Kihyun: he was a lot more popular than he had originally thought.

Unable to believe what his eyes were telling him, Kihyun pushed away from his desk and massaged his temples, still trying to digest the amazing reception.

The comments were still flooding in when he scooted back to his laptop.

_"Wowowow I love thisss"_

_"Not a Hyungki shipper but damn this might convert me"_

_"When do they f*ck"_

The last comment made Kihyun smirk, the skeleton plan of the plot next to him in a notebook.

"Chapter four," he sang quietly to himself, opening a new document and starting the next chapter.

It happened before Kihyun had time to react. Within seconds, his door had been flung open and a hand had forcefully grabbed his collar, making him cough.

"What?" he croaked angrily, blinking up into Hyungwon's face. It was scrunched into an unrecognisable glower, his lips upturned and manicured brows leaning down in fury.

"You f*cking pervert," Hyungwon whispered, clutching the v-neck even tighter. Kihyun slapped his hand, starting to get frightened. Hyungwon had a dangerous look in his eyes; they'd turned darker and the whites had become more prominent.

"The fan fiction," Hyungwon practically shrieked, his yells feral and uncontained. Kihyun's eyes widened in realisation; he must've seen the update notifications on his phone.

"Hyungwon, stop-"

"No. No, I won't stop. This is disgusting, I-"

"Well you asked me to!" Kihyun yelled, his chest heaving. Hyungwon's grip loosened slightly, his face slackening in surprise. Kihyun took the opportunity to free himself by grabbing Hyungwon's hand and pulling it off his collar.

"I didn't-"

"You did," Kihyun asserted, raising a brow. "Yesterday, don't you remember? Or is your brain so dense that it fell out of your body when you got up this morning, huh?"

Hyungwon looked a little hurt.

Sniffing, Kihyun turned. "Not in that way," Hyungwon said, suddenly raising his voice. "Don't write about me in that sick, perverted manner," Hyungwon hissed, regaining his fury. Kihyun spun on his heel.

"Then be more specific next time! And I'm not deleting this one; have you seen the comments?"

With that he slid past Hyungwon and out into the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! As always, feel free to comment / subscribe / leave kudos to your heart's content! Remember to stay safe, wash your hands and keep up with your hobbies as normal :)


	6. Dance Studio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun has a few issues singing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WONHO IS BACK! I REPEAT, WONHO IS BACK!!!

Their journey to the dance studio was met with a tangible silence, each member occupying themselves without a sound as their manager, a worried expression hanging on his face, drove them without further comment than: "Did you all sleep well?" to which he got short, monotonous replies.

Kihyun sat sullenly in his seat, next to Changkyun, who was listening to music with a wistful look on his face. Sighing, he opened his phone and got writing. _I'm going to make this one really dirty,_ Kihyun thought to himself, his anger rising as he recalled Hyungwon's uncalled-for berating earlier.

"Here's your schedule for the day," manager-nim announced to the group, handing a sheaf of paper to Hyunwoo who passed it around, each member taking their respective sheet.

Scanning his briefly, Kihyun noticed, with a sinking feeling, that he had to do a V Live later. Massaging the bridge of his nose, he felt slightly regretful about his unwillingness to just pick up his phone and do a live stream. He knew how much the V Lives meant to mon bebe, but he had been feeling taxed lately.

Kihyun noticed the car pull to a stop and released his seat belt, eager to get out of the suffocating environment. Leaping out as soon as the manager pulled open the sliding door, Kihyun waited briefly to be told the room number they'd be practicing in then dashed off, not wanting to prolong his time in Hyungwon's presence any longer.

 _Eleven... eleven... ah, here it is,_ Kihyun thought in relief, spotting the studio. Opening the door, he rocketed inside, dropped his tote bag onto a table then took his jacket off. Quickly hanging it up, Kihyun hovered in the middle of the room, suddenly unsure of what he should do next.

A scraping noise behind him alerted Kihyun to Minhyuk's presence. "Kihyun? What are you doing?" Minhyuk laughed, his brows creasing in a warm fashion. Kihyun scuffed the heels of his trainers against the wooden floor of the dance studio, embarrassed.

"I've been feeling a bit restless lately," he confessed, Minhyuk nodding in understanding as he explained how awkward he felt around the group (minus the part about Hyungwon asking him to write fan fiction about himself).

"Me too," Minhyuk assured, patting Kihyun's shoulder. "We can get through this, though!" he affirmed, raising a fist and punching the air confidently. Laughing, Kihyun shouted "Hyung!" in protest as Minhyuk ruffled his hair.

Suddenly, Hyungwon walked into the room. Seeing him messing around with Minhyuk, he gave Kihyun a disgusted look, putting the duffel bag from earlier on the same table as Kinhyun's stuff, then flopping down onto a chair. "Manager-nim's gone to ask for water and towels," he said after a while. Hyungwon threw his head back and put a hand over his eyes dramatically, sighing loudly.

Kihyun rolled his eyes at Minhyuk and they grinned. Hyunwoo arrived soon after, Changkyun following behind. Jooheon came last, not to dance, but to watch, since the higher-ups had insisted so. It made Kihyun's chest tighten to see his friend in so much pain.

Their instructor came in, her lanyard tangled amongst her various necklaces. Her assistant choreographer followed timidly, wide-rimmed glasses slipping down her nose every few seconds as she nervously complied with her superior's every demand.

"Alright. We have a lot to do today, boys, so get your skates on," she commanded, clapping her hands and plopping down into a chair. Disregarding her subordinate's worried questions about deadlines and new choreography, the instructor tapped her portable stereo and yelled: "Warm up time!"

"Miss Kim! Eun-Kyung, what time do you guys finish?" Another manager had popped her head around the door. The members paused, intrigued by the new face. Miss Kim frowned.

"We have the room booked for the day, why?"

"Well... I think there's been a mix-up," the manager confessed in embarrassment, her cheeks blooming. "See, we have a group of trainees that have a competition tomorrow, and we're down for this room." Miss Kim sighed, running a hand through her wavy black curls in frustration.

"Right, it can't be helped," she grumbled, picking up her clip board. "Come on, boys," she announced, "we'll find another room." They left the room to repeated apologies from the flustered manager and awed thanks from the young trainees, of whom Kihyun knew a few.

Smiling at a particularly young one who immediately began whispering to his friend, Kihyun waved at the boys then caught up to Hyunwoo, who was talking rapidly with Eun-Kyung. "Hyung, what are we going to do?" Kihyun asked worriedly, tugging on Hyunwoo's arm.

"Apparently, according to Miss Kim, there's another room which her friend found. And get this; it's in the same building as Seventeen's studio," Hyunwoo smiled, his eyes crinkling happily. Kihyun grinned, unable to believe their luck.

The fans had seen Monsta X's friendship with Seventeen, but reality was even better (though the mon bebe and carats weren't to know that). Mingyu has been a friend of Kihyun's for a long time, going back to his trainee days.

 _Maybe we can have a chat; it's been a while,_ Kihyun thought cheerfully, smiling to himself. Normally, bands from different labels didn't practice in the same building, but emergencies called for a change of rules.

It wasn't like they had a competition or performance the next day, but with dance, discipline was key. To a normal person, practicing on the weekends might seem excessive, but for professionals, missing even one practice session could ruin a performance and make them lose confidence. And confidence was everything in the entertainment world.

Again, the group piled into the car, manager-nim started the engine and they were off. Whilst they travelled, Miss Kim gave them the overview of their dance practice. "We'll start by really polishing Middle of the Night in prep for your world tour, then I just need to speak to Hyunwoo about one section of the choreo in She's In the Rain," Miss Kim added, tapping Hyunwoo's shoulder lightly.

He jumped, causing Changkyun to snigger. "Don't be so uptight, hyung," Changkyun laughed, nudging Hyunwoo, who nodded after a couple of seconds. _He's an unlikely, but fitting, leader,_ Kihyun mused, rolling his tongue around his mouth as he re-wrote the plot for chapter three.

This time, it would be _smuttier._

Still fuming about Hyungwon going back on his (odd) word, Kinhyun had made up his mind to write the dirtiest, sexiest fan fiction yet. He'd make Hyungwon regret toying with his anger and playing with Kihyun's outlet for stress.

When they arrived at the new dance studio, Hyunwoo got out first, immediately sticking to Miss Kim's side like glue. Kihyun grinned, knowing how much Hyunwoo admired her. She had been in the former idol group Hurricane, but the girls had disbanded long ago due to Miss Kim's fatal injury and one of the other members committing suicide.

Miss Kim didn't like to talk about that period of her life a lot; instead, she now focused her mind entirely on being the group's choreographer and instructor. Kihyun had an inkling that it was also to distract herself from one of her main concerns.

Rubbing his face with the sleeve of his hoodie, Kihyun recalled with some regret the day he had found out...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! As always, stay safe, wash your hands and remember to text someone you haven't contacted in a while! Feel free to leave comments / kudos / smileys :D


	7. Miss Kim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun reminisces about Miss Kim's past.

He hadn't meant to overhear the conversation, but it was quite hard to leave without being noticed when you were in the booth next door. Kihyun had suddenly got an urge to have bulgogi, so he'd taken the opportunity to invite Hoseok out and they'd gone to a Korean barbecue place near their apartment.

Upon arriving, they'd been seated in a booth right at the back of the restaurant, on Hoseok's polite request. After they'd ordered their meal, Hoseok had received a phone call so, excusing himself, he had dashed outside to take it.

This left Kihyun sitting with no one to talk to, so he'd pulled up his hood and whipped out his phone, not wanting to be recognised whilst alone.

A familiar voice speaking had piqued his interest, so he'd looked up quickly to see who it was. Recognising her, Kihyun watched as Miss Kim sat down in front of his table with a friend, crying into her friend's scarf.

Kihyun remembered feeling awkward but also worried. It was natural to feel that way about someone he had worked with since the age of nineteen. Shuffling a little to alleviate the guilt he felt at overhearing what was probably a very private conversation, Kihyun couldn't help but listen to what Miss Kim was sobbing about.

"Aigoo, Jiwon, just when I thought I'd found someone kind," she cried, sniffing every few words. Her friend grabbed her hand tightly, holding it in Miss Kim's line of view.

"See this hand, Eun-Kyung? It means that I will never, ever abandon you." This caused Miss Kim to break out into further sobs, her tears flooding down her cheeks and plopping onto the table miserably.

The two hardly noticed when a waiter came with their dishes, worriedly put them down, then whisked away quickly. "He didn't even pay his share of the bill," Eun-Kyung wailed, thumping the table suddenly and causing a few meal-goers to whisper.

"He left as soon as I showed him," she sniffed, her friend getting up and moving to her side of the booth so that she could hug her properly.

"That bastard," Jiwon swore, "I'll find him and beat that b*tch up in your name," she declared, finally getting a laugh out of Eun-Kyung. After that, Miss Kim cheered up quickly, talking and joking with her friend (who Kihyun later found out was Miss Kim's high-school class mate and old next-door-neighbour).

After their initial small talk, Miss Kim finally revealed why she'd been crying so much earlier. "Naru dumped me," she stated miserably, her eyes weary and tired from stress and fear.

"I showed him the scar on my stomach. We were in a private room since it was supposed to be a nice dinner, just the two of us," she lamented, dropping her head onto the table.

"His attitude changed immediately, and like a fool I kept going," she said, her voice cracking. "As soon as I revealed my hip, he stood up and said he had a lot to think about," Eun-Kyung muttered, averting her eyes from the gaze of her concerned friend.

"You mean the scar from the tiny, almost invisible support bar the doctors inserted? That piece of crap... when I get my hands on him-" her friend cussed, getting riled up. Kihyun himself was beginning to feel irritated with the man. Why should he dump Miss Kim just because she's had an accident?

It hadn't been her fault, had it?

"It wasn't like you _asked_ for that scaffolding to fall on you!" Jiwon exclaimed, confirming Kihyun's presumption. Whilst Jiwon reassured Eun-Kyung, Kihyun covered his mouth as Jiwon unknowingly revealed what had happened to Miss Kim.

 _So the accident caused her to retire and Hurricane to disband?_ The trouble was, Kihyun could believe it. People often believed that idols were perfect, but reality was often disappointing.

Clearly, Miss Kim's terrible boyfriend had also assumed that she was some sort of perfect, untarnished super-human, otherwise he would've gotten over himself and accepted her for who she was rather than what she looked like.

After a couple more minutes, the pair gave up on eating anything and left. Hoseok had returned, murmuring something about an old friend calling, and they'd resumed their meal.

\+ +

He'd thrown off his hoodie ages ago. Perspiration dropped down his forehead and onto his shirt. His hair and clothes were soaked. Wincing as he landed too hard on one of his feet, Kihyun tried desperately to remember the final steps of the revised 'Follow' choreography.

It wasn't like he didn't know it well enough... it was that he knew two versions. And sometimes, if he was on autopilot, he'd mix the two up and do the choreography for the seven-member routine, rather than the new, six-member one.

Hoseok's departure hadn't just affected their dance routines and songs; it had taken a heavy toll on each member's health and happiness. Perhaps the most heavily affected had been Minhyuk; he cared about every member the most, always reassuring them and making sure everyone was happy.

Sometimes, Kihyun wondered if he should perhaps ask Minhyuk if _he_ was alright. More so than his did currently, anyway. Kihyun wasn't very good with comforting people; he was too blunt. It was one of his flaws that he particularly disliked, and hoped—in vain—to correct.

But "Bluntness is you best feature!" Hyungwon has joked one afternoon following a tough practice session in which Kihyun had exploded at Changkyun for stepping on his toes.

Grinning at the memory, Kihyun came to a halt just as the music ended, chest heaving and eyes towards Eun-Kyung, waiting for her limited praise or destructive criticism.

"Good work," Eun-Kyung concluded, drawing a sigh of relief from all of the boys. Her assistant balanced a tablet precariously on her lap, hands poised ready to type Miss Kim's assessment.

"Kihyun, please work on the transition into the final section and your expression; I could see you panicking about the moves," she smiled, making Kihyun grin sheepishly. "Shownu, make sure not to obstruct Minhyuk too much at the beginning," she added, Hyunwoo nodding earnestly. Minhyuk nudged him, making Hyunwoo laugh.

"Aren't you lot cheerful today? That's nice to see," Miss Kim noticed, twirling her pen in a manicured hand. _She's grown into a confident person,_ Kihyun thought joyfully. _I'm glad that she's not letting that idiot get to her. I bet he would regret ever giving her up if he could see her now,_ Kihyun mused, surveying the strong woman in front of him.

"Changkyun, try to look a little more forceful during your rap section. You know the bit I mean, right?" Changkyun nodded, mimicking the move she meant. Meanwhile, Miss Kim has walked over to where Jooheon was sitting and was going over how he would slot back into the choreo when he returned for the world tour.

"Oh," Miss Kim calles from across the room at the boys, who were grabbing a quick drink, "well done Hyungwon, you're in top form today," she congratulated, turning around again. Hyungwon smirked at Kihyun, making him twitch in annoyance.

 _He just had to get praised right after I'd been told off,_ Kihyun brooded, rubbing his towel over his face a little too roughly and making himself wince. Hyunwoo patted him on the shoulder comfortingly. "Don't worry, I saw Hyungwon's sneer," Hyunwoo grinned. "Just let him sleep in tomorrow then watch him get hell from manager-nim," he added mischievously.

As they were clearing up, the door slid open and a familiar face popped round the corner. "Kihyun? Oi, hyung!" Kihyun's eyes widened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, keep safe, wash your hands and read a good book (not just this terrible fanfic XD)


	8. Mingyu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun has a few issues singing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you guys seen Hoseok's candid photos? He looks so good; I'm legit so happy ahhhhh

"Mingyu! Which room?" Kihyun asked, his mood improving considerably at the sight of the other man.

"Five," he replied, fist bumping Minhyuk and grinning at the other members. Jooheon asked how Seung Cheol was, and Mingyu replied that he was doing well.

"That's good to hear," Kihyun said, relieved that their leader was okay. Seung Cheol had gone on break back in November due to his anxiety, much like Jooheon who had started his break in January.

"How's practice going? I heard your comeback was really successful," Mingyu congratulated, grinning. Kihyun grinned back, glad that their intense work out had been interrupted briefly by this bubbly person.

"It's been good; the reception for the songs has been amazing, especially overseas," Kihyun replied, smiling warmly at the thought of all the international mon bebe who had jumped for joy on Valentine's Day. "It was nice to give people something other than a card to anticipate; this way, mon bebe would have guaranteed happiness on that day," Kihyun explained earnestly.

"Are you sure about that?" was Mingyu's sly reply. Smacking his friend on the back, Kihyun chased him around the room, causing the other members to laugh out loud. Everyone was having so much fun that only a pointed cough from Eun-Kyung could dull their exhilaration.

"Good to see you, Kim Mingyu," Miss Kim uttered wryly, "but we were in the middle of a rehearsal," she asserted, standing up. Shrinking away from her intimidating figure, Mingyu waved nervously and slipped out the room, only stopping briefly to holler: "Call me!" in Kihyun's direction.

Laughing quietly, Kihyun returned to rehearsing.

After they'd completed dance rehearsal, Miss Kim sent them to a different room in the building for vocal coaching. Their instructor had been driven over from the previous building and handed them all bottled water.

Mr Jung was a talented vocal coach, having been taught his skills overseas in various countries before returning to Korea to coach trainees, idols and professional singers. He knew when his input was needed, and when the members wanted to try their own style.

Entering the large room, the group stood in a circle, Mr Jung at the head, and they practiced their vocal warm ups. It was a clean, well-ventilated room, making sure that the singers using it didn't overheat or feel uncomfortable.

Large windows allowed natural light and a fantastic view of the city to shine into the room, making Kihyun feel a little more alive than he had been for the past few days. _I like this building,_ he thought longingly to himself, knowing that they'd have to move back to the Starship building eventually.

As they went through each song on the album, Kihyun made sure that he drank enough water, took breaks when needed and didn't overwork his voice. As the group's main vocal, his voice was his everything.

Losing it wouldn't only mean losing a part of himself; it would mean losing face. Their reputation didn't need any more damage than it had already suffered.

Hoseok's departure had been a topic of much discussion in the news, hitting world-wide headlines and causing outrage among their fans and other music-lovers alike.

Many non-mon bebe had known Hoseok to be a source of joy and love for Monsta X fans, and many people could understand the desperation and crippling doubt than mon bebe had suddenly had to face.

Gritting his teeth, Kihyun relaxed his throat in order to hit the high note in 'She's the One'. Suddenly, without warning, it tightened, and he choked, coughing violently. Mr Jung rushed to his side, grasping his shoulder worriedly.

"Yoo-ssi, are you alright?" Kihyun nodded, determined to keep going. He couldn't believe it. This hadn't happened in months. What could have possibly made him choke like that?

"Changkyun, could you refill his water? And grab his towel, whilst you're at it," Mr Jung commanded.

"I'll get the towel," Hyungwon offered, grabbing it off the table next to him. Walking over to Kihyun's side, he rubbed it over the man's forehead, patting his temples gently. Still coughing quietly, Kihyun stared up into Hyungwon's cold eyes focused on him. Startled, he jolted. Hyungwon scowled.

"Get a hold of yourself," he hissed, quietly enough so that only Kihyun could hear him. Kihyun frowned. What was his problem?

Taking the towel from Hyungwon's outstretched hand, Kihyun hung it around his neck, rolling it to relieve tension as he did so. Making up his mind to have a serious talk with Hyungwon after their meetings, Kihyun rejoined the rest of the group.

"Take it easy," Mr Jung worried, "we can't have you destroying your voice at this crucial time. You guys have to prep for the tour, and in order to do that efficiently, I need your bodies to be in prime condition so we can make sure all practice time is used well."

"I know how much you six have been through these past few months. I've known experiences like this to break apart other groups, and I know that you can all get through this, so long as you rely on one another." Kihyun nodded emphatically, smiling encouragingly at the rest of the band.

Hyunwoo inclined his head solemnly. Changkyun nodded in agreement and Minhyuk gave a thumbs up, grinning happily. "We're doing really well, guys," he praised, slinging an arm around Kihyun's neck.

They ran the rest of the songs in the album to see if there were any areas for improvement. "Hyungwon, watch your tuning in 'You Can't Hold My Heart'," Mr Jung cautioned, his face warm to assure the man that he wasn't angry. Hyungwon nodded tightly, frustrated.

"Excellent work, Kihyun. I think you need a break, though," Mr Jung warned, gently patting his shoulder. Kihyun grinned dolefully, still concerned about his voice. Maybe he _should_ talk to the manager about cutting down his practice time.

Currently, Kihyun had a hectic practice schedule. He was doing two hours a day alongside Hyunwoo, Minhyuk and Hyungwon (who had been commended by the CEO for their efforts and given _proper_ vocal training).

What made it worse was the fact that they had just made their comeback. This meant that practice was both more intense and more stressful; Kihyun had subconsciously been taking on too much to manage, and now that he recognised that stress, it felt like a large weight on his shoulders had dissipated.

However, if Kihyun was struggling, he couldn't begin to imaging the kind of stress Hyunwoo was going under. Their leader was a calm, collected man that had a wonderful sense of humour, polite disposition and kind demeanour... in front of the crowds.

In reality Hyunwoo was a nervous, shy man that always worried about whether he was doing a good enough job or not. Hyunwoo was constantly fretting, turning to Minhyuk's bright personality for consolation. Usually, this was enough to cheer the bear-like man up, but these days the hate and pressure and struggling was getting too much.

Kihyun was seeing Hyunwoo start to crumble.

It hurt him, seeing their leader in this awful position, hurting every day for a problem that was completely out of his capable and willing hands. Hyunwoo was the type of person to sacrifice his own health in order to make sure that those close to him were happy.

Kihyun recalled one time when Hyunwoo had dropped everything he was doing to coach him. He remembered with stark clarity the room; it had not been unlike the one they were currently inside.

Scared, unconfident; he had been a mere trainee at that point, unused to the world of stardom and frightened by the prospect of fame. Furthermore, Kihyun had very little self confidence. Hyunwoo had taken him through stage presence, vocal techniques and steps for successful live performances. All in one night.

It had taken them until three am to achieve anything, leaving them both exhausted the next day. But Kihyun would never forget what Hyunwoo had done for him. For them.

Which is why he raised his hand. "Really? Yoo-ssi, are you sure? Mr Jung advised me not to give you any more work," came the voice of the assistant staff.

They were in a conference room. Mr Jung had brought them to it, explaining along the way that they were to attend a meeting with the sales staff about a promotional event. Turning a corner that revealed yet another corridor of rooms, Mr Jung had hinted that one of the members would have to take on more work than the others.

So here they were, Hyunwoo gaping at Kihyun's arm, Hyungwon's hands slammed down onto the table, Changkyun with a worried look on his face, Minhyuk desperately trying to put his hand up too and Jooheon staring at the five of them in confusion.

"I'll do it. Don't worry about me," Kihyun smirked, "I'm not a weakling," he added, glaring pointedly at Hyungwon, who looked like he was debating whether a chair or table would inflict greater pain if he threw it in Kihyun's general direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, stay safe, wash your hands and enjoy your favourite drink! Treat yourself XD


	9. Ouch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun takes a tumble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta pray for our bb Hyunwoo TT hope he gets better soon!

Torrential, cooling; the rain came down tenfold. Kihyun never talked about it much since the rest of the members didn't like the rain, but he loved rainy days. Some of his clearest memories had been made whilst it had been raining.

His first girlfriend. His acceptance letter into Starship. His high school graduation, which had happened to coincide with a friend's birthday. They'd gone wild, the party had been awesome and he'd taken so many pictures. They still hung on his wall back at _home_ home, to remind him of his life before becoming an idol.

Kihyun grinned at the thought, laughing quietly. Hyungwon looked over at him, confused, making Kihyun shut up fairly quickly.

Glancing at Hyunwoo, Kihyun was glad to see their leader grabbing a quick few minutes of sleep in between activities. After the meeting, Hyunwoo had thanked him profusely. Neither of them dared to mention it, but both knew that if Kihyun hadn't intervened, Hyunwoo would've been the default candidate.

The task set hadn't been a particularly enamouring one, either. Kihyun had to film an advertisement with a Korean skin care brand to boost Monsta X's image as part of trying to resuscitate the group's severely damaged public reputation.

Kihyun was so grateful for all the international mon bebe, since they seemed to be more forgiving of Hoseok's questionable past, but the national mon bebe were not nearly so kind. That was not to say that the local mon bebe didn't love them; after all, it was their love that had projected them to international status.

However, in Korea, there was a very narrow and rigid image of what an idol should be. So when Hoseok's blunders as a pre-trainee were revealed to the world in the worst way, some mon bebe could not find it in their hearts to forgive him. In some ways, this was understandable, since they had all been brought up with high standards and opinions that would be difficult to change.

Still, Kihyun could dream.

Talking of dreams, Kihyun whipped out his phone and penned the final chapter of his Hyungki fic. In it, Kihyun would have a dream in which Hyungwon confessed to him, making him realise that slapping him last chapter had been the wrong thing to do.

After panicking for a few dramatic moments, Kihyun would then run into Hyungwon's open arms upon seeing him and confess his love. The chapter would finish with them going on an impromptu date and having tons of fun.

The fans would love it, Kihyun could already tell. Grinning, he began to write...

"Alright, we're here. Someone wake Hyunwoo," the manager asked, opening their door so that they could get out. Like usual, each member jumped out, legging it to the back entrance door with their body guards and leaping inside before they could be spotted by any fans.

Whilst Minhyuk tugged on Hyunwoo's shoulder, Kihyun got out the car and sprinted towards the back entrance, eager to continue writing.

Without warning, he slipped on the wet surface of the ground and fell face first onto the ground.

Groaning in pain, Kihyun got up slowly. Thanking his lucky stars that his face hadn't been damaged (he checked in his pocket mirror), Kihyun tried to get up.

Wincing at the sudden pain, he looked down and spotted that he'd scraped his shin against the gravel. Paling at the sight of blood seeping through his trouser legs, Kihyun began to feel light-headed.

"Kihyun!" Changkyun ran to his side, crouching down and examining his leg worriedly. "Hyung, can you stand? Do you want me to grab manager-"

"No need," Hyungwon answered, "I'll take him upstairs. Don't tell manager-nim, he'll just start panicking and try to take us all to the hospital or something." Nodding in assent, Changkyun helped Kihyun up and put the man's arm around Hyungwon's shoulder.

"I can do it," Hyungwon insisted, pulling Kihyun against his chest. Changkyun frowned in confusion but let it go, waving before shoving his hands into his pockets and jogging inside the building.

Meanwhile, Kihyun's mind had been whirring. _This would make a perfect scene in chapter three! I should re-edit,_ he thought excitedly, trying to walk forwards. Without warning, Hyungwon stumbled, not expecting Kihyun to move on his own, and they both nearly lost their footing.

Regaining his balance after a close call with the floor (again), Kihyun tightened his grip on Hyungwon's arm, deciding that it was perhaps for the best if Hyungwon did the leading.

"Hyung, are you alright to keep going?" he asked, gripping Kihyun's waist securely. Kihyun nodded.

"Just—let's get going," he stressed, feeling worse and worse as the minutes dragged on. Hyungwon readjusted Kihyun's arms before blundering blindly towards the door. Thankfully, since it was raining, there were very few people about, which meant that they hadn't been recognised yet.

Reaching the back door, Hyungwon and Kihyun practically fell inside, the door slamming shut loudly after them and muting the sound of pouring rain.

Kihyun took the opportunity to sneak a glance at Hyungwon, whose hair was plastered against his forehead haphazardly, the strands of stark blonde fading to darker roots at the top of his head. He was breathing slowly, his clothing soaked from the downpour, his designer brand shoes sodden.

Kihyun paused to examine the shoes further. "I know," lamented Hyungwon in response to Kihyun's pained look, "they'll never be the same." Suddenly, Hyungwon froze, as if he'd said something he shouldn't have.

The sudden change in demeanour had been unexpected, and Kihyun studied closely as Hyungwon seemed to visibly throw up layers and layers of defense, his face becoming a mask of emotionless calm and his body stiffening cautiously, like he was preparing for Kihyun to attack him at any moment.

"Let's go. We should avoid catching a cold," Hyungwon hinted coolly, the real meaning behind his words seeping through. _"I'm freezing, and spending time with you isn't making me feel any better."_

Begrudgingly, Kihyun nodded, following the taller man as he led the way. Hyungwon's long legs made it hard for Kihyun to keep up under normal circumstances, but especially when he was cold, tired and in need of a warm bed (and a band aid).

Frozen and mildly irritable, the two arrived at the door of their apartment. Slipping a slender hand into the inner pocket of his fitted jacket, Hyungwon pulled out his keys and unlocked the door.

For safety reasons (sasaengs, anti-fans, criminals) the members kept the door locked at all times, even when they were all at home. Holding open the door for Kihyun, Hyungwon followed after him before shutting the door and locking it again.

Pocketing his golden keys once more, Hyungwon led Kihyun to his room and sat him down on the bed. "Wait here whilst I get you some bandages and cream." Kihyun raised his voice in protest, but Hyungwon had already disappeared off to the bathroom.

Taking off his jacket, Kihyun was about to remove his shirt when Hyungwon reappeared, this time with a tube of medical cream, antiseptic wipes and a roll of bandages. 

"Take off your trousers," he stated. Kihyun did so, hissing in pain as the fabric slid roughly over his wound. 

It was the first time he had taken a proper look, and the sight made him want to gag.

His skin had been ripped off cleanly, leaving reddening skin to oxidise painfully. In other areas, the gravel had cut deeper (though thankfully there were very few places where gravel had got under his skin).

It was bleeding profusely, and Kihyun had to put a hand down on the bed to stop himself from slumping backwards. 

A slight frown on his face, Hyungwon knelt down and ripped open a packet of antiseptic, his brown eyes assessing the damage, before swabbing it roughly over the cut.

Kihyun shrieked in agony, hitting the back of Hyungwon's head with his hand and wincing with every swipe of the antibacterial wipe. "You could at least do it a little softer," Kihyun complained, his face scrunched up as his hand gripped tightly onto the duvet covers.

"Shut up," was Hyungwon's only response, though it was remarked in better humour than he had been earlier today. Finishing the cleaning process, Hyungwon applied the cool healing cream before wrapping Kihyun's leg in the bandage and securing it with a safety pin.

"Get up," Hyungwon ordered, motioning for Kihyun to follow him, "And we'll order you some porridge." Kihyun startled at that.

"Oh, you don't have to—"

"Your voice has been feeling a bit off lately, right?" 

Kihyun nodded reluctantly. "Exactly," concluded Hyungwon triumphantly. "You're a critical part of the group; if you get ill now of all times, we may have to take a hiatus. And you know what that means," Hyungwon added.

Kihyun knew. He knew all too well, but being reminded of it didn't really help.

"Alright," he relented, feeling off-put, "I get it." Walking ahead of Hyungwon, Kihyun stormed into the living room, past Changkyun (who was editing something on his laptop) and into the kitchen.

Plonking himself down onto a chair, he thought miserably about how he'd have his way with Hyungwon...

...in his fan fiction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys want to catch me else where, I'm on instagram as @starry.stan and twitter as @starry_stan , too! As always, stay safe, wash your hands and consider investing in some masks :")


	10. The V Live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun does a V Live with interesting outcomes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, I changed the tags. Go read them but only if you have holy water on hand;;; your eyes will bUrN

Making himself useful, Kihyun got out a couple of bowls and laid out place settings for everyone who was at home. Changkyun had finished whatever he was doing and had relocated to in front of the TV. He was curled up watching whatever Netflix show he was currently obsessed with.

Hyunwoo was out at the gym again and Mihyuk was filming an interview with a radio station, so neither of them would be back for food. Mihyuk had already let Kihyun know that he'd meet up with Hyunwoo for dinner instead; they'd be going to a family restaurant nearby his location.

Meanwhile, Hyungwon was muttering something into the phone. "...Yes please. Just in case," he added, scratching his cheek before resting his hand on the back of a chair. "No. He's fine," Hyungwon reassured, glancing at Kihyun.

"Okay. See you soon. Thanks again," he murmured, clicking the receiver and shoving the phone back into its holder. "Food'll be here soon," Hyungwon announced, looking pointedly at Changkyun, who nodded absent-mindedly. 

Kihyun sat a little straighter, grateful that Hyungwon was doing this for him despite his frosty attitude. He watched as the man opened the fridge, a gust of cool air hitting both of them. Removing a bottle of iced tea, Hyungwon shut the fridge door, unscrewing the lid.

"Hey! No bottle for me?" Kihyun grinned as Hyungwon's face scrunched up.

"And I suppose you think that a high sugar content won't harm your throat and body?"

"Damn you and your fast metabolism," Kihyun mumbled, scowling playfully and turning around in his seat. Hyungwon allowed a laugh to escape, and Kihyun smiled to himself. That was the first time Hyungwon had laughed in a while.

A sudden knock at the door alerted them to their manager's arrival. "I'll get it," Kihyun protested, pushing Hyungwon out of the way. Deaf to Hyungwon's multitude of colourful curses as he tripped over his own feet, Kihyun reached the door.

Checking to see if it was, indeed, their manager, Kihyun unlocked the door and opened it a small margin, thanking their manager profusely for the food before grabbing the plastic bag and shutting the door once more.

They couldn't afford to hang about with the door unlocked; sasaengs or other creeps could be there within seconds to demand various questionable things (Kihyun had once been asked for his empty water bottle, followed by "oh, and any spare pieces of clothing you have on your person currently!").

Setting the crinkled bag of food on the table, Kihyun hollered, "Dinner's here!" and waited for the subsequent thundering of footsteps as Changkyun rushed to the table, his mouth hanging open slightly in anticipation.

Soon, they were joined by Jooheon, who slid into his seat, posture slumped, and rested his chin on his hands.

Spooning out the porridge into equal portions, Kihyun passed around the various condiments that had come with the food, (fish balls, pork floss, soy sauce, fried shallots, dried fish—Chinese takeout had its perks) they all dug in hungrily like a pack of wolves.

"Damn," Kihyun muttered, remembering that he had to do a V Live later on. "Anyone want to help me out after dinner?"

"No one wants to do your dishes, hyung," Changkyun smirked, rolling his tongue over his teeth. Kihyun scowled.

"You know that's not what I mean," Kihyun chided, scratching his head a little. Secretly, he'd been hoping that Mihyuk would help him out, but since he was out with Hyunwoo, there was no chance of that happening.

"I'll do it," Hyunwon offered, making everyone's heads turn.

 _What?_ Kihyun felt like shrieking. Hyunwon wasn't the type to selflessly throw away a free evening in aid of someone, let alone Kihyun. He was the type to take a couple beers out the fridge, grab a laptop and disappear into the deep recesses of his bedroom until morning, doing goodness knows what.

Nodding briefly at him, Hyungwon asked: "What time?"

"Six fifty-two p.m.," Kihyun replied, still reeling. Hyungwon rolled his eyes.

"No, you moron, I meant the start time of the V Live," Hyungwon reiterated, his hair falling into his eyes as he grabbed the bowl and went to wash it up. 

"Oh, we'll start at seven-thirty, that okay?" Hyungwon nodded silently, his back facing Kihyun so that he couldn't see the other man's expression.

After he'd finished eating, Kihyun made sure to text and thank the manager before washing up the remainder of their dishes. Changkyun had thanked him profusely then ran off, probably to his room, to carry on mixing a new song or writing some lyrics. 

He was one of the most creative members of the group, often helping the producers to write their songs, as well as giving them new and unusual ideas of what concepts they could tackle next.

Feeling chilly and a bit restless, Kihyun traipsed to his room to grab a yellow hoodie, then set up his computer so that the V Live app was open and ready to go. Nabbing his tooth brush from the bathroom, he quickly brushed his teeth and sat down on the bed, eager to get the livestream over and done with.

A knock on his door jolted Kihyun out of his day dream and back into the real world. Grumbling to himself (he'd just come up with a fantastic new Kihyuk plot line), he opened the door and allowed Hyungwon entrance.

"I thought we could read fan questions then answer them in the video," Hyungwon suggested, waving his phone with the fancafe app open. "I've asked mon bebe to come up with a few interesting ones," he added.

Kihyun nodded enthusiastically. "Great idea! Wah, that sounds fun," he grinned, tugging on Hyungwon's arm. "Come on, let's start."

Hyungwon turned his face away from Kihyun. Confused, Kihyun tried to look at him, but gave up when Hyungwon continued to ignore him. _He must still be angry about chapter two,_ Kihyun thought devilishly to himself.

Pressing the start button, Kihyun and Hyungwon slid their professional smiles on and waved brightly at the camera. "Hi~ii," Kihyun drawled, smiling as the comments started pouring in.

_'Omg! Kihyun oppa!'_

_'augh the cat and mouse duo are back!!!'_

_'so cuteee'_

_'kihyun's sweater is so cute I wanna buy it'_

_'hyungwon-ah how are you so handsome'_

"Okay... we have a question from Ily-Unnie: 'What does Kihyun do to unwind?'"

Kihyun nearly had a heart attack, his mind immediately jumping to the daydream he'd been having just a few moments ago.

"Um... I like to clean and hang out with my friends," he replied, quickly censoring his original answer. He wasn't quite sure how the fans would take: _I like to write kinky fan fiction shipping myself with the other members!_

Hyungwon glanced at him, the corner of his mouth turned up in a half-smirk. Pinching the other man's back (making sure the fans couldn't see), Kihyun embarrassedly took out his own phone and scrolled down on Hyungwon's post.

"Here's one for Hyungwon, from annyeong_sarang: 'Has Hyungwon ever fallen in love?'" This kind of question had a default answer drilled into them by their company: _'With mon bebe, of course!'_ Kihyun waited for Hyungwon's reply, impatient for the next question.

"It's a secret." 

Kihyun whipped around so quickly he nearly cricked his neck. 

"What?" he hissed, watching Hyungwon smile dazzlingly at the camera as the comments section went wild. "Next question, next question," Kihyun insisted, nervously pushing Hyungwon's phone into his hands.

Reading a certain question, Hyungwon's face lit up, and he grinned. "A question written by Eun-Won: 'If you weren't a singer, would you be a writer or an actor and why? For both of you,'" the question added, making Kihyun swallow dryly.

"I'd be an actor," Hyungwon answered, "since I love acting and it's always an exhilarating experience for me," he smiled dashingly, his blonde hair flopping over his eyes innocently.

Kihyun struggled, knowing what would come next. "I would be a writer, because..." Hyungwon sneered, his expression a distortion of the earlier brilliance he'd displayed. "B-because I actually love to write, and I also enjoy reading."

Breathing silently as Hyungwon answered his next question, Kihyun ran over the past few weeks' events in his mind. Somehow, amazingly, he and Hyungwon felt closer than before. He'd never really taken the time to speak properly with Hyungwon, so doing V Lives together was probably a step towards reconciliation for both of them.

"Kihyun. Kihyu~un," Hyungwon whined, prodding his arm a little harder than necessary. Kihyun frowned. 

"Wha~at?" he mimicked, spiking the amount of comments once more with phrases such as 'cute!' or 'what;;; that was so adorable!'. 

"If you could become an animal, which one would you become? It can't be a hamster," the clever mon bebe wrote. Hyungwon stared expectantly. Kihyun thought hard for a moment.

"A lion, since they're strong and courageous. Oh, and powerful, too," Kihyun added, smiling kindly into the camera lens. The comments went wild.

_'why? whywhywhywhywhy'_

_'ooh I wanna know why now'_

_'noooo I prefer you as a hamster oppa'_

_'what about hyungwon?'_

Suddenly, the question was turned on Hyungwon. "Easy," he smirked, "a sloth. Why? Because I get to sleep all day," he reminded, making the mon bebe laugh.

"But you wouldn't be able to dance anymore, Wonnie," Kihyun teased, grinning so that his eyes scrunched up. Hyungwon's face clouded over. Worried that he'd said something wrong by accident, Kihyun looked at Hyungwon for an answer, but was given none.

"That's true," Hyungwon smiled, regaining himself after the momentary lapse. Kihyun nodded to save face in front of the fans, but inside he was desperately confused. "I'd be upset if I couldn't dance. Then, maybe a dog? Or an animal that could move fast, at the very least," he concluded, making hearts at the mon bebe.

"Okay, that's all for today," Kihyun smiled. "See you guys at our concerts and future V Lives!" Kihyun switched off the computer and watched as Hyungwon got up.

Something tugged within his chest, and Kihyun found himself grabbing Hyungwon's shirt. "Wait," he gasped, flustered at his body's sudden movement.

"What?" Hyungwon asked, not turning around. 

"Uh... you wouldn't actually want to be a sloth, right?" _Wow, Kihyun. Amazing conversation starter, right there._

"Guess you saw through that one, too," Hyungwon sighed, his face darkening. Kihyun startled. He hadn't been expecting that. "How?" he asked Kihyun, his warm brown eyes searching his for answers.

"Um... you just looked a little bit off? I don't really know how to explain it."

Hyungwon turned around and studied him for a bit. "Yeah," he uttered non-committally, his slender hands reaching for the blue striped hoodie Kihyun was sitting on. Moving to the side quickly, Kihyun watched as Hyungwon put it on, a sliver of his stomach exposed to the cool air as he slid his arms into the sleeves.

"See you," Hyungwon said, disappearing and leaving Kihyun to flounder, confused by his own thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always: stay safe, wash your hands and go watch BNHA because damn that's a good anime;;;
> 
> If anyone has fanart submissions or other, my email is: starry.stan@yandex.com
> 
> until next week!


	11. 'Oh Dear' Is An Understatement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun braves a destroyed kitchen, Hyungwon's room and some disturbing revelations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, thanks so much for 1K hits in just ten chapters! I’m actually amazed :000

The first thing Kihyun _felt_ was a cool breeze. The first thing Kihyun _saw_ was an open window. The first thing Kihyun smelt was...

_...disgusting._

"Alright, who attempted to cook this time?" he shrieked, leaping out of bed and through the already open door. Passing their bedrooms and entering the bathroom, he flung the bath curtains out of the way to find Mihyuk huddled in the bath alongside Changkyun.

"Okay, so it was Minhyuk's idea-" Changkyun began, getting cut off by a piercingly loud "Hey!" from Mihyuk. Kihyun rubbed his temples in agony.

"I do not care whose fault is is," he spat, "I just want to know whether you burnt the kitchen down. Again," he added, glaring at Minhyuk. This was not the first time things had gone very, very wrong.

"Gosh, you're like my mum," Changkyun grumbled after Kihyun opened his mouth to deliver a sharp telling-off. Infuriated, Kihyun whacked the boy upside the head, grinning when Changkyun nearly lost his balance and cursed colourfully at him.

"I assume that the open windows are to get rid of that abhorrent smell?" Kihyun asked, helping Minhyuk out of the bath.

"Yep," Minhyuk winced, rubbing the part of his arm that Kihyun had just flicked. "Ow! What was that for?"

"What do you think, imbecile?" Minhyuk paused, then nodded, wilting.

"I supposed I deserve that one," he relented, suddenly deflating. Kihyun felt the slightest twinge of remorse, but managed to snuff it out immediately. Resolutely, he bravely made his way to the kitchen, unsure of the dangers he would face once he'd arrived at his destination.

The fumes leaked past the closed door (an attempt to box out the smell) and into Kihyun's nose, making him cough violently. "I don't know if it's still... fermenting," Minhyuk confessed, making Kihyun blanch a pale ivory colour.

 _Crap,_ was all he could think.

Bracing himself for the worst, Kihyun threw open the door and foraged his way past dirty pots and soiled pans, his nose wrinkling more and more the closer he got to the stove.

"... What exactly were you trying to make?" Kihyun asked, a large frown on his face as he surveyed the mess.

"Cake!" Minhyuk spluttered, falling down as he tried to squeeze past Changkyun.

"What, at seven forty-five in the morning?" Kihyun shot back aggressively. Shaking his head at the two, he admonished: "Minhyuk, you're one of the oldest, you should know your own limitations. As for you," he glowered, turning on Changkyun, "don't go along with this crackhead's whims!"

Changkyun nodded silently, not trusting himself to speak without laughing. 

Practically crying as Kihyun spotted his favourite saucepan covered in cake batter, he whirled around. "How—whose idea was it to use _pots and pans_ to make _cake?_ " Changkyun pointed at Minhyuk, his other hand hiding the massive grin on his face.

Giving a huff of annoyance, Kihyun got to work cleaning everything that Minhyuk and Changkyun had taken out of the cupboards to use. 

"Reminds me of _that_ ," Changkyun smirked in spite of himself, nudging Minhyuk. Minhyuk grinned and nodded enthusiastically before being cut off by Kihyun aggressively slamming a knife down onto the countertop.

"We do not speak of _that_ ," he hissed, whipping around and eyeballing the two, who were huddled together once more like the cowardly duo they were. Rolling his eyes, Kihyun resumed wiping the surface of the stove with some strong cleaning solution, followed by soap, then more cleaner.

Grimacing in disgust at the pair of men cowering before him, Kihyun threw the dirtied cleaning equipment at them. "Wash it, wring it and hang it to dry by the window," he commanded, a wave of lethargy rolling over him.

Suddenly unbothered, Kihyun left Minhyuk wailing about the quality of his skin and Changkyun asking where the _industrial machine-cleaning solution_ (long story) was supposed to go. He trudged past the living room, the sun shining onto their spacious beige sofa brightly.

Wandering into the shade of the corridor, Kihyun rapped on Hyungwon's door. "Wonnie?" he teased, knowing how much Hyungwon hated the nickname. Hearing a groan from inside, Kihyun grinned and flung the door open.

"Time to get up!" he yelled, eyes scrunched up in mirth. Opening them, he came to focus on the person in front of him. Kihyun came to a halt abruptly.

"Oh... sorry," he apologised, turning and walking back out of the room. Calmly, Kihyun strolled back to his own room, closed the door behind himself, then sank to the ground, covering his face.

He could feel the blush creeping up his neck and onto his cheeks as he replayed the scene in his mind over and over. It wasn't like him to get _this_ flustered; they'd seen each other changing loads of times; heck, he'd even walked in on Hyunwoo showering once.

But it was early. And Kihyung hadn't got a lot of sleep. And he'd been woken up by the most disgusting smell ever created.

All Kihyun could see was Hyungwon's fingers inside the waistband of his underwear, ready to take them off.

Shrieking loudly in his mind, Kihyun glanced at his desk mirror, only reddening further when he saw just how traffic-light-crimson his face had turned. _Talk about embarrassing,_ Kihyun lamented.

He'd always been sensitive towards this sort of thing, ever since he was young. Whenever they had to change clothing for sports afternoons at school, Kihyun remembered being shocked at how complacent the other boys were in front of each other.

Granted, his older brother walking around the house naked may have scarred him from a young age, but he'd always felt uncomfortable when people, regardless of gender, had shown too much skin. It was a complex of his.

So when the group's stylist suggested slightly more revealing clothes, Kihyun put it on for the fans, but inside he always had this heavy, unsettled feeling. He hated being like this; it made him feel weak and insecure.

"Damn," Kihyun muttered to himself, crossing his legs and putting a hand down on the wooden floorboards as support. Rubbing his face quickly, he sighed. He didn't need any more complexes than he already had.

It was tough enough being an idol, let alone having body image worries. Though he never talked about it. Talking about it was like... admitting he had an issue. And Kihyun was determined the never speak about his doubts, because they were just that; _doubts._

Everyone had doubts; it wasn't like he was the only one. And if he really needed someone to chat to, Hoseok was the best person to go to. He always listened carefully, his bulky body and muscular arms folded in a sensitive, cute position that didn't match his appearance.

It was funny, actually, the way that Hoseok sat. Kihyun laughed at the memory. One time, he'd walked into a room, and Hoseok was sitting right in the middle, his posture straight but not overly so. He'd had his hands folded one over the other on his lap and his legs were together.

Kihyun recalled bursting out into laughter immediately upon spotting him. "What on earth are you doing?" he remembered gasping, practically crying with mirth. 

"Shut up! It's this thing manager-nim told me to do. He said it would improve my concentration or something," Hoseok had explained haphazardly. So, naturally, Kihyun had joined him.

In the end, Miss Kim had walked in on the entire band sat in a circle mirroring the position Hoseok was trying to maintain, all the while wetting themselves with laughter as they tried to keep straight faces. They hadn't done a lot of practice that day.

Grinning as the memory returned, Kihyun was reminded of how Hyungwon had-

Shoulders. Hyungwon had... sharp shoulders. 

"Fuck!" Kihyun yelled aloud, not quite realising what he'd just shouted.

"Watch your profanity!" came Changkyun's quick reply. Kihyun put his head in his hands. _Well, what would_ you _do if your bandmate's shoulders kept plaguing your mind, huh?!_ He yelled back in his mind.

Kihyun felt himself descend a little further into madness. 

Running and belly-flopping onto his bed, Kihyun waited for it to stop bouncing then opened up his phone, desperate for distraction of any sort. Tapping on the Fanfic! app, he pulled out his dashboard.

Resigned to the fact his mind would not leave the topic of Hyungwon's love-handles alone, Kihyun buried his nose in a Showki fic and tried to (desperately) take his mind off the other man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, stay safe, wash your hands and perhaps try a sheet mask? They're super refreshing :D
> 
> Y'all can catch me on Twitter too!


	12. Advertisement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun gets tied up (in more ways than one).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hohoho im evil and not sorry
> 
> Also, FANTASIA???
> 
> CHAOTIC???
> 
> ZONE???
> 
> THE ENTIRE ALBUM???
> 
> *screaming intensifies*

On the morning of the skin care advert, Kihyun woke with dry skin, puffy eyes and chapped lips. _Well, crap,_ Kihyun panicked, nearly falling over at the sight of his reflection.

Legging it to the kitchen, he grabbed two spoons out of the utensil drawer and held them over his eyes. Stumbling back to the bathroom, he washed his face with charcoal soap then used a moisturising facial scrub to get rid of any dead skin.

Quickly, frantically, he applied some fast acting cream, concluding that any product with _'Practially Instant!'_ written on the side of the bottle would work.

"Kihyun?" It was Hyunwoo, sweating from his run. "Why have you got... are those spoons?" Remembering his eyes, Kihyun removed the spoons in embarrassment, smiling awkwardly.

"I've got the skin care ad today," he reminded Hyunwoo, who gave a nod of realisation.

"Oh yes... thank you so much for doing it," he thanked, bowing. Kihyun laughed, slapping his back lightly.

"No need to bow so low," he reassured as Hyunwoo returned to standing, his mouth set in an awkward, crooked grin. "Besides," Kihyun grinned devilishly, "free skin care products! I am seriously in need of more sheet masks," he added conversationally, brandishing his (sadly) empty mask packet under Hyunwoo's nose.

Pushing the box away in distaste, Hyunwoo laughed as Kihyun poked him with the edge of his cream bottle. "Stop! Hey, I said stop," Hyunwoo protested, dodging the other man's lightning quick jabs and hiding behind the door, much to Kihyun's amusement. 

Suddenly, Hyungwon poked his head round the door, instantly souring Kihyun's mood. "What the hell are you two doing?" He asked irritably, clearly still trying to throw off his sleep.

"Why are you up so early?" Kihyun asked, confused. Hyungwon rubbed his eyes, wrinkling his nose comically as he did so.

"I've got a shoot in the same area as you, so manager-nim said he'd drive the both of us. He's allowed us to go out for lunch, as well," Hyungwon added. At the prospect of hot pot or bulgogi, Kihyun brightened considerably, thinking that maybe taking on extra work _did_ have its perks, after all.

"Alright, let's get dressed quickly and go," Kihyun reminded, glancing worriedly at the clock. Nodding curtly, Hyungwon swept out of the bathroom and vanished into his room. Shaking his head at the absurdity of it all, Kihyun followed suit, copying Hyungwon and walking into his room.

He'd bought a really nice blue-and-white striped shirt a couple days back that he wanted to pair on top of a white turtleneck and black jeans. Grabbing his favourite belt, Kihyun slid it around his slim waist and fastened it at the smallest setting before picking out a set of earrings to wear.

Knowing that they'd do his makeup on arrival, Kihyun didn't bother with foundation and shoved a mask and hat on, figuring that'd be enough to keep his anonymity, at the same time as hiding his bare face. 

"Hyungwon? Are you ready?" A muffled noise of assent came from behind Hyungwon's door and, moments later, he appeared, sporting a beige shirt, black choker, black trousers and silver spike stud earrings.

Grinning at Hyungwon's daring appearance that would make fans go wild if they could see them, Kihyun grabbed his house keys and opened the door. "After you," he joked, watching as Hyungwon rolled his eyes and groaned.

"Spare me," he muttered, passing Kihyun in a single stride. Feeling taken aback for some reason, Kihyun dashed after him.

"Oi! Wait, manager-nim isn't here yet!" 

Hyungwon paused, realising his mistake. "Should we go back inside?" he asked, suddenly nervous. Kihyun shook his head.

"It should be alright; he just texted me his location - he's about two minutes away." Licking his lips worriedly, Hyungwon shook his head quickly, brushed his fringe with his long fingers and scratched his cheek in anticipation.

_He's lively today,_ Kihyun thought, thoroughly amused by Hyungwon's subconscious stream of nervous mannerisms.

Suddenly motioning to his phone screen, Hyungwon uttered, "He's here," before striding towards the stairwell and down to the back exit where their manager would meet them. Kihyun trotted behind, feeling much like an abandoned puppy.

As they stood waiting for their manager to arrive, Kihyun took the time to breathe in the fresh air he'd missed. It was March; spring was on the horizon, its lazy smile telling of sultry, sunny days spent filming in their local park, or hanging out with his family.

"What do you want to eat later?" It was Hyungwon speaking, his mouth twisted into a grimace as he surveyed their slightly limited choice of restaurants. "I brought masks," he added, holding two black face masks aloft in his right hand as his left scrolled past bars, restaurants and cafes. 

"Oh, how about that one?" Kihyun pointed to a quaint noodle shop that Hyungwon was just about to scroll past. "I haven't had Japanese food in forever," Kihyun said conversationally, grinning at the prospect.

"Alright," Hyungwon agreed, tapping on the shop's image that took him to their website. "They specialise in noodles, obviously, but apparently their katsu don is good too," he gushed, forgetting himself for a moment and looking up at Kihyun, a massive grin spread across his face.

As quickly as it had appeared, the smile practically dropped off Hyungwon's face. Kihyun's face mirrored the other man's as he became even more confused. Why was Hyungwon acting like this? 

"Sounds good," he smiled dolefully, trying to lighten the atmosphere. Hyungwon breathed out heavily, seemingly recollecting himself. 

"Hello, you two," the manager called out, shocking both Kihyun and Hyungwon (who nearly dropped his phone). "Ready? Let's go," manager-nim called after checking that they'd both secured their seatbelts.

The journey was silent but short, thankfully. Kihyun just had time to write another Hyungki plot bunny before arriving at the skin care company's head quarters. "Meet you here in three hours," Hyungwon said simply, slamming the door shut a little too forcefully.

Waving at manager-nim, Kihyun followed the man that had come out to greet him into a spacious office room. "Mr Yoo, welcome!" Kihyun smiled warmly—a business smile—and shook the extended hand of the company's Vice President.

"So sorry that Miss Li couldn't be here with us today; she's at an important press conference in Shanghai," the Vice President apologised, dragging a chair over for Kihyun to sit in. Courteously, he thanked the wait staff as they placed ice-cold drinks down on the coffee table.

Handing one to Kihyun, he sipped the other. "My name is In Jun-Seo," he introduced, passing over his business card. Kihyun took it gratefully, exchanging his own in return.

"I am Yoo Kihyun, of Starship Entertainment," he replied, crossing his legs. Mr In made him feel at home and comfortable; something that he appreciated in a business partner. 

"Wonderful. So, today, I'd like to shoot a couple pictures of you holding and using our products. We are hoping to form a contract with Elle Korea magazine, so your compliance would be a major catalyst in making that happen, since you've already modelled for them," Mr In explained whilst Kihyun nodded.

"Of course, that sounds fine. I assume my manager will take care of paperwork?" Mr In nodded calmly.

"Yes, I just need your signature here and here," he assured, marking the two lines with a star. Kihyun wrote it in with a flourish then handed the pen back to one of the staff waiting at their beck and call. "Thank you," he beamed, making the woman taking his pen smile abashedly. 

"Let's get started," Mr In announced, clapping his hands and standing up. 

Kihyun couldn't help but think what a huge difference there was in Mr In's personality during and out of work. In the office, he had been composed and sophisticated, yet out here...

He was alive. Shouting joyful instructions left, right and centre, Mr In dashed about, complimenting editors and camera men, helping those in difficulty. _He really does make an excellent Vice President,_ Kihyun thought to himself, walking over to a woman with a headset on.

She startled at his presence but, upon realising that he was her model for the morning, smiled warmly and bowed. Calmly, she ushered him onto a white box posed in front of a house setting. They had placed a green-screen just outside the makeshift French windows; he assumed, to edit in a garden scene later on.

"What do you need me to do?" Kihyun asked eagerly, mouth practically watering at the thought of all the free cream samples he'd get later on.

"Here's your change of clothes," another staff member uttered, proffering a pile of neatly laundered and folded clothing. Kihyun took it and, after asking quietly where the changing rooms were, made his way there and changed clothes.

They were light and airy; Kihyun felt that, if he tried, he could float to the moon and back. Moreover, they fit the shoot's setting perfectly. It was all subtle hues of moss green, beige and calming white—perfect for a skin care advert.

Waiting for the make up artist to complete his look, Kihyun observed the hub of activity. Everyone here seemed to love their job; something that was sorely missing in a few of the Starship staff.

Kihyun made up his mind to model for the brand again.

As the morning progressed, Kihyun felt happier and happier. He was getting lots of compliments from the head of the editorial team and the rest of the staff, and all the pictures had come out well so far.

"Before we wrap up," the Vice President announced, "I'd like to try a slightly different concept. We've just released a new men's perfume," he continued, to the nods of all the staff, "and I feel like Kihyun would be perfect for the job."

"I have already discussed this with your manager in full, and he says that it's okay so long as you consent," Mr In finished, looking to Kihyun for his approval. 

"Why not?" Kihyun laughed, taking the next set of clothes that the fashion department handed to him. "I'll go change whilst the new set is constructed," he added hastily, excited to see what they had in store. Mr In smiled joyfully.

"Thank you again, Mr Yoo, for doing this. It has always been my dream to help run a company, so to see it taking off like this..." Mr In tapered off, his eyes bright, the irises saturated with colour. Kihyun smiled warmly.

"It's my pleasure."

Except... now that he was staring at his new outfit, he wasn't so sure. Kihyun cursed his big mouth and past self as he held up the shirt he was supposed to wear—if you could even call it a shirt.

The v-neck was so daring that the shirt may as well have been a cardigan. Struggling with the leather pants, Kihyun buckled them on and fastened the choker around his neck. Putting on the silver chain earrings, he stared at his reflection.

"Oh my goodness," he gasped aloud, blushing at the immorality. He looked like lust personified, his eyes dark and lips seemingly fuller than before. Stepping out of the changing room, Kihyun almost felt too shy to walk over to the set.

It wasn't like he hadn't worn revealing clothes before, but Kihyun didn't know how comfortable he felt about his body—in its current state—being splayed across billboards all over Korea. 

_No. I'm an idol,_ he thought resolutely, _I can and I will do this! Besides, in reality, it doesn't bother me that much._ Truthfully, it didn't. He was just worried about the public's reaction, if he was being honest.

Sitting on the bar suspended in air by a strong metal rope, Kihyun sat tight as make up artists, set experts and design staff shouted instructions to each other. However, what he hadn't expected was to be tied up with suspiciously red rope.

"What—why?" he asked, beyond embarrassed. Mr In laughed at his confusion.

"The theme is 'Desire Unleashed', so we need to show off your sexy side," he reiterated, showing Kihyun a few concept designs. Nodding reluctantly, Kihyun let himself be tied up, set in a pose and suspended in midair.

Surprisingly, it was rather comfortable. The duo that tied him up had reassured Kihyun that he wouldn't pull any muscles or strain his neck trying to stay balanced; the ropes would support him fully.

The cameraman began shooting, and the entire room went silent. It was so quiet, you could practically hear the staff breathing. Women and men alike talked in hushed tones every now and again, fanning themselves at the sight of Kihyun.

Feeling self conscious, it only got worse when, moments later, Kihyun saw someone that made his eyes bug out of their sockets.

_No! Why is he here?_

"Kihyun-Ah?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, stay safe, wash your hands and watch stupid google translate fails on YouTube; that's what I spend 98% of my time doing, anyway (the rest is spent on this fic lolol)
> 
> Catch me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/starry_stan) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/starry.stan/)!


	13. Not A Lunch Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun has a meal out that is not a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update today! I hope you guys enjoy :D the pictures on MX's Instagram from their latest shoot tho... go check it out if you haven't already, cuz Hyungwon be looking' FIIIIINE XD

Kihyun was a mask of calm on the outside. Internally, he had already leapt out of the ropes binding him and far, far away from the set.

Trying his hardest not to drop the delicate glass bottle of moisturising cream the crew were currently taking close-ups of, Kihyun avoided the other man's incredulous gaze and averted his eyes.

"Perfect! That's the exact look we're going for," Mr In exclaimed, prodding a sleepy camera woman and pointing at Kihyun's face. "Take a few of him looking like that," he commanded, practically bouncing on his feet.

"Kihyun," the man called out, pushing his way to the front of the set.

 _Not now,_ Kihyun thought to himself, a blush rising up his neck and creeping onto his cheek. Heck, at this rate, even his ears would turn scarlet.

"Hyungwon, wait," manager-nim called desperately, jostling past the throng of people and to the front of the crowd where Hyungwon was standing, dumbstruck. "...Oh," the manager realised, locking eyes with a mortified Kihyun, "I remember now. Let's wait outside," he added hopefully, trying to drag Hyungwon away.

"What is going on?" Hyungwon asked, his words cutting scathingly. "I was under the impression we were an idol company, not a porn studio." Manager-nim winced.

"Kihyun-ssi, did you sign the consent form?" Kihyun nodded (as best he could given the current situation), only serving to infuriate Hyungwon further.

"What an embarrassment," Hyungwon hissed, turning smartly on his newly-shined shoes and disappearing out the way he came.

"Done," came the voice Kihyun had been waiting for. Sighing in relief, Kihyun relaxed his arms and handed the cream to one of the waiting props staff. Slipping out of the ropes, he jumped down from the suspended bar and practically ran to the changing rooms, his heart pounding.

Sliding onto the small padded stool inside the cubicle, Kihyun put his hands over his eyes and breathed slowly, trying to control his heart rate. _Of all the people that could've seen,_ Kihyun thought miserably, _and it just had to be him._

A text pinged through on his phone. Tiredly picking it up, Kihyun's eyes widened and he groaned loudly, pinching the bridge of his nose as he read it through once more.

_I forgot about that,_ Kihyun lamented, pacing the tiny two metre-squared room. Shoving on his original clothing, Kihyun left the borrowed outfit hanging off a peg, thanked each staff member he passed, and vanished down the corridor, eager to escape reliving the moment every time he saw the set.

Inhaling slowly as he took the elevator back down to the ground floor, Kihyun fiddled with the collar of his shirt and checked his phone for any new messages. Nothing new to see. Nothing to distract him. Nothing.

Shaking his head violently, Kihyun slapped his cheeks lightly, blew out a long breath of air and strode into the open-plan foyer, the cogs of his mind already whirring as he thought up a billion-and-one excuses as to why he'd been caught in such a compromising position.

Bright, pastel-yellow light soared in through the large windows, illuminating a familiar head of hair that was facing the opposite direction to Kihyun. Swallowing dryly, Kihyun made his way towards Hyungwon and reached out a hand to rest on the other's shoulder.

"Hey," he started, but it had already gone wrong. The word had come out too feebly; it made him want to cringe even more when, moments later, Hyungwon spun around and stepped away from him obviously, clearly disgusted by what he had just witnessed.

"Let's go," the other man muttered, avoiding Kihyun's desperate gaze. _No! We can't afford yet more animosity; not right now,_ was all Kihyun could think, struggling to keep up with Hyungwon's long legs (again).

At least, this time, manager-nim was also struggling. "Hyungwon-ssi, could you mail me the address of the restaurant you plan to head to?" Hyungwon gave a tight nod, slipping his hand into the sophisticated black velvet bag he was carrying and removing his phone from the front pocket.

"Oh!" their manager exclaimed, making both men look up, "I've been here before with my wife. The katsu is excellent," he chuckled, pointing to a delectable-looking image of breaded pork and curry resting on a bed of fluffy white rice.

Kihyun could already feel his mouth beginning to water. "Careful, Kihyun, or you'll drool all over Hyungwon's phone," manager-nim joked, dangling the screen in front of Kihyun's fixated eyes.

"I'd rather he didn't," Hyungwon interjected coolly, snatching the phone out of the manager's grasp and pocketing it.

Arriving at the car, they all piled in and manager-nim began the drive, chatting conversationally with the two about their schedule for the week and other pieces of small talk.

Upon reaching the small noodle shop, manager-nim called out the window: "Have fun on your lunch date!" then drove off, grinning to himself. _I wonder how they'll react to that. They've always been a bit of a Tom-and-Jerry pair, those two..._

Well, he'd hit the nail on the head. If the manager had checked his rear view mirror, he would have spotted two young men shooting the car both dirty and incredulous looks. "That bastard," Hyungwon cussed, seeing people turn and stare at them suspiciously.

"We'd better hurry inside-"

"-to avoid getting caught, yeah, I know," Hyungwon sighed, pulling Kihyun into the noodle shop.

"I was going to say 'otherwise the queue will get too long', but sure," Kihyun mumbled sulkily. Inside the restaurant was a hub of activity. Young students serving as waiters and waitresses hurried about, penning down orders as fast as they could before sliding them onto a never ending order line hanging above the counter.

After asking one of the waiting staff for seats ("We only have some at the bar, is that okay by you?") they sat down side by side in a pair booth, making themselves at home. A young man took their coats and handed them a menu to share, which they pored over enthusiastically.

However, the pair booth also meant that Hyungwon and Kihyun were sat rather too close together for comfort.

As Hyungwon flicked through the menu, Kihyun could only fiddle with his hands, his mind replaying the earlier incident over and over again. 

Hyungwon's voice, clear despite the racket of equipment being moved and orders being shouted. Hyungwon's face, appearing at the front of the throng of people observing Kihyun as he lay suspended in the air. Hyungwon's face; the abundant disdain written all over his features.

 _How uncomfortable,_ Kihyun thought uneasily, surreptitiously glancing at Hyungwon to make sure the man wasn't burning holes into the side of his head.

He was.

"What do you want?" Kihyun probed, a little too forcefully. Hyungwon huffed haughtily.

"A meal, for one thing," he sniffed, holding their menu by the corner like it was infested with Kihyun-bacteria. Kihyun rolled his eyes.

"Let me look, then."

"I've been trying to let you," Hyungwon retaliated, "for the past twenty minutes." With a jolt Kihyun realised that, indeed, twenty minutes had passed. Guess he had been too lost in thought to notice.

"... Sorry," Kihyun apologised, not regretting it at all. "I'll wave someone over." Shoving a hand into the air, Kihyun was surprised when a short, elderly man poked his head over the side of the counter.

"Yes?" he croaked. Kihyun floundered for a moment before spotting the signs.

"Sir, the toilets are that way," Kihyun explained, pointing to a large sign with the male and female emblems on it. The old man frowned.

"No, stupid, I want your orders. And make it quick; I haven't got all day," he added impatiently, rapping his fingers against the stone of the work surface. Face blooming, Kihyun picked up his menu again, hiding his face behind the tall card to mask his embarrassment.

"I'll take the ton katsu," Hyungwon ordered, clearly having given up on Kihyun ever opening his mouth again, "and he wants... what did you want again? Singapore noodles?" Kihyun shook his head and hissed, "No! Stir fried noodles with extra prawns," he repeated for Hyungwon, still hiding behind the menu.

With another massive eye roll and a huff of air, Hyungwon snatched the menu out of Kihyun's limp hands, folded it neatly and handed it to the old man, who was grinning at the exchange playing out before him.

"Coming right up, boys. Anything else?" Hyungwon thought for a moment.

"Peach iced tea for the both of us," he smirked. Kihyun could practically see a cloud of smugness encircling Hyungwon's head at his remembering what Kihyun liked to drink best.

"I'm surprised you remembered," Kihyun remarked grudgingly, looking Hyungwon in the eyes. Taken aback by his unexpected reply, Hyungwon looked at his lap, a huge frown marring his beautifully smooth forehead.

"It isn't that shocking; you just have a bad memory," Hyungwon teased, grinning as Kihyun poked him lightly.

"Shut up," he grumbled, not meaning it. They sat in a comfortable silence, still not making eye contact, but both feeling much more relaxed than previously.

"I didn't know you got embarrassed that easily," Hyungwon remarked, leaning back in his chair. Kihyun covered his eyes, annoyed that he had shown such an uncool side of himself to the one person he knew would never forget.

"Well, I do," he burst out, thanking the old man quietly as he handed over the bowl containing Kihyun's noodles, a brow raised.

"Don't worry, young man," the elderly chef smiled, "embarrassment is a sure sign of humility. It would do your friend well to learn that," he added cheekily, plonking Hyungwon's bowl in front of him and disappearing once more.

"The nerve," Hyungwon hissed, his own cheeks tingeing pink as he snatched up a pair of chopsticks, broke them apart and began eating furiously. Barely able to contain his laughter, Kihyun followed suit, and the two became engaged in eating.

After the old man's snarky comment, nothing happened to further irritate either of them, so Kihyun counted it as a successful meal out (he refused to call it a date; something about that term made him shudder).

Bowing to the cashier as he split the bill between Hyungwon and himself, Kihyun called their manager and headed outside to where the car was parked, Hyungwon in tow. "We should go back there again," Kihyun commented quietly.

"Yes," Hyungwon answered, his voice calm and almost... happy. It shocked Kihyun, but he smiled warmly. Maybe there was hope yet for their friendship.

"Though, without you, next time," he added. Kihyun's half-smile melted off his face, and he made a mental note to never trust Hyungwon ever again.

"Hyung? Hyung, I was joking," Hyungwon sniggered as Kihyun steadfastly ignored him, clambering into the car and nearly shutting the door on Hyungwon's fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, stay safe, wash your hands and try to get some sun, haha. I feel like a vampire these days :"0
> 
> Also, I read every comment! It would mean so much to me if you commented, even if it's just to say "YAS" or something like that lolol :3 Thank you for reading! Love you all xoxo


	14. Jihyun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun's brother pays a visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys get to meet Kihyun's brother (finally) and see what he's like! There's barely any information about him on the internet; just that he's two years older than Kihyun and lives in Japan. Oh, and also that they fight a lot since they're quite similar XD so I took some artistic liberty with his characterisation. I hope you like him!

Kihyun was livid.

On his screen, yet again, was another message from his brother. However, this time, the contents were enough to make him want to wring the other man's neck.

As soon as he had messaged back, the door bell rang, signalling the fateful entrance of a demon. "FUCK OFF!" Kihyun shrieked, legging it to the door before anyone else had half a chance and flinging it open.

There he stood, in all his terrible glory. Dishevelled hair, lazy smile and messy clothing, sporting nothing more than a satchel. "Don't mind if I do," he slurred, practically falling inside their apartment.

"Kihyun? Is it Jihyun?" Hyunwoo called, already knowing who it was: the only person who could make Kihyun yell as loud as that.

"Unfortunately," Kihyun groaned, kicking his brother out of the way of the door and onto a rug next to the sofa. 

"Ow," Jihyun complained, curling up into a ball. "I feel sick," he added for good measure. Kihyun blanched, realising that:

piss-drunk brother + nice white rug = chaos.

Scrambling to pull his brother off the rug, Kihyun gratefully accepted a bucket from Hyunwoo's outstretched arm and watched in disgust as his brother puked dutifully into the container, still grinning when he came up for air

"Oh dear," Kihyun sighed, already having put two-and-two together. "He's been dumped... again," he added, rubbing his forehead and pulling down his blue vest, which had ridden up during the process of wrestling an intoxicated Jihyun.

"What's going on—oh." Hyungwon stopped short of Jihyun's outstretched legs, nearly tripping in his effort to avoid the inebriated man. Kihyun surpressed a laugh, waiting for Hyungwon to reach him and Hyunwoo. 

"So... how long did he last this time?" Hyungwon sighed, frowning as he took in the sight of a man three years his elder crumpled on their living room floor.

"Surprisingly, about a year? Yeah, a year," Kihyun affirmed, checking his notes. He had a page dedicated to Jihyun's various engagements (in order to be prepared for the worst). 

"Makes me recall the last time Jihyun got dumped," Hyunwoo laughed, eyeing the other two, who scowled darkly.

"I'd rather we don't speak about that," Hyungwon groused, whipping out his phone to take pictorial evidence of Jihyun's unprecedented invasion. Kihyun folded his arms in silent agreement; it was not a fond memory, to say the least. 

"Could you airdrop that," Kihyun asked, holding out his own phone. Hyungwon nodded emphatically, sending over the photo.

_I'm going to whoop this bastard's arse, if it's the last thing I do,_ Kihyun griped, forwarding the picture to his mother. _Let's see if she takes the next train over or not,_ Kihyun grinned demonically, scaring Hyunwoo in the process.

"Want to watch a movie?" Hyunwoo asked, already scrolling through Netflix. Kihyun thought for a moment.

"Is it alright by you if I clean this mess up first?" he asked, gesturing to the pile of self-pity rolling around on the floor. Hyunwoo bit back a grin and nodded.

"Don't be too harsh on him," he reminded, slumping onto the sofa. Soon, Minhyuk joined Hyunwoo, armed with beer for both of them and an assortment of snacks containing far too much msg. 

Grinning happily, the two settled down to watch an exciting drama recommendation from one of Minhyuk's friends ("The main character is so cool! She's super strong and fights bad guys; you should totally watch it!")

His mood dropping as he remembered just how hard it was to move Jihyun, Kihyun rolled his eyes and started to drag the other man across the carpet and down the hall. "You're going to have to get up if you want a bed tonight," Kihyun hissed, gritting his teeth as he made the final push and dumped Jihyun at the foot of their staircase. 

With a dramatised groan, Jihyun got up sluggishly and made his way upstairs, the floorboards creaking loudly in protest with every step he took. "There's a spare bed in Hyungwon's room. You can borrow my stuff for tonight, but don't touch anything else," Kihyun called noisily, stomping back the way he came.

He found Hyungwon poised with perfect posture on the armchair and Hyunwoo curled up with Minhyuk on the larger sofa, leaving him the entirety of the small one. Grinning at his good luck, Kihyun plopped down to watch the first episode.

\+ +

"Wow, that was so good!" Minhyuk gushed, his eyes shining like diamonds as he leant forwards in his seat. "I can't wait to watch the rest," he squealed, hugging Hyunwoo's arm. Hyunwoo smiled softly, standing up slowly whilst grabbing a couple of empty packets of snacks that the quartet had managed to finish between them.

"I'll help," Kihyun was quick to offer, leaping up and grabbing empty cans. Hyungwon stood, dusting down his shorts.

"I will retire for the evening," he announced, slipping into the darkness of the corridor with a slight wave. Kihyun frowned. _Avoiding chores like usual, I see,_ he scowled, plonking a couple of bowls into the sink with a loud _bang!_

"Hyung, you okay?" His question was directed at Minhyuk, who was splayed out on the sofa. 

"I am, but you might want to ask Hyunwoo," Minhyuk called, sounding perfectly sober (to Kihyun's wry amusement). Minhyuk was famous in their various friendship circles for having the alcohol tolerance of a God.

Meanwhile, Hyunwoo, despite his scary appearance, rarely drank, if at all. So drinking tonight had got to be the product of feeling well and happy, Kihyun had decided, since Hyunwoo normally only drank if there was something to celebrate.

Finishing cleaning the table, Kihyun waved to Hyunwoo, who had slumped back down next to Minhyuk and was taking out his headphones. Grinning at the cozy scene, Kihyun trudged up the stairs to face the devil.

As he reached the top floor, he ran into Hyungwon coming out of the bathroom with a towel round his neck. Hyungwon looked at him briefly, frowned a little and walked the few short metres to his room. "Night," he murmured, noncommittally, slipping inside and closing the door. 

This left Kihyun feeling a little more than just affronted. 

_What right does he have that enables him to act like the second coming of Jesus, huh?_ Frowning, he entered his room, only to be greeted with the worst sight imaginable. Stretched out lazily on the bed, like he hadn't a care in the world, was Jihyun.

_Why me,_ Kihyun lamented, trying in vain to rouse his brother from a deep slumber. It was futile. Not even pouring water over his head would work, Kihyun soon realised. _And I don't particularly want to have to wash my duvet tomorrow,_ Kihyun decided, putting down the cup of water he'd picked up seconds ago.

"I'll have to bunk it with Hyunwoo and Hyungwon," he said aloud, running a hand though his hair in annoyance. "Damn you!" he shrieked, in one last desperate attempt to wake his older brother. No response.

Sighing, Kihyun thought of the mortification he'd feel upon entering Hyungwon's room; the shame that would swallow him up as he pleaded to share the room. He felt like crying.

Shaking himself, Kihyun tried to calm himself down by imagining what Jihyun would look like skewered on the pole of the Korean flag hanging outside their neighbour's window. Leering maniacally, Kihyun quickly checked himself, thinking that perhaps Hyungwon would be less inclined to agree to Kihyun's wishes if he turned up at his doorstep grinning like a Cheshire Cat.

As he raised his hand to knock on the door, it swung open, revealing Hyungwon holding a can of beer. "You need something?" He smirked, raising an eyebrow. Kihyun took a deep breath.

"Can I stay the night?"

Hyungwon frowned a little. "Something wrong with your room?" Kihyun sighed impatiently.

"You know that big oaf that goes by the name of Jihyun? Yeah, well, he's decided that my bed is his property. So my choices are the floor, the sofa or your room. Take a guess at which one I chose," Kihyun said wryly.

Hyungwon nodded, seeming displeased. "Alright. Come in, then," he said grudgingly, holding open the door briefly before returning to his phone, the screen paused on a drama.

"I didn't know you watched _Under the Waves,_ " Kihyun remarked, peering over Hyungwon's shoulder. The other man's ear perked up.

"You know it?" 

Kihyun nodded emphatically.

"I watched it with my mum one summer, a while ago now," he grinned, recalling how she'd dragged him onto the sofa and gushed about the drama. He remembered how irritated he'd been, repeating time and time again that no, he wouldn't enjoy it and no, he hated romance films.

He'd been going through the _I'm a Cool Teenage Boy_ _™_ phase where, apparently, romance films were too _sappy_ for a _manly, macho_ guy like him.

He'd also come out of the first episode crying.

"It's probably one of my favourite TV dramas of all time," Kihyun smiled blissfully, grinning at the memory of his mother triumphantly yelling: "I told you so!" as she wiped his tears away.

"I know right? Me too," Hyungwon laughed, "it's so good! I suddenly found it by chance; it was recommended by one of our fans and I just-"

There it was again. The wall.

Hyungwon's beaming grin slid off his face and he put in an ear phone, suddenly cold again. "Uh, I'll let you... get to it," Hyungwon muttered, clearly flustered that he'd shown such an unabashedly vivid side to his personality.

"Look," Kihyun announced suddenly, "are you upset with me? If you really hate it, I can delete the fan fiction-"

"No." Hyungwon's eyes burned intensely, throwing Kihyun off-guard. "Keep it," he added, more quietly this time. "I'd rather have some leverage than none." Kihyun's gaze hardened.

_He doesn't need to rub it in._

Throwing his stuff onto the spare bed, Kihyun stormed out of the room and down the stairs, intent on calling Hyunwoo to bed. _At least, if Hyunwoo's there, he can't attack me so openly,_ Kihyun rationalised, reaching the foot of the stairs.

However, Kihyun's plans crumbled the moment he saw Hyunwoo...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, stay safe, wash your hands and try not to get addicted to anime like me lolol


	15. Lap Pillow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun does something embarrassing, Hyungwon laughs at him and they both fall over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it bad I can see y'all getting excited about the title? Your thinking is correct >:D I'm a nice author most of the time, huhu

... who was sound asleep on the sofa, right next to Minhyuk. Kihyun rubbed his eyes tiredly, then remembered with a jolt that his make up artist had berated him for doing so. " _The skin around your eyes is delicate! Don't rub it like that; you'll damage it permanently."_

Suddenly, Kihyun had an epiphany. Or, rather, Kihyun had a sinking realisation: if Hyunwoo was asleep down here (and there was no point trying to wake him; that man got his beauty rest when he needed it), that meant it'd be him and Hyungwon in the room until morning.

Groaning at the thought of having to spend the entire night with Hyungwon—alone, Kihyun shuffled to their fridge, opened it and took out a bottle of peach iced tea. Sipping it tiredly, he rejoiced in small comforts before lethargically making his way back up the stairs.

His cheeks tinged pink from the coolness of the drink, Kihyun closed the door and sat down on the bed silently. From his peripheral vision he could deduce that Hyungwon was still absorbed in his drama, his eyes glued to the screen.

_Well, it is a good drama,_ Kihyun forgave, smiling crookedly at the sight of a fellow fan engaged in fanboying. 

Kihyun stood up to dump his bottle in the small white bin Hyungwon kept beside his desk ("I like to be neat without too much effort") then sluggishly stepped out of the room to brush his teeth.

Upon returning, it became apparent that Hyungwon had finished the episode and was now getting ready for bed, judging by the fact he'd taken his shirt off. Knowing that Hyungwon slept in shorts only, Kihyun turned his head away, embarrassed, and changed into his own pyjamas.

"Did you wear that to one of the night time talk shows?" It was Hyungwon speaking. Kihyun stopped what he was doing. Hyungwon actually _initiated_ the conversation. Funny, that.

"Yes," Kihyun replied shortly, after a large pause. He concluded that, if Hyungwon was going to make an effort for once, Kihyun could retaliate and thwart his plans (whatever they might be).

Whilst he slipped under the covers and arranged the pillow to his liking, Kihyun mentally listed all the revenge plots he needed to hatch tomorrow:

1\. Make sure Jihyun gets what he deserves

2\. Humiliate Hyungwon (possibly with another fan fiction)

3\. Give Hyunwoo totally bland ramen the next time he cooked

Yes, Kihyun was a master of petty comebacks. Removing the charger from his phone's charging port, Kihyun scrolled through the Fanfic! feed, joyfully smirking at all the comments in his inbox and the dedications he'd received from loyal followers.

_Take this, Hyungwon! I'll make you eat your words,_ he thought evilly, opening a new chapter and writing down the first few lines.

_'It was a cold spring morning.'_

_'The roads were coated in a thin layer of frost, and people were hurrying about, not wanting to be caught outside in the unforgiving wind.'_

_'That was the morning he fell in love.'_

"This is perfect," Kihyun said aloud, not realising that he'd done so.

"What is?" Hyungwon asked. Kihyun jumped.

"I thought you were asleep?" he shot back coolly. Hyungwon rolled onto his side, facing Kihyun. His face looked worn, like a rock that had been weathered by torrential rain. Kihyun felt a smidgeon of remorse (which he quashed almost immediately).

"Not yet. It takes me a while," he explained, his voice petering out tiredly. Kihyun sat up properly. He recognised these signs... it was almost like—

"You... you don't have insomnia, do you?" Hyungwon considered it for a moment.

"Not insomnia per se," he mused, "but it's true that I have issues falling asleep sometimes." Kihyun thought hard for a moment. He remembered that Jihyun had had the same issue when he was a child.

"Do you want to try something? Don't laugh," Kihyun added defensively, frowning a little. Hyungwon wrinkled his brow, then relaxed.

"Why not. It's not too late," he commented, checking his watch. Climbing out of bed, Kihyun walked over to Hyungwon's bed and sat down.

"Uh... do you need something?" Hyungwon questioned, confused. Kihyun felt himself getting embarrassed.

"Don't worry. I've changed my mind," Kihyun babbled, trying to stand up. A hand grabbed his shirt, pulling him back down again. 

"No, go on. Tell me what you wanted to say." Hyungwon peered up at him, his fringe covering his eyes slightly. Instinctively, Kihyun found himself brushing it away. Hyungwon scowled and batted his hand away.

"Stop it," he protested, "you're not my mum." Kihyun tried to stand up again, but Hyungwon tugged him onto the bed once more. "Seriously," he sighed, "what is your problem? Just spit it out," he nagged impatiently.

"Fine," Kihyun ground out, "since you're so desperate, I may as well just show you." Climbing on all fours over to Hyungwon's other side, Kihyun knelt down and motioned for Hyungwon to get up. Bathed in the light of his bedside lamp, Hyungwon sat up, the light creating an ethereal glow behind his silhouette.

"Lie," Kihyun managed, pointing at his lap. 

Hyungwon's eyebrows rose so high that, if they went any higher, Kihyun reckoned they'd give NASA a run for their money. 

"On your lap?" he asked incredulously. Kihyun gave up, getting ready to walk the walk of shame back to his bed. _I want to die right here, right now,_ Kihyun lamented, waving goodbye to the potential of a somewhat cordial acquaintance with Hyungwon.

Shrugging, Hyungwon put his head on Kihyun's thighs, sighing whilst mumbling something about "weirdo" and "embarrassment".

"Hey!" Kihyun muttered, only vaguely annoyed as he stared at the head of his least favourite colleague. _What an odd situation this is,_ Kihyun thought in bewilderment, _I mean, who would've thought I'd be helping Hyungwon like this? Certainly not me,_ he mused with a laugh.

"Do you want me to sing?"

"Pfft." 

Kihyun glared as Hyungwon rocked silently with laughter.

"Sorry," he squeezed out, "it's just that you reminded me of a grade schooler." Kihyun scowled, folding his arms angrily.

"That isn't exactly a compliment for the person who has so kindly deigned to assist you," he grumbled, poking Hyungwon's stomach. The other man curled into a ball, covering his forehead.

"I'm good so long as you don't flick me," Hyungwon pleaded, bracing himself for further attack. "your flicks always leave a welt." Kihyun just rolled his eyes and pressed Hyungwon's eyelids closed.

"Just sleep, dammit," he uttered, completely exasperated. Hyungwon complied by shutting his eyes and half-smiling angelically, occasionally opening one eye to grin mischievously before blocking Kihyun's attacks and shutting them again.

After a while, Hyungwon stopped opening his eyes, and his breathing got slower and heavier. _Is he asleep?_ Kihyun thought worriedly. _I hope so; we've got lots on tomorrow,_ he mulled, jutting out his chin nervously and leaning on one hand.

Calmness was one of Kihyun's better traits; he could be well-anchored when necessary. Hyunwoo often relied on him to discuss the members' relationships and how to create a happy team environment. Hyunwoo really was an excellent leader, Kihyun concluded.

Hyungwon's head was heavy, but comfortably so. Slipping his hand underneath the other man's head, Kihyun slid his knees out from underneath and put one foot on the ground to steady himself. Thankfully, Hyungwon was still asleep.

This would be so much more awkward the next morning when they were both completely sober.

Knowing he was a little tipsy, Kihyun left Hyungwon snoring away peacefully and collapsed into his own bed, feeling a bit more than just confused. _Why had that been his first idea? Was he trying to ruin their relationship?_ Kihyun chided himself, pulling at his hair.

After a few minutes of self-deprecation and over-thinking, Kihyun rolled onto his side, faced the wall and closed his eyes. _Sleep,_ he thought fervently, _sleep._

\+ +

A loud thump shocked Kihyun out of his slumber. 

Bleary-eyed, he pushed himself up and sat, suddenly alert. "Hyungwon-ssi?" he called, anxious. No response. Adamantly telling his brain that nothing was wrong, Kihyun swung his legs out of bed, wincing at the cool breeze that hit them.

He padded over to Hyungwon's bed, each step taking an eternity. Swallowing, he reached down to pat the covers. They were flat. He was gone.

Kihyun stood up again, confused and feeling slightly unsettled. _Maybe he's gone to the bathroom?_ Turning around to walk back to his bed, Kihyun tripped over something and face planted.

"Ouch," he hissed, rubbing his leg. Suddenly, whatever he'd fallen on started to move. Or better yet, _whoever,_ because, as Kihyun looked up, he was staring into the sleep-deprived eyes of a very disgruntled Hyungwon.

"Is my bedroom your personal play area?" he spat, moving so that they weren't quite so entangled. Kihyun blushed furiously.

"What on earth- you were the one making all the noise!" he retaliated. Hyungwon paused, rubbing his nose.

"Ah," he muttered meekly, "I think I fell out the bed." Kihyun's anger evaporated, leaving behind the heaviness of fatigue.

"Is this a regular occurrence?" he asked, concerned. Hyungwon nodded, flipping his legs out from under him so that he could get up. 

"I roll around a lot whilst I sleep," he explained, not bothering to give Kihyun a hand. Miffed, Kihyun stood up quickly, nearly hitting Hyungwon's jaw with the top of his head.

_Serves him right for being so rude,_ Kihyun taunted, ignoring Hyungwon's cry of "Hey! Watch out!"

He was just glad Hyungwon didn't remember their earlier interaction. Biting his lip nervously, Kihyun trudged back to the bed, his eyelids already feeling heavier as he flopped down onto the duvet. 

The soft glow of the alarm clock next to him read '03:42'. Kihyun groaned, barely audibly, and flipped the covers over his body, too lazy to get underneath them properly. Over on the other side of the room, he could hear Hyungwon doing the same.

_Bastard,_ Kihyun cursed grumpily, his eyebrows furrowing. Wrapping himself up in a little cocoon, he snuggled under the duvet and closed his eyes.

_Hopefully, I'll be able to sleep well enough to function tomorrow,_ Kihyun thought woefully, scowling as he drifted into subconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, stay safe, wash your hands and bake a cake! I'm making one today with my mom; it should be lots of fun! What's your favourite type of cake? Tell me in the comments!
> 
> Catch me elsewhere on:  
> • [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/starry-stan-2020)  
> • [Twitter](https://twitter.com/starry_stan)  
> • [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/starry.stan/)


	16. Breeze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun pokes Hyungwon, and Hyunwoo gets vaguely embarrassed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda a banter chapter??? Have fun reading lolol

Kihyun woke at 5:02 am; exactly fifty-eight minutes before he had to be anywhere. Grumbling noisily to himself, he threw off the covers, trudged past Hyungwon's sleeping figure and slipped out into the hallway.

_As if waking up at an ungodly hour wasn't enough the first time,_ he whined to himself, staring down the hall and getting confused. _Wait... this isn't how it usually looks when I get out of bed._

Remembering the reason he wasn't in his own bedroom in the first place, Kihyun's mood only soured further.

_I am going to kill that good for nothing piece of-_ Kihyun swore, stomping to his bedroom. With each stomp, he felt himself regain a little more consciousness, and a little more anger. By the time he reached his door, he was wide-awake, practically shaking and furious enough to slap his brother into the middle of next week.

"Jihyun!" Kihyun roared, kicking the door open with so much force that it was a miracle the wood didn't splinter. "Wake the _fuck_ up!" Jihyun, shocked out of his peaceful slumber, shot some colourful language at his younger brother before nearly falling out of the bed.

"If you value your lower half, I suggest you scarper double-quick," Kihyun threatened, his eyes glinting. Paling, Jihyun stumbled out of the room, glancing nervously at his brother whilst muttering: "Ow, my head."

"That's what you deserve, you wino!" Kihyun hollered, grinning when the other man flipped his middle finger over a shoulder. To them, this was playful banter, but to the other members, it probably seemed like full-out war.

Staying silent for a moment, Kihyun paused to yawn then walked to his closet in order to pick out an outfit for the day. They were getting briefed on the day's activities in the car. He was sure manager-nim would bring individual, personalised print-outs in that pedantic way of his.

Smiling fondly at the thought, Kihyun opened his door and stepped out, tote bag in hand as he ambled down the corridor. "Kyunnie? You awake?" he whispered, peeking into Changkyun's room. A head popped out of the blankets; the answer to his question.

"Aoooooooy, so early," Changkyun whined, burrowing back under the covers. Kihyun rubbed his temples. With the amount me massaged them, he wouldn't wonder if he got wrinkles before hitting thirty.

"Just get up, please," Kihyun mumbled in resignation, making his way to the door. Changkyun fumbled with the covers, desperately hissing, "Oi! Kihyun-ah! Wait for me!"

"Too slow," was Kihyun's reply as he left the room. He left Changkyun screeching his name in an obnoxiously high pitch and hopped downstairs, eager to see what had become of Hyunwoo and Minhyuk.

The scene laid out before him made Kihyun want to sock both of them in the face. _Nice for them; they get a peaceful sleep next to someone they actually like,_ Kihyun grumbled in his mind, surveying the two cuddled up together.

_They'll cause a racket when they wake up, though_ , Kihyun grinned to himself, remembering the last time something of similar instance had occurred. Picking up their slippers that had been discarded after last night's movie mayhem, Kihyun dropped them by the door and moved them into place with his feet.

_Jihyun's shoes and satchel have disappeared,_ Kihyun noted, pleased. _I'll check up on him later to make sure he doesn't get piss-drunk again._

One thing Kihyun had noticed upon coming downstairs was that the air smelt stale and stuffy. Wrinkling his nose, Kihyun pulled up the blinds, letting in the sunshine. Throwing open the windows, Kihyun leant out and let the sun wash over his face.

Breathing in the fresh air, Kihyun remembered that their heating was still on and took out his phone. Once he'd turned it off (Hyunwoo always said that they should be rooted in discipline) Kihyun opened a cupboard revealing energy bars, cereal and other breakfast foods.

Surveying the options, he mused for a moment before picking out an energy bar. Pensive, Kihyun leant over and opened the fridge, taking out a couple of pieces of fruit as well as some cold water they kept stored in a jug.

_Since I've got time, I may as well choose stuff for everyone else, too,_ Kihyun decided, picking out breakfast for the rest of the members. When he reached Hyungwon's seat at the table, he stopped for a moment.

"He doesn't really eat a lot," Kihyun thought aloud, crossing his arms.

"Who doesn't? Me?" came a gravelly voice from behind. Kihyun jumped several feet, stumbling over the legs of the chair and nearly falling over.

Hyungwon raised a brow. "You okay there, Hyung?" Kihyun nodded tensely. He was still on edge from the previous night and not really in the mood for surprises.

"Please, don't do that again," Kihyun said coldly, turning around and deciding resolutely that Hyungwon didn't deserve any food. The man in question grinned wolfishly, showing his teeth.

"And why not?" he asked, brows raised. Kihyun felt his patience dissipate into thin air.

"Stop with the eyebrows!" he shrieked, whipping around and pressing his fingers onto Hyungwon's eyebrows in an attempt to make them sit at a normal height above his eyes. By this point, their bickering had reached outrageous decibels, waking the others up.

"Hyungwon? Kihyun? What are you guys doing?" Hyunwoo frowned slightly in the caring, fatherly manner he had. Kihyun stopped pressing Hyungwon's eyebrows quite so hard, and Hyungwon's verbal attack petered off.

"Nothing," Kihyun answered, removing his hands from Hyungwon's face. Hyungwon nodded, stepping away from Kihyun like he was a nuclear bomb. Hyunwoo deadpanned them.

"You expect me to believe that when I was woken up by you," he argued, pointing at Kihyun, "pressing your fingers into Hyungwon's forehead like there was no tomorrow and you," he went on, turning to Hyungwon, "screaming that Kihyun should stick his fingers where the sun doesn't-"

"Alright! That's enough! Thank you!" Kihyun butted in, his cheeks red with embarrassment. "Sorry," he added glumly, hanging his head.

"'S okay," Hyunwoo said in good humour, "just... next time, if you guys want to fight, don't wake me up, okay?" Kihyun grinned.

"Is it okay to wake up Minhyuk, then?" 

Hyunwoo looked at him, confused. Trying to hide the massive smirk he was sporting, Kihyun pointed at the other person lying on the sofa. Miraculously, Minhyuk hadn't been woken up by the quarrel.

Hyunwoo's face passed through a variety of emotions in a very short amount of time. "Oh," was all he managed before Mihyuk yawned, stretching and smiling in his sleep. As if coming back to his senses, Hyunwoo got a confused look, muttered, "No, don't do that," then shook Minhyuk's shoulder gently.

"Oi," he murmured. "Ooooooi." Minhyuk cracked open an eye. When he spotted that he wasn't alone, he sat up, shocked, then tried to stand. However, since his head hadn't recalibrated yet, Minhyuk ended up grabbing Hyunwoo for support as his legs refused to work properly.

As Kihyun was laughing at the scene playing out before him, Changkyun came running down the stairs. "Took you long enough!" Kihyun hollered, grinning as Changkyun stuck his tongue out at him childishly.

"Oh yeah, here's your food," Kihyun announced, pushing breakfast towards each member. Hyungwon stared at the table in confusion.

"Where's mine?" 

Kihyun looked at him witheringly.

"You don't get any food, you demon," he huffed, turning around and walking towards the door, where manager-nim had just rung the bell. Before opening the door, Kihyun made sure to check if it really was their manager. Breathing a sigh of relief upon seeing the man's familiar kind face, Kihyun unlocked it and swung the hefty wooden door open.

"Is everyone ready?" Their manager peered into the room and blanched upon seeing Minhyuk and Hyunwoo still in their pyjamas.

"Quickly! Hurry up; I said to be ready by six, didn't I?" Hyunwoo and Minhyuk bowed their apologies, rapidly thundering up the stairs to change clothes.

"I'll brief you guys here in the meantime," manager-nim sighed, plopping down onto their sofa. The remaining three members sat down next to him, a cool breeze from the window blowing gently over them as they listened to the manager's agenda.

"Today we have the long-awaited fan-meet," their manager enunciated, eyeing everyone closely. "Please," he begged, the bags under his eyes clearly evident after many sleepless night, "be courteous, kind and yourselves."

"I know that this has been one of the hardest times in your entire career," he agreed, addressing the group as a whole, "but you've got to keep a smile on your faces. If you don't, the fans will worry, and morale will decrease. We're not out of the woods yet, but I can say wholeheartedly," he affirmed, "that we _will_ make it."

Everyone sat very still. It was unusual to see their usually calm manager get so riled up about something. He was one of the only people in the entirety of their entertainment company that Kihyun actually trusted.

"Hyung," Changkyun began, reaching forwards. Manager-nim pushes away his hand, smiling sadly.

"I really wish that none of you had to go through something as heartbreaking as this. I also wish that Monsta X will continue to perform for many more years," he grinned, his eyes shining. Kihyun smiled fondly, grinning at the other two.

Changkyun grinned straight back and Hyungwon allowed a small smile to slip. It was quickly replaced by a deadpan, though.

A loud thump alerted them to Hyunwoo's arrival at the bottom of the stairs. He was soon followed by Minhyuk, who was decked out in a light blue suit. "Looking good, Minhyuk!" Kihyun grinned, waving him over.

Minhyuk smiled brightly, leaping onto the couch and making room between Changkyun and Kihyun for himself. "What's happening?" he asked, quirking his head.

Hyunwoo joined them, wearing a white sweater and black ripped jeans. To complete the look, he'd given in to Minhyuk's pestering and had put on a choker as well. "Aren't you looking fresh?" Changkyun commented, squealing unattractively when Hyunwoo jabbed him in the side embarrassedly.

Manager-nim surveyed the group. "Alright, boys, let's get going. To the fan-meet!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, stay safe, wash your hands and listen to a different music genre! I'm interested to find out; other than k-pop, what do you guys listen to? Tell me in the comments!
> 
> Find me on:  
> • [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/starry-stan-2020)  
> • [Twitter](https://twitter.com/starry_stan)  
> • [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/starry.stan/)


	17. Baby Shark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun and Hyungwon both get embarrassed then get each other back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick reminder that I wrote this when Wonho's situation was still very much up in the air :)))

The journey to the fan-meet location, right in the centre of Seoul, was short but full of excitement. After the pep talk from their manager, the members were ready to give everything they had and talk with their fans wholeheartedly.

Opening the window to take a breath of fresh air, Kihyun closed his eyes and soaked up the sunshine. One they arrived, he knew the make up artists would pounce on them with their brushes and eyeshadow.

But for now, he could relax.

At least, that was what he thought, until Hyungwon tapped him on the shoulder, his face grim. "I see you've written another one," he whispered, making Kihyun jolt and slap the other man's leg out of fear.

"Shh!" Kihyun hushed, glancing at the other members. Hyunwoo was talking in low tones with their manager at the front; Changkyun had his headphones in and Minhyuk was—unbelievably—sleeping yet again.

Not missing a beat, Hyungwon held up his phone screen so that the both of them could see it and cleared his throat.

"It was a sunny day. Kihyun had decided to go out shopping. Rubbing his nose, which had already become red from the cold, he walked to the local supermarket, a plastic bag in hand."

"As an omega—" Hyungwon paused. Turning to Kihyun, he furrowed his brow. "What the hell is an omega?" Kihyun was lost for words.

_"It's a man that can have babies!" Well, I can't exactly say that, can I?_ Kihyun bit his lip.

"Um..."

"Never mind," Hyungwon cut him off, waving his hand dismissively. "'As an omega, Kihyun already had enough problems. What made it worse was that his heat was irregular.' Heat?" Hyungwon mumbled to himself, confused.

Kihyun flushed a bright crimson red. Hyungwon grinned, thinking he'd made Kihyun uncomfortable. He had no idea what was coming next.

"'As Kihyun reached for a jar, he felt the familiar flushing sensation creeping up his neck. Gasping for air as his oesophagus constricted painfully, Kihyun dropped to his knees and held onto the shelf for support.'"

"'"Quick! Someone, get him out of the shop," the shop manager cried, noticing how Kihyun had fallen to the floor with tell-tale signs of a heat. "If he stays here, every alpha in a square mile will go ballistic," she fretted, helping him up.'"

"'Kihyun was pretty far gone by this point. His carnal instincts were beginning to take over and his vision was blurring. All the alphas in the shop had already left, save for one man who had entered just as Kihyun had collapsed and had become trapped behind the throng of betas and other omegas.'"

"'"Shit," he murmured, panicking. "Hey!" he yelled, covering his nose in an attempt to dull the pheromones, "I'm an alpha! I need to get out of here-" He faltered. The omega's scent was taking over, consuming him completely. He found a lie spiralling out of his mouth.'"

"'"Make way," Hyungwon declared, "I'm his mate." Kihyun was wearing a turtle-neck; it was impossible to disprove his statement. Nervous, the shop assistant holding Kihyun's arm handed him over to Hyungwon.'"

"'Kihyun could feel something sticky oozing out of him and running down the back of his trouser leg'-" Hyungwon paused, his face heating up as he turned off his phone. He didn't speak, only feeling Kihyun's fear. 

"I told you not to read it out," Kihyun squealed, turning his face away from Hyungwon so the other man couldn't see just how embarrassed he was. Mortified, Hyungwon covered his eyes.

"Where do you get these ideas from," Hyungwon mumbled, too embarrassed to even address Kihyun directly. Kihyun stayed quiet, figuring that it was the best way to avoid any unwanted argument.

Suddenly, Hyungwon leant over.

Kihyun's heart rate sped up so much he thought it'd short-circuit. "W-what?" he stammered, staring up into Hyungwon's eyes. 

"I can't believe I'm saying this," Hyungwon muttered, looking as if he wanted to vanish. His face was flushed pink, his eyes averted. "W-what happens ne-next? Fuck," he swore, covering his mouth quickly and removing himself from Kihyun's personal space.

"Hah!" Kihyun grinned triumphantly. "I told you I'd have you begging for more." Hyungwon looked at him coolly, regaining his composure.

"'Begging' is perhaps not the most appropriate word," Hyungwon enunciated, smirking, "but I can always use more blackmail material. If asking you to write more gets me what I want, then by all means, I'll 'beg'." He whispered the last part into Kihun's ear, making it feel warm and humid. Kihyun shuddered.

"Stop that," Kihyun hissed, pushing Hyungwon away. The other man quirked a brow.

"What do you mean?" 

Kihyun rolled his eyes. "As if you don't know," he grumbled. "Stop doing all that weird stuff," Kihyun complained, gesturing to his ear.

"Oh? Does it... bother you?" Hyungwon teased, leaning over again. Kihyun didn't flinch.

"Yes, it does," he stressed, pushing Hyungwon's shoulder with a finger. Hyungwon relented, sitting back in his seat whilst smirking at Kihyun. Clearly, he thought he'd won. Well, Kihyun wasn't about to let him.

Not now, not ever.

"Just you wait," he murmured under his breath, glancing at Hyungwon (who had taken out his phone again and was now scrolling through their Twitter feed). "I'll make you regret messing with me."

Manager-nim drew the car to a halt, jumped out the driver's seat and ran round to open their door. Kihyun knew that as soon as they got out the car, they would be swarmed by reporters, fans and body guards. Bracing himself, he followed the others out.

"Good morning, everyone," Hyunwoo called, grinning at the elated cries that the fans gave.

When Kihyun stepped out, he was met by shrieks of joy and excitement. "Kihyunnie!" fans screamed, their hands cupped around their mouths as they strained at the steel fence that the guards had put up prior to their arrival.

Kihyun knew that some fans had queued for hours just to get a glimpse of them. It warmed his heart to know that, despite all the animosity and mystery surrounding the band's current situation, they still had loyal fans that continued to support them through thick and thin.

Luckily for him, the barriers were strong enough to hold the fans back. Kihyun remembered, with trepidation, a fan meet they'd had several years ago. A fan had broken through the protective fence wielding a light stick like a knife.

Shuddering, he recalled how she had thrown herself at Hoseok, screaming something unintelligible. Thankfully, their body guards were experienced and had managed to keep her from doing any harm.

However, Hoseok had been scarred slightly by the experience, and as a result, the rest of the members tried to make sure that he was in the middle of the group whenever they had to travel in public places.

Now, Kihyun smiled his business smile, waving kindly every now and again, causing girls to faint left, right and centre. Grinning at Minhyuk, who had spotted what he was doing, the two of them displayed a little skinship to rile up the crowd.

Minhyuk slung his arm around Kihyun's shoulders and Kihyun, who was used to the familiar routine, told him loudly to stop. Grinning conspiratorially, Mihyuk pulled Kihyun closer to his body and watched gleefully as the fans' shrieks grew even louder.

As a fan fiction writer, Kihyun knew the most popular Monsta X ships; first and foremost came Changki, then Showki. Jookyun was another popular one, alongside Joohyung and Showhyuk. Hyungwonho had to be the most popular one, although those fics had died down since Hoseok's departure.

Kihyun was so glad that Hoseok had been cleared of charges; they had all believed in him, right from the beginning, so when the news had come through they'd been elated. As it stood currently, Kihyun was completely unsure of whether Hoseok would rejoin the idol industry, let alone Monsta X. 

However, whatever Hoseok wanted, he also wanted. And if that wish was to remain anonymous from now on, he would respect that. 

Upon entering the building, further cries from fans reverberated through the air, hitting Kihyun like a tidal wave. Holding in his pride for the group and urge to do a happy dance, Kihyun waved to the fans and made his way up onto the stage where there were seats laid out for each member.

They followed manager-nim into a backstage room where they'd get briefed on how the event was supposed to work, emergency strategies and all the escape exits. Once the briefing was over, they would make their way out and onto the stage again, where the fan meet and signing would begin.

Kihyun knew how much events like these meant to fans and grinned at the prospect of making someone's day. Nodding to Changkyun, who grinned back, he waited for the briefing to come to a close, then followed the manager back out.

"I present to you... Monsta X!" the presenter announced to euphoric cries from the masses below. Sitting in his designated chair, Kihyun adjusted the sleeve of his shirt, looked up and beamed at the girls in the front row.

They responded with shrieks of delight, waving their homemade banners and light sticks excitedly. The anticipation each fan was feeling became contagious, and Kihyun could hardly wait to greet the first lucky fan.

"Good morning," he said politely, flashing a bright smile and ushering her into the chair in front of him. She was a working woman (so probably a fan meet veteran) wielding several of their albums, including their latest all-English album.

"It is so great to see you again, Kihyun-nim," she smiled, proffering the albums. Kihyun took them gratefully, signing them with a flourish and handing each one back to her. The fan clutched them protectively, a beautiful smile lighting up her face. 

"You are so beautiful when you smile," Kihyun commented devilishly, grinning when he received the desired effect of making her blush furiously.

"Thank you," she managed before moving on to Minhyuk's seat. Kihyun continued in this fashion for some time, greeting fans and signing merchandise, a smile on his face at all times. It was tiring but rewarding, especially when he got to make fans laugh or blush.

Once the first round of fan signing was over, it was time for a short interval before they began 'normal' placement fan signs. The first round had been filled with 'VIP' mon bebe; they had had to pay a little extra to get in first, but Kihyun smiled, knowing that none of them would regret it.

During the interval, it was their job to entertain the crowd and talk to the fans (the 'meet' part of the meet and greet). Not wasting the opportunity, Kihyun grabbed the microphone off the presenter as soon as he was finished speaking and addressed the crowd.

"Hello everyone!" he greeted, waving joyously. The fans greeted him back, standing on the tips of their toes in order to see him over everyone else's heads. "I just got a fun idea; who wants to know what it is?"

The fans went crazy, jumping up and down. "Tell us, Kihyunnie!" they chorused. Kihyun grinned and turned around to face his members, all of which were looking confused.

"What are you doing?" Hyunwoo asked worriedly, leaning forwards in his foldable chair. Kihyun placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry," he muttered, "I have a plan." Walking over to manager-nim, he stood next to the other man and grinned.

"We're going to need the 'Baby Shark' music," Kihyun suggested, grinning wider when manager-nim cottoned on and nodded in agreement.

"They like that skit, don't they?" he laughed, motioning to the expectant crowd. Kihyun nodded, horns practically sprouting from his head as he eyed Hyungwon.

Returning to the front of the stage, Kihyun yelled: "Who wants to see Hyungwon do 'Baby Shark'?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WENEE!!! WENEE!!! WENEE!!!
> 
> ngl when I first saw it I was like "??? Sausage?" XD
> 
> Thanks for reading! Come shriek with me about Monsta X on:  
> • [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/starry-stan-2020)  
> • [Twitter](https://twitter.com/starry_stan)  
> • [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/starry.stan/)


	18. Red Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun receives a letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Please enjoy; this chapter's a little angsty >:D

Hyungwon stared at Kihyun incredulously as the man spun around, backed by the delighted cries of their fans.

"AAAAAHHHH! HYUNGWONNIE!"

"Hyungwon-ssi, please?"

"OMG SOMEONE FILM THIS!"

"AWWWW THIS IS GOING TO BE SO CU~UTE!"

Hyungwon sighed, scowling disdainfully. Slowly, he stood up. Flinching at how the volume of screaming increased when he did so, Hyungwon joined Kihyun at the front of the stage. "I suppose this is revenge for earlier," Hyungwon guessed, murmuring behind his hand.

Kihyun rocked onto the heels of his feet, smirking. "Yup," he whispered into Hyungwon's ear, making the fans yell harder. 

"What did he say, Hyungwon-nim?"

"WHAT DID HE SAY GSHASJASGKAUDGKSB"

"AEGYO IN THE HOUSEEEEE"

"WAS IT A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL?!" 

Hyungwon snorted quietly at the last one.

"Hello~o," he cooed, grabbing the microphone of Kihyun. Kihyun stood back, grinning. The music for baby shark played through the large stereo overhead and Hyungwon, shooting one last death glare at Kihyun, stood centre stage.

Meanwhile, Hyunwoo, Minhyuk and Changkyun sat forwards in their seats anticipating a hilarious show. Hyungwon never failed to disappoint when it came to silly dances. Breathing deeply, Hyungwon got ready then started to dance.

By the time they reached grandpa shark, the members were all in fits. Kihyun could barely stand, and Changkyun had already fallen off his chair. As the song ended, Hyungwon took a sarcastic bow then made his way back to his chair and collapsed in embarrassment.

"Th-thank you, Hyungwon," Kihyun managed, hiding the massive grin he was sporting. Hyungwon glared scathingly, ignoring Kihyun and focusing on the pile of gifts from fans sitting in front of him.

Hyunwoo stood up and walked over to Kihyun. "That was mean, Kihyun-ssi," he said into the mic, making the fans laugh. "I think," he continued, "as punishment we should have Kihyun do some aegyo." Kihyun gasped, turning around.

"You... betrayal!" Kihyun shrieked, thumping Hyunwoo on the back as he escaped back to his seat. Kihyun spun to face the crowd, his heart sinking. _I'm sorry, mum,_ he thought miserably. _Here I am, a fully grown man, pretending to be a three-year-old. Please forgive me,_ he pleaded in his head, crouching down and making the fans squeal even harder. 

"Hewwo," he began, cringing as the cries grew louder, "my nwame is Kihyunnie. Ang~" he cooed, poking his puffed-out cheek with a finger. The screams were deafening. Kihyun dropped his head, too mortified to go any further.

As he sat back down, he commented to Minhyuk, "I don't think I'll be able to get a job in anything but the idol industry, because no employer will take me seriously after seeing that." Minhyuk laughed raucously, slapping the table top.

"We're all in the same boat," he reassured, winking. Kihyun withered a little. 

"Sure," he deadpanned, "sure." Minhyuk punched his shoulder playfully. 

Noticing a small box on his part of the table, Kihyun picked it up. It was addressed to him and adorned with small glass jewels, making him smile. It looked like attaching them had been a painstaking job, so Kihyun appreciated whichever fan had had the patience to do so.

He continued to admire the box for a while, captivated by the beauty of its design and the colours that had likely been carefully chosen by a fan. _How thoughtful,_ Kihyun smiled softly.

Opening the box, Kihyun frowned a little. He'd been expecting a simple ring or perhaps a necklace, but... attached to the ring was a piece of paper tied on with red string. Untying the note, he opened it out and smoothed down the paper with his hands. 

Kihyun read the first line and gagged. 

Dropping the paper, he stood abruptly, mumbling something about going to the toilet to his manager. Quickly, Kihyun left the stage and slipped into the back room after reassuring fans that he was only disappearing for a toilet break. 

Once he was out of sight, Kihyun sprinted to the toilets, locked himself in a cubicle and puked into the bowl.Resurfacing for air after a few seconds of gagging painfully, Kihyun wiped his mouth with a piece of toilet paper.

The ring hadn't even been the most disturbing part. In his time as an idol, Kihyun had received lots of rings from crazed fans, convinced that they were a fated pair. However, this one knocked all his previous experiences out of the park.

The letter had been written in blood.

Kihyun kept seeing the scarlet lettering in his head, unable to get the image out of his mind. All he could think was that someone had purposefully hurt themselves in order to write that letter, making his stomach turn all over again.

The crimson words had burnt themselves into his mind, reiterating to him a million times a second that he had been the cause of someone's pain. Kihyun retched again.

A knocking at the cubicle door startled him out of his thoughts. Still not entirely calm, Kihyun jumped and skittered away from the door, panicking. His heart beat against his chest like a frightened bird trying to escape a wire cage.

"Kihyun? Kihyun-ssi?" It was Hyungwon.

Breathing shallowly, Kihyun unlocked the door. Hyungwon pushed it open, his face distraught as he caught sight of Kihyun sprawled on the floor of the bathroom. Crouching down, Hyungwon grabbed Kihyun's hand.

"It's my fault, it's all my fault, they hurt themselves, oh God, oh _God-_ "

Hyungwon grabbed Kihyun's face gently.

"Look at me. No," Hyungwon admonished as Kihyun's eyes spasmed, "focus on me. Breathe," he added, taking ahold of Kihyun's other hand. "That's it," he praised as Kihyun's breathing levelled out and he began feeling better.

"I've had that before," Hyungwon told him once he was stable and they'd cleared up the vomit. "It was back in... oh, 2017? Some crazy girl, I don't remember her name, sent me a letter just like that. It was even attached to a ring box, same as yours." Kihyun nodded, staying silent.

Sighing, Hyungwon gave him a small smile. "Don't worry; you always have us and the staff, remember?" Kihyun nodded, feeling his throat constrict a bit. 

"I feel bad that someone actually c-cut themselves... for me," Kihyun choked out, putting his head in his hands. Hyungwon patted his shoulder awkwardly, but the contact was welcomed by Kihyun, who leant into his touch.

"Don't feel bad. That kind of person is a psycho," Hyungwon scowled, his face darkening. "It's not your fault," he said, trying to make Kihyun relax. Appreciating his awkwardly-put words, Kihyun sat up and tried to smile, but ended up crying instead.

Shocked, Hyungwon dashed to the bathroom, grabbed a box of tissues and sat back down next to Kihyun, hushing him and dabbing the soft material all over his face. "Calm down," Hyungwon murmured, "you're safe now," he whispered, hugging Kihyun's shoulders lightly.

Kihyun latched onto his back, unwilling to let go, so they stayed like that for a while. Hyungwon was not the touchy-feely type, so Kihyun appreciated everything he was putting up with for him. "Sorry," he laughed despondently, "this must be tiring." Hyungwon shook his head, leaning back to look at Kihyun.

"No. I'm okay," he reassured, letting his hands slip off Kihyun's shoulders. Suddenly, Kihyun missed his touch, his shoulders feeling bare and unprotected. "The real question is, are you okay?" Kihyun nodded.

"I feel better now. Let's go back," he started, going to stand up. Hyungwon pulled him back down, a frown on his face.

"Not yet. You should stay here for a few more minutes. I'll go back and make something up," Hyungwon told him, standing up. Kihyun watched as his long legs took him out of the room, his blonde hair flopping humorously as he disappeared.

Breathing deeply, Kihyun curled up on the seat, his mind blank. He already missed Hyungwon's presence; it was scary not having the reassurance of familiarity. Kihyun barely registered the sound of his manager's voice, nor the light touch of the staff as they brought him water, towels and ice.

"Here," a young assistant offered, holding out a bottle. "That must've been a shock," she sighed, sitting a respectful distance from him. Kihyun blew out a gust of air, the bright lights of the back room blinding him momentarily as he looked up.

"I'll go out in a couple of minutes. How are they coping?" Kihyun wanted to know. The assistant looked to another for help.

"Oh, Hyunwoo-ssi is doing a comedy skit with Minhyuk-ssi," she explained, smiling encouragingly. Kihyun nodded slowly.

"Sorry," he remembered to say, wilting. "This is all my fault-" he paused, remembering what Hyungwon had said. "No. I was just unlucky," he muttered to himself, rubbing his eyes tiredly. The assistant nodded emphatically.

"It's definitely not your fault, Kihyun-ssi!" Kihyun smiled gratefully at her, rubbing his neck with the wet towel she'd brought.

"What's your name?" he asked, directing the question at both the girls. 

"Jimin," one girl grinned, and the other followed, "Hikari. I'm Japanese," she added when Kihyun gave her a confused look.

"You both have beautiful names," Kihyun mused, smiling when the girls thanked him. Hikari was a tall, slender girl, whilst Jimin was short and stout. Jimin seemed to be the type that everyone immediately took a liking to, whereas Hikari seemed to be a quiet, peaceful girl.

Kihyun appreciated both of their efforts in making him feel better and stood, feeling refreshed and more ready to take on whatever the sasaengs threw at him.

"Thank you both," he announced cordially, "I'll see you later," he added, nodding before taking off towards the stage. 

"Goodbye," they called, waving before picking up the bottle and towels.

\+ +

"Kihyunnie, are you okay?"

"Our hamster is back!"

"KIHYUNNIE!"

"Kihyun-nim, please accept our sincerest apologies on behalf of the fans."

The last voice belonged to one of the venue staff, his shoulder shaking in fear as he bowed low. it was their job to check for any potentially dangerous gifts from fans, and this one had apparently slipped through. 

Kihyun studied him for a moment. By the looks of it, it was very likely that the man would be fired. Mistakes like these were practically unforgivable. 

"Please, don't bow so low on my account," Kihyun asked, flustered. "It is no problem; I have had situations like these many times," he bluffed, hoping that none of his label staff would overhear him.

"It is not your fault, sir; these things happen," Kihyun smiled kindly. Seeing the man's shoulders visibly relax, Kihyun also relaxed. Taking his seat, he waited as the temporary barrier was lifted and fans poured into seats. 

The afternoon continued with no further upset, and by the end of the day, they'd completed the fan meet and greet.

"That concludes the event," called the presenter. "Everyone, get home safely, please!" hollered Minhyuk into the microphone, causing fans to laugh fondly and reassure him that they would.

As they all piled into the car, manager-nim stopped Kihyun and asked him to wait outside. The other members gave him confused looks as they passed him and climbed into the car. "Kihyun... would you like me to increase security? Would that make you feel more comfortable?"

Kihyun nodded, still a little nervous. "Only if it's not too much trouble for everyone," he asked quietly. Manager-nim nodded resolutely, ushering him into the car with a hand.

"Let's go," he finished, glancing over his shoulder and clambering into the driver's seat. Kihyun slipped into his seat next to Hyungwon, who was looking outside the window. Feeling a little sleepy, Kihyun closed his eyes.

"You can lean on my shoulder," Hyungwon sighed, tipping Kihyun's head onto his shoulder.

"More like your upper arm," Kihyun mumbled, grinning when Hyungwon's chest shook with a laugh. 

"You shortie," Hyungwon teased.

"Your fault for being so tall, actually," Kihyun corrected, shifting to get into a more comfortable position.

"You know," Changkyun commented, "the fans would go crazy if they could see you two right now." Hyungwon responded by launching a scarf at him. Kihyun stuck out his tongue, watching as Changkyun dodged the scarf and laughed heartily.

Somehow, the journey back felt different to the journey there. Kihyun felt the gap between him and Hyungwon close just a little. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! I've decided that I want to start uploading two chapters a week instead of one, so have fun reading more than usual today :))) this starts today and will carry on for as long as I'm able ;)
> 
> As always, stay safe, wash your hands and buy something nice for yourself XD


	19. Relationship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun has a strained conversation with Hyungwon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu

Kihyun woke up as the car pulled to a halt, rubbing his eyes sleepily and grasping onto Hyungwon's shoulder. He still wasn't fully conscious his eyes blinking blearily open. 

"We're here," Hyungwon told him in a hushed tone. Kihyun came to his senses and released Hyungwon's shirt, apologising quietly. Hyungwon waved it off as if it had never happened and waited for Changkyun to get out fo the car before following suit, beckoning for Kihyun to get up.

"I've got a surprise for you guys," manager-nim grinned, checking his phone with glee. Kihyun cocked a brow, smiling to see his manager so elated.

"What's got you so excited?" Hyungwon asked, flashing a grin at Kihyun, who grinned back. Manager-nim only smiled, hiding his phone and ushering them into the apartment. 

"Change into your favourite outfits—suitable for an izakaya environment, please," he added, seeing Changkyun's eyes light up at the thought of wearing whatever he wanted. Changkyun promptly withered.

"Fi~ine," he groaned, making the other members laugh. Warmth and joy filled the air almost tangibly; each member suddenly felt a sense of anticipation. Eager to find out what had made the manager so delighted, Kihyun shot off to his room like a rocket, a grin plastered goofily on his face as he tried to decide what to wear.

Laying the clothes out onto his bed, Kihyun smiled. Truthfully, his favourite way to dress was casual; at home, he owned multiple hoodies, shorts and trousers. Since it was a warm evening, Kihyun had decided that shorts were the way to go.

Suddenly having an even better idea, Kihyun snatched up a pair of denim dungarees that were hanging at the back of his closet. He'd put off wearing them since, contrary to his looks, Kihyun wasn't really into being called cute.

However, he wanted to make the others laugh, it was hot and hey: no one would expect him to wear something like this, so there was no problem. 

Picking out a white shirt with a small chick logo on the breast pocket, Kihyun pulled on some matching socks, picked up a pair of glasses and thundered downstairs, eager to get going.

When he arrived by the door, Kihyun noted that he was the only one in the room. "I wonder where manager-nim went," Kihyun wondered to himself, watching the golden rays of late-afternoon sunlight spill onto their coffee table in the living room.

He spotted a post-it note slapped haphazardly onto their fridge, and took it off, reading the scrawl briefly before reattaching it. "So he's gone to pick someone up..." Kihyun wondered. "I bet it's Miss Kim," he thought aloud, bouncing on the balls of his heels. 

Pacing the room for a bit, Kihyun impatiently waited for the other members to finish changing. Taking out his phone, he flicked through his messages. There were a couple of selfies from Mingyu, but other than that (and a couple of messages from Jihyun), nothing else.

Kihyun tapped on Mingyu's icon and laughed as a couple of pictures of Hoshi's face appeared onscreen. Scrolling through the images, Kihyun recognised Seungkwan's head sticking out of a pile of bodies collapsed in a heap on top of... was that Vernon?

Mingyu's bear-like grin beamed into the camera as his fingers pointed to the group. 'Sleep over in Hoshi's room' read the caption. Kihyun snickered to himself. 

Footsteps coming down the stair case alerted him to someone else's presence, and Kihyun watched as Hyungwon entered the room, head bent over his phone. "Hey," Kihyun called, waving.

Hyungwon looked up briefly, then looked up again, his eyes locked on Kihyun. "What?" Kihyun asked, suddenly feeling a little self-conscious. Maybe going for the cute vibe hadn't been such a great idea, after all.

The other man studied him for a moment, standing completely still. Then, as if life had returned to his body, Hyungwon continued walking towards Kihyun. "Nothing," he said curtly, focusing on the article he was reading. 

Kihyun pouted in a silly fashion, his cheeks puffed up. Pushing the screen away, he complained, "Why aren't you looking at me? It's rude not to make eye contact- oh!"

Hyungwon's face was bright red.

"Hyungwon? Are you okay? Do you need to go to the-"

"I'm fine," Hyungwon replied shortly. Pushing past Kihyun, he stood just in front of the door, foot tapping incessantly against the carpet. "Where is he?" Hyungwon muttered under his breath.

Kihyun walked away feeling slightly dejected. So Hyungwon wouldn't even tell him if he was feeling unwell? What kind of relationship did they have anyway?

"Huh?" Hyungwon breathed, looking up sharply.

Kihyun spun around. _Crap. Did I say that last bit aloud?_ Hyungwon strode over.

"It depends," he whispered. "What kind of relationship do you want, Kihyun-ah?" Kihyun shivered, a foreign feeling rippling over his skin as he subconsciously stepped away from Hyungwon.

The other man's face clouded over, and Kihyun realised belatedly that he had taken Kihyun's movements as an answer.

"I understand," Hyungwon said coolly, nodding stiffly. "I'll try to avoid you from now on." As Hyungwon started to move away, Kihyun panicked. The band—their relationship couldn't get any worse.

But there was something more than that. Kihyun wasn't just bothered about the band; he wanted their bond to strengthen because... because he wanted to be friends with Hyungwon. Over the past months, he'd noticed little things that made him smile.

Laughing together about Under The Waves; waking him up, however humiliating that might be; cooking for the group—all of these things had made Kihyun happy in some way or another. He didn't want to lose what fragile bond they had.

Thinking impulsively, Kihyun launched himself at Hyungwon's back and hugged him tight. Shutting his eyes, he shouted, "Don't go!" Hyungwon stopped, clearly shocked out of his mind. "I'm sorry," Kihyun blabbered, flustered, "that wasn't what I meant at all. I-"

"If you're doing this for the sake of the band, don't bother. I won't let my distancing show," he sneered, struggling to get out of Kihyun's tight grip.

"No." Kihyun looked up into Hyungwon's eyes which were full of confusion. "No," he repeated, "I'm not doing this for the band. I'm being selfish," he explained more quietly.

"I like you, Hyungwon, and I want to—" Kihyun was cut off as Hyungwon struggled, finally managing to rip himself out of Kihyun's grasp.

"What kind of 'like'?" 

Kihyun stared, not understanding. The tension was so thick it was nearly tangible. Kihyun's eyes focused on the dust particles flying about in the sunlight. Anything to avoid Hyungwon's piercing glare.

"What kind of 'like'?" Hyungwon pressed, moving forwards. Kihyun flapped his hands.

"I don't know... uh, friendship? Pluh... pla... platonic? Is that the word?" Hyungwon's face darkened. Kihyun swallowed dryly... was that the wrong answer? Fumbling for a different answer, Kihyun got frustrated and yelled, "Well, what kind of 'like' did you have in mind?"

Hyungwon opened his mouth to answer him, but Hyunwoo interrupted him before he could say anything. "Are we ready to go?" he asked the other two, blissfully unaware of what had just passed. Noticing the tense atmosphere, he blinked innocently.

"Did I interrupt something?" Hyunwoo asked worriedly, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

 _Yes,_ Kihyun thought in frustration. "No," Hyungwon asserted, going silent straight after. Kihyun stared off sullenly into the distance, his eyes focusing of a picture frame of the group with Hoseok. _As if I needed my mood to get any worse,_ Kihyun groused, kicking the floor vehemently.

Soon, they were joined by Minhyuk and Changkyun, who folded his arms as he complained about not being able to wear pyjamas outside. Finally, Jooheon walked down the stairs. "Manager-nim said I should come along too," he announced, scratching the back of his neck as he donned a cap and mask.

Kihyun furrowed his brow. _Doesn't that mean it isn't a work meeting? So, it won't be Miss Kim, then._ Kihyun shrugged his shoulders. Well, whoever it was, they had managed to make their manager exceedingly happy.

 _Maybe it's his wife or something,_ Kihyun mused, following the others out as Hyunwoo called that he'd received a text from manager-nim.

Anticipation rose in the car. Excitably, Minhyuk and Kihyun interrogated manager-nim, but his lips remained sealed. Sitting back in his seat, Kihyun folded his arms in defeat. Well, whoever it was, they'd better be awesome.

Pulling up on the curb, manager-nim leapt out of the car and opened the door, ushering them into the izakaya quickly. Peering around the corner to see if anyone had recognised them yet, Kihyun breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of a practically empty street before slipping inside the restaurant's double doors.

The environment inside was a hub of activity. Waiters slid meals onto tables then appeared to teleport to the kitchen to grab more food and drink. People were laughing and talking loudly at every table, and there was a whole range of ages present.

Elderly women having a mass get-together gossiped in the corner of the room along a large, thin table. A family were playing a word game with their children as they waited for their appetisers to arrive. A group of college students sat at the round table in the centre of the room playing a drinking game and laughing raucously every time someone had to take a shot.

Manager-nim led them through to a back corridor, and down to the final room. "He's already here," the manager muttered to himself, checking his phone. Kihyun was practically bursting at the seams with curiosity. 

Who on earth could it be?

However, as their manager pulled open the thin wooden sliding door, Kihyun nearly burst into tears. He could recognise that face anywhere.

"Hoseok!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SIKE I got you all there didn't I lmao
> 
> TYSM FOR 2.5K !!!
> 
> As always, stay safe, wash your hands and get some sleep kiddies, cuz I slept at a normal time yesterday and feel so~o good!


	20. Hoseok [part 1]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun and the rest of the group reunite with Hoseok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The division for these two chapters worked really well because it means y'all get part 1 and 2 in the same week and aren't stuck waiting for cliff hangers to be resolved XD I think??? Idk, I'm an evil author hehehe

Hoseok stood up, his muscles as large as ever. Kihyun ran over, barely managing to contain his squeals of delight. "It's so good to see you," he breathed, sitting down next to Hoseok and beaming at the other man. It was almost too much to believe.

"Hoseok?" It was Hyunwoo, sliding in on Hoseok's other side. "Is it okay for us to be seen together?" the ever responsible leader asked, glancing worriedly at the open door. Manager-nim waved a hand as he ushered in the rest of the members then hovered by the door.

"I'll leave Hoseok-ssi to explain it to you guys. What time do you want to be picked up?" Hyunwoo took a quick look at his watch. 

"How about nine-thirty? We have a lot to catch up on," he grinned, looking at Hoseok. The others nodded, eager to order their food and find out why Hoseok had suddenly contacted them out of the blue. 

"If you're going to drink," manager-nim cautioned, "please be sensible. Don't get drunk, even if it is the weekend tomorrow," he added. "We still have a couple of appointments." The members nodded, knowing that at least one of them would ignore his well-meaning instructions and get drunk off their arse.

As soon as manager-nim left, Kihyun whipped around. "Hoseok... what's happening?" 

Hoseok grinned, his eyes bright. "I'm signed with Highlight Entertainment; I'm coming back to the industry." 

Hyungwon's eyes bugged out of their sockets. "No way... you're signed with my label? That's awesome!" Hyungwon leaned over Hyunwoo's body to fist-bump Hoseok. 

"You're making a comeback, man!" Jooheon hooted, pounding the table ecstatically. "Oh man, this is great!"

"I'm so happy for you, Hoseok," Hyunwoo grinned, his eyes scrunching up endearingly in their familiar fashion. Minhyuk slung his arm around Kihyun's neck, grinning. 

"Good job, Hoseok! Fight the haters!" he cheered, pumping his fist in the air. "Our fans are going to be elated," he mused, his eyes sparkling with glee. Kihyun nodded in agreement.

"I'm so glad you're back," he sighed, leaning into Hoseok's shoulder. Hoseok grinned, putting an arm around Kihyun's back.

"Me too," he whispered, looking down at his lap. Hoseok was silent for a while. Suddenly, Kihyun felt a tremor wrack the bigger man's body. "It was really tough, not being with you guys," he mumbled, sniffing. 

Kihyun grinned. "Is Hosokkie crying?" Hoseok clenched his hands and Kihyun laughed with good humour, picking up a napkin off the table. Dabbing Hoseok's face, he grinned fondly as Hoseok lifted his head, bursting into tears, his chest heaving as his chunky arms lifted so that he could wipe his own face.

Hyunwoo side-hugged the other man, grinning when Hoseok collapsed into his arms. It was quite the sight to behold; two ripped guys hugging it out and crying together. Kihyun smiled happily.

This was what he loved about Monsta X; they weren't afraid to destroy gender stereotypes and never cared what other people thought of them. In particular, Hoseok, which was why his return to the idol industry was so amazing.

Furthermore, he was signed under the same label as Hyungwon's DJ'ing label which meant he'd be practicing and recording in the same buildings as his former band; it was the ideal outcome. "Quick, let's order something delicious so we can eat and talk," Hyunwoo announced, passing out menus.

Kihyun scanned the page, his eyes lighting up at the sight of all kinds of tasty meats. A cautionary arm came to rest on his shoulder. "Comeback season," was all Minhyuk had to say before Kihyun mumbled "Tch," turning to the salad section.

"Cheer up, Kihyun-ah; there's still lots of delicious things to eat! We can get vegetables to cook on the grill," Minhyuk reminded, his mouth watering at the thought of steaming-hot pepper, courgette and asparagus.

His mood lifting, Kihyun decided to get a vegetarian stir-fry then sat back in his seat, already knowing which type of beer he'd order. Soon, everyone had decided what to get, and since they all wanted meat, Hyunwoo had relented and allowed them to order a single portion of beef.

"We can't come to an izakaya and not have grilled meat!" Changkyun scoffed, tossing his hands into the air. Kihyun agreed loudly, giving Minhyuk a pointed look. His friend grinned sheepishly, shrugging. "Oops?"

Swivelling to examine Hoseok, Kihyun noted that the pallid, blanched look had left Hoseok's skin, replaced by a healthy glow. His eyes no longer had the dark bags that exacerbated his fatigued aura from months ago, and he was beaming constantly, contrasting to the single grin he'd shot at Kihyun during their previous meeting.

"I'm so glad you're back," Kihyun smiled, laughing to see Hoseok's eyes shining at the sight of the food the waiter had just placed onto their table. Hoseok grabbed his hand, squeezing it. _I guess he needs physical reassurance, too, not just mental,_ Kihyun thought worriedly, squeezing back in return.

"Can I get you guys anything else?" the waitress asked, grinning at the group. Hyungwon shook his head, smiling at the woman.

"We're alright, thank you!" She paused, analysing his face.

"Wait a second... are you guys famous?" Hyunwoo looked at the others nervously. This was precisely the reason they'd got a private room; news about Hoseok's return hadn't been released to the public yet. If this waitress went crazy and told everyone...

"Oh! You're Monsta X, aren't you? Oh wow, this is amazing," she mumbled to herself, panicking and fumbling with the order slips. "Sorry," she apologised, spotting how uncomfortable Hyunwoo looked, "it's just that—well—I'm an aspiring singer."

The group paused, listening. "I-I'm a trainee at Jellyfish Entertainment; I was wondering if you'd give me some tips? If it's not too much trouble," she added, her head hanging.

"Lift your head," Kihyun pleaded, smiling gently when she did so. "I think that's amazing," he began, making sure to make eye contact to reassure her that he meant what he was saying.

"The main piece of advice I have for you is to never give up. If it's honestly a life dream, please, try your hardest. Do not be discouraged if you get told off, or if you don't achieve the score you wanted; you'll get there eventually, I promise."

The girl nodded fervently, clutching the notepad tightly. Hyunwoo spoke up. "To add to what Kihyun is saying: first and foremost, you love to sing, right?" The waitress nodded. "Never forget that," Hyunwoo emphasised, his face darkening. 

"Do not forget that singing is your passion. You are not a trainee for the fame or the money; you are a trainee for yourself. For your voice. It is okay to opt out if you feel that it is not going in the direction you hoped, but as Kihyun says, stick with it for a long as you will hold out. The reward is loyal fans, packed concert halls and fantastic band mates," he finished, grinning quietly at the rest of his group.

"Hyun-Hyun~~" Minhyuk squealed, launching himself across Kihyun's lap to hug Hyunwoo (who pushed him away, embarrassed that the waitress had to see such a childish display of affection).

"Thank you so much," she breathed, grinning at all of them. "I have only heard of you guys in passing, but I will make sure to listen to your music!" Hyungwon's brow wrinkled.

"Yes, be sure to. We are the best, after all," he drawled, making the waitress laugh. She took their orders eagerly, waved then dashed out of the room, assuring her concerned coworker that she hadn't dropped a dish or spilled a drink.

"It's nice to see trainees like that; full of fire and passion," Changkyun murmured. "Those kind of kids are lacking these days," he mused. Kihyun nodded, a slight frown marring his face as he thought back to a couple of days ago.

He'd overheard a few Starship trainees badmouthing a fellow student, and had taken it upon himself to discipline them...

_"... yeah, and he's always falling over. You know 'Revolution'? The song we did a couple days ago?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"There's a part where we jump and land at the same time."_

_"Oh, I think I know the bit you're talking about."_

_"Every single time—he fucking lands off beat! Makes me want to punch him; maybe that'll keep him in tempo! And he's always going on about his 'dream'. The only kind of 'dream' I can tolerate is one that will have me a stable job."_

_Kihyun scowled and made his way around the corner to where the two boys were stood gossiping. At his appearance, the taller of the two cowered, so that he was nearly the same height as his friend._

_Although they were younger than Kihyun, they were both taller; something Kihyun noted rather sourly. "What are your names?" Kihyun enquired._

_"Lee Woo-Seok," the taller one muttered._

_"Shin Tae-Kyung," the other replied, shaking slightly. Kihyun sighed, rubbing his temples. Apart from the three of them, the hallway was deserted. Perfect._

_"Okay, first of all, if you're going to be like that about your members, you'll never debut." The duo jumped, realising that he had overheard everything. Kihyun rolled his eyes. If they really wanted to badmouth someone, shouldn't they have at least done it in a private room?_

_"Secondly, if you do want to debut, you have to have a 'dream'. Not a desire for wealth or fame; that will get you nowhere," Kihyun chided, eyeing the two boys angrily._

_"What do you know?" It was the older boy speaking, pulling himself up to his full height. Kihyun startled; did he really just say that? Kihyun's brow darkened._

_"I know plenty," he hissed, deciding that the boy could find out his identity the hard way. Turning to the shorter boy, he raised a brow._

_"And you? Do you have a dream? Does the boy your 'friend' was speaking of also annoy you?" The shorter boy thought for a few seconds. "I love to dance," he admitted, flinching when the other boy glared, "but I do find Jung-Do annoying," he added quickly, clearly hoping to dull the elder boy's anger._

_Kihyun smiled in relief. At least one of them had some sense. Addressing the smaller boy, Kihyun thought for a moment about what he should say. "I think you need to work on your confidence more than anything," he said finally, putting a hand on the boy's shoulder._

_"Don't let people like him," Kihyun added, pointing at Wooseok, "push around talent like you."_

_"Hey now, are you picking a fight?" the older boy menaced, sneering. Kihyun dismissed him with a wave of his hand._

_"Perhaps," was his last word before leaving._

_\+ +_

_Later that day, Kihyun strolled down a corridor. He'd been assigned to teach a vocal workshop to some of the trainees, just so they could see what an idol's vocals had to be like. Kihyun was Starship's ace vocalist; he was one of the best in the industry—precisely the reason he'd been given this job._

_Sliding open the white door, Kihyun stepped inside, relishing in the gasps of recognition coming from his audience. Walking over to the small stage that had been prepared for him, he climbed onto it and turned to address the trainees._

_After he'd finished his usual introduction, Kihyun surveyed the quietly whispering group of individuals. Zeroing in on Wooseok and Taekyung, Kihyun was pleased to see it dawning on them that he wasn't just some 'random' staff member; no, he was their sunbae and senior in the idol industry._

_"Shall we get started?" Kihyun grinned, focusing on the two boys. Taekyung gulped, reddening visibly and Wooseok crossed his arms, clearly irritated at his situation. Grabbing the microphone stand, Kihyun waited for the lights to dim until a spotlight illuminated him._

_He performed a solo ballad he'd recorded for a drama some time ago, grinning during a rest as he saw the trainees' faces light up. Slowly, as the song progressed, Wooseok unfolded his arms and stared at Kihyun, a look of wonder splayed across his features._

_Finishing the song, Kihyun waved away the applause in embarrassment and jumped off the stage. "Passion!" he exclaimed, shocking the trainees, who were still getting used to the light._

_"That," he emphasised, "is the key to success in the idol industry. Passion, and kindness," he added pointedly, glaring at Wooseok, who shifted nervously._

_He had a long way to go, but, as Kihyun saw a younger boy helping him with his belting technique, he knew that Wooseok's character would improve over time._

_"Was that the boy you were talking about?"_

_Wooseok jumped. Sheepish, he nodded, crossing his arms. "Seems that he isn't the only one with improvements to be made," Kihyun commented, raising a brow as Wooseok hung his head._

_Kihyun spent the remainder of the lesson coaching the kids, but made sure to pay attention to Wooseok in particular. He needed his help, and with it, he could go far._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, stay safe, wash your hands and if you like BNHA and kiribaku, please check out my series called Soft 'n' Spiky! I hope you enjoy :D
> 
> SOCIALS:  
> • [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/starry-stan-2020)  
> • [Twitter](https://twitter.com/starry_stan)  
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	21. Hoseok [part 2]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun has another run in with the sasaengs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry guys ;-;

The food arrived, the smell reaching them before the dishes did. Kihyun swore he could see drool dripping from Minhyuk's mouth as he watched the waitress from earlier set plate after plate of food onto the table. 

Thanking her profusely, Hyunwoo handed out some cutlery. Hoseok grabbed the tongs before anyone else could, his eyes shining with wicked humour. "I'll do the meat," he announced triumphantly, ignoring Hyunwoo's sulky look. 

The members watched, salivating in awe as Hoseok placed slices of meat onto the barbecue. Jumping when the oil started to spit, Hoseok laughed sheepishly as his friends teased him. "I'm so hungry," Kihyun whined, slumping down behind the table.

Hyungwon rolled his eyes. "When are you not?" 

Kihyun scowled. "Just because you get full simply by looking at the menu doesn't mean you have to take it out on me, beanpole-ssi," Kihyun taunted, smirking to himself when he saw Hyungwon's anger beginning to rise.

"Oi," Hyunwoo cautioned, knowing that a fight was about to break out, "not now. You guys can have it out once we get back to the dorms, but right now I want you both to treasure the time we have with Hoseok," he chided, the slight frown on his forehead marring his flawless skin.

The man in question grinned bashfully. "I'm just glad to be outside again," Hoseok laughed. "I was holed up in my apartment for goodness knows how long, so..." He left the rest unsaid. The other members nodded understandingly, Kihyun side-hugging the man. 

"Go~osh, I'm so hungry," Minhyuk complained, eyeing Hyunwoo. Sighing audibly, Hyunwoo rolled his eyes and snatched up a piece of meat off the grill, putting it onto Minhyuk's plate. 

"You're allowed two more pieces; no more, no less," Hyunwoo warned, massaging his temples as he watched Minhyuk devour the piece of meat like a wolf. Cheeks full of beef, Minhyuk could only grin goofily. 

"Okay! Time to eat!" Kihyun announced, picking up his chopsticks and digging in to the vegetarian noodle soup he'd ordered. "Try some," he offered, holding his hand under his chopsticks and leaning over to Hyunwoo. The man opened his mouth, took the food and chewed thoughtfully.

"Wow, this is really good," Hyunwoo commented, his eyes lighting up. "We'll have to come here again. Maybe we should film a V Live together," Hyunwoo suggested to Kihyun, smiling calmly.

"Absolutely!" Kihyun remarked, pleased that Hyunwoo wanted to film with him. Their leader really was the best. 

"That reminds me," Hyunwoo said, looking up, "as promotion for our new album, we're going to go on the Idol Room again," he finished, waiting expectantly for the reaction.

The members grinned at one another; they hadn't forgotten what had happened last time. "That blooming toast," Hyungwon muttered, shaking his head sourly. Kihyun grinned.

"I wonder what they have in store for us this time," he murmured, excited. "Jooheon, will you be joining us?" Recently, Jooheon had started to participate in V Lives again, his comeback surprising mon bebe happily all around the world. Everyone was eagerly anticipating his complete return.

"I'm not sure yet," Jooheon thought out loud. "I feel better now, though, so I will talk to manager-nim and my therapist, and see what they say." Kihyun nodded in understanding, grinning. 

The room was filled with warmth and laughter as the men told jokes, caught up with Hoseok and ate the delicious food. "Man, I really missed bulgogi," Changkyun sighed in bliss, chewing thoughtfully on a piece of meat. Kihyun sniggered to see the look on Changkyun's face.

Accepting his coke from the waitress, Minhyuk slurped noisily, earning a whack on the back of the head from Hyunwoo. "Too loud," he complained, massaging his temples. Minhyuk grinned devilishly, blowing bubbles in his drink.

"A~ah, so noisy," Hyunwoo sulked, shying away from Minhyuk. Kihyun laughed, tears of mirth collecting at the corners of his eyes as he bent over, clutching his stomach. 

"Just Sprite?" Hyungwon asked Hoseok, who nodded.

"I get drunk too easily," he grinned sheepishly, "but you already know that." Kihyun shuddered. Yes, they did. Too well, in fact.

Leaning back in his seat, Kihyun bit his lip, rolling it between his teeth nervously. Meeting eyes with Hyungwon, Kihyun watched, perplexed, as Hyungwon quickly avoided his gaze, tugging on Hyunwoo's arm to grab his attention.

Kihyun frowned. Sighing, his mind drifted back to their conversation, which had been cut short by the same person Hyungwon was now talking to (desperately, it seemed). What had Hyungwon been trying to say? 

He remembered the other man looking defeated, as if he'd lost in an argument and the punishment was to speak. Suddenly feeling distressed, Kihyun stood quickly and made his way out of the room, muttering something about going to the toilet.

It was only as he reached the male bathroom that he remembered to put on his glasses and mask. _Crap,_ he thought worriedly, _if someone sees me now, Hoseok is done for._ Running into a cubicle, Kihyun locked the door and sat down to regain his composure.

 _I need to calm down before I return,_ he thought in resignation. _Whatever Hyungwon was trying to tell me isn't the most important thing right now; what's important is making use of the short time we have with Hoseok. You still haven't asked about his comeback's theme._

Getting up, Kihyun was about to leave the cubicle when he spotted something that made his blood run cold. Just outside his door were a pair of feet. The thing that was making him so nervous wasn't that there was another person; it was that the person was a _girl_.

Swallowing silently, Kihyun stood up, slowly reaching out his hand to climb onto the toilet seat so that the stalker would leave. "Kihyun oppa? I know you're in there. Please, don't make me wait," she simpered, the bells on her blue ballet flats jingling as she paced in front of his locked door.

Kihyun started to panic. Where were the body guards? Damn, they hadn't come with any; it was assumed that the restaurant would be safe, given that they were in a private room and the chain was owned by a relative of Starship's CEO.

The girl continued to pace, the jingle of the bells like a drum in a funeral march. Kihyun's ear rang. His eyes flickered about sporadically, his hands beginning to sweat unnaturally. He didn't think to check the time until he remembered Changkyun mentioning that manager-nim said he'd be picking them up at-

It was precisely nine fifty-four pm. According to Kihyun's watch, he had six minutes until manager-nim would show up with their car. That meant he'd been hiding here for around fifteen minutes.

"Kihyunnie? I'm getting impatient," she cooed, banging on the door. "If you don't come out right now, I'll take a picture," she threatened, sliding a camera underneath the door. Kihyun began seeing stars. Shaking, he went to take out his phone then remembered he'd left it on the table after showing Hyunwoo a meme.

Seconds passed like hours. Kihyun started holding his breath, in the vain hope that she would give up or be deluded into thinking that somehow, he'd escaped. Just as he thought she'd given up, a loud noise shocked Kihyun, making him gasp.

"Aha! So you _are_ there," she sneered, ramming the door with the same object as before. By the sounds of it, it was a dull, heavy item, enough to break the solid wooden door.

All of a sudden, the noise stopped.

The girl yelped, and a familiar voice called out. "Heon? Heonnie?" It was Hoseok. Breathing a sigh of relief, Kihyun unlocked the door and bolted out, not paying attention to his surroundings as he sprinted back to the private room and collapsed onto the padded booth seat.

Hoseok turned to the girl, his face dark. He had a mask and hat on to disguise himself, and, given that she didn't recognise him, she must have been a solo stan. "I am reporting you to the police," Hoseok told her, his face set in a grimace as she began to protest loudly.

Tugging her over to a back room, Hoseok alerted the store manager, who came rushing over, and explained the situation. Horrified, the woman nodded fervently at Hoseok's request to call the police and immediately dialled, her face white as she explained the situation.

Within minutes, the police force had arrived, and two officers hauled the girl away, confiscating her camera and phone in the process.

Meanwhile, Kihyun was explaining what happened to the other members. 

"For goodness' sake, not again," Minhyuk frowned, grabbing Kihyun's hand so he could pat it. "Are you alright?" he asked nervously, scanning Kihyun for any signs of panic. Kihyun nodded bravely, smiling brightly. 

"I'm okay; Hoseok helped me out," he added, trying to reassure the other members. He didn't want to ruin what had been an amazing night for the rest of them. Only he needed to know just how frightened he'd been, and how cornered he'd felt.

Glancing over at Hyungwon, Kihyun felt a sudden pang that confused him. "Wait... why did Hoseok come to find me in the first place?"

Changkyun piped up. "Oh, H-"

"-e noticed you'd been gone for a while," Hyungwon finished, eyeing Kihyun. At that moment, Kihyun noticed that Hyunwoo was fast asleep... on Hyungwon's lap. 

"Sorry, what happened whilst I was gone?" Kihyun asked, his good humour back. Jooheon laughed raucously.

"Okay, so, basically, Hyunwoo got piss-drunk and collapsed on top of Hyungwon. You should've seen the look on his face when Hyunwoo started snuggling," Jooheon snickered, earning a muffled laugh from Kihyun as he felt Hyungwon's eyes boring into his side.

"Manager-nim is here," Minhyuk announced, spotting the notification on Hyunwoo's phone. "Alright, let's pay and leave as soon as we can," he cautioned, glancing worriedly at Kihyun, who smiled gratefully. Splitting the bill between the seven of them, Hoseok waved and they parted ways at the entrance.

Kihyun ran to catch up with the bulkier man. "Thank you," he huffed, his hands on his knees.

"No worries," Hoseok grinned endearingly, nodding. "I miss you guys; it was the least I could do. Plus, who isn't scared of someone that looks like me?" he asked, flexing his muscles. Kihyun laughed joyously.

"Only at first," he shot back, grinning like a Cheshire Cat. Hoseok shrugged his shoulders.

"If you say so, Heonnie," he said dismissively, grinning back.

"Have a safe trip home. I see your agent is also here to pick you up," Kihyun noted, seeing a staff member pull up in a sleek black Mercedes. 

"So he is," Hoseok noticed, tipping his hat. "See you, Kihyun," he smiled, waving with both hands. Kihyun waved back, standing on the tips of his toes until the car had disappeared. Running back to the group, Kihyun got into the car.

As they drove back, Kihyun explained what had happened, assisted by Hoseok through a video call. Manager-nim's face grew grimmer and grimmer as they explanation went on. "Unfortunately, I don't think you guys are going to be able to go out for a while," he said morosely, wincing when the rest of the members raised the roof.

"Sorry guys," Kihyun mumbled, wilting. Hyungwon shook his head.

"Not your fault, dummy." Kihyun scowled.

"Don't call me a dummy."

"Don't be one then, dummy."

"Beanpole."

"Shortie."

"Weakling."

"Moron."

"Enough!" came the exasperated shout from the maknae. "If I hear another peep from you two, you're sleeping in the living room."

"Idiot-" Kihyun whispered, determined to have the last word.

"LIVING ROOM IT IS!" Changkyun roared, making everyone jump and startling Hyunwoo out of his slumber.

"Shut up," Hyunwoo groaned, clutching his head. "It hurts," he complained, Minhyuk shushing him and patting his head kindly. They arrived at the apartments and disembarked, waving goodbye to manager-nim as he drove off.

"I wasn't kidding," Changkyun added when Kihyun tried to go upstairs.

"Can't I change my clothes, at least?" 

Changkyun rolled his eyes. "I'll give you two minutes, staring... now!" Kihyun shrieked, rocketing up the stairs at lightning speed. Hyungwon followed, grumbling with every step. Once they'd changed (Kihyun had nearly taken Jooheon's eyes out running past him to get to his room), they were sentenced to a night in the living room.

"Guess it's just you and me," Hyungwon sneered, stretching out on the sofa.

"Where am I supposed to sleep? The armchair?" Kihyun complained, throwing his pillow on top of the one already there.

"You could always—actually, never mind," Hyungwon said quickly, piquing Kihyun's interest.

"Pray tell, what were you going to say?" Kihyun asked sarcastically. Apart from the moonlight shining in through the window, the room was pitch black. In the darkness, Hyungwon's face looked almost ethereal, highlighting his sharp, handsome features.

He opened his mouth then paused, looking unsure of whether he should say it or not. Kihyun waited expectantly, perched on the edge of the arm chair. Hyungwon looked at him seriously. "We can share the couch, if you like."

Kihyun fell off the arm chair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hajadfajsfhkjah I forgot how I ended this chapter LMAOOO
> 
> ~
> 
> I'm only realising now
> 
> just how much of a Hyunwoo simp I've made Kihyun into
> 
> oops?
> 
> As always, stay safe, wash your hands and stan Hyunwoo we stan a King™


	22. The Couch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Hyungwon reveals something earth-shattering to Kihyun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> go read, that's all I have to say

Kihyun stared incredulously, wondering if Hyungwon had had a few too many drinks. "Are you okay?" he questioned, getting up from the ground. Hyungwon looked away.

"Never mind."

Shrugging to himself, Kihyun picked up his blanket and tried to make do with the arm chair. Propping himself up on the arm rest, he laid his head on a pillow and tried to get some sleep.

\+ +

_"Kihyunnie... Kihyunnie. You love me, right?" Kihyun looked at the girl sitting opposite him, her face full of hope._

_"Of course," he grinned, the smile not quite reaching his eyes. The girl's shoulders visibly drooped and her face sank._

_"Of course you do," she murmured to herself, gazing at the milkshake in front of her. "Do you want some?" she asked. It was the second time she'd offered. Kihyun refused politely, flashing his signature smile in the hope that she'd give up._

_Instead, she sighed, stirring the drink apathetically. Kihyun began to panic. He'd thought he was doing well. Why did she seem so upset? "Look," she started, pushing the drink away, "I don't think this is working."_

_Kihyun's mind whirled into overdrive. "Wh-what? Did I do something wrong?"_

_She frowned, throwing her hands up into the air. "This is exactly what I mean. God, it's like you don't even have your own opinion. You never do anything I don't want to do. You only ever think about me, not yourself. When we go on dates, we always go somewhere that I want to go," she muttered, rubbing her forehead exasperatedly._

_He stared at her silently, his ability to form sentences having vanished._

_"Follow me," she announced without warning, standing up and walking towards the shop door. Kihyun followed her, stumbling over his own feet._

_It was raining outside, but that didn't deter his girlfriend, who strode out into the pouring rain and stood in the centre of the square, waiting for her boyfriend to catch up. "You'll catch a cold," Kihyun called, worried. She ignored him, waving him over._

_"What's wrong-"_

_Without further deliberation, the girl kissed him, pulling his face close to hers as she pressed her lips to his. Kihyun's mind stopped working. He felt uncomfortable; the rain was pouring down his neck, his clothes were damp and they hadn't paid for their meal yet._

_When she broke away, all Kihyun could do was look at her in shock._

_"Did you feel anything."_

_"Sorry?"_

_"Did you feel anything? Because I did," she sighed, rubbing her eyes. "I felt a whole lot." Kihyun stammered, lost for words._

_"Um—yes, I did? I think..." he tailed off, shivering a little._

_"—I guess we should head back and pay, huh?" Sulhye suggested, motioning to the cafe._ _Kihyun agreed silently. She nodded tightly, then paused._ _"Kihyun?"_

_He looked up, confused. Weren't they going back? Why had she stopped moving?_

_"Yes?"_

_"I want to break up with you."_

_It felt wrong, but Kihyun sighed in relief, a huge weight suddenly lifted from his shoulders. Maybe being in a relationship wasn't for him, after all. From the moment she had confessed to the moment she'd broken up with him, Kihyun had tried his best, but evidently it hadn't gone quite to plan._

_"Kihyun," she started, looking at him. With a jolt, Kihyun realised that she was crying._

_"Hey," he shushed, putting an arm around her shoulder as she sobbed, "I'm the one being dumped but you're crying? That doesn't add up," he joked, smiling tiredly as she laughed._

_"You were so good to me, and you're one of the kindest people I've ever met, Kihyun, but... I feel like I pressured you into this. You didn't even like me when we started dating," she mumbled, kicking the floor as they returned to their seats._

_"Well, I like you a lot more now, Sulhye," Kihyun reassured. "I hope we can stay in touch," he offered, holding her hand. She nodded quietly._

_"I hope you'll meet someone, one day, that will make your heart tighten as much as you make mine clench," she smiled, her tears pooling in the corners of her eyes. Kihyun regretted going out with her in the first place; perhaps, if he'd just refused, she wouldn't have been put through so much pain._

—Without warning, the location morphed into the restaurant bathroom.

_"Kihyunnie... Kihyunnie. You love me, right?" Kihyun screamed but no sound came out. Scrambling to get away from the stalker, her face morphed into Sulhye's._

_"Don't taint my memories of her, please!" Kihyun cried, thrashing._

_The stalker's face returned, her mouth turned up into a gruesome grin. "Kihyunnie!"_

\+ +

Hyungwon woke up, which wasn't unusual for him. Sure, he had issues waking up _in the morning,_ but in the middle of the night? His damn body sure didn't have a problem with that. Fancying a beer, Hyungwon went to get out of his warm cocoon.

"... on't... Don't..." Kihyun muttered. Suddenly, his arms flailed and he began whimpering. Hyungwon stared at the other man awkwardly, unsure of what to do. He'd read somewhere that it was bad to wake up someone having a nightmare.

A few more pitiful cries from Kihyun broke his resolve. 

"Kihyun. Kihyun-ah," Hyungwon whispered, shaking Kihyun's shoulders. Kihyun continued to struggle, still not conscious. Picking him up, Hyungwon stumbled over to the couch and sat him upright, continuing to shake his shoulders.

"Kihyun-ah!" he whisper-shouted, a little more desperately this time. Kihyun jolted awake, his eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights.

"H-Hyungwon?" he stammered. Hyungwon nodded, trying his hardest to look kind and open.

Kihyun grabbed the other man's shoulders, his breathing rapid and shallow. Hyungwon sat down next to him, hugging him tightly from the side.

"I know we're not the closest," Kihyun choked out, "so I apologise in advance." Hyungwon looked at him, confused.

"Wha—"

Kihyun got onto his lap in order to hug him properly, shivering in fear. "Please," he pleaded as Hyungwon opened his mouth, shocked beyond belief. "Sorry," he whispered, repeating the word like a mantra.

Fed up, Hyungwon put a finger to Kihyun's lips. "I don't mind. In fact, I—" Hyungwon broke off, not know how to phrase his next sentence. Kihyun stared up at him, not understanding.

"What is it?" 

Hyungwon seemed to be having some sort of internal conflict. His face was contorted into a pained expression, his lips tight with stress.

"You can tell me; I won't judge," Kihyun added quickly. "After all, you're letting me sit on you," he laughed.

"Do you wonder why?" 

The question caught Kihyun off guard. "Well, a little. I mean, our relationship isn't the best," he giggled, then slapped a hand over his mouth, worried that he'd offended Hyungwon. The moonlight lit up Hyungwon's face, casting an ethereal sheen over his already beautiful features.

"And do you know why that is?" 

Kihyun barked a laugh. "Because of that—that—" Kihyun paused, his eyes widening. Kihyun's mind went into overdrive, the cogs whirring at lightning speed as something clicked into place. The time with Jihyun and the dare, Hyungwon had—

"Wait... did you do it on purpose?"

Hyungwon looked pained. He nodded. Kihyun wanted to get off Hyungwon, to run to his room, yet something was stopping him. With a jolt, Kihyun realised he was shaking in fury.

"I can't believe you," Kihyun spat in disgust. "You do realise that was the most humiliating thing that has ever happened to me?" Hyungwon nodded, biting his lip. "Just how long have you been conspiring with Jihyun, huh?"

"I thought you'd leave me alone after that." Hyungwon palmed his eyes with the base of his hands as Kihyun watched on, incredulous.

"Why would you want me to do that? And why would you _feed me ramen_ and film it in order to achieve that? I felt like a dog or something," Kihyun muttered in disgust and embarrassment.

"Because I couldn't deal with what I was feeling."

Kihyun scoffed. "What—intense hatred?"

Hyungwon bit his lip, and Kihyun felt like grabbing his face just to stop the other man from doing it.

"The opposite, actually."

Kihyun nearly fell off Hyungwon's lap. He seemed to be falling off rather a lot of things, tonight. "Wha—what?"

Hyungwon turned his face away, but even as he did so, Kihyun balked to see a saturated blush blooming on the other man's cheeks. Rubbing his eyes in defeat, Hyungwon looked at his hands, intertwining the fingers then unravelling them pedantically.

"I like you, Kihyun. This is a confession."

Kihyun leapt off Hyungwon's lap, putting some distance between himself and the other man.

"You're gay?" 

His blood raced around his body like a formula one car without brakes. It boiled and seethed, writhing up his veins and invading his heart like a siege on his soul.

Hyungwon nodded tightly. "Got a problem with that?" 

Kihyun spluttered, lost for words. "I—what do you want me to say? It's all fine and dandy? Be glad I'm the only one that knows!" Kihyun hissed, peeking around his shoulder to check that they were truly alone.

Sitting on his arm chair, Kihyun pulled at his hair, his mind a complete mess. Hyungwon was gay? And he liked him, no less!

"So, you're telling me that you were mean to me for five years because... you had a crush on me?" Kihyun spat it out like a curse. Hyungwon flinched, and Kihyun withered. Maybe he shouldn't be so harsh on the other man.

It wasn't like Kihyun hadn't met a gay guy before... in reality, he didn't have anything against them, so long as they didn't like _him._ Obviously, Hyungwon _did_ like him, so he _did_ have a problem.

Suddenly, Sulhye's words came back to him; an echo of his dream.

_'I hope you'll meet someone, one day, that will make your heart tighten as much as you make mine clench.'_

Kihyun had never really felt anything towards girls. But then again, he'd never felt anything for boys. But he _wasn't_ gay... he couldn't be.

"I'm sorry for my unkindness. Everything cruel that I've ever said to you... I take it all back," Hyungwon uttered, sounding desperate. "Please don't hate me," he whispered, sounding a million times smaller than he usually did.

Kihyun sighed.

"Stop staring at the ground," he commanded. Hyungwon looked up into his eyes, and Kihyun jumped at the sight of his watery eyes. "Don't cry," Kihyun exclaimed, flustered.

"Damn," Hyungwon cursed, "I shouldn't have said any of that. I just—we went out for drinks—and that fucking girl—and you were crying out for help—" Kihyun shushed him.

"There are a few things I should tell you," Kihyun sighed in resignation, moving to sit next to Hyungwon on the couch. Now that he was aware of Hyungwon's feelings, Kihyun could feel his own face heating up at their closeness. 

With a stark realisation, Kihyun remembered that Hyungwon had put up with these bottled emotions for five years, not five minutes. Trying his hardest to keep that fact at the forefront of his mind, Kihyun went on with his anecdote.

"I've only dated one girl, the duration of which was short and left me feeling the same as before I'd even met her. However," he continued, raising his voice at Hyungwon's hopeful face, "I've never felt anything for boys, either. Nothing." Hyungwon drooped, and if the situation had been more light-hearted, Kihyun would've laughed. 

"Could you find it in you to give me a chance?"

Kihyun turned to face Hyungwon. "Honestly? The idea of going out with another man terrifies me. Let alone our private lives, if this gets out to the public, we're ruined. It'll also put an immense strain on our relationship if we can't display affection publicly; are you willing to suffer like that?"

Hyungwon thought for a moment. "I've dreamt of this situation happening millions of times, but never did I once think that you'd take me seriously and actually consider my propositions." Kihyun felt slightly offended at that.

"Look, I may not know much about—about gay people, but I'm not so cruel as to curse you out," Kihyun finished, looking at Hyungwon in a way that he hoped would reassure him. 

Hyungwon gave him a beautiful smile, so full of happiness that Kihyun felt his cheeks heat up at the sight.

"Are you totally sure you don't like girls? Because it would definitely be easier to date a girl," Kihyun asked experimentally, hoping Hyungwon wouldn't get offended.

"No," was his firm reply. "I like men. And I like you," he whispered, directly into Kihyun's ear. Kihyun recoiled, a shocked and mortified look on his face. Unable to hold it in, Hyungwon cracked up, bending over and laughing himself silly.

"Sorry, it's just that the face you made was priceless," he wheezed, making Kihyun blush in embarrassment.

"Hyungwon..." Kihyun began when the other man had calmed down.

"Hmm?"

"Shall we try dating?"

Hyungwon looked at him very seriously. "Are you sure? I'm going to act very different to the me you know, just warning you now." Kihyun nodded, gulping.

"I'm not gay—at least, I don't think I'm gay... but I want to try going out with you. I want a relationship, and someone once told me to find someone that would make my heart tighten, so this is the best course of action, right?"

Hyungwon nodded.

"I don't want to hurt you by accident, so I'm going to tell you this now: I have practically zero experience with gay people. The only reason I didn't punch you was because my high-school friend's brother was gay, and he was super cool, so I developed some sort of respect for gays after that."

The man sitting next to him smiled softly. "I think it's nearly impossible for you to hurt me—I adore you too much." Hyungwon grinned, murmuring the last part. Kihyun flushed bright red, the words he was trying to say caught in his throat.

"Oh yeah, another thing: get ready for a lot more where that came from," Hyungwon smirked, leaning over. _He's close,_ Kihyun thought nervously, subconsciously backing away. Hyungwon swallowed, addressing him properly.

"Can I... kiss you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ddfskdjfhsjkdhkjg it finally happened, after 22 chapters boys, we made it: CONFESSION TIME!!!
> 
> As always, stay safe, wash your hands and watch vines because when aren't they awesome
> 
> SOCIAL MEDIA:
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	23. Small

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun and Hyungwon make plans.

Kihyun stared nervously into Hyungwon's plaintive eyes. "K-kiss? H-ha ha... surely you don't want to kiss me?"

"Oh, but I do," Hyungwon murmured, the taller man's breath ghosting over Kihyun's cheeks and making him shiver subconsciously. Vaguely, Kihyun registered that he smelt like mint. _Toothpaste,_ Kihyun thought randomly, still panicking about the diminishing distance between their faces.

"W-wait."

Hyungwon paused, concerned at how Kihyun's voice wavered. "Um, I don't really know how to say this... Uh, this is—this is—all a bit sudden," Kihyun burst out, screwing his eyes shut in fear. After a couple of seconds he cracked them open, breathing out in relief upon seeing that Hyungwon didn't look angry.

"Don't freak out," Hyungwon sighed, scratching his neck. "I realise that you're not used to male affection. I mean, heck, we're Korean after all; gays are treated worse than animals," he laughed sourly, looking away. Kihyun gulped, feeling bad.

"Um, if it brings you any solace, I know a really cool gay person, so I'm not against them. I'll support you, it's just—"

"Not if the one I like is you? Yeah, I get it," Hyungwon nodded, staring into his lap. He looked dejected, and Kihyun's chest tightened. 

"I can try," he blurted out. Hyungwon's head snapped up.

"You... you do realise what you're suggesting, right?"

Kihyun nodded resolutely, though his shaking hands betrayed him slightly. Hyungwon set his jaw, utterly ecstatic but trying to hold it in. "I'll try my hardest to take it slow, okay? Would you rather I... didn't kiss you?"

Kihyun pondered for a moment. "We're both tipsy," he announced, the blunt statement punching Hyungwon in the gut, "and I'd rather we did something like—like that—when we were sober," Kihyun finished, mumbling the last part bashfully.

"Tell you what," Hyungwon piped up, a grin sliding onto his face, "why don't we go on a date on Saturday? We can pass it off as a V Live," Hyungwon added hurriedly at Kihyun's incredulous expression.

Mulling over the idea, the more Kihyun thought about it, the more he agreed with what Hyungwon was saying. "Okay," he agreed thoughtfully.

"Oh, but I want to date you properly, so think of it as a test, okay? If you enjoy the date and tell me so, I'll take it as a sign that you want to try dating me." Kihyun startled, his eyes wide in panic.

"Y-you can't do that! I've barely known your sexuality for five minutes, let alone your feelings for me!" Hyungwon shrugged.

"I know that," he ground out, "but you've got to remember that I've been holding back for five years." Kihyun swallowed dryly. He knew very well that Hyungwon was bending his will to fit with Kihyun's indecisiveness, but a selfish part of him kept pointing out that he had a right to feel strange.

He wasn't gay, after all.

However, as Kihyun thought about it, there were a few tell-tale signs from his past that pointed to him perhaps not being quite as straight as he'd originally thought. His lack of interest in girls; how he preferred to take pictures of guys during his brief career in the photography club during high school.

His single girlfriend; his apathy towards girls' affection for him; the way Hyungwon's eyes had made his heart beat just that bit faster. 

"I don't know... I guess I'm unused to this. That's all, honest; I don't hate you for being gay or anything," Kihyun stammered, holding up his hands. Hyungwon chuckled, a devastatingly handsome grin splayed on his face.

Kihyun took in the man's appearance as if for the first time: his beautiful smile; his gorgeous, dark eyes; his tall, slender figure. "I didn't really notice before, but... damn, you're really handsome."

Hyungwon put his head between his knees, and Kihyun panicked. Had he gone too far? "I'm sorry... was that too much?" Hyungwon raised his head, and Kihyun felt a blush ripple over his cheeks.

The other man had gone bright red, a hand covering his mouth in embarrassment. "That was unfair," Hyungwon muttered. "You caught me off guard." With a jolt of realisation, Kihyun recalled that, every time he had paid Hyungwon a compliment, it was Hyungwon's habit to look away.

He'd always thought that was because Hyungwon was modest. Apparently, it was because he had a hard time containing his joy. Covering his own cheeks, Kihyun trained his eyes on the plasma screen TV in front of him, trying his hardest to avoid Hyungwon's affectionate gaze.

"I _really_ love you," Hyungwon breathed, making Kihyun jump.

"Shh! What if someone hears?" 

Hyungwon simply laughed. "Do you want to sleep with me?"

Kihyun choked, coughing violently. At the same moment, Hyungwon realised the implications of his suggestion. "Argh, no, not like that," he muttered gruffly. "What I meant to say, was: Would you like to share the sofa with me?"

Kihyun breathed out a sigh of relief. 

"We'd have to spoon, though."

Kihyun began coughing again. "Sorry, what?"

Hyungwon grinned mischievously. Scooting to the far side of the sofa, he swung his legs up, pushed them past Kihyun and lay down, making himself comfortable. "You can stay or go, I don't mind," Hyungwon sighed, plopping an arm over his eyes and breathing slowly.

Kihyun perched on the edge of the sofa uncomfortably, desperately deliberating whether or not he should return to the arm chair. Though Hyungwon had insisted that he didn't care which Kihyun chose, he knew it would upset the other man if he left his side.

Moreover, Kihyun _had_ promised to try to go out with Hyungwon. Biting his cheek to steel himself for what might occur, Kihyun slowly lowered himself onto the sofa, slipping into the nook Hyungwon had created for him with his body.

It was probably the most embarrassing situation he'd ever been in (bar Jihyun's ramen prank). Kihyun felt like his entire body was on fire with embarrassment; he felt pretty sure he was blushing all the way down to his shoulders.

"You're so red," Hyungwon murmured into his ear, the vibrations sending warm shivers running down Kihyun's back.

"Don't do that," Kihyun begged, squirming.

"Do what?" Hyungwon asked, feigning innocence as he wrapped his arms around Kihyun's waist, only making Kihyun fidget even more.

"You know what!" Kihyun spluttered, struggling. Hyungwon's arms relaxed slightly, but didn't let go. 

"Let me have this," Hyungwon whispered, suddenly serious, "please. If you really hate it, I'll stop." Kihyun fought with himself internally before slumping into Hyungwon's arms. 

"I don't mind it," Kihyun mumbled quietly, almost inaudible. Hyungwon seemed to perk up, shifting closer to Kihyun's body and smiling against his jaw.

"You have no idea how happy that makes me," Hyungwon murmured, making Kihyun shudder again.

"Okay," Kihyun blurted, "just stop sticking to me."

"No can do, Kihyun," Hyungwon sang in a low tone, frustrating Kihyun. Eventually, Hyungwon's breathing slowed, and he fell asleep. Relieved, Kihyun loosened the other's arms so that he could breathe somewhat, then fell asleep himself.

\+ +

Upon waking the next morning, they had a lot of explaining to do. Unlike Minhyuk and Hyunwoo, it wasn't normal for the two to fall asleep cuddled up on the sofa. "We were drunk!" Kihyun panicked, flailing his arms as Changkyun mercilessly teased him. 

"Sure, sure," Changkyun, drawled, slinging an arm over Kihyun's shaking shoulders. "Definitely not cuddling or anything~"

Kihyun made a panicked sort of noise, shooting a look of desperation at Hyungwon, who avoided it sheepishly. "Hyungwon!" he hissed. "Say something!"

"We just slept," was Hyungwon's feeble attempt to redeem their standing with the rest of the members. 

"Naaaah, you guys were cosied up, spooning," Changkyun smirked, barking a laugh when Kihyun choked on his own saliva and Hyungwon's eyes widened before he averted them in embarrassment. 

"What's this about spooning?" Jooheon asked, raising a brow as he jumped down from the staircase, making his way towards the fridge. Kihyun spluttered, still trying to regain his composure.

"Oh, nothing," Changkyun bluffed, joining Jooheon by the kitchen island to grab some breakfast.

"You guys," Hyunwoo called, "make sure to eat something healthy, okay? No sugary cereals," Hyunwoo commanded, frowning when Changkyun groaned and put back the Frosties.

As Hyungwon and Kihyun climbed the staircase, Hyungwon leaned over. "Don't forget; next Saturday, we're going on a date." With that final statement, he smirked at Kihyun before rapidly overtaking him and thundering up the remainder of the steps.

Jutting out his lower jaw in defiance, Kihyun followed suit, making up his mind to outwit Hyungwon somehow. He'd get the upper hand, even if it meant emphasising his aegyo. Oh yes, Kihyun was prepared to go _there._

Determined to make Hyungwon's jaw drop, Kihyun ran into his room, threw open his wardrobe and studied his clothing. Which outfit would make Hyungwon weak at the knees? _Wait a second... why am I trying so hard? Wah, Hyungwon's enthusiasm is infective,_ Kihyun thought, highly flustered.

Slowing his pace a little, Kihyun tried to act like a normal, calm person by catapulting every piece of clothing he owned onto his bed. "Shit," Kihyun garbled, panicking at the giant mound of designer brand clothing he'd accumulated. 

Deciding that he may as well take his time now that he'd messed up his room so badly, Kihyun plopped himself down in front of his mattress and scanned the pile, his eyes squinting as he fished out various shirts and pairs of trousers.

"Hyungwon said he liked shorts," Kihyun remembered, his face lighting up. Digging through a small stack of shorts at the back of the pile, Kihyun fished out a pair of beige shorts that had a small waist and gradually got larger, giving the impression that they were too big for him.

"I'm going to pull out all the stops with this outfit," Kihyun mumbled to himself, "so I've got to wear something that screams 'cute'," he resolved, removing a white shirt that had fallen off the bed. He tended to avoid this shirt; cuteness wasn't really his forte, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

White frills decorated the collar, whilst long white ribbons fell elegantly from the too-large sleeves. Everything about the shirt was meant to make Kihyun seem cute and—cute and...

Cute and _small._

"He had better appreciate the amount of trouble I went to, putting this outfit together," Kihyun lamented, biting back his tears as he stared at the overly adorable image in the mirror. Adding a pair of large-framed, circular glasses to his outfit, he completed the look with some knee-high socks, his face burning with embarrassment as he twirled around.

"Oh well," he muttered to himself, "at least I have a good chance of making him faint."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like the idea of Kihyun panicking about what to wear; I think that'd be really cute ehehe
> 
> As always, stay safe, wash your hands and perhaps rest your eyes? Mine get tired really easily so I sometimes grab some ice, a cloth, my phone and some headphones, then sit down with the ice and cloth over my eyes whilst listening to lofi. It's a peaceful existence until my sister plays the violin TAT
> 
> also guys??? 3K views??? y'alls make my heart go squish ughhhhh thank you sO much! :P
> 
> SOCIAL MEDIA:
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	24. Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Hyungwon explains his feelings and Kihyun tries to understand them.

The week passed as it usually would with dance practices, singing coaching, talk shows and everything else in between. Yet, the only thing on Kihyun's mind was Saturday. It felt like each hour was dragging by on purpose, the hands on his watch secretly turning back a few minutes when he wasn't looking.

Basically, Kihyun was desperate for Saturday to arrive.

Don't get him wrong; he wasn't excited or anything. He just wanted to get it over and done with, placate Hyungwon and forget about his hazily-made promise. Go out with him? Date him? _Kiss him?_ Kihyun didn't want to do any of those things.

So why was he so excited for Saturday to arrive? Kihyun perpetually brooded over this question, wondering with trepidation why his mind was such a mess when it came to Hyungwon. The man that had previously made him want to jump out a window now suddenly looked increasingly attractive and—

Wait a second.

_Attractive?_

_Something is really wrong with me,_ Kihyun panicked, jolting out of his worry-induced stupor. "You okay, man?" Changkyun questioned, leaning forwards to observe Kihyun more closely. 

"Just peachy," was Kihyun's quick, tight reply. 

They were sitting either side of the kitchen island. It was late evening, and Kihyun had whipped up some omelette rice for the two of them to share. Chewing on his spoon thoughtfully, Changkyun pointed it at Kihyun.

"Has this got anything to do with Hyungwon?"

If the dictionary had pictures, Kihyun's would be smack-bang underneath 'Panic'. "Wh-what? What makes you ask that? No, of course not," Kihyun blabbered, flapping his hands unconvincingly. 

"Ri~ight," Changkyun acknowledged, furrowing his brows in contemplation. "I assume this is totally unrelated to your joint V-Live on Saturday, too, right?" Kihyun nodded vehemently, pushing away his empty plate. 

When he was nervous, Kihyun tended to overeat, which probably wasn't a good thing given that their comeback was just over the horizon. 

"Well, whatever," Changkyun huffed, standing up and depositing his plate in the sink. "None of my business," he muttered to himself quietly, grinning at the thought of how red Kihyun had gone. _He's so obvious,_ Changkyun thought to himself, hiding the large smirk that had spread across his face.

Tapping a confused Hyungwon on the shoulder and whispering "Good luck!" Chankgyun rocketed upstairs. Meanwhile, Hyungwon found a seat next to Kihyun and watched in amusement as he jumped. 

"You okay? You look a little... tense," Hyungwon commented, knowing exactly why Kihyun looked like he was about to wet himself. "I'm excited for tomorrow," Hyungwon whispered, grinning right next to Kihyun's ear as the other man jolted.

"Don't do that," Kihyun complained, scooting his chair away from Hyungwon's. Hyungwon shrugged, stealing a spoon of rice from the large serving plate in the middle of the table. "Hey... that's my spoon," Kihyun realised, face heating up.

"I know," was Hyungwon's suggestive reply. He grinned, licking the spoon seductively. Kihyun shivered, his emotions a mess and face beet-red. Laughing quietly in that low tone of his, Hyungwon leant so that his arm was touching Kihyun's own, continuing to eat the rice.

"Get a plate if you're hungry," Kihyun scolded. "Don't eat it strait off the serving plate! It's unhygienic—"

He was silenced by Hyungwon shoving the spoon into Kihyun's mouth and getting up. "Alright, Yoo-nim," Hyungwon mocked, being overly polite. Kihyun only rolled his eyes, yanking the spoon out of his mouth and expertly launching it at the sink.

It landed, and he murmured a quiet "Yes!" Grabbing his empty plate, he went to wash it in the sink, his mind still whirling from Hyungwon's sudden attack of affection.

\+ +

This was it. The day had finally arrived. Today was Saturday.

Kihyun woke twenty-three minutes before his alarm was supposed to go off, but he got up anyway, his heart thumping uncomfortably as he surveyed his planned outfit. Suddenly, he didn't feel so confident about the puffy sleeves, cutesy shorts and long socks.

 _It's too late now,_ he reminded himself resolutely, taking off his nightshirt and pulling the white number over his head. Flattening out the collar, Kihyun stepped into the shorts and secured them around his waist with a beautiful cream belt he'd picked up in a thrift store.

Yanking the socks up his legs, Kihyun stood back to admire himself in the mirror. However, something was missing, and Kihyun pondered for a moment. Realising with a jolt what his outfit needed, Kihyun slid over to his box of accessories, fishing through the various chokers and earrings until he found what he was looking for.

Picking it up, Kihyun grinned despite the embarrassment he knew he'd feel once he'd put them on. "There's no way Hyungwon will be able to top this," Kihyun thought, triumphantly fastening them on.

Pulling a light blue satchel over his head, Kihyun took the steps two at a time and sat down on the sofa, his eagerness showing. Although he knew Hyungwon would be taking the outing seriously, Kihyun couldn't help but forget, just for a moment, that Hyungwon was in love with him. It seemed too sudden, too out-of-character.

Rustling behind him indicated Hyungwon's presence. Turning around, Kihyun was about to flash a smile, but his facial muscles went slack before he could.

Standing before him was a _disturbingly_ handsome Hyungwon. He'd really gone all out; the taller man was wearing clothes Kihyun had never even seen before. His hair was styled immaculately, and he'd even applied a bit of make up.

Kihyun swallowed, the saliva feeling viscous and unwelcome in his throat. Hyungwon was decked out in an ivory turtleneck paired with a pair of navy pin-striped trousers. Over the top he wore a beige trench coat (that matched nicely with Kihyun's own outfit, he noticed in passing) and black diamond studs adorned his earlobes. 

All in all, it was a heart-stopping outfit.

"Ready to go?" Hyungwon's cheeks had a light pink tinge; nothing compared to Kihyun's own cheeks as he saw Hyungwon give him a not-so-subtle once-over. "I love the hair pins," Hyungwon whispered as he passed Kihyun to open the door.

Kihyun flushed, not used to Hyungwon being so open. "I thought you were Mr Cold-As-Ice," he hissed, shooting out of the door so that none of the other members would overhear their conversation. 

"Do you remember what I told you?"

Kihyun nodded guiltily.

"Being gay is not easy," Hyungwon stated, looking at Kihyun directly. "I'm not able to show my affection as easily as you guys might be able to. Slinging an arm around someone's neck is not something I can do lightly—though, that has less to do with me being gay and more to do with the fact that I'm not one for casual skinship," Hyungwon added wryly.

Unsure of what to say, Kihyun remained silent. Their foot steps were the only sound in the deserted hallway as Hyungwon continued. "Upon realising that I liked you, I did everything I could to suppress those feelings. Well, you saw the culmination of that a couple of days ago," Hyungwon joked.

"It must've been difficult," Kihyun commented, speaking up softly as he fiddled with his hands. Hyungwon smiled at him, a shockingly beautiful smile that left Kihyun unsure of himself.

"This is the reason I fell for you," Hyungwon breathed, a hand over his eyes as Kihyun spun around, defensively uttering a disbelieving "What?"

"Wh-what do you mean?" Kihyun asked, stammering nervously.

"It means you're a cutie-pie," Hyungwon grinned, layering it on thick. Kihyun cringed.

"Oh gosh, if that was supposed to be romantic, I think I'm going to get diabetes," Kihyun grimaced, scrunching up his eyes. Hyungwon laughed unabashedly, throwing his head back and clutching his sides. The sight made Kihyun grin automatically, pleased to see the other man so happy.

Brandishing two tickets, Hyungwon waved them under Kihyun's nose. "I thought we could go to a theme park; you know, the one near the lake." Kihyun nodded enthusiastically, his eyes lighting up.

As a child, his parents had taken him on monthly outings to their local theme park, an excursion he always thoroughly enjoyed. Kihyun remembered, with some nostalgia, bouncing on the balls of his feet and tugging at his parents' hands as he dragged them all over the park.

The two of them climbed down the stairs, each step feeling like an aeon. Kihyun's heart was pumping; he could feel a sudden burst of energy rush around his body. _I'm genuinely looking forwards to this,_ Kihyun realised silently.

"You look excited," Hyungwon noted with some amusement. Kihyun immediately schooled his expressions, wiping the goofy smirk off his face and replacing it with aloofness. Hyungwon laughed quietly, covering his mouth. Kihyun frowned, staring at Hyungwon witheringly.

"Sorry, sorry, it's just—what the heck, that was adorable," Hyungwon bubbled over, grabbing Kihyun's hand and squeezing it. Kihyun looked down in sheer horror, and Hyungwon let go reluctantly. "Sorry," he apologised again, this time more subdued.

Kihyun felt like he'd just kicked a puppy. "No," he said, then repeated it a little louder. "No. I shouldn't have reacted like that—not after you'd exposed yourself wholeheartedly."

Hyungwon covered his mouth, as if her were trying to hold in words that wanted to burst forth like water from a broken dam. Kihyun continued, his arm flapping by his side. "I think I've been unfair to you," he blurted, pausing where he was.

They were stood at the foot of the stairwell; manager-nim would be meeting them at the entrance to take them to their destination. From there, camera men would follow them for the first part of the V Live, then Hyungwon would supposedly take the reins with a selfie stick and his phone.

Hyungwon stopped just short of Kihyun, perfectly aware that there was a security guard just through the steel door to their side. 

"Hyungwon," Kihyun breathed, and Hyungwon looked at him as if he was the only person in the room. Which he was, he supposed, but it didn't matter in that moment. "I didn't take you seriously, that night." Hyungwon's brow furrowed, and Kihyun could see—could almost tangibly _feel_ the barriers he was constructing.

"Please hear me out," Kihyun pleaded, searching Hyungwon's eyes for his assent. Hyungwon paused, waiting for him to go on. He looked hurt in a very raw, vulnerable way that had Kihyun cursing himself.

"Um... as I've said before, I'm really new to all of this. Really new," he reiterated. "I'm still trying to come to terms with your sexuality. But..." Kihyun swallowed noticeably.

"I think... I really want to try. This. Us," he finished feebly, gesturing between them.

He couldn't read the expression on Hyungwon's face. It was caught between happiness and apprehension, the two emotions skirmishing on his features.

"C-could I—could I maybe hug you?" 

Kihyun stared, not able to believe his ears. Did Hyungwon just... stutter? And wait, what? Hugs? Kihyun's face flushed a bright red as he put his hands up in defence. "I mean, if you really want to, then go for it—" Hyungwon didn't even let Kihyun finish.

Crashing into the shorter man's body, Hyungwon buried his nose into Kihyun's hair and breathed in contentedly. "Thanks for existing," he mumbled, clasping his hands at the small of Kihyun's back.

Kihyun turned several shades of red before landing on light pink and squirming in Hyungwon's grasp. "Yeah, alright," Kihyun muttered, patting Hyungwon's back awkwardly. The laughter that built up inside of Hyungwon shook his body ever so slightly as he squeezed Kihyun's back one last time before letting go.

"Shall we?" he asked, gesturing to the door. Slightly rumpled, Kihyun could only nod as he followed his slightly-more-than-just-a-friend out the door and past the confused security guard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed the chapter! Scoot on to the next one XD


	25. Theme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun and Hyungwon have fun at a theme park.

Manager-nim grinned at the two of them as they clambered into the car. "It's so great to see you guys doing this," he smiled, ushering them into their seats, starting the engine and driving onto the main road.

"Of course. It's not a problem, and it's fun for us," Hyungwon replied. Kihyun nodded enthusiastically.

"Yeah! Besides, it's been a while since I last went to a theme park," he commented, bouncing in his seat a little. Hyungwon smiled endearingly, his face softening when he looked at Kihyun. It did funny things to his stomach, Hyungwon's smile.

They pulled into a secluded car park and manager-nim loosened his grip from the wheel. "The two camera men following you today will arrive soon. Just wait for a moment while I talk to the body guards," manager-nim called, already half-way out the door.

Hyungwon turned to Kihyun, his dark brown eyes concentrating on the man in front of him. "I can't wait," he gushed, his elated voice not quite matching his cool, serious appearance. Kihyun grinned.

"Me neither," he replied, his mind drifting as, suddenly, the car door was launched open and two men wearing beanie hats and wide grins greeted them.

"Okay, boys, I'll pick you up as soon as I see your text, okay?" Hyungwon and Kihyun nodded, eager to get going. "One last thing," manager-nim called: "I want these security guards to tail you at all times, okay? They'll stand outside the restaurant whilst you eat but rest assured, they'll keep you safe," manager-nim asserted.

"Thank you," Kihyun returned with some trepidation. _I don't know how much more harassment I can take,_ he thought worriedly. As if sensing his distress, Hyungwon nudged his hand, making Kihyun flinch.

"'S okay," Hyungwon mumbled, "I'm here now." Kihyun felt his heart thud against his ribcage. Nervous, he scratched the back of his neck, averting his eyes as he did so.

As agreed, the camera men tailed Kihyun and Hyungwon at a safe distance, making sure to catch everything they were saying but not overcrowding them, either. The security guards blended into the background, their casual wear helping to disguise them well.

"Where shall we go first, mon bebe?" Kihyun asked energetically, addressing the camera. A flurry of comments popped up on the side bar, and Hyungwon paused to read them. 

"A rollercoaster? Which one do you guys recommend?" Again, a barrage of comments until one caught Kihyun's eye.

"Hurricane? Which one is that?" 

Hyungwon scanned the park, his brows furrowed, then pointed into the distance at a tall, red contraption. "I think that's the one they mean," he suggested, confirming it after a glance at the map they'd picked up from one of the staff at the entrance.

Swallowing dryly, Kihyun stared up at the structure. It was one of those rides where you got strapped in, zoomed to the top of the tower then waited in agonising anticipation for the mechanism to let go, sending you hurtling down to the ground.

"Looks pretty... hardcore," Hyungwon commented in an amused tone. Kihyun was at a loss for words. Soundlessly, he let Hyungwon drag him over to the waiting line, and only then did he begin to panic.

"H-hey, you sure you're okay going on that? We don't have to if you don't want to," Kihyun babbled, his eyes bulging at the ever-decreasing wait-time displayed on a large sign to their left. Hyungwon shook his head. 

"It doesn't bother me, but... are you okay?" Kihyun was repeatedly biting his lip, his eyes darting about nervously as he subconsciously huddled a little closer to Hyungwon.

"Uh... yeah. I'll be fine," he reassured half-heartedly, drawing in some comments from the viewers about how 'adorable' he was.

In just twenty minutes, as he was being strapped into a large seat next to Hyungwon, Kihyun decided that he was, in fact, not okay. Closing his eyes, Kihyun shuddered as the ride sprang to life and started the long ascent to the top of the contraption.

Next to him, he could hear Hyungwon humming in excitement. Before they had clambered into their seats, the camera men had attached video cameras to their heads in order for them to be able to continue their live stream.

"Do you like this sort of thing?" Kihyun asked, feeling a little more relaxed as they continued their ascent. Hyungwon nodded enthusiastically.

"I enjoy it every time. Mon bebe, do you guys like rides such as these?" A flurry of comments pinged through their phones' notification centres. Kihyun gripped the arm of his seat, his knuckles turning white as he realised the ride was slowing down.

That meant they were close to the top.

With a sickening shudder, the ride ground to a halt, the people surrounding the two men all chattering excitedly. Next to him, a girl spoke animatedly to her friend, her hand gesticulating wildly as she described what the ride did. Meanwhile, her friend nodded along tightly, her face a pale ivory sort of colour.

"When do you think it will—AAHHH!" Kihyun shrieked, his heart leaping into his mouth as the structure released the seats and they started hurtling towards the ground at break-neck speed. Hyungwon simply laughed gleefully in response, his ample fringe fluttering in the wind as Kihyun's own bangs threatened to blind him.

Still screaming in an undignified manner, Kihyun only stopped when they'd been stationery for a whole ten seconds. Growling as Hyungwon visibly held back his laughter, Kihyun was first to leap out of the contraption that had (barely) prevented his almost-death and rocketed onto the platform that would lead him to safer, lower ground.

Soon, Hyungwon followed, and they made their way towards a merry-go-round. Instantly, Kihyun's mood lifted, his mouth spreading into a warm smile as he recounted the millions of times he'd begged his parents to let him get on similar rides.

 _"Please, dad! Just one more time,"_ he recalled whining.

Bouncing on the heels of his feet, Kihyun sped up, walking just that bit faster than Hyungwon so he could read the queue quicker. "Wow, Kihyun-ah, I didn't know you liked merry-go-rounds this much," Hyungwon commented, amused.

Kihyun spun around, his face practically glowing. "I love them," he gushed, winking at the mon bebe. The comments section went wild, the fans already having melted for Kihyun's adorableness.

 _See? I can turn up the aegyo when needed,_ Kihyun thought to himself triumphantly. He may have imagined it, but Kihyun reckoned he heard Hyungwon snort quietly to himself. However, when he turned around to check, the other man's face was a mask of cool as it always was.

Brushing the incident off, Kihyun stood on his tip-toes to peer over the crowd. Surprisingly, the queue was quite long, so whilst they waited, Kihyun and Hyungwon entertained the mon bebe with anecdotes from their trainee days and answered some questions.

Upon reaching the front of the line, the staff held out a hand. "Sorry, just wait a moment! We'll have you seated in a second," he added, flustered. Kihyun frowned.

"What's the hold up, if I may ask?" The staff member looked at him uncomfortably.

"Um... well, you see, there's a child that... won't get off the ride," he finished weakly, gesturing to a young boy of no older than six clinging to one of the horses stubbornly. 

"Sir, if you don't mind, I think I can help," Kihyun offered, moving to walk past the other man. The staff member let him, his eyes trailing after Kihyun's figure as he walked over to the boy and his father who was desperately trying to coax his son off the ride.

When he realised that Kihyun was approaching, the man bowed furiously in apology. "I am _so_ sorry," the father mumbled, too embarrassed to look Kihyun in the eye, "he just won't let go. Jun! If you don't let go of the ride, I'm going to leave."

This threat didn't seem to affect the boy; if anything, he clung on tighter. "No," he announced obnoxiously, "not letting go."

Kihyun crouched down so that he was the same height as the boy. Surprised, Kihyun noted that the boy, Jun, wasn't afraid to look him directly in the eyes, unlike his father. "Do you like this ride?"

The boy nodded emphatically, resting his head against the pole. "Do you come here often?" Jun shook his head, his features clouding over with worry. "Okay, do you want to come back?" Jun nodded, his eyes imploring Kihyun to answer his unasked questions.

"Do you think, if you stay here and the ride can't move, other people will be able to enjoy it as much as you did?" The boy paused then shook his head grudgingly. "There. I'm sure you want everyone to be able to have fun, right? So that means letting go."

"I promise you'll be able to come back; on my honour." At this point, the father cut in.

"S-sir," he stumbled, and Kihyun took some time to note that, while the pair were not dressed in tattered clothing, it was certainly well-used and loved. "This is his birthday present; we come once a year," the father explained, the large frames of his glasses slipping down his nose.

Kihyun whipped out some scrap paper and a pen he kept on his person for autographs and scribbled down a number. "Here," he replied, handing over the phone number. "Call this number if you want to take your son out again. I'll make sure my agent handles any issues you two have, okay?"

The boy stared up at him in awe. "... Are you God?" Kihyun laughed raucously, clutching his stomach.

"No, I most certainly am not. But, I'll tell you what I am: I'm your friend," Kihyun grinned, waving to the boy as he let his father scoop him up and plop him onto the ground, hurriedly ushering him out of the exit gates and away from the ride.

Kihyun returned to Hyungwon's side, his eyes glittering. It always felt so... liberating, to do nice things for other people. As the camera men fiddled with their equipment, Hyungwon leant over. "I didn't think it was possible for me to fall in love with you any more, but you've managed that, too," Hyungwon murmured directly into his ear.

Kihyun was beginning to think 'shiver' was his body's automatic response to Hyungwon's voice.

Scratching the back of his neck, he avoided the other man's burning gaze. "Y-yeah," Kihyun returned noncommittally, looking anywhere but Hyungwon's face. Finally, after a moment of awkward silence, the staff member from before thanked Kihyun before allocating them a horse each, one behind the other. 

Kihyun took the one behind Hyungwon, his excitement threatening to spill over as he sat down. It had been forever and a day since he last went on a merry-go-round, yet he could recall the same feeling he got every time with stark clarity. 

Anticipation gave way to joy as the ride clunked into motion, the gears underneath the wooden floorboards turning audibly. Kihyun gave a shout of surprise before laughing happily, snapping a few pictures of Hyungwon's back for their twitter feed.

Studying the man in front of him, Kihyun remembered with some bitterness just how tall Hyungwon was. _And he's light, too,_ Kihyun groused to himself, slumping against the multicoloured pole he was holding onto.

Hyungwon turned in his seat to look at Kihyun. "Are you having fun?" he asked, and Kihyun gave a thumbs up, to both Hyungwon and the camera attached to his head. Kihyun felt no embarrassment, had no qualms about jumping on the ride; he just enjoyed himself. He never wanted this moment to end.

However, as most good things do, the ride eventually spun to a halt. Morosely, Kihyun forced himself to let go of his seat ( _How ironic,_ he thought with a laugh) and hopped off the raised platform, heading towards Hyungwon.

After that they toured the rest of the theme park, exhausting the extensive list mon bebe had given them at the start of the day. As they returned near the entrance, they paused by a final ride.

"This is where we leave you," the two camera men said, bidding their farewells. Hyungwon and Kihyun bowed, nodding their thanks as they watched the camera men leave. Immediately, Kihyun saw Hyungwon let down his usual guarded expression and exchange it for a goofy smile.

A goofy smile directed straight at him.

Kihyun's insides did a little flip before he was chastising himself. But something inside of him was flattered that Hyungwon trusted him enough to show his true self. _It's because he's in love with you,_ a little voice sang, but Kihyun quashed it with minimal effort.

 _I'm so confused,_ Kihyun thought haphazardly, following Hyungwon to their last ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy heck you guys;;; last week we were on 3.3K and now we're on 3.5? Amazing! Thank you all so much for taking the time to read my humble story! I'm so glad you guys are enjoying it haha~
> 
> As always, stay safe, wash your hands and give yourself a break when you need one. I always forget to do that then end up regretting it later on ;w;


	26. Park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun takes a ride on a Ferris wheel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love everyone reading this so, so much! Thanks for the dedication and support, guys.

Shuffling behind Hyungwon's lean figure, Kihyun peeked around his frame to scan the queue. There was a family of four, followed by a trio of friends, followed by... a couple. Kihyun swallowed. In a way, they were also a couple.

The thought caused him to flush red, making Hyungwon pause in his steps. "You okay? You're looking a bit winded there," Hyungwon commented, the concern in his voice leaking past the light-hearted tone.

"'M fine," Kihyun managed to get out, concentrating on the ever-diminishing queue. As each group got on, it was only a matter of time before the member of staff on duty gave them the nod and they clambered into their own capsule. 

Their body guards remained on the ground after Kihyun convinced them it would be hard for a stalker to follow them up into the air. As they embarked, Kihyun had a sudden thought. _Will Hyungwon sit next to me?_ he wondered, the thought plaguing him as he sat down to the left of the compartment.

Hyungwon took the seat opposite him. With a sinking feeling, Kihyun waited for the doors to be closed. Only then did he realise what he was feeling. _Wait a second... surely—surely I'm not disappointed?_ He scoffed. _Think for a moment. If he'd actually sat next to you, it would have been extremely awkward,_ Kihyun mused, agreeing with himself.

When Hyungwon leaned forward, Kihyun squeaked in surprise. He quirked his head in an attempt to seem aloof and not like he was internally combusting. "What is it?" 

Hyungwon fiddled with his hands and whispered something so quietly that Kihyun missed it.

"Hmm?"

"I was wondering if I could hold your hand or something," Hyungwon muttered, his cheeks tingeing pink. Kihyun gaped. 

"Hold my hand?"

"Yes."

"Now?"

"No, in exactly three and a half years—yes, now," Hyungwon ground out exasperatedly. Kihyun thinned his lips, cheeks ruddy with embarrassment.

"Okay," he breathed. Nervous, Kihyun watched as Hyungwon reached forwards to intertwine their fingers, the simple act making the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end and his stomach do funny things.

_Am I... gay?_

Kihyun didn't want to think about it. As if reading his mind, Hyungwon squeezed his hand. "Try not to think about it. Just focus on me," Hyungwon added, grinning when Kihyun scoffed.

"Okay, Mr Narcissist." Hyungwon laughed at that, only serving to make Kihyun feel all the more flustered. Hyungwon's laugh was a brash, harsh sound, but Kihyun didn't mind. To him, the sound brought forth happy memories they'd shared with the band as well as between themselves.

"Have you managed to finish the first season of Under the Waves yet?" Hyungwon shook his head.

"I've still got one episode left." Kihyun sucked in a breath, his eyes sparkling.

"Oh my gosh... you're going to be so mad," Kihyun murmured, grinning lop-sidedly. Hyungwon frowned a little, his upper brow creasing like it always did.

"What do you mean?" 

Kihyun only giggled, rocking in his seat. "You'll have to wait and find out!" Hyungwon studied his face for a moment before asking: "Do you want to watch it with me?" Kihyun nodded and Hyungwon's face broke out into a euphoric smile.

"Heck yeah! It's only the _best_ episode of the season!" Kihyun gushed, his eyes sparkling.

Hyungwon snorted. "Just a reminder that the last episode is _supposed_ to be the best one, right?" Kihyun rolled his eyes and leant forwards so that his elbows were resting on his knees.

"Obviously," he drawled, "this is only your first or second time watching a drama. Correct?" Hyungwon could only nod, bemused by Kihyun's actions. "Well, as a veteran drama-binger, it's my duty to educate you."

Hyungwon leant his head on a hand. "Pray, tell," he sneered playfully.

"Lesson number one: there are a _lot_ of bad dramas out there," Kihyun announced with gusto. Hyungwon cracked up, hiding his mouth with a hand.

"The last episode can sometimes evolve into a car-crash of messy dialogue, open endings and terrible pacing," Kihyun ground out, gesticulating with his free hand. Somehow, the realisation that they were still holding hands jolted him out of his fanboy-crazed spiel.

Blushing slightly, Kihyun calmed down significantly, noting somewhat belatedly that the carriage had come to a halt. "Are we at the top?" Kihyun asked, and Hyungwon peered out the window, a slender hand resting against the door to steady himself.

"Yes," he breathed, his dark eyes lighting up at the sight of the magnificent theme park spread out before them like a monopoly board of miniature contraptions. Letting go of Hyungwon's hands, Kihyun pressed his nose to the glass, his eyes eagerly taking in the sight before him.

It was only when the carriage started moving again that Kihyun noticed Hyungwon had switched sides to sit next to him. "Hey—wha–?" Kihyun babbled as Hyungwon placed a hand on his shoulder, drawing Kihyun's frame in so that he was resting against the taller man's chest.

"Is this okay?" Hyungwon asked, remembering himself and going to move his hand. "Sorry, I moved upon instinct," he admitted bashfully. Kihyun sat stock-still, not daring to move as he said his next words.

"'S fine," he managed, trying his hardest not to freak out. Holy crap... he actually didn't mind. Like, it wasn't just him suppressing himself for Hyungwon—no, he actually wanted his friend to remain where he was. _Oh my..._ Kihyun couldn't even finish the phrase in his head.

"O-okay," Hyungwon mumbled, and Kihyun whipped around.

"Did you just stutter?" 

Hyungwon frowned. "No."

Kihyun grinned. "Oh, but I think you did," he teased, nudging Hyungwon's arm.

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Did _too._ "

"Did-fucking-not," Hyungwon ground out, a dark scowl set on his features. It quickly melted away at the sound of Kihyun's pealing laughter. Relaxing into Hyungwon's body, Kihyun sighed contentedly. This wasn't as bad as he'd anticipated.

Except, as they neared the ground, Kihyun realised the implications of their current position and began to fidget. Realising how uncomfortable Kihyun must be feeling, Hyungwon released his arms, which had been laid around Kihyun's waist loosely, and allowed him to get up.

Switching back to their original seating, Kihyun and Hyungwon spent the rest of the ride in a pregnant silence, each of them lost in their own thoughts.

_What have I done?_ Kihyun bemoaned, running a hand through his fringe desperately as he tried to come up with some sort of logical explanation for his actions. Meanwhile, Hyungwon, unreadable as ever, stared out the window, a hand propping up his chin thoughtfully.

Calmly, as if the situation had never happened, Hyungwon stood upon feeling the bump of the carriage hitting the ground and paused, waiting by the door as the staff member on duty unlocked the cabin. As soon as the door opened, he leapt out, not bothering to wait for Kihyun.

Dejected, Kihyun made his way down the steps and onto the ground, where he spotted Hyungwon some distance from himself. Unsure, Kihyun walked a short distance, then stopped. No. Why should he be feeling so bad? It was logical; they weren't supposed to show public affection.

Heck, that rule applied to all idols no matter the gender (though Kihyun acknowledged that, if a gay relationship was broadcasted to the public, he'd have to move to America). 

However, Kihyun backtracked; Hyungwon was probably feeling suckish regardless of the rules, and so he determinedly made his way to where Hyungwon's back was facing him. Checking their surroundings carefully, Kihyun stopped next to the taller man.

Checking once more, just to be safe and spotting their body guards, his heart wavered. But, he'd made his mind up to do this, so he'd go forwards with it. Making sure his body was angled so that it was hard for the guards to see his hands, Kihyun reached to his left and grabbed Hyungwon's right hand, immediately shoving it into the pocket of his coat.

"Shh," he hushed desperately when Hyungwon's head whipped around in shock, his cheeks colouring pink in an attractive manner.

"Uh—um—" Hyungwon stammered, lost for words. Kihyun raised a brow—it was unusual to see Hyungwon so flustered.

"I thought you'd be calmer, given that you did the same thing to me in the carriage," Kihyun commented bemusedly, intertwining their fingers and making Hyungwon jump.

"I thought you didn't like it, though." 

Kihyun bit his lip. "I just... didn't want to be seen. By the ground staff," he explained abashedly. Raising his eyes to Hyungwon's face, relief spilled over his body upon seeing a small half-smile.

"Oh. That's nice to know, then," Hyungwon sighed, running his other hand through his hair. Kihyun smirked.

"Were you so worried that you had to jump out the second we touched the ground?" The question came out needier than Kihyun had intended, and he tried to loosed his hold on Hyungwon's hand in embarrassment. 

Hyungwon responded by grasping it tighter, the pad of his thumb running over Kihyun's knuckles affectionately. "No way," he replied, "I jumped out because I saw something. Look," he uttered, gesturing in the distance.

By this point, it was early evening, but the sky was already darkening; strange for spring. However, Kihyun's eyes lit up, because in the distance they spied a whole host of fireworks being let off, not at the park, but likely for a private function nearby.

"Wow, they're so pretty," Hyungwon breathed, his eyes glowing with the reflection of the bursts of colour. Kihyun grinned. 

"They sure are." Squeezing Hyungwon's hand, Kihyun was still surprised by the small squeeze he received back in return. His face was bright red and they probably looked extremely suspicious standing so close together like they were, but in that moment Kihyun couldn't have cared less.

After watching the final sequence of fireworks fall to the ground, Hyungwon released Kihyun's hand with some reluctance. "Shall we get dinner?" Kihyun nodded, putting his suddenly cold hand in his pocket.

Motioning for the body guards to follow them, Kihyun followed as Hyungwon lead them back to the car park. Once there, they rang manager-nim, who picked them up and drove them to the restaurant Hyungwon had picked out. 

"Have fun, you two. I've ordered a private booth; is that alright? I'll tell the guards to keep posted outside, alright?" Kihyun nodded, grateful that their manager was going to such lengths to ensure he felt safe.

"Thank you," Hyungwon uttered before walking with Kihyun to the front door of the restaurant. "It's Chinese; I hope you don't mind," he commented, the worried tone in his voice surfacing just enough for Kihyun to notice it. Smiling easily, he shrugged off his coat and handed it to the waiting staff.

"I love Chinese food, what are you on about," Kihyun snickered, patting Hyungwon's back and walking behind the man leading him to the private room. As they climbed downstairs, the thrum of a hard, bassy beat thumped through Kihyun's chest, making him grin.

There was a soft blue light coming from the bustling bar area they passed; as Kihyun strolled, he recognised faces. A couple idols here and there, some actors, a few artists and some sportsmen. _This must be where celebrity night-life exists, huh,_ Kihyun thought. With a small jolt, he realised that Hyungwon probably chose the restaurant for that very reason.

Passing a female idol, he knew, Kihyun paused to enquire how her dog was doing after its operation. Grinning, he nodded happily when she told him that it had recovered well. "That's great news, Jiyeon-ssi!" Joyfully, she waved to him as he continued following the wait staff to where the private room had been prepared.

Shortly after he'd seated himself, Hyungwon entered the room, looking slightly dazed. "Are you okay?" Kihyun asked, cocking a brow in amusement as Hyungwon flopped down next to him in the booth.

The action made all his gangly limbs flap, making Kihyun laugh, unable to suppress his laughter. "I'm glad my suffering amuses you," Hyungwon drawled, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"What happened?" Kihyun wanted to know.

"Basically, one of the buttons on my coat somehow got tangled with a waiting staff's hair. She nearly dropped the meal she was carrying, and I almost got burnt." Kihyun's smile vanished.

"Really? Oh, man, I'm sorry for laughing," Kihyun apologised, fretting and flapping his hands about. Hyungwon laughed.

"Don't worry. But, if you're really feeling sorry, could you hold my hand?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all those reading: the current times are rife with political unrest. If you haven't already heard about the explosion in Lebanon, please please read up on it. Read about BLM. Read about femicide. These are all so, so important.
> 
> Thanks for reading this fluffy chapter! Onto the next one now~


	27. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun and Hyungwon have a meal together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah shet y'all finna hate me after this

Kihyun nearly spat out the water he was drinking. "Gosh, I'll never get tired of that look on your face," Hyungwon sniggered, covering his mouth to hide the massive smirk he was sporting. Kihyun's cheeks flamed as he smacked Hyungwon lightly on the back of the head.

"Don't tease me," Kihyun admonished, grabbing Hyungwon's hand. The other man's smirk curled into a full-blown smile, his face lighting up at Kihyun's forwardness.

"Thank you," Hyungwon murmured deeply into Kihyun's ear, making him jump.

"I told you already; you've got to stop doing that!"

Hyungwon cocked a brow, false-innocence radiating off his person. "What do you mean?"

Kihyun gave up. "Oh, never mind," he huffed, rolling their hands over so that his palm was facing upwards. Hyungwon gave a little squeeze, which Kihyun nervously returned after a beat. He knew that his face was turning red, but this time it didn't bother him. 

However, the waitress entering the room _did,_ making him jump in his seat and nearly whack his head against the low-lying light fixture above the table. Holding back his laughter, Hyungwon accepted the menus being offered and flipped his open, scanning the page excitedly.

"You like Chinese food a lot?" Kihyun asked. Hyungwon touched the back of his neck.

"Yeah. It tastes good, so..."

Kihyun nodded, deciding to be brave. "It does," he murmured, leaning onto Hyungwon's shoulder. The other man tensed momentarily before relaxing, resting his chin on Kihyun's head. "It annoys me that you're able to do that so easily," Kihyun grumbled, rolling his eyes.

Hyungwon sniggered, the laughter rolling through his body and thrumming through Kihyun's left side. Settling into their current position, Kihyun pointed at the menu and discussed with Hyungwon what they should get to eat.

After a couple of minutes, the waitress returned, pen and pad at the ready to take their orders. Rattling off his choice, Hyungwon turned to Kihyun, waiting expectantly for him to order. Biting his lip, Kihyun surveyed the delectable choices one last time before leaning over to the waitress.

"Please may I have a pot of jasmine tea, the pork dumpling set and one portion of hor fun? Thank you," Kihyun smiled in a practiced, business-like manner, handing the menu back to the waitress. Once she was out of sight, his entire demeanour shifted, his body crumpling from its refined posture and his facial muscles relaxing from a tense, overly composed look.

Hyungwon was looking at him thoughtfully when Kihyun glanced over, making him jump. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," Hyungwon apologised, raising his brows in concern, "I just... didn't know you liked jasmine tea," he finished pensively, his brows furrowing. 

Kihyun stared at his lap, a small smile lingering on his face when he looked up again. "It's my favourite hot tea," he murmured, leaning back in his seat and placing his head on Hyungwon's shoulder once more. This time, the other man didn't stiffen up, instead resting his head on top of Kihyun's own.

"When I was little we always had jasmine tea on the weekends; it was something my mom had done as a child and passed down onto us. I like having it whenever we come to Chinese restaurants since it reminds me of her," he explained quietly, holding Hyungwon's hand loosely.

"That's sweet of you," Hyungwon commented, making Kihyun blush. 

"Nah, I just really like jasmine tea," Kihyun grinned boyishly, his eyes bright. Sitting up straight, Kihyun let go of Hyungwon's hand as a waiter entered the room with their food alongside the waitress from before.

"Please, enjoy your meal," she said cordially after assuring that they didn't need anything else. Smiling, Hyungwon nodded as she left the room.

"Wow, this looks delicious," Kihyun breathed, his face glowing in happiness as he took in the sight and smell of high-quality, top-of-the-range Chinese food. 

"Would you like to try some of mine?" Hyungwon asked, uncharacteristically shy as he nudged his plate towards Kihyun. He grinned nodding upon spying that Hyungwon had ordered sweet and sour pork.

"Say aah~" Hyungwon coaxed, holding his chopsticks up in the air. Kihyun fumbled for words, his cheeks colouring once again.

"I can feed myself!" he exclaimed, but Hyungwon continued to prompt him with the chopsticks, a small grin playing on his lips. Exhaling audibly, Kihyun scowled good-naturedly, chomping on the meat and chewing thoughtfully.

Hyungwon grinned. "Is it good?" 

Kihyun gave a thumbs up. "It's good," he affirmed, watching Hyungwon lean down to take a bite himself. Happy, Kihyun pulled over his plate of dumplings and put a few on Hyungwon's plate.

"What? You're not going to feed me, too?" Hyungwon asked, a gleeful lingering on his features as he pointed to the dumplings neatly lined up on the edge of his plate. Kihyun, lost for words, could only pick up his chopsticks, grab a dumpling and shakily offer it to Hyungwon, a hand over his eyes in embarrassment.

"H-here," he proffered, immediately cursing himself for stuttering. Hyungwon bit into the dumpling, still grinning, and sat straight to eat it properly. 

"That," Hyungwon commented after finishing the last dumpling, "was adorable." Kihyun, lost for words, could only glare half-heartedly at the other man as he returned to his food. The hor fun was equally delicious; Kihyun finishing the meal in record time.

Picking up the last piece of beef, Kihyun offered it to Hyungwon. "Go on," he insisted when Hyungwon shook his head.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"But it's the last piece."

"I know."

"You really don't want i—oomph," Hyungwon jolted, his voice muffled by the piece of meat Kihyun had just shoved into his mouth.

"Just eat it, you indecisive moron," Kihyun berated, rolling his eyes. Hyungwon clutched his heart playfully, his eyes rising to the heavens.

"How could you," he cried out once he'd finished the beef. "I can't believe you called me a—a—moron!" If Kihyun rolled his eyes any harder, they'd fall out of their sockets and trundle down the hallway for people to trip over.

"Honestly," Kihyun muttered, sipping his tea. Hyungwon furrowed his brow thoughtfully.

"Hey, you kind of look like me," he commented, laughing behind his sleeve as he pulled out his phone. Kihyun frowned.

"Huh? In what way?" 

Hyungwon didn't answer, instead scrolling through his photos until he came across one that made him snigger. Thrusting the phone in Kihyun's direction, he watched as Kihyun's eyes zeroed in on the—

Ah. The meme. The tea sipping meme.

Everyone in Monsta X was familiar with the meme; it had blown up on the internet a couple of years ago and ever since Hyungwon had become a living legend. He was even known among non-mon bebe; something that Monsta X hadn't experienced until then.

Kihyun laughed, struggling to keep the drink from spilling as he tried to understand the English written at the top. "They're calling you a God... little do they know you're actually satan," Kihyun smirked, pleased when Hyungwon reacted by jabbing him in the side.

Just as he was about to start a full-on tickling war, the waitress entered the room. "Are you done with your meal?" Kihyun nodded, his face colouring slightly as he lowered his hands from where they'd been poised in the air ready to tickle Hyungwon to death.

"Yes, thank you," Hyungwon announced to her, ever impassive as she removed their dishes and swept the table. Waiting until she'd brought them the dessert menu and left again, Kihyun relaxed then realised he'd never gotten Hyungwon for poking him.

Readying his fingers, Kihyun flicked Hyungwon's arm mercilessly. The other man let out a sharp cry of pain, dramatically falling to the side and rolling on the sofa seat. "Oh gosh, stop being a baby," Kihyun teased, knowing full well how much his flicks hurt.

He learnt from the best, remembering with a slight pang of bitterness how his mother had punished him as a child. _"If you don't behave, Kihyun, you'll get a flick. You don't want that, right?"_ to which he'd respond with emphatic head shaking and borderline tears.

"Do you want dessert?" Kihyun asked once they'd both calmed down. Hyungwon shook his head. 

"Don't let that deter you from getting one, though," Hyungwon smiled, his eyes bright with warmth and kindness. Kihyun felt something akin to fondness bubbling up in his chest; embarrassed, he quashed it without hesitation.

"Nah, I'm alright," Kihyun reassured, snapping the menu closed with one hand. "Shall we head out?" Kihyun asked, moving to stand. Hyungwon nodded, thanking Kihyun when he moved to the side to give Hyungwon more space. 

Checking to make sure they hadn't left anything valuable behind, Kihyun and Hyungwon made their way back to the reception. Along the way, they discussed the upcoming events of the next few days, as well as who should text manager-nim to say that they were done.

"I'll do it," Hyungwon finalised, pulling out his phone insistently. 

"Okay," Kihyun nodded, "in that case I'll deal with splitting the bill. How does that sound? I would have payed for both of us but I feel like you would have—"

"Absolutely not," Hyungwon interjected, his head held high. "If we go out for a meal, I want to split the bill. It's only fair that way," he added, grinning. Kihyun smiled, his cheeks a little pink. _How thoughtful of him,_ he mused.

"Of course, if I want to treat you, it's a different story," Hyungwon backtracked, and Kihyun scowled. 

"We're having none of that," Kihyun ground out, his face stormy. Hyungwon stood a little straighter, a playful grin slipping onto his face.

"Yes sir," Hyungwon announced, saluting mockingly. Kihyun rolled his eyes (he was doing that rather a lot this evening) and walked up to the counter, eager to pay for the whole bill just to spite Hyungwon.

"Don't you dare," Hyungwon gasped, lunging at Kihyun.

"Fi~ine," Kihyun groaned, handing over both his and Hyungwon's credit cards. "Please may we split our bill?" Kihyun asked, addressing the man standing at the desk. Adjusting his glasses, the man nodded calmly.

"Of course. Your individual total comes to ₩86 000," the employee told him, holding out the device for Kihyun to enter his pin into. Completing the transaction, Kihyun waited for Hyungwon to do the same then grabbed their coats from the waiting staff members. 

Waving goodbye and thanking them for the excellent meal, Kihyun nodded as Hyungwon murmured that he'd received the text from manager-nim saying he had arrived. Their stomachs warm from food and their minds relaxed, they waled outside into the cool night air and spotted manager-nom's vehicle parked just next to the restaurant.

"You first," Hyungwon offered, waiting for Kihyun to get in.

"Thanks," Kihyun nodded, suddenly shy. Hyungwon clambered in after him, taking the seat next to him. They strapped themselves in and, before long, they'd arrived back home.

"Tomorrow's a calm day so you two don't have to get up until eight, alright? Pick up is at nine," manager-nim reminded, a paternal smile on his face. Kihyun nodded, thanking the man as he followed Hyungwon out of the car.

"See you tomorrow," he called over his shoulder, waving before jogging to catch up with his taller counterpart. "Are you tired?"

Hyungwon shook his head. "Nope. I feel pretty good, actually," he uttered calmly, his face reflecting what he'd just said. Hyungwon did, indeed, look very satisfied.

Climbing up the staircase, Kihyun and Hyungwon were silent. However, the main difference Kihyun noticed was that the silence wasn't awkward or uncomfortable; it was relaxed and enjoyable the way it would be between close friends.

 _I'm glad we've reached this stage,_ Kihyun grinned to himself, ecstatic that his relationship with Hyungwon had turned around the way it had. If he'd told the Kihyun from a year ago that his relationship with Hyungwon would improve this much, his past self would have laughed him out of the room. Now, on the other hand, it was very different.

It was with this warm feeling that Kihyun entered their apartment. It was already dark inside; the others must have already gone to their rooms to sleep. As the pair neared Hyungwon's door, Hyungwon paused.

"Kihyun," he started, but the words seemed to get stuck in his throat. 

"Yes?" Kihyun coaxed, suddenly worried. It wasn't like Hyungwon to beat about the bush; he was usually a very blunt kind of person.

"Um, there's something I've been wanting to ask you. You can say no," Hyungwon told him, his face imploring Kihyun to understand that he meant no harm. Kihyun understood.

"Don't worry about what I'll say; I promise I won't get angry," Kihyun reassured. Hyungwon nodded, still looking a bit unsure of himself, but more confident than before.

"Can I kiss you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehe  
> hehehe  
> hehe-
> 
> *reader stabs me with the frozen shards of their tears*
> 
> im sorry guys XD
> 
> on the other hand... I didn't expect this fic to blow up the way it did;;;
> 
> if you're reading this and enjoying the story, could you possibly write down your FAVOURITE MOMENT AND FAVOURITE FOOD in the comments. Favourite moment from the story plus your fave food bc I need ideas of what to cook for myself lmao
> 
> This is just so I know people are actually reading my crappé ;w;
> 
> As always, stay safe, wash your hands and perhaps, (shameless plug) check out my art insta? my username is @jiangyingyue.ig
> 
> I draw fan art as well as original art ehe


	28. Realisation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the moment y'all have been waiting for finally happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my favourite chapter so far

The air in the room slowed to a syrupy, tangible state. Kihyun's heart thrummed against his chest like the engine of a racing car. His thoughts disintegrated, leaving behind a single word.

_Kiss._

_He wants to kiss me,_ Kihyun thought simply. Then, _Oh. He wants to kiss me._

For a moment, Kihyun studied Hyungwon's nervous (nervous?) face: his eyes, creased with worry; his hands, clenched tightly by his side; his skin, as pale as ivory. _This is all because of me,_ Kihyun realised, looking at Hyungwon's eyes directly.

The hallway felt too narrow; Kihyun's breathing was quick and light. _I shouldn't be this jittery,_ he thought to himself frustratedly. Everything felt like it was closing in on him then expanding repeatedly. Taking a deep breath, Kihyun stepped away from Hyungwon.

 _I need to breathe a bit in order to process this,_ Kihyun thought nervously.

Hyungwon's face fell. Relaxing slightly, he looked at Kihyun. "It's okay. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable," he murmured before turning to open his door.

Kihyun's body reacted before he even had time to think. "No!" he exclaimed, louder than was perhaps permitted at a quarter to midnight. Hyungwon whipped around, his eyes saucers.

"S-sorry," Kihyun babbled, now thoroughly flustered. "I didn't mean to startle you. I didn't mean to upset you, either," he said, subdued. "I just needed to breathe," he explained, giving Hyungwon a crooked grin.

"Wow... oh, wow," Hyungwon whispered, his eyes bright. "Sorry," he apologised. Kihyun shook his head.

"I'm just glad you're happy again," he grinned. Hyungwon looked at him, and it was a look so full of affection that Kihyun could already feel the blush forming on his cheeks. Deciding to be brave, Kihyun took the initiative.

Stepping forwards, he awkwardly slid an arm around Hyungwon's waist. Kihyun felt Hyungwon tense up momentarily, then relax into his hold. It felt nice. Getting a sudden burst of confidence, he pulled Hyungwon so that the other man was flush against his chest.

"Oomph," Hyungwon said intelligibly, making Kihyun laugh. With his other hand, Kihyun floundered for a moment before placing it on Hyungwon's shoulder. Both of Hyungwon's hands were around Kihyun's neck, and only in retrospect would Kihyun realise just how intimate they looked.

"Is this you saying yes?" Hyungwon dared to ask, and Kihyun snickered. 

"Yes. I'm saying yes," he affirmed, the second time more seriously. Hyungwon nodded, his fringe flopping over his eyes. They were now so close that their breathing intermingled. If Kihyun leant forwards any more, their noses would be touching.

Hyungwon's eyes became half-lidded. Kihyun's stomach did a flip. "May I kiss you?" Kihyun nodded, not trusting himself to say the word out loud. Hyungwon leant in, his hair brushing against Kihyun's forehead.

When their lips touched, Kihyun got the sense that Hyungwon was exploring; testing what Kihyun was comfortable with. The fact that he was putting this much effort into making sure Kihyun was alright with his advances made the shorter boy's heart squeeze tight.

Hyungwon's hands curved up Kihyun's neck, his fingers intertwining with his hair as he brought the shorter man's face infinitesimally closer to his own. Kihyun's eyes were closed but, nervously, he peeked out of an eye.

The sight that met him made his breathing hitch.

Hyungwon's face was a vision of ecstasy. His eyes were shut, the long lashes brushing against his tall cheekbones. His lips moved in tandem with Kihyun's own, creating a soft rhythm. Kihyun closed his eye, noting that he'd seen a sight no one before him ever had.

Kihyun felt Hyungwon move his face away and stood still as a pang of shock rippled through his body. _Huh?_ Kihyun thought, confused by the sudden, strong emotion. 

"Sorry," Hyungwon whispered, "I needed to breathe." An echo of Kihyun's earlier statement. He immediately relaxed, a soft smile on his face as he looked up at Hyungwon, his hands now both curled around the other man's slender waist. "I love you," Hyungwon said simply, and the world dissolved until it was just him and Hyungwon.

Resting his head on Hyungwon's chest, Kihyun smiled against the fabric. "Whoa, I can feel that," Hyungwon voiced, the sound sending tremors through his body. Kihyun lifted his head.

"I liked that. The kiss." 

He watched as Hyungwon's face coloured attractively, his eyes becoming slits as he focused on a spot just above Kihyun's shoulder.

"Please, don't say something so cute," Hyungwon groaned, "otherwise I'll kiss you senseless." Kihyun's own face flushed at this remark, and he wrinkled his brow.

"Bold of you to assume I wouldn't agree to that," he snickered, laughing more openly when Hyungwon's eye's bugged out of their sockets. His face returning to normal, Hyungwon suddenly carried a more serious expression.

Pulling Kihyun close, he whispered, "I really, _really_ love you," before kissing him slowly again. Kihyun melted into the kiss, his face serene as Hyungwon's lips moved against his own in a perfect, calming rhythm.

Kihyun was so lost in the moment that he didn't have time to react when a voice hissed, "What the fuck?" 

Springing apart from Hyungwon, Kihyun covered his mouth with a hand. The blood draining from his face, he locked eyes with Minhyuk, who had just rounded the corner after climbing the stairs. Maybe the apartment hadn't been so lifeless after all.

"You two, come with me. Now," Minhyuk seethed, his face set grimly as he made his way towards Kihyun's room. Breath stolen from his lungs, Kihyun followed the other man, a sick feeling building in his stomach.

\+ +

"What the hell, you guys," Minhyuk exclaimed once they were alone and the door was locked. Hyungwon stared him down, his eyes hard.

"It was my fault. I forced him down—"

"How could you get your happy ending before meee," Minhyuk whined, butting in. He raised his eyes to the ceiling in mock-horror, a hand covering his face dramatically. Kihyun froze.

"W-what?"

Minhyuk grinned sheepishly. "Ah... did I come off as angry? Oopsie~" he cooed, knocking his head lightly with a fist. Beside him, Kihyun heard Hyungwon let out a sigh of relief.

"Before I explain: Hyungwon, you guys have got to work on that excuse. From the way you two were sucking face and staring into each other's eyes all lovey-dovey, I don't think anyone would buy the old 'I forced him to!'"

Hyungwon's face glowed bright red as he muttered an embarrassed, "Right."

"Okay. You guys must be very confused, so I'm just going to say it: I'm super, super gay," Minhyuk confessed, plopping down onto Kihyun's wheelie chair and spinning in his seat giddily. 

Kihyun's eyes grew wide as he whipped around to see Hyungwon's reaction. The other man's face resembled his, though slightly less surprised.

"He~ey, why don't you look surprised? Was it that obvious?" Minhyuk whined, his questions directed at Hyungwon. 

"Well, you've said some rather questionable things over the years." 

Minhyuk's eyes sparkled. "Ooh, like what? Actually, don't answer that," he grinned woefully, a small blush rising onto his cheeks. "I've said some pretty shameless stuff, haha," he laughed awkwardly, tapering off as his eyes avoided Kihyun's incredulous gaze.

"Wait, hold on," Kihyun said, exasperatedly holding up a hand. "How long have you know you were gay for?" Minhyuk tapped his chin, a thoughtful expression rising onto his face.

"Hmm... probably a year or so after I joined Monsta X," he concluded, grinning. Hyungwon smiled.

"Wow, you must have had a hard time, huh," he commented, laughing lowly when Minhyuk punched his shoulder lightly.

"Looks like you beat me to the finish line, though," Minhyuk said wryly, his eyes squinted as he peered at Kihyun. Kihyun turned a brilliant shade of scarlet and promptly looked in the other direction. As if deciding to test his patience, Hyungwon slipped an arm protectively over Kihyun's shoulder.

"Don't overwhelm him," he muttered, but the half-hearted threat wasn't enough to keep Minhyuk from talking.

"So... how far have you two gone?" At this, both men sat up straight, their faces mirroring each other as they stared, mortified. "Oh my gosh, you should have seen the looks on you faces," Minhyuk wheezed, doubling over. "They were exactly the same!"

Hyungwon was the first to recover. "Minhyuk! How could you ask something like that?"

"It's okay," Kihyun managed, finally recovering. "Not very far," he whispered in response to Minhyuk's question.

"Details."

"No," Hyungwon interjected. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd rather we discuss this in the morning. For now, let's all get some rest," he suggested, standing up. Kihyun looked at him, desperation in his eyes. _No! He couldn't go yet; they still needed to clarify their relationship and what they meant to one another from now on! Hyungwon, notice me!_

As if reading his mind, Hyungwon widened his eyes and Kihyun received the message immediately. _I'll come back later,_ he seemed to say with one last meaningful look as he and Minhyuk left the room.

\+ +

Changing into his most comfortable pyjamas (because he was seriously in need of some comfort right now), Kihyun pulled on a fluffy hoodie and flopped onto his bed, his fringe covering his eyes as he closed them to concentrate on what had just passed. There had been a lot to process: Hyungwon's kiss, Minhyuk's coming-out and their current predicament.

Rolling onto his side, Kihyun was about to grab his phone when there was a soft tap on the door. Knowing exactly who it was, he padded over to the door and admitted a rather fresher-looking Hyungwon who, by the looks of it, had just taken a shower.

"I don't think we'll be disturbed," Hyungwon noted with some chagrin, glancing at Kihyun's desk clock that read 01:12. 

"Ah," Kihyun said, his face turning red in embarrassment. It only reddened further when Hyungwon sat down next to him on the bed. 

"So," Hyungwon started, grinning warmly at Kihyun, "are you alright?" That hadn't been what Kihyun was expecting him to say. Looking at the other man, Kihyun gave a small smile.

"Yeah, I'm okay." 

Hyungwon nodded thoughtfully. "Actually, I'm not," Kihyun backtracked, making Hyungwon turn around nervously. "We _do_ need to work on our excuse," he giggled, making Hyungwon's face melt into a dorky grin.

"I can't have you covering for me any more." 

"Why not?" Hyungwon cocked a brow, looking slightly concerned. Kihyun took a deep breath.

"I like you."

Hyungwon whipped around so quickly Kihyun thought he'd get dizzy just from watching. "Is it that shocking?" Kihyun asked, feeling slightly affronted. Hyungwon shook his head vehemently.

"I'm just happy," he breathed, his eyes sparkling. With a start, Kihyun realised Hyungwon was brimming with tears. Unprepared, Kihyun watched as the tears brimmed over and Hyungwon cried openly. It was adorable.

"Oi. Aooooy. Aren't you the stoic one, huh?" Kihyun teased as he grabbed Hyungwon's hand. The other man brought his free hand up to his eyes, snuffling endearingly as he wiped his eyes gently. 

"Sorry," Hyungwon replied nasally, his eyes drying up quickly after his quick burst of crying. "It's just... I've been wanting to hear that for such a long time," he laughed, the sound harsh but warm to Kihyun's ears.

Hyungwon went quiet for a moment before uttering, "I like you a lot. Would you like to go out with me?" Kihyun's throat constricted, his breathing shallow as he looked at the other man's face. It was full of hope, and Kihyun felt his own features reflecting Hyungwon's.

"Yes. I'd be mad not to say yes," he breathed, falling forwards to hug Hyungwon. The taller man's slender arms wrapped around his shoulders, the familiar scent of Hyungwon's washing up liquid enveloping him as he buried his face into his sleeping shirt.

"So... we're dating now?" 

Hyungwon laughed gently. "Yes, we are." Kihyun squirmed in his arms, jostling to squeeze him tighter. The feeling of Hyungwon's chest next to his face made his cheeks heat up slightly. Lifting his head, Kihyun powered the rest of the way to Hyungwon's mouth.

He only paused when his lips were millimetres from Hyungwon's own. "Can I?" he asked, his breath ghosting over Hyungwon's lips.

"You don't need to ask anymore," Hyungwon replied, sounding equally hazy. After a beat, their lips joined and Kihyun relaxed into the heart-warming feel of Hyungwon kissing him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm stoked at the reaction my fic has got over the past few months;;; I'm so blessed to have all you guys! We're over the half-way point now; I reckon this fic will be no longer than 50 chapters.
> 
> I've decided that I'm going to return to just one chapter a week since I'm running out of prewritten chapters and I don't want to leave you guys hanging! Hope you can understand and that it won't upset y'all too much XD
> 
> As always, stay safe, wash your hands and believe in yourself! Cheesy but oh so important. And (shameless plug) if you like anime and BNHA in particular, I've written a couple kiribaku one shots that you might enjoy, so do check those out!
> 
> SOCIALS:  
> • [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/starry-stan-2020)  
> • [Twitter](https://twitter.com/starry_stan)  
> • [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/starry.stan/)


	29. Bubble Tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun and Hyungwon grab some bubble tea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this is so late—
> 
> Sorry y’all, go read the chapter hehe

It was early on a Sunday morning. The group were having a lazy day after the hectic week they'd endured. Rolling over on his bed, Hyungwon stared at Kihyun, who was writing something on his laptop.

"Another fanfiction?" he asked, causing Kihyun to jump and slam down the lid of the computer.

"Y-yeah. Does it bother you?" Kihyun asked, eyes going wide with worry. Hyungwon grinned, shaking his head.

"It's funny; I thought it would, but I don't mind. I like having a little insight into your deepest fantasies," Hyungwon murmured in a sultry manner. Kihyun shivered—out of fright or something else, he didn't know.

Nodding more to himself than to Hyungwon, Kihyun decided that he'd written enough and saved the document, shutting down his laptop and jumping up out of his seat. Taking a big breath, Kihyun blurted out, "Shall we go on a proper date?"

They had been dating for around two weeks now, but Kihyun still couldn't get over the giddiness that came with a new relationship. Of course, they had a lot to work on, especially since neither of them had properly dated before, but they'd take it one step at a time. Kihyun had decided that a date would be their first port of call.

Hyungwon sat up immediately, a soft smile on his lips. "That sounds like fun. What do you want to do?" Kihyun tapped his chin thoughtfully.

"I saw a boba tea place that opened recently; do you want to try that?"

Hyungwon mused for a while. "Boba tea's not really my thing, but if they have normal iced tea, I wouldn't mind," he decided, shooting Kihyun a soft grin. Kihyun blushed, still unused to Hyungwon's open affection.

"Okay. I'll let manager-nim know where we're going; d'you want to grab lunch at a cafe afterwards?" Hyungwon nodded easily.

"I know a nice place," he added, pulling up the quaint-looking cafe on his phone. His heart thrumming happily, Kihyun scrolled over their website for a couple of seconds before sitting back.

"That sounds awesome! Let's go there," he grinned, not without a hint of excitement. Hyungwon covered his mouth with a hand.

"I love seeing you all anticipated like that," he confessed when Kihyun asked what was wrong. _I've got to stop asking Hyungwon questions,_ Kihyun thought, completely mortified.

Taking a second to look down at his clothes, Kihyun balked. No, this wouldn't do at all. He was wearing an old, moth-bitten t-shirt and exercise shorts. Shooting up out of his seat, Kihyun barrelled out of the door and down his corridor.

"Where are you going?" Hyungwon called, sitting up straight.

"Changing my clothes!" came Kihyun's frantic cry. Hyungwon laughed, then spotted his own horrendous outfit and blanched.

"I should change too," he muttered embarrassedly, taking in his worn-out shirt and black shorts. Rummaging around in his closet, Hyungwon checked the weather on his phone. _Sunny... damn, I can't cover up, then,_ he mused in irritation.

Hyungwon wasn't massively keen on showing skin, but if it was hot, he'd have to. Sighing loudly, he picked out a much nicer, newer shirt he'd purchased off his favourite online clothing website and shrugged it on, pairing it with a pair of beige shorts.

The shorts had a lot of pockets as well as a minimalistic metal chain; not really Hyungwon's style, but Changkyun had insisted upon him getting it, saying that he looked good. _And I want to look really good for Kihyun,_ Hyungwon thought, not without a slight twinge of embarrassment.

Patting his cheeks (as if that would relieve the light dusting of pink covering them), Hyungwon grabbed his wallet and phone, dumping them into a small bag as he closed the door to his room. Removing the sleek black mask he always wore when outside, Hyungwon was just attaching it when Kihyun reappeared.

Kihyun's heart was palpitating nervously in his chest, his eyes flickering about. He looked everywhere but at Hyungwon, nervous to see the other man's reaction to his more daring outfit. "Leather pants?" Hyungwon barely managed, walking so that he was right next to Kihyun.

Kihyun nodded, fearful that he'd let a whimper escape if he opened his mouth. Hyungwon's mask fell out of his hand. _Shoot, this was a bad idea,_ Kihyun groaned to himself. _Hyungwon's totally not into thi-_

Hyungwon licked his lips, and Kihyun's stomach dropped to the floor. "This is better than I could've imagined," Hyungwon murmured, sending rivulets of _something_ down Kihyun's spine. "I love it," he finished, finally putting on his mask.

Somehow, the face covering only served to accentuate Hyungwon's dilated pupils, and Kihyun swallowed dryly. Damn. _Damn_. How had he not noticed how attractive Hyungwon was before? _I'm such an airhead,_ Kihyun thought fretfully, following Hyungwon out the door.

Putting on his own mask, Kihyun considered grabbing a hat before shaking his head to himself. He wouldn't need one since his hair was a natural colour, whereas Hyungwon's blond highlights would give away that he was an idol.

Given that the shop was only a short walk from the apartment complex, and they were going as a pair, manager-nim had (after much deliberation) decided that they wouldn't need security. Furthermore, both places would be crowded, so there would be a whole host of eye witnesses if anyone tried to attack them.

Grinning at Hyungwon, Kihyun found himself walking with a spring in his step, his arms swinging as they passed a small park and rounded the corner onto the street where the bubble tea shop was located.

"Here it is! Wah, it looks so good," Kihyun gushed, his eyes sparkling as he took in the cute but minimalistic design of the store. It had a pink and tan colour scheme, and the door was made of glass with a handle in the shape of a straw.

Hauling the door open, Kihyun held it open for Hyungwon before hurrying inside to join the ever-growing queue.

"What type of iced tea do you like? You know my favourite," Kihyun smiled affectionately, gesturing to the black board where all the different flavours were listed in pink chalk.

Hyungwon scratched his neck, his eyes scanning the board deftly before seeming to land on a flavour. Kihyun followed Hyungwon's line of sight to where the font read "Lemon and Earl Grey Iced Tea".

"That sounds amazing," Kihyun commented, practically drooling.

Hyungwon nodded. "I've always liked lemon iced tea... maybe I'll get that, then," he decided, pulling out his wallet. Kihyun mused for a moment.

Spotting his favourite type of milk tea (chocolate, of course), Kihyun flicked his eyes over to the toppings section. _I think I'll have tapioca pearls... they're chewy and taste pretty good,_ he nodded to himself, making up his mind. 

As the queue diminished, Kihyun realised that they hadn't discussed whether they'd stay in the shop or find another place to sit down. Noticing his fidgeting, Hyungwon asked what was on Kihyun's mind. 

"Ah, I was wondering whether we'd be staying here or finding another place to sit," he confessed, eyeing the person in front of them as they ordered their drink. Hyungwon nodded thoughtfully.

"Don't stress; if we can't find seating here, we can always use a park bench or something," Hyungwon reassured, smiling gently in a way that _really_ didn't fit his public image. Kihyun's heart played a drum roll against his rib cage as he turned, the person in front having finished paying for their coffee.

He knew it was trivial to be so worked up about every show of tenderness Hyungwon displayed, but Kihyun was so foreign to his actual personality (versus the one he maintained as an idol) that it was difficult not to be stunned every time Hyungwon blessed him with a dazzling smile.

Breathlessly, Kihyun shook his head as if a dog ridding itself of water, then grinned at the cashier and uttered, "One cute smile—I mean—uh—one chocolate milk tea with papioca tearls— _tapioca pearls._ " Hiding her abashed smile at Kihyun's (unintended) compliment, the cashier winked.

"Anything else I can get for you?"

Hyungwon stepped forwards, his face dark. Kihyun paled. _Shoot. From his perspective, it probably looks like I just tried to hit up that girl. How do I tell him he's wrong without revealing my Freudian slip?_

"Lemon and Earl Grey iced tea. Keep the change," Hyungwon simpered, flashing an even more swoon-inducing grin than the one Kihyun had given the girl. She seemed to like the attention, however fake, because she blushed immensely before handing over Kihyun's drink.

After a little while, Hyungwon received his and they made their way out of the shop. "L-let's go to the park," Kihyun stuttered, not wanting to look Hyungwon in the eye. The other man only nodded stiffly, seeming upset about what had just passed.

Kihyun sighed, knowing that what he was about to do would embarrass him enough to make 'red cheeks' a permanent fashion statement. Groaning inwardly at his own idiocy, Kihyun paused in his step and turned to Hyungwon, who had stopped with him in confusion.

"What is it?" the taller man asked, not unkindly. It made Kihyun wince. _Now I feel even worse for accidentally leading him on,_ Kihyun worried, biting his lip.

"Um, about the store... I was actually thinking about you when I said that," he mumbled, looking up at the sky. _Wow, that cloud is shaped like a skull. Talk about pathetic fallacy,_ Kihyun mused wryly.

Daring to look at Hyungwon again, Kihyun was blinded by (yet another) devastatingly handsome smile from his boyfriend. Hyungwon stepped forwards to take Kihyun's hand in his own. The street was deserted, so Kihyun didn't complain, thought he jolted at the contact.

"That makes me happier than you could imagine," Hyungwon whispered, tugging Kihyun into his chest. Instinctively, Kihyun placed his hand on Hyungwon's arm then blushed, realising how intimate the gesture would look should someone come around the corner.

"We should keep moving," Hyungwon sighed, apparently sharing Kihyun's moroseness for the lack of public affection they were allowed to display. Given that they were idols, they were allowed to show slightly more male-on-male skinship in public to get a rise out of the fans, but there was always a line that they knew never to cross.

Kihyun shuddered, thinking back to the conversation he'd had with Hyungwon about the other man's sexuality. _It must have been torture, not being able to express himself freely,_ Kihyun wondered to himself, admiring Hyungwon for how well he'd covered it up.

His heart hurt.

"Hyungwon, I—I..."

Hyungwon studied his face. "Take your time. Think about what you want to say first," Hyungwon advised, closing his eyes and letting the soft breeze tickle his eyelids. Kihyun mirrored him, the hand holding his tea tightening ever so slightly.

"I'm really glad to be with you," Kihyun murmured, opening his eyes to find Hyungwon staring at him. Clearly, that hadn't been what Hyungwon was expecting Kihyun to say, because he was looking at Kihyun with an incredulous expression on his face.

"Um," Hyungwon fumbled for words, "um, that's—well, that's great." He covered his eyes and breathed deeply. "No, that's better than great." He paused. "I love you, you stupid hamster."

Kihyun balked at the sudden insult. "Hey! Here I am, baring my feelings for you, and all you can do is throw verbal abuse at me? Harsh," Kihyun wheedled, bumping his shoulder against Hyungwon's own. This got a laugh out of Hyungwon, however, so Kihyun considered it a win in his books.

Reaching the park, they soon found a clean wooden bench to sit at and sip their drinks on. Laying waste to the packaging on his straw, Hyungwon sipped his iced tea with a demeanour not unlike the meme that had circulated a couple of years back.

Thinking about it made Kihyun smile.

Grabbing his own tea, Kihyun poked the larger straw through its opening and took a large sip, giggling when several tapioca pearls shot into his mouth. "You want to try?" he offered, proffering the cup to Hyungwon.

The other man blushed for some reason, but took the drink nevertheless. "I'll have a bit; have some of mine, too," Hyungwon insisted, handing over his iced tea to Kihyun. Taking a sip, Kihyun sighed euphorically as the sophisticated flavour of lemon muddled with Earl Grey graced his tongue.

Glancing over at Hyungwon, Kihyun was confused to find that the man hadn't yet drank any of Kihyun's tea, and was instead staring at him with a weird look on his face. _Huh, that's funny... I wonder why he's not drunk any yet._

Suddenly, it hit Kihyun.

"Oh my gosh, I completely forgot! Here, I'll take it back—just remind me that you don't like bubble tea, next time," Kihyun babbled, embarrassed that he'd forgotten such an important fact. _Hyungwon even mentioned it just before we came; how could I put him into such an awkward situation like that?_

Hyungwon shook his head almost desperately. "No, it's okay, I'll try some." Kihyun stopped fidgeting. 

"Are you sure?" 

Hyungwon nodded. "Positive," he uttered breathily, reaching for Kihyun's drink. Kihyun let him take it, a curious expression on his face. Watching as Hyungwon had a sip, his face progressively reddening with every second, Kihyun brooded.

_Why would he drink it if he doesn't even like bubble tea?_

\+ +

**I'm praying y'all understand why Hyungwon wanted to have a sip of Kihyun's tea so bad**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAA 4.2KKKKKKKK Y’ALL ARE TOO AMAZING DSHJDSGAHSKGH
> 
> I love all my readers so much! If you have any requests for dates Kihyun and Hyungwon will go on, put them in the comments!
> 
> As always, stay safe, wash your hands and drink some water. Hydrate or die-drate, y’all.


	30. Maid Cafe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun and Hyungwon go to a maid cafe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (who wants to see Kihyun in a maid outfit?)
> 
> (better yet, who wants to see Hyungwon in a maid outfit???)

After they'd finished their drinks, Hyungwon led the way to the kitschy cafe he'd picked out. Kihyun smiled to himself. _I would never have guessed that Hyungwon was into cute things,_ he mused, sneaking a glance at his boyfriend.

Catching him looking, Hyungwon smiled gently at Kihyun before holding the door open for him. "We're here," he told Kihyun, waiting as the smaller man made his way through the cute wooden door and into the cafe.

"Wow," was all Kihyun could muster as he took in the sight of lace doilies on oak tables, checkered pillows on chairs and beautifully calligraphed posters on the wall depicting the large menu the cafe boasted.

A couple of women dressed in formal serving outfits reminiscent of 19th century European fashion milled about the room, taking orders from each customer with easy smiles on their faces.

"When you said cafe, I didn't realise you meant a _maid cafe,_ " Kihyun hissed, mortified. Hyungwon, whose cheeks were also a bright pink, simply cleared his throat.

"Does it bother you?"

The question took Kihyun by surprise. Whipping around, he stared at Hyungwon, eyes open and understanding in an attempt to reassure him. "No!" he exclaimed, slightly too loudly. Shaking his head, Kihyun worried his lip.

"Sorry if I came off as rude—I've just never been to a place like this before," Kihyun confessed, giving Hyungwon a crooked grin. The other man nodded, the blush still lingering on his cheeks.

"It's okay; I wouldn't have expected you to. Maybe this wasn't a great idea for our first date..." 

Kihyun laughed.

"I don't really mind; this is fun for me if you're enjoying yourself!" Hyungwon's face brightened, and Kihyun knew in that moment that he had made the right choice.

"It's just that—well—Minhyuk likes manhwa, right?" Kihyun nodded, remembering that Minhyuk liked to read that Japanese one... the one about basketball? No, volleyball—that was it.

"Yeah, he got me into it too. But I like, um... the _girlier_ ones," Hyungwon mumbled, averting his eyes and holding his chin high (as if it would alleviate the redness in his cheeks).

"There's no shame in that."

Hyungwon's head snapped to face Kihyun's face so quickly he thought the taller man would get whiplash. "Thanks," Hyungwon eventually managed to say, a foreign look in his eyes. "No one's ever said that to me before."

Kihyun thought for a moment. "Then, I'm glad I was the one that got to say it," he decided out loud, grinning supportively at Hyungwon. The other man returned it with a devastatingly handsome smile of his own that had Kihyun forgetting how to walk properly.

Finally reaching the front of the line, the pair waited for a few seconds before the wait staff found them a free table and ushered them into their seats.

With some sort of stroke of luck, Kihyun and Hyungwon has landed a spacious table, secluded off from the rest of the tables in a nook in the wall. There were even a set of curtains they could draw for privacy, so they did.

Looking out the window, Kihyun was pleasantly surprised to find that he was looking out into a neatly-pruned garden instead of onto the city streets like he'd been expecting.

Moments later the waitress returned with two menus, handing one to each man, then bowed and asked them to press a small button on the table when they next required her assistance.

Kihyun took the time to admire the interior design of the alcove they were sitting in. Their oak table had a large, white square doily on it with a slim border coloured pink. There was a teal vase with two pink roses in it and the plates matched the flowers, also sporting baby pink roses.

Picking up the pink and blue chopsticks and matching knife and fork, Kihyun grinned at Hyungwon, who was still staring at him with a troubled look.

"You're sure you're okay with this?" he asked quietly, his hands clasped on the table. Kihyun scoffed.

"If I truly hated it, you would've heard about it by now," he told Hyungwon dryly, earning a harsh bark of laughter from Hyungwon. The sound shocked Kihyun, but it soon turned into fondness.

 _To someone else, his laughter might sound brash or frightening, but I like it. It makes me want to laugh, too,_ Kihyun though, feeling a bit sappy once reality caught up with him.

The embarrassment leaving a prominent after-thought in his mind, Kihyun decided to clear it by perusing the menu. His eyes scanned the page, growing increasingly excited at the wide range of snacks and cakes he found.

 _Wow, Hyungwon knows me well,_ he thought sheepishly, noting that he should probably figure out some of Hyungwon's likes and dislikes too. _I know he doesn't eat a lot, but that's about it,_ Kihyun worried to himself, propping his head up on a hand.

"Did you decide what you wanted?"

Kihyun shook his head. "There's just so much to choose from! How about you?" Hyungwon nodded, his face giving away how excited he was.

"Bingsu; I haven't had it since childhood, so now seems like a good time," Hyungwon grinned, turning the menu around to show Kihyun. Squinting, Kihyun could see a small image of a stack of shaved ice with summer berries and marshmallows on top.

"Wow, that looks good! If you're getting something Korean, I'll have a western dish," Kihyun decided, "that way, we can share!" Hyungwon nodded enthusiastically.

"Would you like me to help you pick something to eat?"

Kihyun smiled. "Please! I'm so indecisive," he laughed sheepishly, scratching his neck. Hyungwon grinned.

"There's a huge selection, after all; everything looks good," he groaned, plonking his head down on the table. Kihyun hid his mouth behind a hand as he giggled. Soon, the waitress came to take their orders.

Hyungwon went through the western confectionery with Kihyun and narrowed it down to two options; he was either going to have a slice of lemon drizzle cake or a helping of vanilla ice cream on a waffle.

"Which of these would you recommend?" Kihyun asked, pointing to the two dishes he was trying to choose between. The waitress bent down to examine the desserts, a finger on her chin.

"Personally, I love the waffle! You should try it," she smiled helpfully, standing back up. Kihyun nodded.

"Alright then; I'll have the waffle with a scoop of ice cream and maple syrup, please!" Thanking the waitress, who grinned at the pair, Kihyun and Hyungwon relaxed into their seats, knowing they wouldn't be disturbed for a while.

"So... maid cafe, huh? Have you ever been to one before?" Kihyun asked, grinning slyly at Hyungwon. The other man bristled.

"I'd only ever come to one on a date," Hyungwon barked, then slapped a hand over his mouth at the sheer volume with which he'd yelled. Kihyun collapsed into a laughing fit, a hand on the table to support himself.

"You've never dated before?" Kihyun guessed, his eyes widening. Hyungwon shook his head, remnants of pink still lingering on his features.

"Is that so bad?" he huffed, folding his arms. "I just never found the time for it," he deflated, conceding at Kihyun's curious look.

"I'm glad you took me," Kihyun murmured, smiling so that his eyes crinkled. Hyungwon's nose reddened.

"Yeah," he assented distractedly, completely focused on Kihyun's face. Kihyun, pleased and embarrassed by the sudden attention, reached forwards to grab Hyungwon's hand. _I'm so happy,_ he thought sappily, then mentally berated himself.

 _Now is not the time to be gushing over hand-holding!_ Kihyun groaned, massaging his forehead before taking out his phone. An idea had popped into his mind, and he wanted to see if Hyungwon would be willing to comply.

"Hyungwon," he uttered, and the other man looked at him, his expression open and affectionate. It nearly blinded Kihyun. "Would you like to take a picture together?" he asked quietly, proffering his phone.

The taller man raised a brow. "You want to?" he asked disbelievingly. Kihyun nodded emphatically.

"I always dreamed of taking lots of pictures with my significant other," Kihyun babbled, then blushed when he realised the gravitas of his statement. "Um, we don't have to if you're worried about people finding out, or something," Kihyun mumbled, his hand drooping.

Hyungwon shook his head, his eyes lit up with joy. "Of course I want to," he murmured, moving so that his shoulder was pressed against Kihyun's own. "Just be careful that they don't get leaked, okay?" Kihyun nodded calmly.

Inside, however, he was a gooey mess of happiness. Opening his camera, Kihyun flipped the screen so that he could take a selfie and scooted a little closer to Hyungwon. The other man made a soft 'oomph' noise, causing Kihyun to pause in order to laugh for a couple of seconds.

As soon as he'd regained his composure, they posed in front of the lens, Kihyun with a peace sign and Hyungwon emphasising his eyes. After taking a few pictures, they changed poses and repeated a couple of times.

Flicking through the pictures they'd taken, Kihyun hummed. "If we're careful about which ones we choose, these would be good as custom photo cards," Kihyun suggested, his eyes sparkling. Hyungwon thought for a moment.

"I'd really like to own some pictures of us together, so yes, that seems like a good idea," he agreed, smiling softly. Kihyun's heart squeezed affectionately.

Just as he was about to put his phone away in a pocket, Hyungwon grabbed his hand. "May I take one more?" Kihyun didn't question his boyfriend's actions, instead nodding and letting Hyungwon position the both of them correctly.

It happened before he could even blink. One moment, Hyungwon was posing next to Kihyun, and the next, he was kissing Kihyun's cheek as the shutter clicked. Kihyun sprang apart, mortified.

Clutching his cheek, he tried to berate Hyungwon, but the words weren't flowing. He settled for a sophisticated, "You—you—argh!" before smacking the other man relentlessly. All the while, Hyungwon held back tears of mirth as he braced himself against Kihyun's aegyo attacks.

"Can you send it to me?" Hyungwon asked tentatively, once Kihyun had calmed down enough to be spoken to. The shorter man rolled his eyes.

"Fine," he muttered humorously, quickly forwarding the picture to a grinning Hyungwon who looked like the cat that got the canary. _He does look rather like a cat,_ Kihyun mused, cutting off his line of thought when it decided to wander down slightly more _dangerous_ paths.

Cooling his heated cheeks with a teaspoon, Kihyun nearly collapsed with relief when the waitress returned bearing dessert. Excited, he grabbed his knife and fork and began cutting his waffle.

As they ate, Kihyun and Hyungwon discussed their childhood. "I want to get to know you better," Hyungwon had requested, so Kihyun had obliged, telling him about his home life (including the never-ending flow of quarrelling with Jihyun).

He went into greater detail about his best friend's gay older brother, too. "Of course, when he came out to me, I was extremely wary," Kihyun explained, choosing his words carefully. He didn't want to accidentally offend Hyungwon ( _though,_ Kihyun supposed, _I'd be offending myself, too, now_ ).

"My first impression of him was this gangly, lanky guy," Kihyun said pointedly, making Hyungwon laugh. "However, when I got to know him better, he turned out to be this really, really good dancer, as well as an incredible mathematician," Kihyun gushed.

"I can't tell you the number of times he's bailed me out of flunking high-school math," Kihyun added, eliciting a guffaw out of Hyungwon, who grinned.

"You and me both, babe," Hyungwon smirked, clearly pleased when Kihyun hid his face in his hands.

"Ohhhh no," Kihyun muttered, "oh dear. I'm not going to survive this, am I?"

Hyungwon shrugged. "Don't look at me, honey," he drawled. Kihyun squealed in an undignified manner.

By this point, they'd both finished their desserts, so Hyungwon stood, suggesting that they should pay. Kihyun nodded, following Hyungwon to the cashier where they split the bill. After waving goodbye, Hyungwon told Kihyun that there was one last place he wanted to take him.

"It's the same park from earlier," Hyungwon confessed, walking through the quaint black iron gate reminiscent of British design. He led Kihyun past various flowerbeds and down the path of a river before they reached Hyungwon's destination.

A willow tree.

The park was fairly deserted; it was too early for anyone to be considering lunch, so most people were at work. The only other people around were mothers with their children, and they'd left that group behind, next to the playground.

Leading him by the hand, Hyungwon ducked underneath the long tendrils of leaves hanging from the branches of the tree and beckoned for Kihyun to follow him.

Slightly confused, Kihyun obliged and sat down next to Hyungwon, who had already made himself at home nestled between two large roots. There was just enough room for Kihyun to squeeze himself between a root and Hyungwon.

Looking at Hyungwon, Kihyun tensed when the other man put his hand on his shoulder. Immediately, Hyungwon retracted it, and Kihyun regretted his action.

"Sorry," he blurted, saddening further when Hyungwon gave him a hurt expression.

"I should be the one saying sorry," Hyungwon murmured, heaving a sigh. "You can always tell me if I'm pushing things too fast, alright?"

Kihyun shook his head vehemently. "That's the thing—you're not. I seriously don't mind. I'm just nervous, that's all," he revealed, scratching the back of his neck.

Hyungwon smiled, his eyes warm as he placed a gentle hand on Kihyun's nape and drew the other man closer. "You have nothing to worry about. I'm here," Hyungwon whispered, sending shivers down Kihyun's spine (as cliched as it sounded, it was what happened).

Kihyun knew where this was going. Feeling himself heat up, he squeezed his eyes shut. Hyungwon smoothed the pads of his thumbs over the lids and his cheeks, shushing Kihyun in an almost maternal manner.

"Relax," Hyungwon breathed, closing his eyes. Kihyun followed his boyfriend's advice, shutting his eyes just as Hyungwon connected their lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not sorry fite me
> 
> WARNING: next chapter contains NSFW content. if that makes you uncomfortable, im super sorry! the week after will be back to SFW (I think XD)
> 
> all NSFW chapters have a (!) next to the title :))) so y'all can just skip it if you're unsure hehe
> 
> SOCIALS:  
> • [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/starry-stan-2020)  
> • [Twitter](https://twitter.com/starry_stan)  
> (I'm most active here tbh)  
> • [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/starry.stan/)


	31. BJ (!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun and Hyungwon set some boundaries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has NSFW content. [16+]
> 
> (finally, we've reached the whole reason that this fic is tagged explicit)
> 
> if this makes you uncomfortable, feel free to skip this chapter! Nothing ground-breaking (in terms of the plot) happens. there will be more NSFW chapters later on as their relationship progresses.

Hyungwon took charge, each of his actions painstakingly thought-out to make Kihyun feel better. It was adorable. Kihyun felt himself smiling into the kiss, his head hazy as Hyungwon moved his lips slowly against his own.

After a few moments, Kihyun felt Hyungwon slide his tongue against Kihyun's lower lip.

Mortified, Kihyun froze, his head whirling. He panicked momentarily, his thoughts jumbled as he desperately sifted through all his knowledge of kissing with tongues—in other words, nothing. However, at the first sign of Hyungwon slowing down, Kihyun forced himself to calm down.

 _I'm not scared or anything, this is just a new area for me,_ Kihyun thought to himself haphazardly as Hyungwon continued to tease his mouth open. He felt himself calm down a little. After a couple of seconds, Kihyun gave in, parting his lips so that Hyungwon could deepen the kiss.

The other man guided Kihyun's hands over his shoulders, his own slender hands reaching down to rest on Kihyun's waist. Grasping the material of his shirt, Hyungwon surprised Kihyun as he tugged him flush against his chest.

Kihyun had never French-kissed before. He'd heard from his more daring friends about how good it was supposed to be, but he'd never thought to try it. It had never piqued his interest.

Kihyun was regretting that.

 _Holy shit, this is amazing,_ Kihyun shuddered, threading his fingers through Hyungwon's silky locks. A soft breeze was the only thing disturbing them as Hyungwon tilted his head to gain easier access to Kihyun's mouth.

Cleverly, Hyungwon had picked the perfect spot for them to... _make out_. The willow tree provided the perfect protection of long, curtain-esque tendrils that cloaked them from the outside world—and by default, prying eyes.

Kihyun relaxed, shifting so that he was straddling Hyungwon. He tried not to think about the implications of their position should they get caught, but he wasn't too concerned.

Hyungwon's tongue pressed against the roof of his mouth and _shit shit shit_ Kihyun could feel himself reacting. Embarrassed, he tried to move, but Hyungwon simply tightened his grasp behind the shorter man's back, smiling against Kihyun's mouth as his tonguing got more intense.

"Where do you think you're going?" Hyungwon asked huskily as they broke apart for air. Kihyun's blood rushed straight to his nether regions. _Holy fuck—can he hear himself? Or is he lowering his voice by an octave on purpose?_

In response to Kihyun's flustered silence, Hyungwon nestled his nose under Kihyun's chin and breathed in. "You smell good," he murmured, sending rivulets of arousal running down Kihyun's back. This was bad, this was _really bad_ —if Hyungwon didn't hold the _fuck_ up, Kihyun would cream his pants in literally _five fucking seconds—_

"Chill, babe, I can see the steam spewing from your ears," Hyungwon snickered, rubbing his hands up and down Kihyun's back with a dashing smile (that should've been illegal, Kihyun huffed).

"Don't—there will be something spewing from somewhere other than my ears in a couple seconds if you don't calm down," Kihyun threatened, his face red. Hyungwon flushed, clearly not expecting Kihyun to hit him with an innuendo, and released the smaller man, who breathed a sigh of relief.

Standing up quickly, Kihyun grabbed Hyungwon's hand. "Huh?" he asked intelligibly. Kihyun rolled his eyes. Just because he was a virgin, didn't mean he was entirely clueless about his desires.

"We're going home. Now," Kihyun muttered, the implications of his words seeming to reach Hyungwon as the other man reddened impossibly further. "Uh?" he asked again. Clearly, Hyungwon's brain had short-circuited at the word home, since his feet weren't moving.

Exasperated, Kihyun took to tugging at Hyungwon's sleeve in an attempt to get him to hurry. "You can't kiss me like that then leave me all horny, dammit," Kihyun blurted, deciding that being blunt was the only way to get through to Hyungwon.

What he hadn't been prepared for was for Hyungwon's blush to spread from his cheeks to not only his ears, but his _fucking neck._ Kihyun had to pause for a couple of seconds in order to calm himself down.

 _Holy shit! I really am going to cream my pants if he carries on reacting like that,_ Kihyun thought desperately, filing away the useful information that being blunt about his arousal could elicit such a cute reaction from his boyfriend.

Hurtling down the street, Kihyun finally made it back to their flat, Hyungwon puffing behind him as they paused in front of the door. Suddenly, Kihyun had a realisation that made his heart stop cold.

"Shit!" he swore aloud. "I didn't even think! What if the other guys are home?" Hyungwon cursed.

"Fuck them. We can go to your room and lock the door. Say something about Jihyun or whatever," Hyungwon dismissed, clearly eager to pick up where they'd left off. Nodding, Kihyun practically leapt through the door, his desire clouding his senses as he hollered "We're back!".

When nobody responded, he couldn't stop the grin from spreading across his features. "I think we might be in luck," Kihyun dared to whisper, nudging Hyungwon conspiratorially. Hyungwon nudged him back, an affectionate glance surprising Kihyun as they climbed the stairs together.

Reaching the top, Kihyun nearly tripped over the body lying at the entrance to the hallway. "Shoot—Minhyuk?"

Minhyuk startled, sitting up quickly from his spot.

"Ah, sorry, I must've fell asleep reading Haikyuu—" Minhyuk took in the disheveled appearances of the two men stood in front of him, his eyebrows only raising further when he noticed Kihyun's smudged lipgloss and plump, raw lips.

"Ah," he realised, grabbing his hoodie and keys from where they'd been abandoned on the floor. "I'll be out for a couple of hours. Call me when it's safe to return," Minhyuk grinned, winking then dodging when Kihyun swiped at him, mortified.

"Will do," Hyungwon murmured distractedly, pulling Kihyun into his side and dragging him down the hall. "Later, Minhyuk," he called over his shoulder, before opening Kihyun's door then slamming it shut once they were inside.

As soon as the footsteps had disappeared, Hyungwon walked over to where Kihyun had sat down on the bed, a predatory look in his eyes. Kihyun swallowed dryly, knowing just how flushed he probably looked.

Losing no time, Hyungwon sank down to his knees and gazed up at Kihyun through his lashes. Kihyun swallowed again. Confidently, Hyungwon places his hands on Kihyun's thighs, making the other man squeak in surprise.

"H-huh?" Kihyun sputtered unintelligibly. Hyungwon's eyes softened.

"If you're nervous or worried, we can go slower," Hyungwon reassures, rubbing Kihyun's knees affectionately. Kihyun let out a gust of air, his fringe flapping comically.

"It's not that—I just liked it better when you're... uh..." Kihyun turned away, and Hyungwon quirked a brow.

"When I'm what? It's okay, babe, I won't judge you or anything. I think we should set some boundaries before starting anyway," Hyungwon summarised, correctly surmising that Kihyun was a little nervous and inexperienced.

Not trusting himself to speak his assent, Kihyun just nodded, shifting on the bed so that Hyungwon could sit down next to him. Leaning into Kihyun's shoulder, Hyungwon began speaking again.

"Why don't you go first; that way, I'll know where to set my own limits," Hyungwon suggested, curving an arm around Kihyun's waist loosely. Kihyun tried for a smile but ended up just nodding.

"Um... I'm not really sure, but I like it when you say nice things," Kihyun blurted, already feeling his face heat up at the admission. Hyungwon smirked—not unkindly—and nodded, encouraging him to carry on.

"I heard that some people are into getting hurt or something—I don't want that," Kihyun added, paling at the memory of the letter he'd received. _I never want to see blood again,_ he shivered, sickened by the thought.

"I'm not into that either, don't worry," Hyungwon assured, rubbing circles into his back. Kihyun felt some of the tension in his body go away.

"One more thing; I don't want to do anything too hardcore yet. So, uh, no actual—actual—s-se—"

"Sex," Hyungwon supplied, grinning when Kihyun hid his face in his hands.

"Yeah, that," Kihyun muttered, absolutely mortified. Nodding, Hyungwon became thoughtful.

"Would you be okay with, say, handjobs?" Kihyun flushed.

"Um, maybe? Yes, actually," he hastened to say, deciding that, in the grand scheme of things, handjobs probably weren't the scariest thing in the world.

"What about blowjobs?"

Kihyun choked. "What?"

Hyungwon frowned. "Ah, was that too forward of me? Sorry," he apologised, but Kihyun was already shaking his head, his initial embarrassment fading. If they were talking about this stuff, Kihyun wanted to make boundaries blatantly clear so that neither of them went overboard.

"Um—well—I've never given one before, s-so you'd have to help me," Kihyun stammered, cursing himself for sounding so nervous. _It's fine! You're fine!_ Hyungwon frowned a little, cupping Kihyun's cheek in his hand.

"Hey, hey—we're going as slowly as you need to, okay? If you're uncomfortable with anything, all you have to do is say so and we can figure something out, alright?" Kihyun nodded, releasing a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

"I'm alright." Kihyun paused. Biting his lip, he mulled over his question. _How do I ask this without being really awkward about it?_ "I don't know how to say this without sounding weird, but—"

"Want me to demo? Because I'd be _extremely_ happy to," Hyungwon smirked, his eyes darkening. Kihyun swallowed dryly.

"Actually, that's exactly what I was going to ask."

Clearly, Hyungwon hadn't been expecting that, because his body went rigid and his eyes snapped up to capture Kihyun's own. "Really?"

Kihyun nodded.

After that, Hyungwon wasted no time. As if he'd done it a million times before (Kihyun hoped he hadn't), Hyungwon pushed himself in between Kihyun's thighs. Kihyun was sure he could give every tomato in the world a run for their money.

His breathing picked up at the same time as his hearing sharpening, and all Kihyun could hear were Hyungwon's deep, low-pitched breaths intermingling with his own needy pants. _I sound like a dog,_ Kihyun wailed to himself, beyond embarrassed as he tried to calm down.

Hyungwon leant forwards, and Kihyun found himself holding his breath. The air in the room slowed and suddenly, everything became blindingly stark.

The way Hyungwon's fringe shifted over his forehead as he bent over to pull down Kihyun's zipper. The way Kihyun's breathing hitched when Hyungwon's hand ghosted over the elastic of his boxers. The way they both seemed to pause, before Hyungwon pulled down the fabric oh, so carefully.

Kihyun wanted to die.

"You're... bigger than I expected," Hyungwon commented with red cheeks, his eyes flicking up to meet Kihyun's own. Before Kihyun could reply, Hyungwon's forehead hit his thigh.

"Fuck," Hyungwon cussed, "that—that's hot as fuck."

Kihyun felt his blood rush south and groaned quietly. Hyungwon perked up at that, his grin becoming slightly devilish as he got imperceptibly closer. His hands ghosted over the soft skin of Kihyun's inner thighs.

"You like that? You like it when I compliment you?"

Kihyun nodded after covering his eyes with a hand. "Fuck," Hyungwon repeated and, without warning, took Kihyun's tip into his mouth. Kihyun hissed at the sudden contact, the sudden _heat_ _._ His mind a mess, Kihyun was startled when Hyungwon lathered his cock in saliva, tonguing it sluttily. Unable to stop himself, Kihyun rutted up into Hyungwon's mouth.

The other man, amazingly, didn't choke. He simply sank forwards, trying to find a rhythm. Once Hyungwon had found it, however, he bobbed his head at an increasingly fast pace, his eyes focused on Kihyun's face.

Kihyun couldn't really describe what he was feeling, just that he was _incredibly_ turned on, and that Hyungwon was making him feel _incredibly_ good. Hyungwon licked a stripe up from the base of Kihyun's cock to the tip, curling his tongue around the head and coating it with spit.

Kihyun keened loudly, then promptly slapped a hand over his mouth. Hyungwon stopped sucking, panting for a couple of seconds before placing a reassuring hand on Kihyun's hip.

"Kihyun, I love you, okay? So any sounds you make just turn me on more," Hyungwon grinned, smirking when Kihyun squeaked in embarrassment.

"O-okay," he whispered, too embarrassed to raise his voice. His calm hums of pleasure soon gave way to stilted moans as Hyungwon resumed where he'd left off, this time grazing his teeth along the top a little.

Kihyun had to grasp his bed sheets in order to stop himself from falling off completely. Meanwhile, Hyungwon had a strong grasp on his legs and was sitting on his heels, his nose touching Kihyun's stomach as he deep-throated the other boy.

His oesophagus tightened and loosened repeatedly as Hyungwon's mouth got used to the foreign object, his lips stretching to frame Kihyun's cock lewdly as he quietly breathed through his nose for a couple of moments. Once he'd gotten used to it, Hyungwon began moving his head again, and this time Kihyun couldn't stop the halting cry that slipped out of his mouth.

Hyungwon curled his tongue, lathering the member in saliva before returning to the previously set rhythm, this time sloppier. Idly, he bobbed his head, the sounds his mouth produced becoming increasingly wet and lewd.

With wide eyes, Kihyun saw Hyungwon reach down to unzip his own pants and reveal his own throbbing member, which he began stroking to the same rhythm as the movements of his head. Kihyun's teeth clamped down on his lower lip, his heavy breathing now clearly audible.

Kihyun let his head fall back onto his shoulders, his hands knotted into the bedsheets as he moaned loudly. His eyes were unfocused and he could feel tears threatening to leak out of the corners. Twitching ever so slightly, he blushed upon realising that Hyungwon's burning gaze was still focused on him.

Grinning around his dick ( _How the fuck is he doing that?_ Kihyun shrieked to himself), Hyungwon curled an arm around Kihyun's waist and _slammed his head forwards._ Kihyun groaned, his hips moving in tandem with Hyungwon's jaw as he rubbed his tongue teasingly along the underside of Kihyun's cock, slicking his own dick simultaneously.

"F-fuck," Kihyun moaned, covering his eyes with a hand to shield his embarrassment. It felt so fucking good—so fucking good he was _rutting into his poor boyfriend's mouth like it was a damn fleshlight. Fuck!_ Kihyun thought eloquently, a dribble of spit running down his chin. Suddenly, a familiar heat began to form in his lower abdomen.

Mortified at how quickly he was about to finish, Kihyun could feel the familiar knotting sensation beginning to build at the base of his stomach. Hyungwon continued licking, tonguing, _sucking_.

In an attempt to stem off his incoming release, Kihyun grabbed Hyungwon's hair, figuring he'd slow down if Kihyun tugged a little. Fingering the silky locks, Kihyun gave them an experimental pull.

What he hadn't been prepared for was for Hyungwon to moan around his dick, palming himself as he did so. The vibrations that rippled through Kihyun's dick sent a shockwave through his body. He shuddered, and with a final, lewd curl of Hyungwon's tongue, Kihyun tipped over the edge.

With a loud cry, he bucked into Hyungwon's mouth, cumming harder than he ever had before. Hyungwon continued to bob his head, milking Kihyun through his release. Not long after Kihyun had came, Hyungwon followed suit, shutting his eyes and moaning as he pumped himself, the squelching the only sound in the room.

Once he'd calmed down, Kihyun opened his eyes. He blanched.

"Hyungwon! Oh, no, I'm so sorry—"

Kihyun panicked as the viscous white liquid dripped down Hyungwon's chin. Before he could wipe it away, however, Hyungwon's tongue slipped out of his mouth to lick it up.

 _Damn,_ Kihyun found himself thinking, _if he doesn't stop soon, I'll get hard all over again_. As soon as he had the thought, Kihyun flushed crimson (even more so, if that was possible) and pulled his pants up.

"It must taste disgusting—you shouldn't have swallowed it," Kihyun protested, despite now being horny as fuck all over again. He elbowed his dick in a desperate attempt to get it to _calm the fuck down_.

Hyungwon stared up at him, skeptical. "That's contradictory, given that you're already standing at half-mast again," he drawled, tracing a circle over where Kihyun was, indeed, raring to go again.

Kihyun's brain short-circuited.

Mortified, he covered his crotch with both hands. "S-sorry!" he yelped, his eyes focused on a small crack on the far side of his room.

Sighing fondly, Hyungwon got up and sat down next to Kihyun. Taking a swig from a bottle of water Kihyun had left lying around (Kihyun didn't let his thoughts linger on the intimacy of that for too long), he leant into Kihyun's side, suddenly quiet.

"Did you enjoy it?" Hyungwon's voice punctured the bubble of silence that had formed around the pair. He wiped his hands with a tissue from the box standing on the bedside table.

Kihyun whipped around so fast his neck cricked. "Yes," he breathed, "yes. Absolutely." Hyungwon smiled, looking down at his lap as he pulled Kihyun in for a warm hug.

"I'm glad," he murmured.

Kihyun snuggled into the embrace of the other man, closing his eyes as he did so. The room was fairly quiet, other than the soft noises filtering in through his window from the street below. It felt wonderful. Kihyun smiled softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't roast me idk how to write smut ok;;;  
> literally wrote this at 1:46am
> 
> come scream about how much you hate my smut on [Tumblr](https://starry-stan-2020.tumblr.com)


	32. Package

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kihyun and Hyungwon have some soft times together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys... this chapter is so fluffy your parent/roommate/parter is gonna find u with cotton stuffed in ur ears tomorrow lol

For a couple of minutes, Kihyun and Hyungwon sat together in silence. Hyungwon left one arm around Kihyun's shoulder, the other one tracing shapes on the palm of Kihyun's hand.

Kihyun's other hand rested on Hyungwon's thigh, the pad of his thumb stroking the fabric of his trousers gently. Eventually, Kihyun stood up.

"Wanna shower?"

Hyungwon wiggled his eyebrows. "Together?"

Kihyun flushed. "No! No... unless you want to?" Hyungwon seemed to consider it for a moment before smiling and shaking his head.

"I'll save that first for another time," he muttered, smirking when Kihyun flushed. "Besides," Hyungwon realised, "I need to text Minhyuk. He's probably wondering whether we're done yet," he added, grinning when Kihyun stood abruptly.

"O-okay! You do that! I'll go shower," Kihyun babbled, grabbing his pyjamas and hurtling out of the door. Once he reached the bathroom, he slammed the door shut and sank down to the ground.

"Oooooh my God," he hissed, pressing the palms of his hands into his eye sockets, "oooooh my God." Rocking slightly, Kihyun lay flat on the ground and stared up at the ceiling fixture. The light blinding him, he sat back up, blinking until his vision returned.

Shaking his head in embarrassment, Kihyun stripped himself of his clothing and stepped inside the shower, his head whirling. He'd never get the image of Hyungwon, cheeks flushed and pupils dilated, sucking his cock like his life depended on it, out of his head ever again.

Kihyun felt like shutting his dick in the door.

"Would you calm down for just a minute?" he whispered in exasperation, desperately turning the temperature to 'COLD' in an attempt to shake off his arousal. The resounding shriek he let out had not been planned, and meant he had to shout to reassure Hyungwon that, no, he hadn't fallen, and no, he hadn't scorched himself.

Utterly mortified, Kihyun sighed loudly and got to work shampooing his hair, making sure to use the correct shampoo. Each member had a specific type and brand designated to them by their make-up team; Kihyun's was a root-strengthener since his hair tended to fall out when he dyed it.

Getting a couple of suds in his eyes, Kihyun winced, washing his face thoroughly before applying the conditioner and waiting a little while. Finally, he scrubbed himself down with his usual peach-scented body wash and stepped out of the shower, the steam rising to fog the artificial light above him.

Zooming over to the sink, Kihyun snatched up his tooth brush and squirted on some toothpaste, slinging the brush into his mouth with slightly more vigour than necessary. Sighing again, Kihyun plopped down onto the toilet seat and let his mind empty itself for a few minutes.

The while tiles in the bathroom coupled with the white marble gave it a tasteful, modern vibe. That was the look the group had been going for when they'd been told they were allowed to upgrade their apartment.

That, and Hyungwon had said he wouldn't allow them to buy an ugly flat—'ugly' being a very vague, arbitrary term as far as Hyungwon was concerned.

Shaking his head at the memory of Hyungwon comparing nearly identical carpet swatches at literally two in the morning, Kihyun finally plucked up the courage to walk back into his room.

"Hyungwon?" As Kihyun walked into his room, the sight that met him could only be described as endearing.

Hyungwon had tidied up Kihyun room for him, putting his wheelie chair under the desk and folding a couple of stray t-shirts he'd haphazardly thrown onto his clothes chair during the week.

The most adorable part, however, was the insanely guilty look Hyungwon had on his face, mixed with a twinge of embarrassment. By the looks of it, Kihyun guessed he had been deciding whether or not to stay the night, judging by how he had a hand resting on the duvet of Kihyun's ample bed.

"Want to stay?" Kihyun asked easily, scrubbing his hair with the towel one last time before folding it pedantically and placing it on his desk. Hyungwon's arm fell to his side, his other hand coming up to scratch behind his ear.

"You sure? The others might ask questions," he worried, but even as Hyungwon said it, Kihyun knew that neither of them would _actually_ be questioned about it. Sure, there might be some light-hearted teasing (courtesy of Changkyun) but other than that, it was relatively common for the members to have sleepovers.

"I'm sure," Kihyun asserted, flopping down on the bed next to Hyungwon. He'd bought it on the recommendation of his mother, since she knew he liked water beds. However, his mattress wasn't a water bed; it was a soft, spring design, intended to induce sleep quickly with maximum comfort.

Smiling gently, Hyungwon ruffled Kihyun's hair and climbed under the covers, grinning as he dodged Kihyun's affronted swipes. "Don't mess up my hair! I just combed it," Kihyun wailed, flapping his arms as he searched for the comb he _swore_ he just put down not a second ago.

"It's here," Hyungwon uttered flippantly, holding the comb aloft like it was a rather uninteresting dish cloth. Growling ferally, Kihyun lunged for his (expensive and embroidered) wooden comb. Snatching it back from a wheezing Hyungwon, Kihyun scoffed and pulled the item through his drying locks, meticulously dragging out the knots and messy parts.

After a couple of minutes, Kihyun followed suit and clambered under the covers next to Hyungwon. Suddenly, the reality of the situation caught up to him, and he covered his cheeks, embarrassed.

"Wow, we're really sleeping together," Kihyun mumbled, slapping a hand over his mouth when he realised the not-so-innocent implications of what he'd just said. Hyungwon raised a brow, clearly fighting to keep back a smile.

"We are," he whispered softly, choosing to gloss over Kihyun's blatant error. Kihyun released a sigh of relief, snuggling down beneath the covers. Contrary to what he'd imagined, Hyungwon didn't try to pull him close.

Instead, to his surprise, Hyungwon wiggled until his back was flush against Kihyun's chest, the taller man pulling his knees up to his chest as he made himself into a duvet burrito. When Kihyun leaned on his hand to give Hyungwon a confused look, he was further surprised.

Hyungwon had a beautiful blush spreading from his cheeks all the way down to his shoulders. Sucking in a breath, Kihyun asked the question he'd been pondering. "Are you... the small spoon?" Hyungwon averted his eyes.

"So what if I am?" he asked defensively, pulling the blanket up over his nose. It was _adorable_. Kihyun placed a hand on a part of the duvet that had filled with air, watching as it deflated satisfyingly. Grasping the edge, he tugged it away from Hyungwon's face, revealing a pouty expression and chubby cheeks.

Laughing out loud at the comical sight, Kihyun moved his arms so that he was loosely holding Hyungwon's waist. Nosing at the back of Hyungwon's head, he breathed deeply and let his eyelids fall shut.

Hyungwon smelled nice, like the minty, fresh scent of his shampoo. Kihyun knew that Hyungwon wasn't as bothered as the rest of the group about cologne; he'd once jokingly mentioned that after having worked in the fashion industry, he'd been steeped in enough perfume to last him a lifetime.

The thought made Kihyun giggle a little, and Hyungwon's snuffling rose up out of the murkiness of his dark room. "What're you laughing about?" Hyungwon slurred slightly, sounding quite tired. Kihyun quietened down almost immediately, sifting his fingers through Hyungwon's soft hair.

"A joke you made a while ago," he replied truthfully, pleased when Hyungwon tried to hide his head in the blankets.

"Seriously? That's so cheesy," he muttered, clearly embarrassed. Kihyun grinned mischievously.

"Oh, but I love your jokes! They always make me laugh—you're a funny guy," Kihyun gushed, laying on the compliments. Hyungwon gulped loudly enough for Kihyun to hear, only making it harder for him to hold back his laughter.

"Really?" Hyungwon asked, and his tone was so genuine and hopeful that Kihyun nearly felt bad. 'Nearly' being the key word there. It wasn't that Hyungwon was bad at telling jokes; no, quite the opposite, in fact. What made it funny was how seriously Hyungwon was taking him.

 _It's endearing,_ the voice in his mind sighed, and Kihyun sobered up instantly. His embarrassment catching up to him, Kihyun gave a long sigh and squeezed Hyungwon's hips, burying his face into the taller man's shoulder.

"What's the matter?" Hyungwon asked concernedly, peering over his shoulder at Kihyun. He smiled, pecking his cheek affectionately. 

"Nothing; you just out-cute-ed me and I was being salty about it," Kihyun smirked, his efforts in being cringey rewarded when Hyungwon groaned and rolled his eyes.

"You're the cute one," Hyungwon murmured, causing Kihyun to gasp dramatically.

"No, you!"

"You."

"You!"

"You, babe," Hyungwon grinned, smirking when Kihyun flushed. Mortified, Kihyun was positive that his cheeks were glowing in the dark from the way Hyungwon was smiling at him. His eyes were all scrunched up and his nose had crinkled adorably.

"Oh, stop it," Kihyun whisper-shouted, exasperated. Hyungwon only chuckled, shifting himself into a more comfortable position.

They lay together in silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable. Kihyun had grown used to just sitting with Hyungwon, tracing the lines of his palms, or playing with strands of his hair, all in complete silence. It had become one of his favourite pastimes in the sense that it felt so natural.

Listening with his eyes closed for a moment, he could just make out the final sounds of rush hour disintegrating into late night sparsity. A few horns could be heard over the sound of their A.C. and overhead fan—excessive, Kihyun knew, but he liked the sound of the fan. It was comforting.

"I like your fan," Hyungwon uttered, breaking the silence, and for a moment Kihyun thought he was referring to a mon bebe. Realising that he meant the fan currently whirring above them, he nodded in response, fiddling with the hem of Hyungwon's sleeping shirt.

"Yeah, me too. I wanted one because it reminded me of home," Kihyun explained, pointing to the rotors. "Can you see the black stripe on each rotor?" Hyungwon nodded. "That's the signature of the person who made it. She's a family friend," Kihyun smiled, thinking of aunty Soo. 

"Wow, that's so cool," Hyungwon breathed, his eyes wide and alert as he looked at the fan properly.

"Right?" Kihyun exclaimed. "I grew up in a village where she was the only fan-vendor, so everywhere you went, her fan would be present. They even had them at school," Kihyun recalled, laughing a little.

Hyungwon smiled at him then, and Kihyun felt like the room was alight with the glow of his boyfriend's smile. "I love hearing about you. About your family, your home, your passions. I love you," Hyungwon whispered into the darkness.

Kihyun caught Hyungwon's whisper, packaged it up into a neat little box, then stored it away in his heart. "I love you, Hyungwon" he whispered back. 

In the warmth of the night, he could just about make out Hyungwon packaging up Kihyun's whisper and storing it away in his heart, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aw man, we finally reached the (not quite) end and it's cheesy af
> 
> IMPORTANT!
> 
> first of all, thank you to everyone who has supported me through this journey! This is the longest fan fiction I've ever written with the total word count hitting something around 58K. I love all of you and hope you'll continue supporting me!
> 
> HOWEVER!
> 
> this is not the end just yet! Although we have now finished the main arc (HyungKi), we still have the ShowHyuk and JooKyun arcs to get through. However, since I am but a tired and humble author, these arcs are probably only going to be five-shots. 
> 
> As an added bonus, there will be some EXTRA HYUNGKI chapters interspersed between the second and third arcs. I'm going to apologise now to those of you who prefer fluff; this is going to focus on the NSFW aspect of Kihyun and Hyungwon's relationship (bc im a hoe for that)
> 
> Thanks again for reading! Stay tuned; updates are still every Wednesday (they're going to be later in the day now bc I've gone back to school ehe)
> 
> SOCIALS:  
> • [Tumblr](https://starry-stan-2020.tumblr.com)  
> • [Twitter](https://twitter.com/starry_stan)  
> • [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/starry.stan/)
> 
> if you want to contact me, feel free to use any of these, but my TUMBLR is solely for fan fiction purposes :D


	33. Spark {showhyuk part 1}

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Minhyuk makes an unusual friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beginning of the showhyuk arc! sorry this upload was so late today hhhh school is really getting to me oml

Minhyuk was boooored.

There was nothing to do at home and his friends were all busy! Tugging on his mom's dress, he peered up at her. "Mama?"

"Yes, honey?"

"Can I go to the park?"

His mom gave him a look. "What happened the last time you went to the park, Minhyuk?" Minhyuk stared at the ground, fiddling with the hem of his shirt guiltily as he recalled the huge fight he'd somehow gotten into with the neighbourhood boys.

"I won't fight again—I promise," Minhyuk told her earnestly, giving her his best big-boy look. With a tender smile she gave in, patting his back and pushing him towards the door as she reminded him to keep an eye on the time and be back before five.

Hurtling out of the door, Minhyuk thundered down the street and pelted around the corner, his eyes bright with excitement as he skidded to a halt in front of the local playground. "Swings!" he exclaimed to himself, running over to where the swings stood, currently abandoned.

Just as he was about to reach the gate to the swings, a large body slammed into his. Falling to the ground, Minhyuk wrinkled his nose, a spike of pain rattling through his left elbow. Dusting off his grazed hands, he winced audibly as a bit of grit irritated his raw hands.

"Oh no! I-I'm s-so sorry," someone stuttered, and Minhyuk looked up at the perpetrator, having every intention of pushing _him_ onto the ground.

His intentions passed as mere thoughts as he took in the boy before him. 

The other boy had beautiful features—that was the first thing Minhyuk noticed. _Wow, he's so pretty,_ Minhyuk thought, then frowned. _Wait, no, girls are pretty. He's handsome,_ Minhyuk decided upon, smiling at the other boy.

"Don't worry; I once punched a bigger boy! He nearly broke my arm, " Minhyuk recounted cheerfully, grinning wider when the appalled look on the taller boy's face grew more pronounced. "I'm okay thought," he hurried to reassure, relieved when the boy calmed down.

"I'm Minhyuk! Lee Minhyuk... what's your name?" The other boy fidgeted a little bit, choosing to stay silent. Minhyuk frowned a little.

"What, do you... do you not like your name or something?" 

The other boy nodded quietly. "People told me it was weird."

Minhyuk scowled. "What is it? I'm sure they're wrong," he huffed, affronted on behalf of the other boy, who seemed to be nice enough, and _extremely_ handsome to boot.

"Hy-Hyunwoo," he stammered, staring straight at the ground. Minhyuk cried out in triumph.

"Aha! Told you they were wrong—that's the prettiest name, like, ever!" 

Hyunwoo flushed bright red and stared at him in a pleased manner. Chuffed that he'd managed to cheer the other boy up, Minhyuk threw an arm around his shoulder. "Let's go on the swings! I'm the best at swinging; I always go higher than Taehyun and Ryu!"

"Who are they?" Hyunwoo asked, quirking a brown. Minhyuk laughed sheepishly.

"Ah—they're my friends! But they're both busy, so I came here on my own," Minhyuk explained, nodding to himself. Ryu had extra tuition because his parents were meanies, but Taehyun... hadn't spoken to Minhyuk properly in a while.

It was with some bitterness that Minhyuk recalled their final exchange.

_"Minhyuk?" Taehyun rounded the corner then stopped short. Just in front of him stood Minhyuk, who was awkwardly trying to push Euna off his chest._

_"I like you, Minhyuk-ssi! Please go out with me!" she exclaimed, eyes screwed shut. Unaware of Taehyun's presence, Minhyuk bit his lip and shook his head silently._

_"I'm really sorry Euna; you're really nice but I don't want to date you," he explained clumsily, wincing when Euna's glittering eyes turned watery with sorrow._

_"Y-you don't?" Minhyuk paused before shaking his head slowly._

_As he was about to detach Euna properly, a fist collided with Minhyuk's shoulder. "Ow!" he shouted, recoiling from the blow. Angry, he looked up to see who had hit him, only to blanch and step away, shocked._

_"Taehyun?"_

_Minhyuk could see the fury rippling across Taehyun's features in waves, his face darkening as he got closer and closer. The gravel under his feet crunched. The air suddenly felt uncomfortably dry._

_"How could you say that?" Taehyun spat, his eyes venomous as he kicked at Minhyuk's shin. Minhyuk panicked, knowing that the blow would swell and bruise._

_"Taehyun, stop!" Euna shrieked, also panicking. Taehyun ignored her and grabbed Minhyuk by the scruff of his collar._

_"You know how much I like Euna," he seethed quietly, glancing in the petite girl's direction. Minhyuk frowned._

_"What, so you wanted me to date her?" Taehyun shook him violently._

_"The hell? No! You could've been nicer about rejecting her, though," he fumed, releasing Minhyuk's collar only to shove his chest so hard that Minhyuk fell to the ground._

_"B-but—I don't like her!" he exclaimed, a little too loudly. Minhyuk cringed when Euna stifled a sob. Taehyun's expression grew more infuriated as he kicked a pebble at Minhyuk._

_"You're stupid," he announced bluntly, turning on his heel and leaving. Minhyuk got up after a few moments and left in the opposite direction. It was only when he reached the front door to his home did he realise that he'd left Euna standing there._

"Minhyuk?" The pretty boy was calling his name.

"Sorry," Minhyuk apologised, scratching his neck, "guess I got caught up thinking about some stuff! Wanna try the swings?" Nodding enthusiastically, Hyunwoo plopped down on one of the swings and waited patiently for Minhyuk to join him.

Together, they pushed at the bark-chipped ground with their feet, each boy entertaining fanciful dreams of swinging so high they take off and soar through the air. Minhyuk loved that feeling; it gave him a raw sense of freedom that he seldom achieved elsewhere.

Swinging his legs eagerly, Minhyuk gained momentum and soon was whooshing through the air, laughter spilling past his lips unabashedly as he turned his gaze on Hyunwoo, who was tentatively moving his legs about, trying to gain the same velocity Minhyuk had achieved.

A slight frown on his face, Minhyuk slowed down until his swing was stationary and jumped off, moving over to where Hyunwoo was still unsuccessfully trying to gain momentum. "No, no," Minhyuk chided, walking around until he was facing Hyunwoo's back.

"Hold on tight," he murmured, leaning in. Satisfied when Hyunwoo's knuckled turned white, he gently pushed the other boy's back. To his delight, the swing started to move. Standing back so that Hyunwoo wouldn't collide with his chest, Minhyuk began shoving the base of the swing's seat a little harder.

Hyunwoo rose higher and higher, and Minhyuk began to hear him laugh. It was a melodious sound; rich in tone yet unassuming. It made him like the other boy even more. He let Hyunwoo stay up there, giggling and swinging happily, before slowing down his pushes until Hyunwoo was able to get off.

Clumsily, the boy stumbled to his feet, turning around to smile sheepishly at Minhyuk, who had barked out a laugh. Feeling a little bad for laughing, Minhyuk sat down on the floor. After a moment's hesitation, Hyunwoo followed suit, not before checking to see if anyone was watching.

"Do you live around here?" Minhyuk wanted to know, placing his hands on his knees and rocking back and forth playfully. Hyunwoo shook his head.

"No. My father had to bring me with him on a work trip and brought me here to wait for him." Minhyuk frowned.

"How long have you been here for?" Hyunwoo paused to think, a strand of hair falling into his eyes as he tilted his head. Minhyuk desperately wanted to push it away; it can't have been comfortable, and was annoying him no end.

"Since lunch time," he concluded, making Minhyuk look up in shock.

"Lunch time?" Minhyuk repeated disbelievingly. Hyunwoo faltered.

"Is that... was I not supposed to be here?" 

Minhyuk shook his head. "No, you're allowed. But isn't that a really long time?" Hyunwoo bit his lip, averting his eyes as he fiddled with the hem of his dress shirt. Minhyuk scowled.

"I don't like your dad. He sounds mean," Minhyuk asserted blithely, moving to stand up. Offering out a hand to Hyunwoo, he was pleased when, a moment later, the boy took it. Pulling Hyunwoo up, he waited for the taller boy to dust himself off then they started walking.

"He's not mean, he's just really busy. Mom told me so," Hyunwoo added in a placating manner. Minhyuk paused in his footsteps, turning to observe Hyunwoo properly. The boy balked at his sudden interest, shifting nervously from one foot to another as Minhyuk narrowed his eyes.

"You're too nice. I'd just tell my mom that I don't want to go with my dad, cuz he's a big fat meanie." 

Hyunwoo gasped. "You shouldn't call people fat—it's rude!" Minhyuk laughed, his eyes crinkling.

"So what? If your dad's gonna be a meanie, I'm gonna be a meanie back!" At that statement, Hyunwoo allowed himself a quiet giggle, a hand going up to his mouth to disguise the laughter. Grinning at his companion, Minhyuk had a sudden epiphany.

"Hey, you want to come to my house? We have lots of fun games there, and my room's super cool!" Hyunwoo's smile fell.

"Um... I don't know if my dad will let me." 

Minhyuk scowled. "Can you call him or something?" Hyunwoo brightened considerably at that, his face lighting up like he'd just remembered something important.

"Oh, yeah! My dad gave me a phone that I can text him on," he explained, showing Minhyuk the sleek frame of—wait a second.

"Is that... the iPhone 3?" Hyunwoo nodded, his brows furrowing.

"I think so? My dad gave it to me to use; I think it's his old phone or something." Minhyuk's eyes bogged out of his skull. An iPhone? Hyunwoo must be rich! _Maybe he won't like my house, then,_ Minhyuk realised, subconsciously shrinking into himself.

"I really want to go to your house," Hyunwoo muttered, almost to himself, and the quiet statement was enough for Minhyuk to get a grip on himself. 

"Yeah! Me too," he grinned, leaning over Hyunwoo's shoulder to get a better look at the glossy phone screen.

"... and there, all done!" Hyunwoo finished, sending his text. After a couple of minutes spent playing Rock Paper Scissors, Hyunwoo's phone rang.

"Daddy?" he asked, holding the phone to his ear.

Minhyuk couldn't hear what Hyunwoo's father was saying, but judging by the look on his face, it didn't seem to be going very well. Making up his mind quickly, Minhyuk grabbed the phone out of Hyunwoo's hands and shoved it to his ear.

"Hello!" he called brazenly, ignoring the affronted blustering from the other end of the line. "I'm Minhyuk and I made friends with Hyunwoo today. I invited him to my house since it looks like it's about to rain and I didn't want Hyunwoo to get soaked waiting out here—plus, he said he's hungry and we're about to have dinner at home!"

Finally, after Minhyuk had paused for breath, the old man managed to get a word in edgeways. "Who are you, and where is my son?" Minhyuk frowned. That was not the answer he'd been looking for.

"I already told you, mister, my name's Lee Minhyuk, I'm ten years old and I want to take Hyun—your son to my house 'cause it's gonna rain!" The man was silent.

"Could I have your mom's phone number and you address, then, please?" Minhyuk paused momentarily, remembering that his mom had told him not to tell strangers his personal details, but then he remembered that he was speaking to Hyunwoo's dad, and rattled off the details as requested.

Once Hyunwoo's dad was satisfied with Minhyuk's details and had phoned his mother (which all took far too long, in Minhyuk's opinion), he was able to take Hyunwoo home with him.

When they arrived at the door and rang the bell, it opened to reveal his mother absolutely fuming with anger. "Lee Minhyuk, you have some serious explaining to do, young man," she seethed, grabbing his shoulder and tugging him inside.

At that moment, she realised that there was another, exceedingly frightened boy behind her own gremlin of a son, and immediately melted. "Hello, there, dear! You must be Hyunwoo. Do come inside—it's no trouble at all," she quickly reassured, seeing that he was about to apologise.

Wordlessly, Hyunwoo followed Minhyuk inside, shutting the door gently behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, stay safe, wash your hands and binge Haikyuu!! like me lol
> 
> SOCIALS:  
> • [Tumblr](https://starry-stan-2020.tumblr.com)  
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	34. Doujinshi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> let me explain

guy, im so sorry for doing this to you, I know how many people have been looking forward to these two side arcs.

Yesterday I came down with a bad cold and am suffering quite a lot as a result; I also didn't have any more chapters in my chapter bank so I have nothing to post today. I'm such a bad author TT

this fic will resume next **Wednesday!** hopefully by then my cold will be gone and my pile of homework will have diminished (;w;)

for now, take this:

\+ +

Kihyun sat on his bed, mind drifting from thought to thought aimlessly. Detachedly, he wondered whether his fic was doing well. The last thing he'd published had been a rather, ahem, _kinky_ fic of Hyungwon and himself. Dom!Hyungwon.

Flushing a bit, Kihyun rolled over onto his side and grabbed his phone. Opening the fanfic app, he scrolled down to his inbox, idly checking whether his favourite authors had updated anything as he did so. Kihyun nearly dropped his phone.

_Kihyun_Oppa_4389: I'm sooooo thirstyyyyyy goooood_

_A_Falafel_Monster: wow... dom!Hyungwon is my sexuality now I guess *shrugs*_

_QwQTATUwU: GIMME MOARRRRRR_

_Jihyun_Stan: holy FUCK that was hot_

_KihyunShipper: omg yaaaaaas author-nim thanks for the food_

_my_head_hurts: I was in a bad mood until I read this, now I'm just horny and angry_

_eyeseyeseyes: thank the yaoi gods_

Kihyun had yet to ascertain exactly what yaoi was, but figured it was something to do with gay relationships. Shrugging his shoulders, he keyed it into the search bar at the top of his phone (in incognito mode, of course).

The results made him want to bleach his eyes.

With a morbid kind of fascination, Kihyun tapped on a link that took him to a site with ages upon pages of yaoi manhwa. Not only did it have manhwa, but manhua and manga, too. With a start, Kihyun realised: _Wait a second. This is the graphic form of fan fiction, isn't it?_ Simultaneously eagerly and apprehensively, Kihyun tentatively typed in 'Monsta X' into the search bar.

Needless to say, Kihyun was not disappointed.

After reading half of a doujin that suddenly introduced tentacles half way through, Kihyun launched his phone at a pillow and tried to suffocate himself with the duvet. Jumping up, he scrambled to wrench open the door to the bathroom and wash his face, his cheeks cherry-red as his mind replayed the less-than-moral things Changkyun had been screaming.

 _Oh dear,_ Kihyun thought to himself fretfully, _I've turned into quite the kinky person, haven't I?_


	35. Ignition {showhyuk part 2}

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Minhyuk returns to his childhood home, and Hyunwoo has a revelation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: this chapter had exactly 1555 words! idk I just thought it was interesting :D

Minhyuk stared out of the grimy train window as the carriage shuddered beneath his shoes. Opposite him, Hyunwoo thumbed through his social media, the taller man's posture being the only thing to betray how uncomfortable he was.

 _I shouldn't have made him come with me,_ Minhyuk thought bitterly, regretting his earlier pleading. His mom had called him late last night, telling him that she missed him terribly and wanted him to come and visit.

After a few minutes of trying to coax out the _real_ reason why his mother wanted him back home, Minhyuk's mom broke down into tears and confessed that his father had taken a nasty fall and was currently in hospital awaiting surgery.

Minhyuk, of course, had immediately set about packing his bags, only to remember that he had an interview with a magazine the next day and wouldn't be able to come. Heartbroken, he'd been about to phone his mother when Hyunwoo had stepped in.

In his usual, logical manner, Hyunwoo quietly emailed the magazine, explained the situation and contacted manager-nim, telling the man that Minhyuk had somewhere more important to be than (and Minhyuk quoted) "an insignificant magazine interview that will not affect the band."

Within minutes, Hyunwoo had managed to convince manager-nim to let Minhyuk return home (even if it was only for the weekend). Hyunwoo coming along too, however, had been entirely Minhyuk's idea.

Edging on hysteria, Minhyuk had crumpled onto a sofa, his head too loud and the dorms too quiet. His breathing had sped up, and he'd started babbling incoherently. Jooheon had taken one look at him and dropped his towel, running over to Minhyuk's side and bending down to grab his hands.

"Breathe, Minhyuk," he hissed desperately, squeezing Minhyuk's hands so hard his knuckles turned white. Beside him, Hyunwoo was asking Jooheon what was going on in a confused voice, but by that point, Minhyuk had dissociated completely and was isolated in his head space.

It took him half an hour to regain cognisance.

After calming down and eating a bowl of noodle soup someone had left in the fridge (probably Changkyun, Minhyuk realised), Hyunwoo quietly reiterated his question.

Minhyuk had shifted uncomfortably, not too sure whether his friendship with Hyunwoo was strong enough to warrant telling him about something he'd had yet to discuss with even his closest friends.

However, Tired-and-Emotionally-Exhausted-Minhyuk won out over Logical-and-Not-Sleep-Deprived-Minhyuk. Taking a deep breath, Minhyuk had explained exactly why his reaction had been so violent.

\+ +

_"Are you particularly close with any of your cousins?"_

_Hyunwoo had pondered this question for a moment before shaking his head, his eyes wide and attentive as he inched forwards on the sofa, his large arms resting on his thighs._

_"No," he uttered eventually, turning to Minhyuk. A prompt to continue. Minhyuk didn't know if he could._

_The apartment was oddly void of sound. Jooheon had disappeared on the pretext of going to buy more soup and supplies for Minhyuk's trip. Minhyuk would have to thank him for it later._

_He knew that Changkyun was over at the studio composing, and that Hyungwon and Kihyun were off doing goodness knows what (probably something immoral). Huffing a laugh at the thought, Minhyuk reluctantly returned to his conversation._

_"Well, I had this one cousin. He was called Dong-Hyuk, but I always called him Dongie. We were. inseparable at a point; his family lives right next door to mine." Hyunwoo nodded, his actions tentative. Minhyuk could practically feel the confusion radiating off his friend's body._

_"There was this one thing Dongie always bugged me about trying—he was obsessed with parkour, y'see, and I was too, kind of. Heh—it was what led me to dance," he told Hyunwoo, his hands rolling limply in his lap._

_"Dongie and I took a short cut to school each day, next to a train station. We liked to cut corners, but there was one thing I always refused to cut, and that was going over the bridge of the train station. Dongie always wanted to try leaping from the roof of the train shelter to the other side. Said it gave him an adrenaline rush, or something," Minhyuk laughed bitterly._

_"Oh, there's one thing I forgot to mention. I made a friend briefly," he explained, smiling at the memory of Hyunwoo. Turning to his own Hyunwoo, he grinned. "You guys would've got along."_

_"Oh?" Hyunwoo looked up from his knees, interested. Minhyuk hid a smile._

_"Yeah. His name was Hyunwoo, too," he explained, "and he was so small! Shorter than me," Minhyuk laughed, straightening up a bit. Suddenly, his smile fell and his shoulders dropped._

_"Hyunwoo had to leave. So I was suffering already because of that. During the period between Hyunwoo leaving and—... I'll get to it—Dongie and I grew even closer." Hyunwoo nodded sympathetically, leaning a little onto Minhyuk. His heart rate sped up a little, but nobody needed to know that._

_He breathed in. "Dongie... It was a Thursday. I remember it really well, 'cause he'd told me he was leaving earlier than usual. He mumbled something about a meeting down the phone. Anyway, he... he..." Minhyuk couldn't get past the word. It was like he was a broken record, his vocal cords unable to produce the next words in the sentence._

_"He tried. To jump, I mean. He didn't make it."_

_Hyunwoo grasped Minhyuk's hand tightly. The room spun. Minhyuk held back his tears. "That kind of sent me over the edge for a while. I think I was traumatised by that experience," he laughed wetly, a stray tear escaping his eye and running down his cheek._

_Hyunwoo handed him a tissue, his expression grim. "Minhyuk."_

_Minhyuk turned, shocked out of his thoughts._

_"I'm coming with you."_

\+ +

"Jongno Station. Jongno Station. Passengers, please disembark with caution. From Seoul Transit: Have a wonderful day." Minhyuk gasped, startling in his seat. Leaping up, he tapped Hyunwoo's shoulder and the two of them got off the train.

Tugging his suitcase with increasing urgency, Minhyuk jogged over to the taxi hailing area. Following suit, Hyunwoo came to a stop next to Minhyuk, who had just successfully waved over a cab. They got in, the stale smell from the car making Minhyuk wrinkle his nose.

 _I hate taking the taxi,_ he thought to himself uncomfortably. The smell, the atmosphere, the aura... everything made him uncomfortable. Finally unable to take it any longer, Minhyuk leant forwards in his seat and addressed the driver.

"Excuse me, driver-nim, could you pull over here?" The taxi driver complied, and Hyunwoo got out to take the bags whilst Minhyuk paid the fare. Waiting for the taxi to disappear around the corner, only then did Minhyuk heave a sigh of relief. 

Hyunwoo looked at him quizzically. "Is your house nearby?" Minhyuk had been so focused on getting out of the car that he hadn't realised where they were. Luckily, though, after a quick check on Google he was able to ascertain that his house was within walking distance.

"Sorry," Minhyuk uttered sheepishly, making Hyunwoo look at him, "we're not there yet. I told him to stop at the wrong place," Minhyuk lied. "But don't worry! We're actually quite close. It'll take us about ten minutes to walk there—is that okay?" Hyunwoo nodded and they began following the path that the navigator told them to take.

After a couple of minutes, Minhyuk caught sight of something that made him laugh out loud. Joyously, he ran up to the gate and pulled it open, ushering for Hyunwoo to follow him. Noticing that Hyunwoo was pulling a strange face, Minhyuk grinned.

"What's wrong? You don't like playgrounds?"

Hyunwoo shook his head. "No, they're fine." He continued looking around with an unnamable expression, and Minhyuk frowned. Was Hyunwoo okay? He looked rather perplexed. Shaking his head and resolving to ask the bear-like man about it later, Minhyuk chose to grab Hyunwoo's arm and lead him over to the swings.

For a short moment, Minhyuk could pretend that he was back here with his first love—ironically, also a 'Hyunwoo'. _Maybe I have a type,_ Minhyuk snickered to himself, staring over at his new crush.

Hyunwoo was sat awkwardly in one of the swings, the metal chain links positively _straining_ under his weight. He looked comically nervous about the whole ordeal, with both his hands clasped tightly on the chains and his feet touching the ground as a precaution.

Minhyuk laughed out loud at the sight, unable to keep his mirth at bay any longer. Clutching his sides with both hands, he nearly fell off the swing from the sheer amount he was laughing. Bemused, Hyunwoo watched him silently, a gentle smile on his face.

Eventually, they resumed walking to Minhyuk's house, Hyunwoo taking one last cursory glance at the park before they left. Minhyuk smiled to himself, avoiding the cracks of the pavement as they approached the gate to his house.

Inputting the code, Minhyuk walked up the drive and stood on the porch. It was when he turned to unlock the door that he realised Hyunwoo hadn't followed him, and was instead stood at the foot of the drive, his eyes frighteningly wide in shock.

Minhyuk dropped the keys.

"Hyunwoo? Hyunwoo-ah," he called, a nervous edge to his voice. Reaching Hyunwoo's side, he grasped his arm. "Hyunwoo?"

Without any warning, Hyunwoo gathered Minhyuk up in his arms and kissed him.

Minhyuk's brain short-circuited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so evil lol;;; yet another cliff-hanger
> 
> if there are spelling errors PLEASE PLEASE tell me cuz I had 0 time to proof read
> 
> come scream at me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/starry_stan) lol :')
> 
> also plz comment it fuels my writing (alongside listening to Monsta X ofc)


	36. Alight {showhyuk}

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Hyunwoo and Minhyuk finally go see Minhyuk's dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this has not been beta read bc I literally wrote it in the span of 3 hours

Minhyuk had kissed people before. 

Girls. Boys. Neither. Both.

But nothing could compare to kissing Hyunwoo. 

He had never harboured a crush on anyone as long as his crush on Hyunwoo. Almost instantly, from the first time he'd met him, Minhyuk had been head-over-heels for the soft spoken man. There was something about him that drew Minhyuk in—made him want to treat the other man right.

Hyunwoo placed his hands on Minhyuk's hips, gently rubbing his thumbs over the shorter man's love handles. Minhyuk placed his own hands on Hyunwoo's chest, his breathing deep as he moved to open up his mouth.

"Ahem."

Hyunwoo jumped about three feet into the air, knocking Minhyuk's chin as he did so. Instantly, he was down on the floor, his head bowed and knees touching the ground. "Mom?" Minhyuk asked, his eyes wide.

"What a wonderful sight," his mother said sarcastically, sashaying over and slinging an arm around Minhyuk's neck. "The first thing I see is my son shoving his tongue down his poor lover's throat." At the word 'lover', Hyunwoo looked up, shocked.

Minhyuk's mom shot him a positively devilish grin. "'Sup, Hyunwoo? Haven't seen you in a hot minute," she grinned, slapping his back. Hyunwoo coughed a little, eyes wide. Laughing raucously, Minhyuk grabbed his hand.

"It's fine; she knows. I came out ages ago," Minhyuk sniggered, only laughing harder when the colour finally returned to Hyunwoo's sheet-white complexion. 

"So, when can I expect a wedding invitation, hmm?" his mom teased.

"Um, hello? Mom? Korea?" Minhyuk quipped back, rolling his eyes. His mom scoffed.

"You silly boy!" she retorted, decking him about the head, "You're an idol, are you not? How much money do you earn, huh? Ever heard of the USA? Europe? Canada?" Minhyuk held up a placating hand.

"Alright, I get it," he grumbled, "but the answer is still: not soon."

"Why not?" his mother prompted. Minhyuk snapped.

"Uh, maybe because we aren't even dating yet?" His mom's face was totally worth it. 

The whole situation became even better when Hyunwoo gasped "We're not?" in the most offended tone Minhyuk had ever heard out of the boy. He lost it, bending over double and laughing his socks off as his mother and boyfriend stared at him in confusion.

"No, no, we are, I'm just messing with ya," he joked, leaning in to give Hyunwoo a peck on the cheek. Blood flooded the gentle man's face, and Minhyuk found himself thinking, _He's too cute!_

His mom smiled at them both, her face warm. "It's lovely to see you again Hyunwoo; do you need me to show you the way to the spare room?" Hyunwoo shook his head, smiling softly.

"That won't be necessary; I've stayed over here enough times to know," he reassured, taking off his coat and hanging it on the coat pegs. Minhyuk frowned.

"Hey... how do you know where the spare room is?" he asked, but his mom's eyes widened and she pointed at Hyunwoo, a strange look on her face.

"Wait a second... Hyunwoo? As in Sohn Hyunwoo? That Hyunwoo?" Hyunwoo nodded, his face shining. 

"You finally recognised me. It's been a while, Mrs Lee," he smiled, and Minhyuk finally put the pieces together. He cupped a hand over his mouth, his chest tightening until it became uncomfortable, and Minhyuk realised that he was dangerously close to crying.

"Hyunwoo?" His boyfriend turned to look at him, a beautiful smile on his face.

"Yes, Minhyuk?" Minhyuk grabbed his hand without warning and led the taller man into his living room. Pushing aside various family photos, he searched and searched until he found the picture he was looking for.

Plucking the frame out of the mess he'd created, he whipped around, he turned and marched over to where Hyunwoo was watching him, a bemused look on his face. "Is this you?" he asked, tears threatening to spill over. Hyunwoo grasped the frame momentarily before nodding.

Minhyuk crumpled into his arms, his crying fairly silent except for the occasional sob that made it past his throat. Everything felt too hot, and Minhyuk's face was a mess of snot and tears and drool.

"Hyunwoo," he cried pitifully, burying his face into the man's chest. "God, I finally found you," he sniffled, taking the tissue that Hyunwoo handed to him and blowing his nose on it. Mrs Lee had followed them into the room and sat her son down onto a sofa, rubbing patterns into his back as he cried into the tissue.

Once he'd calmed down, Minhyuk pointed a wobbly, accusatory finger at Hyunwoo. "Y-you d-din't tell m-m-me," he stammered, and oh, dear, he was a mess all over again. Hyunwoo smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck.

"I didn't figure it out myself until I saw your house," he admitted, and Minhyuk stared at him, his eyes as wide as saucers.

"You two... honestly," Minhyuk's mom tutted, getting up. "Anyway, now that that's sorted, would you both like some dinner? We'll go visit your father tomorrow, Minhyuk, I'm sure he'll be eager to meet—no, be reintroduced to—Hyunwoo," she grinned, a telling smile on her face.

Minhyuk groaned. "Don't—he'll hog Hyunwoo for the entire visit if we tell him," Minhyuk whinged. Mrs Lee put her foot down at that.

"Minhyuk," she uttered, a warning tone in her voice, and Minhyuk relented.

"Fine, fine, we'll tell his bi-ass that I'm dating Hyunwoo," Minhyuk grumbled, causing his mother to clock him over the head. _She does that rather_ too _much,_ Minhyuk thought irately, massaging the spot Mrs Lee had whacked.

"Your father is bisexual?" Minhyuk smirked.

"Sure is! Oh, don't tell anyone," he added, "he gets super sensitive about it. He only came out when I did, after all," Minhyuk laughed, remembering the shocked expression on his mother's face. She'd taken it in her stride, though, admitting that she'd experimented with different genders back in high school.

Hyunwoo nodded, almost to himself, before fidgeting on the spot a little. Mrs Lee had left the room, and it was just the two of them. Minhyuk had an inkling as to why Hyunwoo was moving about so much, and he asked, "D'you want to say something?"

His boyfriend looked up sharply. "How did you know?"

Minhyuk rolled his eyes. "I've only been in love with you for, like, more than a decade," he groused. In the time it took for Minhyuk to realise what he'd admitted to, Hyunwoo's eyes had already shot wide open, his throat bobbing as he eyed Minhyuk.

"Say that again," he insisted.

"No," Minhyuk blustered, embarrassed by his admission. Hyunwoo shook his shoulder lightly.

"Please," he begged, and who was Minhyuk to say no to that?

"I've liked you since... you know. Back then," Minhyuk mumbled, his cheeks flushed red in a manner uncharacteristic of his usually confident nature. Hyunwoo took a deep breath, his nostrils flaring. He closed his eyes, then opened them again.

His irises blazing, Hyunwoo grabbed Minhyuk's chin and guided him into a kiss, his tongue already making its way into Minhyuk's mouth before the shorter man could gain his bearings.

Eyebrows shooting up, Minhyuk could only reciprocate. What had originally started out as a relatively innocent kiss soon melted into something lewder; more forbidden. The thrill of the knowledge that his mother could walk in any time only spurred Minhyuk on.

 _This is vaguely voyeuristic of me, huh,_ Minhyuk realised in a daze, curling his tongue in a sinful manner that got a deep groan out of Hyunwoo. Kinky.

Stopping before his mom came in to accuse them of consummating in her living room, Minhyuk hooked a finger around Hyunwoo's press-ironed collar and tugged him towards the door. "My room," he whispered breathily, making sure to look up through his lashes.

Hyunwoo's breath became shallower; more erratic. Grinning devilishly to himself, Minhyuk led Hyunwoo out of the living room, up the staircase and into his childhood bedroom. Ignoring the piles of old clothes and books that had been left on the ground, Minhyuk sat down on his bed and beckoned for Hyunwoo to join him.

Instantly, his boyfriend's mouth was on his again, and Minhyuk grinned into the kiss, using his teeth to drag out a needy gasp from Hyunwoo. Just as things were about to get even better (read: hands wandering into dangerous territory—i.e. his pants), Mrs Lee called "Dinner time, you two!"

Furious, Minhyuk dragged Hyunwoo back downstairs, fully intent on inhaling his dinner and teleporting back into his room so that they could continue their make-out session.

\+ +

Mrs Lee forced them to sleep in separate rooms, knowing full well what Minhyuk had been planning to coerce his poor boyfriend into. "No sex in my household!" she'd shrieked, causing Hyunwoo to closely resemble a tomato, and Minhyuk to legitimately consider throwing her out the window.

In the morning, Minhyuk got his revenge by using up all the eggs left in the fridge for his omelette. They continued to picked all the way to the hospital, where they checked in at reception (still arguing, mind you) and sat down in the waiting area.

Releasing a dramatic huff, Minhyuk folded his arms and stared at the wall clock with disinterest. Beside him, Hyunwoo gave him an unreadable look, and Minhyuk found himself asking the question he'd been meaning to ever since he'd seen Hyunwoo's face.

"What's up?"

Hyunwoo seemed to startle out of his thoughts, and coloured slightly. "Nothing," he replied, a little too quickly. Minhyuk furrowed his brows. "I don't mind, you know? You can ask me anything," he reassured, placing a hand on Hyunwoo's arm. The taller man shifted in his seat, then leant in close to Minhyuk's ear.

"Do you really want to fuck me that bad?"

Minhyuk recoiled as if Hyunwoo had pressed a flaming tong to his cheek. "Wh-what? What gives you that idea? I mean, you're not wrong, but—oh shit. I said that out loud, didn't I?" Hyunwoo nodded, cheeks flaming.

Sighing, it was Minhyuk's turn to lean over. "The answer is: yes, I'm desperate for you to fuck me, daddy," he added, grinning when Hyunwoo's face darkened with want. The larger man placed a hand on Minhyuk's thigh, and the spot positively burned with desire. Minhyuk was in serious danger of popping a boner—in _public_ —if Hyunwoo didn't calm down.

It was at this moment that Mrs Lee decided to intervene. "The nurse just came to let us know he's in room 108," she supplied, picking up her bag and standing. Waiting for the other two to do the same, she headed off in the direction of the elevator.

Holding his hoodie directly over his lower abdomen, Minhyuk followed his mom into the lift and pressed the button for the first floor. Upon arrival, Hyunwoo pointed in the direction of his dad's room, and they followed the sign posts until they found his room.

As soon as Minhyuk opened the door, he barrelled straight into his dad's surprised arms. "Minhyukie? What are you doing here—Hyunwoo? Wow, what a surprise!" Minhyuk's dad grinned, waving to Hyunwoo, who waved back politely.

Aw, he's nervous, Minhyuk realised, grinning as he hugged his dad. Mrs Lee smiled at her husband. "Honey, does Hyunwoo seem a little familiar?" Her husband nodded, confused. Rolling her eyes, Mrs Lee removed a small photograph from her purse.

"Here," she offered, handing it to Minhyuk's dad. He took the image, confusion written all over his face until he compared it to Hyunwoo and a lightbulb went off over his head.

"Hyunwoo?" he asked with renewed curiosity, and Hyunwoo nodded, smiling gently. Minhyuk grinned as his dad began gushing about how much Hyunwoo had grown, and how much he'd missed the young boy, and yada yada.

"He's my boyfriend now," Minhyuk blurted, and Mr Lee short-circuited.

"He what?" Minhyuk's dad choked, eyes bulging. Hyunwoo's face dropped, and Mr Lee rushed to fix the situation. 

"No, no, dear boy, I'm not upset, it's just—when? And why wasn't I told earlier? Hyunwoo, beware of this one, he likes to bite people when things don't go his way," Mr Lee warned, and Minhyuk gasped, offended.

"Dad, would you please stop exposing me—"

"Oh, that's right, honey! I forgot. Oh, and Hyunwoo, dear, make sure he eats his vegetables for me—"

"Mom, I swear to all things good and right in this world—"

"Minhyuk, it's okay, I don't mind—"

A typical day in the Lee household.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry for any spelling mistakes hdksjhddfs
> 
> come bully me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/starry_stan)  
> 


	37. Daddy (!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun and Hyungwon discover a kinky pet name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry guys, I haven't had time to beta read so if autocorrect hates on me plz don't judge ùwú

This was it. They were finally doing it. Kinhyu swallowed nervously, staring over at his bedroom door. 

Currently, he was situated on his bed in nothing more than his underwear and a sinfully transparent cloth robe.It had been his idea in the first place, of course, but Kihyun was beginning to regret going to fan fiction for his sexual needs.

Of course, he'd researched how to do it properly; fan fiction, although informative, was largely insufficient in terms of information that was actually useful. He remembered reading a Kiho fic where Hoseok had just— _shoved it in_.

Kihyun shuddered, his shoulders shivering as he drew the robe tighter around his body.

_Some 'robe' this is,_ he thought sardonically, _it barely counts as clothing, let alone a cloak!_ The robe was made of thin, see-through material that did nothing to cover his perky nipples (Kihyun cursed the cool air of his room), pronounced hips and slim waist.

Hyungwon had left the room after an intense make-out session, promising to return soon. They'd already discussed... doing the do, and Kihyun had assented that he was finally ready. Grinning, Hyungwon had kissed him on the lips one last time before disappearing off, telling Kihyun to get the lube and condoms out of the drawers in his room.

Leaning up on one elbow, Kihyun made sure for the eleventh time that the lube was full and that they had at least two condoms at the ready. _We won't need more than two, right?_

He splayed his hand out on the duvet, watching as the material folded and scrunched with each placement of his palm. Kihyun was nervous. He was so, so nervous, but he wanted to do this. Wanted Hyungwon.

Even if that meant bottoming.

Kihyun knew, in his heart, that he would have to be the bottom. He was shorter than Hyungwon, smaller (Kihyun bit his lip, lamenting the fact, but knew deep down that he wouldn't be adding another twenty centimetres to his pitiful stature any tine soon) and altogether uke material.

Yes, he'd quickly found out what that term meant. He was a fan fiction author, for goodness' sake.

The door clicked and something akin to lightning rippled through Kihyun's chest, elevating the rate at which his heart was beating. His head shot up, allowing his eyes to meet Hyungwon's.

Hyungwon paused in his steps, his expression unreadable. Then slowly, as if his personality had done a 180˚turn, his mouth curved up in a devilish grin, and his eyes roved over Kihyun's body shamelessly.

Blood rushed to Kihyun's cheeks, making him flush an unattractive crimson as he subconsciously tried to hide his legs. Immediately, Hyungwon was by his side, sitting down on the bed and leaning over.

"Hey," Hyungwon murmured, and Kihyun felt rivulets of affection stream down his spine. "You didn't have to wear that if you didn't want to," Hyungwon commented, "though I'm definitely not complaining," he tacked on, grinning when Kihyun hid his face in his hands.

"I thought it'd be less see-through," Kihyun admitted, and Hyungwon laughed, hiding his grin with a hand.

"You look good," he breathed suddenly, directly into Kihyun's ear, and the shorter man shuddered. Placing a hand on Kihyun's shoulder, Hyungwon let it trace his boyfriend's upper arm before sliding down to his wrist.

Without warning, Hyungwon yanked Kihyun's arm, causing him to fall forwards into Hyungwon's chest. Confused and a little turned on, Kihyun looked up at Hyungwon, his eyes wide and innocent.

"Huh?" he asked intelligibly, and Hyungwon's cool demeanour cracked.

"God," Hyungwon groaned, his voice muffled by the hand he was currently face-palming into, "you make it impossible for me to keep my cool," he confessed, peeking out at Kihyun through his fingers. Kihyun's mouth flapped open and closed like a fish.

"Damnit, Kihyun, you're adorable," Hyungwon whined, hugging him suddenly by the waist. Kihyun reciprocated after a couple shocked moments, squeezing his boyfriend's hips comfortingly.

"You're pretty cute yourself," Kihyun winked, and Hyungwon groaned.

"Agh, I'm cringing so hard right now," Hyungwon grimaced, wringing his wrists. Kihyun slapped him playfully, laughing as they leant in for a kiss.

Calming down, Hyungwon placed both of his hands on Kihyun's waist and dragged the smaller man closer until their bodies were flush against one another. Subtly, Hyungwon licked into Kihyun's mouth, and his boyfriend responded eagerly.

_He's trying something new,_ Kihyun realised, when Hyungwon angled their mouths slightly differently with a wild of his wrist. Hyungwon's tongue became more aggressive, curling around Kihyun's own in a sensuous manner as Kihyun breathed heavily through his nose.

Pausing momentarily, as if to regain his bearings, Hyungwon repositioned his mouth, and Kihyun's eyes went wide. Hyungwon, grinning at Kihyun through his lashes, was sucking on his tongue.

_Fuck,_ Kihyun thought fervently, making an obscene keening noise and melting at Hyungwon's touch, _that's fucking hot._ Hyungwon continued to suck on his tongue, the wet noises making Kihyun's dick twitch with interest.

It wasn't until he felt a heated hand palming him through the barely-there fabric that Kihyun let out a full-bodied moan. The noise shocked him, and he pulled away from Hyungwon, mortified.

Hyungwon curled an arm around Kihyun's waist, smiling at him reassuringly. His hair was a little tousled from where Kihyun's hands had found their place earlier, and his lips were redder than normal. All in all, he looked _shockingly_ beautiful.

"Hey, hey," Hyungwon coaxed, peeling Kihyun's hand away from where it was clamped over his mouth, "it's alright. I love you, Kihyun," he whispered, and Kihyun positively _burnt_ red.

"Any sounds that you make sound, uh, really sexy," Hyungwon coughed, embarrassed. Kihyun looked down at his lap, pleased but too mortified to consider making eye contact. "So... I guess, what I'm trying to say is that you can make noise. Hell, scream the house down. It's empty for a reason, after all," Hyungwon muttered seductively.

Kihyun quivered.

"O-okay," he assented quietly, cursing himself for stuttering. Hyungwon kissed him softly, once, twice, three times on the lips. "Love you," he repeated, and Kihyun smiled.

"I love you too."

\+ +

The tent in Hyungwon's pants was really, really obvious by this point. Kihyun kept glancing at it, his vision lust-dazed as he let Hyungwon kiss a trail down his neck. 

Almost by instinct, Kihyun reached down and touched Hyungwon's cock. The result was instant. Hyungwon hissed, his pupils dilating as he returned to kissing Kihyun with a renewed fervour. 

Before starting, they'd agreed not to leave marks, but Kihyun quickly found his resolve disintegrating as Hyungwon's kisses moved closer and closer to his own hard-on.

Biting back a moan, Kihyun rutted up into the air, his member throbbing with arousal. With a glance upwards to make sure Kihyun was okay with it, Hyungwon removed the poor excuse of a robe and placed his hands at the base of Kihyun's dick.

Kihyun groaned at that, arching his back as Hyungwon took the first few tentative licks. Soon, he was taking Kihyun's tip into his mouth, and Kihyun cried out at the hot, wet, lewd sensation.

The bed creaked as Hyungwon bobbed his head up and down, his movements becoming increasingly erratic the louder Kihyun got. "A-ah, Hyungwon—ahn," Kihyun slurred, his head lolling as Hyungwon flicked his tongue about the tip.

Precome dribbled down Kihyun's member and Hyungwon dutifully lapped it up, placing his tongue flat at the bottom of Kihyun's cock and sliding up to the head. Kihyun's body shuddered, his eyes fluttering to a close as he felt a tightening sensation begin to form in his lower stomach.

Hyungwon didn't let up, his tongue continuing to drag up and down Kihyun's dick erotically until he had the shorter man panting like he was in heat above him. "Hyungwon, noo—ah! Ungh," Kihyun groaned, pissed when he realised Hyungwon had sat up just as he was about to cum.

Reaching down to finish the job, Kihyun was surprised when Hyungwon's hand shot out to block his own. "Nope, you've gotta calm down first," Hyungwon grinned, and holy _fuck_ his voice had dropped by at least a fifth.

Kihyun's cock ached with want, practically straining to stand straighter as Kihyun took several deep breaths in order to calm himself down. As Hyungwon reached over to grab the lube, it finally clicked.

_Oh. We're really doing this,_ he thought, nervous all of a sudden. Hyungwon removed his underwear, showcasing his own throbbing erection, and Kihyun thanked the higher powers for blessing him with such a beautiful sight as the one in front of him.

"Fuuuck," Kihyun dragged out, letting the 'u' hang in the air. Hyungwon smirked, and Kihyun's stomach flipped. _I don't mind bottoming if it's with him, he thought resolutely,_ watching as Hyungwon warmed up some lube in his hands...

... and placed a finger underneath himself. 

_Wait, what?_ Kihyun thought, confused.

Hyungwon sat in front of him, entirely naked. He was on both knees in front of Kihyun, tracing lewd circles around his entrance. Hyungwon's _own_ entrance. _Wait a second... is Hyungwon bottoming?_

Kihyun's brain short-circuited, just as Hyungwon let out a positively _filthy_ moan. "Ahn~ —Kihyun," he keened, throwing his head back and displaying the beautiful column of his neck. Kihyun surged forwards to pepper it with kisses, his hands resting lightly on Hyungwon's waist as the taller man continued to finger himself.

_This has to be the hottest thing I've ever seen,_ Kihyun thought feverishly, eyes roaming over Hyungwon's slender arms, his cute pecs and down to his beautiful hips. Kihyun licked his lips, bent his head and flicked his tongue over Hyungwon's nipple.

Hyungwon moaned erotically, his free hand fisting Kihyun's hair as he other pumped in and out of himself steadily. With Kihyun watching, he added another finger, making sure that Kihyun could see him pushing it in to the knuckle.

Kihyun had to hold himself back from going bat-shit feral at that and completely devouring Hyungwon. 

After several more minutes of Kihyun abusing Hyungwon's pecs and Hyungwon gasping, breathing, groaning, Hyungwon pulled out his hand. "I'm ready," he wheezed, grabbing Kihyun's back as the other man sat down.

Not waiting for Kihyun to calm down or regain his bearings, Hyungwon pushed Kihyun back into his pillow then crouched directly above his dick. Kihyun felt blood surge towards his abdomen and gulped, his eyes straying to Hyungwon's own.

Big mistake.

Hyungwon's tongue flicked out of his mouth to circle his mouth erotically, his eyes glinting with fire-fuelled lust as he positioned himself. Kihyun's arms were clenched by his sides. _I've never been so hard in my entire life,_ he thought disjointedly.

Then Hyungwon literally _fucking_ _sat down on his dick_. Kihyun's world flashed white, a loud, unabashed moan ripped from his throat as he barely managed to prevent himself from bucking up into the wet, hot chamber inside of his boyfriend.

Hyungwon mewled, staying still for a heated second before sliding down. The sensuousness of the action had Kihyun melting at his boyfriend's every touch. Tongue lolling out of his mouth, Hyungwon began to ride Kihyun, his ass slapping Kihyun's thighs lewdly as he rolled his hips.

The very action was sinful, the sound echoing through the room and burning themselves into Kihyun's long-term memory. Hyungwon's shoulders were tinged pink with arousal, his eyes leaking tears and his abdomen clenching each time he sank down on Kihyun's cock, causing them both to groan.

"F-fuck," Kihyun bit out, bracing himself on the bed with both arms as Hyungwon's rhythm got a little sloppier. His moans increasing in volume, it was all Kihyun could do to slap a hand over his mouth, his eyes rolling into his skull as Hyungwon's hole did things to him.

"Ah—harder," Hyungwon groaned. All Kihyun's blood rushed straight to his member, punctuated with a feral growl as he rolled his hips into Hyungwon's ass. Hyungwon fell forwards onto Kihyun's chest, licking wet stripes with the flat of his tongue as he continued to ride the shorter man.

This angle is great... I can see everything, Kihyun smirked, placing a searing hot hand on Hyungwon's love handle. Hyungwon moaned, loud and high-pitched, as Kihyun adjusted his grip to knead at the soft, pliant flesh there.

"Uagh—" Hyungwon choked, his forehead falling onto Kihyun's shoulder as he panted. "More, daddy—"

Kihyun's mind blanked.

"What'd you just call me?" he whispered, not daring to speak at a regular volume for fear of breaking the hazy spell Hyungwon had cast over the both of them. Hyungwon looked away for a few, worrying seconds, before bringing his eyes back resolutely.

"Daddy," he murmured into Kihyun's ear, right as he slammed down onto Kihyun's dick. Kihyun gritted his teeth, his erection now genuinely painful. His breathing came out shallow and stunted as a coil of hot iron formed in his lower stomach.

Kihyun felt his arousal building as Hyungwon fucked him harder, bouncing like it was his life's purpose to milk Kihyun's cock. Moaning lewdly, Kihyun grasped Hyungwon's back, scratching pink lines down it as he came harder than he ever had before.

As he returned from his high, Kihyun realised one important fact: Hyungwon had not cum yet.

Licking his lips in a perfectly _sinful_ manner, Kihyun placed his mouth over one of Hyungwon's nipples and flicked his tongue over the nub that was quickly pebbling. Now hard, Kihyun went to town on it, biting the flesh and rolling it between his teeth.

Hyungwon groaned lowly, his face flushed with desire as he fucked himself loosely on Kihyun's softening dick. Reaching down, Kihyun took Hyungwon's member into his hands and grinned at the way Hyungwon squirmed, mewling and biting his lip at Kihyun's every touch.

"So sexy for me, baby," Kihyun groaned, and Hyungwon threw his head back, shrieking as he came.

They lay back down, completely and utterly exhausted. Kihyun immediately turned to Hyungwon, his eyes sparkling with anticipation.

This is it! The part that's even better than the sex: sweet, sweet aftercare!

"Hyungwon, do you need anything?" he asked gently, placing a small hand on one of Hyungwon's biceps. The other man smiled softly at him.

"A damp towel, please," he asked, "oh, and maybe a change of clothes," he added, grinning. Kihyun gave a little salute.

"Anything for you, baby," he laughed, smirking when Hyungwon's eyes darkened just a little at the pet name.

"Mm, I could get used to being called that, daddy," Hyungwon grinned, and Kihyun tripped over thin air, wheezing as he stood straight again.

"God, you're going to be the death of me," Kihyun lamented, covering his flaming cheeks with the fresh set of clothing he'd just fished out of Hyungwon's cupboard. Grabbing a damp towel from the bathroom, Kihyun set about dabbing it over Hyungwon's body.

"I can do it myself, y'know," Hyungwon muttered, but Kihyun silenced him with a hand.

"Nope," he quipped, "I want to do this. I've been looking forward to it all evening," he confessed, deciding to keep quiet about how he'd spent two hours looking up 'must-try aftercare activities to complete with s.o.'.

Hyungwon laughed, covering his mouth with a hand. He stared at Kihyun for a few seconds, but his eyes weren't uncomfortable. They just made Kihyun feel loved.

"I love you," Hyungwon smiled, and Kihyun beamed back.

"I love you, too," he returned, snuggling under the covers with his boyfriend.

\+ +

Hyungwon grinned to himself, feeling Kihyun's arms around his waist as the other man slept quietly.

_So... he likes being called 'daddy'._

Hyungwon mentally filed the fact away for another time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMAO IM SORRY IT WAS BAD WASNT IT HNGGGGGGG
> 
> COME SCREAM AT ME ABT HOW U WANT REAL SMUT ON [TWITTER](https://twitter.com/starry_stan)
> 
> I also got a [Tumblr](https://starry-stan-2020.tumblr.com) hehe


	38. Sapling (!)   {jookyun part 1}

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Changkyun thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T/Ws:
> 
> \- suicidal thoughts  
> \- depressive thoughts  
> \- dub-con  
> \- crying during sex  
> \- unrequited love (not rlly a tw but I'll put it here anyway)

Changkyun stared out over the city, the skyscrapers and office edifices submerged in a fiery ochre sea. The last of the sun reached over the horizon, as if it were beckoning for Changkyun to follow. He thought about it, sometimes.

Jumping.

For the nth time that day, Changkyun pressed his palms to his eyes, taking a shuddering inhale of the lukewarm air as he curled in on himself silently. He'd been up there, brooding, for at least an hour. It was a matter of time before he received the text.

It would come at the same time as usual—five-fifty-five on the dot. Changkyun would then make his way downstairs, jumping the steps two at a time in his haste to reach the dorm. Once he'd burst out of the building, into their apartment block and up the stairs, he'd enter their dorm and go straight to Jooheon's room.

_Jooheon's room._

The very thought of it make Changkyun sick to his stomach. He grimaced, trying to calm himself by looking at the sunset, but the quiet bubble he'd resided within had popped.

Gritting his teeth, Changkyun jumped when his phone went off. _Stupid—why did you freak out? You knew it was coming,_ he berated himself mentally. Dusting off his hands on the back of his pants, Changkyun set his jaw and started off towards the door that would lead him off the roof, down the stairwell and onwards to the torture he put himself through weekly.

\+ +

They'd started doing it a couple of months ago, when Jooheon had been on his mental health break for two months. He'd had a breakdown and it had been Changkyun who had managed to calm him down.

After that, the group subconsciously turned to Changkyun whenever Jooheon had a slip. He hadn't minded at first; it was such a stark difference from way back when he'd first joined the group that he'd gotten whiplash. 

Whereas at first, he was ostracised and hated by the other members, he was now being relied upon as the pillar of the group. However, being Jooheon's anchor was taking its toll on Changkyun, but not for the reason Kihyun had assumed when he'd brought it up.

_"Kihyun."_

_The other man turned around, his face curious as he walked over to where Changykun stood, his body tense. "Yes? What's up?" Kihyun asked, cocking his head cutely. Changkyun breathed in through his nose, his face grim, and Kihyun's kind-hearted smile dropped._

_"Changkyun? Is there something wrong?" he questioned fretfully, putting a small hand on Changkyun's shoulder. Changkyun nodded silently, refusing to meet his gaze._

_"It's hard," he said in a small voice, hating how vulnerable he sounded. Ever the good hyung, Kihyun lead him over to the sofa and they sat down together._

_"What's hard?" Kihyun's tone was so gentle it broke Changkyun's walls and he burst into tears, shaking his head as he sucked in shaky breaths. Clearly out of his depth, Kihyun panicked, going in for a hug nervously._

_Not really caring that Kihyun was nervous, Changkyun buried his head into Kihyun's shoulder and sobbed, hiding his face in the other man's neck. When he pulled away, he noted with embarrassment that he'd left a wet patch on kihyun's shirt._

_"Wha—oh, don't worry about that," Kihyun smiled, flapping his hands. "Now, what's so hard that you're crying over it, hmm?" Changkyun sniffed, vaguely embarrassed._

_"Jooheon," he said quietly, watching as Kihyun's face fell._

_"Oh, Changkyun," he whispered, placing a gentle hand on his knee. "It must be so hard for you. We've been putting so much pressure on you—I knew it was taking its toll," Kihyun fretted, but Changkyun was already standing up._

_"It's not that, Kihyun-ssi. Not that. I'm fine, I just... wanted to let it out for a bit," he smiled, but the smile was broken, only held together by his facade. Apparently, it was just about good enough for Kihyun, who let him go with another hug and a concerned wave._

It wasn't the fact that he had to take care of Jooheon. It wasn't the fact that they were having sex. It wasn't even the fact that Jooheon refused to kiss him. He could deal with all of that just fine.

It was the fact that he'd caught feelings a long time ago.

Trying his hardest to push away his thoughts, Changkyun knocked at Jooheon's door. Two knocks sounded back; he was free to enter. Pushing open the door, Changkyun was met with the same sight as usual.

Jooheon was sat on his bed, his face blank. His foot was bouncing nervously, and Changkyun bit his lip. It's gonna be bad, today, Changkyun realised, resigning himself to the fact that he probably wouldn't come out of the room without a couple of scratches on his legs.

Although Jooheon was fairly rough during sex, he still remained sane enough to not put any large scratches on Changkyun's body; just enough that they'd be able to heal within a couple of days.

Flinging off his jacket, Changkyun kicked off his shoes and clambered onto the bed, his throat dry as he swallowed. "What am I today?" he asked, waiting for Jooheon's reply as he fumbled with his shirt bottoms.

"S," Jooheon replied simply, and Changkyun's stomach dropped. _Shit._ He'd misjudged Jooheon when he'd entered the room. He'd seen his knee, bouncing quickly, and mistaken it for worry; for fear.

Jooheon was angry.

Jooheon pounced on him, then, eyes flashing and mouth open in a snarl. Changkyun pushed him off desperately, trying his hardest to subdue the other man. "Safe—shit! Jooheon, calm down! I'm not doing this without safe words, fuck!"

At that, Jooheon stopped struggling, sitting up straight as his expression clouded over. "Fuckin' same as always," he cussed, his hands clenching around the duvet. "Green for go, orange for pause, red to stop, alright?"

It was the most Changkyun had heard out of Jooheon in weeks. Shocked, he could only nod. "It's good to reinforce them, though," Changkyun mumbled quietly, watching as Jooheon shucked off his trousers and grabbed the lubricant from his bedside table.

"Condom," Changkyun whispered, taking off his own pants. Jooheon waved a hand irately, swiping a small square packet from his bedside drawer. Ripping it with his teeth, Jooheon took off his underwear and slid the condom on.

It only solidified Changkyun's fear.

When they'd first started the arrangement, Changkyun had topped. He'd only topped. It wasn't like Changkyun minded bottoming or anything, but...

Jooheon was rougher when he topped. 

Preparing himself mentally, Changkyun knew that the night would end how it always did; he'd stumble out of Jooheon's room at an unholy time (probably around three or four in the morning), wipe the cum off of his legs then collapse into bed.

He lay back onto the bed, his heart pounding. Without even looking at him, Jooheon slicked out two of his fingers and slid them inside Changkyun's entrance. He bit back a shriek, clapping his hands over his mouth as he squeezed his eyes shut.

_I can't take this anymore._

The thought was invasive and came out of nowhere, shocking Changkyun out of his thoughts. Surprised, he felt tears start to form, and panicked a little. Breathing deeply as Jooheon added a third finger and things started to get uncomfortable, Changkyun grasped the duvet next to his head, stifling a moan.

Jooheon removed his fingers, and Changkyun's heart plunged. 

Lining himself up, Jooheon didn't give Changkyun any warning before he sank himself deep into Changkyun's entrance. Changkyun muffled his scream of pain, shutting his eyes so tight he saw white spots dance.

Unable to contain himself any longer, Changkyun gave a low groan, his body twitching as Jooheon began moving. His movements went from tentative to violent, as Jooheon pistons his hips. It was all in self-interest, and that was the part that hurt Changkyun the most.

He'd gone into this arrangement knowing that Jooheon was effectively using him, but _fuck_ did it hurt, knowing that Jooheon didn't care about him at all. Mortified, Changkyun felt himself start to cry, his body shaking as he let Jooheon use him like a fleshlight.

_You're worthless._

_They never loved you._

_Especially not him._

Suddenly, the movement stopped, and Changkyun opened his eyes, fearful of what he'd see. Jooheon was staring at him, his eyes wide and face pale. "Changkyun?" he asked, his voice suddenly small. Changkyun's brain whirred, then he jolted.

_Fuck. It looks like I didn't use the safe word, or some shit._

But as Changkyun opened his mouth to correct Jooheon, the other man's face crumpled. Pulling out suddenly, Jooheon pointed at the door. "Go," he whispered, his voice deadly quiet. Changkyun tried to protest.

"Hyung, no, it's not—"

"Get out!" Jooheon shrieked, and Changkyun winced.

If anyone else is up, they'll have heard that.

As Jooheon got up, Changkyun saw the tell-tale signs of an anxiety attack. 

Shaking. Shortness of breath. Dissociation.

Changkyun leapt up and took Jooheon into his arms. "I'm not leaving you, hyung," Changkyun whispered wetly, hugging Jooheon tightly. Jooheon went limp in his arms, snuffling quietly as he cried silently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry y'all that was REALLY ANGSTY
> 
> I promise it gets better
> 
> Jooheon isn't actually a dick, I'll explain it all next week ;)
> 
> come cry with me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/starry_stan)


	39. Shrub

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Changkyun and Jooheon talk it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY THIS IS LATE SJDHKSJDHSKJDH
> 
> also I didn't re-read so if there are spelling errors plz blame autocorrect ;-;

They moved to the soft rug Jooheon kept next to his bed. Changkyun found a box of tissues and wiped both of their faces down, his heart breaking as he took in Jooheon's red eyes and cheeks stained with tear tracks.

Surprisingly, it was Jooheon that spoke first. "Changkyun, I..." He tapered off, but Changkyun didn't press him. He understood why, after all.

What _could_ they say?

So Changkyun took the lead. "Hyung, it's okay. You don't have to say anything. Maybe we should just... stop." Jooheon looked at him, panicking, and Changkyun cursed his next words.

"I'm so sorry hyung—it's just—I-" Changkyun's words died in his throat, and he took a deep breath. The room was murky; bathed in shadows, and the apartment was as silent as a ghost town. "I love you too much to keep pretending I don't," Changkyun choked out.

He refused to meet Jooheon's gaze. Every inch of him was alight with a searing pain, the agony lancing through his bones as his breathing stuttered. He felt heavy and light all at once, his head spinning as he finally dared to look up.

Jooheon was staring at him with an extremely confused look on his face.

"Jooheon?" Changkyun asked, his voice hoarse. Jooheon touched his cheek gently, his face melting as he gave Changkyun a small, _beautiful_ smile.

"Changkyun... I don't think I was clear enough, huh?" It was Changkyun's turn to state in confusion.

"What—what do you mean, hyung?"

Jooheon sighed, putting his hands in his lap. Slowly, he faced Changkyun, his face sallow as he gulped. "You... I thought we were already together?"

 _Together?_ Changkyun stopped functioning. _What does he mean? Together as in... as in dating?_

"Like—dating?" Changkyun blurted, and Jooheon flushed, looking at the ground.

"Um, yeah," he whispered, and Changkyun's eyes bugged out of their sockets.

"When did you mention dating? I don't remember that at all," Changkyun muttered, furrowing his brows. Jooheon winced.

"I thought—oh, man," Jooheon bit back a sob, "I really messed up, huh?" Changkyun turned and hugged Jooheon fiercely, burying his head into Jooheon's shoulder. "It's okay, hung—shh, it's okay," he whispered as Jooheon snuffled, the other man's hands reaching up to tangle in Changkyun's hair.

"I think my mind played a trick on me," Jooheon admitted quietly, and Changkyun nodded slowly.

"I have a feeling it was around the second time we did it," Jooheon carried on, and Changkyun's eyes widened. He recalled Jooheon being extra affectionate during sex that time; it made sense.

"Wel... do you want to date? For real?" Changkyun asked, and Jooheon looked at him, stricken.

"How could I, after what I did to you?" Jooheon asked, his tone broken as he resolutely avoided Changkyun's eyes. Changkyun pulled Jooheon onto his lap and rested his chin on the other man's head.

"I'll admit that what you did to me will take a while to recover from," Changkyun murmured, "but you're underestimating how long I've been waiting to date you," he finished, smiling when he saw the tips of Jooheon's ears flush red.

"Oh," was all Jooheon had to say, hanging his head a little. He turned, then, to look at Changkyun, a thousand emotions flashing across his face. In the silence, Changkyun saw the question that Jooheon had yet to voice.

_Do you still want me, even after everything I've put you through?_

The answer was yes. _The answer will always be yes,_ Changkyun thought vehemently as he took in Jooheon's worried face. Smoothing his boyfriend's cheeks with the pad of his thumb, Changkyun leant down to press a kiss to Jooheon's forehead.

"I want you," Changkyun whispered, "and I always will, hyung." Jooheon's face crumpled, and he hid his head in his hands. His body heaved, and Changkyun rubbed the other man's back comfortingly as he cried.

The few minutes of silence were precious to Changkyun. They symbolised the end of their previous relationship, and the start of a new one. Standing up, Changkyun offered his hand to Jooheon, who took it without a moment's hesitation.

Moving over to the bed, Changkyun took a deep breath. "Can I stay here with you?" he asked, but Jooheon was already pulling him down onto the mattress, his face a lot calmer now as he turned to cuddle Changkyun better.

Jooheon inhaled deeply, and Changkyun mirrored his action, enjoying the calming woody scent that Jooheon was wearing. It was strange, lying down on Jooheon's bed like this; the only other times he'd ever done this were when Jooheon had wanted to fuck.

Because they hadn't made love. Not once. Every time they had sex, it was just a fuck, not an act of love. Changkyun hoped that would change.

"Hyung," Changkyun murmured, and Jooheon lifted his head from where he'd been happily burying it in Changkyun's shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to have sex."

Jooheon paused, his face unreadable, then it clouded over. "I'm so sorry, Changkyun," he whispered, his face ashen as he sucked in shuddering breaths. Changkyun wrapped his arms around Jooheon's waist and pulled him closer until both of them were flush against one another.

He didn't say 'It's okay' or 'I'm fine', because it wasn't and _he_ wasn't. Instead, he breathed, "I love you. This doesn't mean that I'm completely over what happened—it might take me a while to heal—but I love you, okay hyung?" Jooheon snuffled, hugging Changkyun tightly.

"Love you too, Kyunggie," he whispered, closing his eyes. Jooheon was silent for a few moments, but it didn't feel uncomfortable, as it had before. Changkyun was enjoying the peace.

"Should we... should I set up some boundaries?" Jooheon waited for Changkyun's answer, biting his lip as his hair clouded his doe-eyes. Changkyun froze.

"Boundaries? That's... maybe we should," Changkyun assented, realising that he didn't want to be caught in a situation that could hurt either of them. He moved so that their legs were tangled together and got thinking.

"I don't want to have sex," Changkyun reiterated. "I want to make love to you." Jooheon's cheeks tinted pink, but he nodded. "Not right now," Changkyun continued, "but maybe in the future. I'm okay with holding hands and maybe a bit of kissing or something," he added, ducking his head in embarrassment.

Jooheon inhaled Changkyun's natural scent deeply. "That's fine by me, Kyunggie. Anything that you want," he murmured, but Changkyun frowned.

"No. You've got to have boundaries too, okay? Other wise it's not healthy," Changkyun muttered, earning a small smile from Jooheon. 

"Okay," the other man conceded, lightly tracing shapes over the milky skin of Changkyun's shoulder. "In that case... maybe don't make any surprises for me. I don't like them," Jooheon said softly, and Changkyun nodded, carding his hands through Jooheon's un-dyed, natural hair.

"I like your hair like this," Changkyun commented. Jooheon gave him a gummy smile, almost like a fox baring its teeth, and nuzzled into Changkyun's chest. Changkyun smiled softly, his touches gentle as he played with Jooheon's fringe.

"Cut it out," Jooheon snickered playfully, slowly batting Changkyun's hands away. Moving them to Jooheon's arms, Changkyun occupied himself by massaging Jooheon's muscles.

"Is it nice?" he asked, and Jooheon gave a little huff, relaxing into Changkyun's touch like he'd become liquid. Changkyun laughed, shifting to massage Jooheon's shoulders instead. They were both quiet for a moment, Changkyun busy massaging and Jooheon sighing in content every so often.

"Hey," Changkyun whispered after a while of enjoying himself, "do you want to go on a date this Sunday?" His question was proposed softly, with amber eyes and rose-tinted cheeks. Jooheon nodded languidly, resting his face on Changkyun's shoulder.

"Yes please," Jooheon grinned, and Changkyun smiled back.

"Where d'you wanna go? Cafe? Theme park? Aquarium?" Jooheon stopped to think.

"Can we go to a dog cafe?" Changkyun studied his boyfriend for a couple of seconds, eyes wide.

"Didn't peg you as the cutesy type, but I can get on board with that," Changkyun smirked, pleased when Jooheon flushed crimson.

"Hey, no judging, please. You're the one with cringey emo keyrings on your backpack," Jooheon countered, but the snipe was ruined by a large yawn. Changkyun giggled, hugging Jooheon loosely as he murmured, "Touché, Honey."

The nickname made Jooheon bury his head into the duvet, and it was the cutest thing Changkyun had seen all week. "Aww, did I embarrass you, _honey?_ " Jooheon groaned from somewhere under the sheets, his voice muffled by the layers of fluff.

"Stop, you're going to drive me mad," Jooheon whined. Changkyun grinned.

"That was the aim, baby."

At that, Jooheon's head popped back out of the covers, his hair all messy like a dandelion. An adorable pout was on his lips and his thin brows were furrowed. "Not fair, Kyunggie." They settled back down, and Changkyun tried to even out his breathing, trying to breathe more deeply as he did so.

Out of the silence, Jooheon opened his mouth. "Changkyun?" Changkyun turned to look at his boyfriend properly. 

"Yeah?"

"Should we... have a system?" 

Changkyun cocked his head, confused. "System? For what?" he asked, leaning forwards subconsciously. Jooheon thinned his lips.

"For... if we don't like something." _Ah. He's talking about a colour system. Got it,_ Changkyun realised.

"What, like in BDSM?" 

_Crap,_ was Changkyun's only thought. _That was beyond kinky, Changkyun. Think before you speak, dammit._

Instead of blushing, or reacting any other way Changkyun had expected, Jooheon nodded enthusiastically. "Yes. I... I know what I did to you will contradict this, but... when I submit, there's this headspace that I can only achieve then. It helps with the... anxiety," Jooheon admitted, staring at his hands.

Changkyun understood immediately. _Submitting to me... helps his anxiety. That's—that's amazing._ "Would I be able to help with that? With you submitting" Jooheon didn't respond for a while, then made a short nod.

"How?" Changkyun enquired. Jooheon gulped.

"Could you sit up for me? With your legs over the side of the bed? I won't do anything lewd," Jooheon hurried to reassure, but Changkyun was already moving. Once he'd assembled himself, he placed his hands on each thigh.

Jooheon moved so that he was kneeling between Changkyun's legs. Despite the other man's reassurances, Changkyun couldn't help but compare the action to slightly less innocent ones. 

Shaking his head, Changkyun refocussed as Jooheon leant down to rest his head on Changkyun's thigh. He stayed there, not really knowing what to do, as Jooheon closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.

After having sat there for several minutes without Jooheon moving, Changkyun got bored and slid his book over so that he could read it. Without meaning for it to, time passed and he found that an hour had whipped by.

Jooheon stood up, his knees red from the effort of kneeling so long. He looked disorientated, but Changkyun could see the physical changes in Jooheon's appearance. He looked more alert, his posture was more confident and his face had more colour in it.

"Did that... do anything?" Changkyun was hesitant to ask. Jooheon looked at him, eyes shining.

"That was better than anything I could've imagined," Jooheon whispered, his voice hushed as he pulled Changkyun into a soft kiss. "Thank you so much," he smiled, his eyes squishing cutely as he hugged Changkyun some more.

"I'm going to ask for colours next time," Changkyun uttered, almost like a promise to himself. "Green means okay, yellow means pause and red means stop, okay? If you say red I'll stop no matter what's happening," Changkyun added, getting a little riled up at the thought of accidentally hurting Jooheon.

The other man smiled lovingly and hugged Changkyun's waist. "The colours work both ways," Jooheon reminded him, staring intently at Changkyun. "If I ever do something like... that to you again, you can say red, and I'll definitely stop. For some reason, the colours really resonate with me," Jooheon mumbled, nosing at Changkyun's chest.

The younger man hummed in response. Slowly, lethargically, they made their way back to bed and fell into a deep slumber, arms and legs entwined as they slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please feel free to come scream at me about not sticking to my update schedule here:
> 
> • [Tumblr](https://starry-stan-2020.tumblr.com)  
> • [Twitter](https://twitter.com/starry_stan)  
> • [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/starry.stan/)


	40. Thrive {jookyun part 3}

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Changkyun and Jooheon go on their date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY THIS HASNT BEEN BETA READ BC I AM A BIG STUPID THAT LEFT WRITING TO THE LAST MINUTE FHDHFSHJKDFHSKJHF

A sharp beeping noise shocked Changkyun out of his peaceful slumber, making him wrinkle his nose in displeasure. He shrugged the remaining dredges of sleep off, swinging his legs out of the bed as he scratched the back of his neck.

Silently cursing his alarm, Changkyun slammed his hand on the snooze bar then clicked the toggle to 'off'. Yawning widely, Changkyun flattened a cowlick of hair that had sprung up on the side of his head. 

Something flickered in the back of his mind, but Changkyun was too tired to pursue it. He'd spent an ungodly amount of time last night researching all the best places he could go to with Jooheon on their da—

_Date._

Changkyun's eyes snapped open from their groggy, half-closed state. Suddenly, he was a whirlwind of energy, stripping off his sleep clothes and hopping into a pair of black jeans. His brain repeated the mantra that had been on repeat since yesterday, over and over again like a broken record.

_We're going on a date! An actual, romantic date!_

Grinning like a dork, Changkyun slapped his cheeks to pump himself up and slid on a black silk shirt. As he dressed, he looked at himself in the reflection from his full-body mirror. Wincing at the cheesy grin that had spread itself across his face, Changkyun wrestled his expression into something slightly less giddy and slung a leather satchel over his shoulder.

In it, he deposited his wallet, his phone and various other sundries that would be necessary for their date. Damn, the word still sounds so foreign, Changkyun squealed to himself, doing a silly dance as he made his way outside.

They'd agreed to meet each other in the living room at ten so that they could visit a couple of clothes stores before going out for lunch, then for a movie. Changkyun had decided to go old school; they'd both expressed the need for new articles of clothing, and there was a Japanese isekai film that both of them desperately wanted to see.

As for the restaurant, Changkyun had decided that taking Jooheon to a Korean family restaurant would be a safe bet. They could get a hot pot or something, and relax whilst having a long-needed talk.

Changkyun vaguely remembered something about Hyunwoo and Minhyuk deciding to take a trip out. Hey, maybe we'll see them whilst we're out, Changkyun thought to himself. His mind drifted to the aftermath of their outburst.

Jooheon had paused, the night it had all gotten better, and told Changkyun that he wanted to properly apologise for his actions. Changkyun had laughed at that, because it was as if Jooheon hadn't realised that Changkyun had already forgiven him.

Smiling softly, Changkyun walked into the kitchen. He came to a halt, standing stock-still, as he took in the sight before him.

Kihyun was sat on the marble countertop of their kitchen island, his face bright red as Hyungwon's hands wandered up his top. The taller man's actions had exposed a sliver of Kihyun's stomach, and Changkyun's short friend seemed to be struggling as Hyungwon French-kissed him within an inch of his life.

Just as the kiss was about to develop into something steamier, Changkyun cleared his throat, deciding to have some fun with the two. He manoeuvred his expression to be as stricken as possible and tensed his frame, as if disgusted.

At the sound of a throat being cleared, both men jumped three feet, their eyes springing open as they whipped around. It was almost comical how quickly Kihyun's face could go from flushed with lust to sheet-pale with fear.

After a couple of seconds, Hyungwon opened his mouth. Changkyun cut him off before he could say anything.

"Save it, you horny gremlins. If you wanna fuck, go do it in the bathroom or something. Jeez, I don't think I'll ever be able to eat off the countertop again," he grimaced, eyeing the kitchen island with a newfound distaste.

Kihyun blinked, then realisation flooded over his features. "Changkyunnie... are you—um—"

"You're gay?" Hyungwon asked, the disbelief evident in his tone. Changkyun tutted.

"Bi, more like, but okay. Whatever floats your boat, dude," he uttered dismissively, pretending to examine his nails. Hyungwon, vaguely affronted by Changkyun's utter lack of care, tugged the front of Kihyun's shirt to pull the squeaking boy into another kiss.

"Does that bother you?" Hyungwon asked, a little breathlessly. Beside him, Kihyun was sucking in air like a vacuum cleaner, his eyes bugging out of their sockets as he glared daggers at Hyungwon's back.

Changkyun sniffed. "On the gender front, no, on the friendship front, more than you could possibly fathom," he replied snootily. Hyungwon snickered at that, punching his shoulder lightly.

"You nearly gave me a heart attack," he wheezed, covering his eyes with both hands. Changkyun rolled his eyes so hard they nearly fell out of their sockets.

"There is a very simple solution to that, idiot," he sighed, "fuckin' get a room." Kihyun, for lack of anything better to say, simply gaped, his mouth opening and closing repeatedly like a fish that was desperately low on oxygen.

"Changkyun?" _Jooheon._

"Hey," Changkyun said breathlessly, perking up as Jooheon drew near. His boyfriend was decked out in a simple white shirt, blue jeans and a multi-coloured checkered shirt that was way too big for his body. It was _obscenely_ cute.

Grinning like an idiot, Changkyun dashed towards the front door then waited for Jooheon to follow. "Come on; I can't wait to show you the restaurant I discovered," he gushed, already whipping out his phone. "It has loads of tasty stuff on the menu; Woozi's been there and he said it was good," Changkyun added.

Jooheon nodded, a small smile on his face as he hoisted his bag a little higher on his shoulder. After seeming to deliberate for a second, Jooheon beckoned for Changkyun to come closer. "What is it?" Changkyun asked distractedly, still looking at his phone.

It was only when he felt a small pressure on his forehead that he looked up. Changkyun's face burned bright red as Jooheon pulled away from where he'd placed a chaste kiss to Changkyun's forehead.

"Was that okay?" Jooheon asked, his expression unsure as he fidgeted on the spot. Changkyun inhaled deeply.

"That was very okay. That was the okayest," Changkyun emphasised, earning a laugh from Jooheon. The sound made Changkyun want to drop being an idol and become a comedian, just to hear Jooheon's laugh more often.

_I hope he can be this happy for a long, long time,_ Changkyun wished silently. Jooheon stared at him quizzically, and Changkyun flashed a grin at the other man to reassure him. Slowly, they made their way outside into the parking lot.

Changkyun had phoned manager-nim earlier in the week to explain that he wanted to go out for fun with Jooheon. Manager-nim had been very supportive of his choice, encouraging the both of them to have fun and let loose. "Make sure he enjoys himself, okay?" Changkyun had laughed at that, nodding enthusiastically.

The journey to the shopping mall was short, and in no time they were stepping out into the humid air of the high street, Jooheon's eyes widening slightly at the sight of all the people. Jooheon became visibly nervous, tucking himself into Changkyun's wake more noticeably and occasionally clutching at Changkyun's sleeve.

Changkyun was exploding internally. _Why does he have to be so adorable?_ Changkyun wanted to hug Jooheon tightly and never let go. Smirking goofily, Changkyun grabbed Jooheon's hand and stuffed it into his pocket. At Jooheon's panicked gaze, he put a finger to his lips.

"If I put my satchel here," he explained, moving the bag so it was resting above their joined hands, "people won't know a thing. I'll let go when we go inside a store, don't worry," he grinned, winking. Jooheon's cheeks tinted pink.

This feels just like a novel, Changkyun thought giddily, Jooheon's hand wrapped around his own (rather sweaty) one. They traipsed through the mall aimlessly, deciding to browse for half an hour before going to a specific shop to buy the clothes they needed. It was easy to forget that they were idols, even if it was just for a moment.

Of course, wearing masks and hats garners attention, and Changkyun had a few close calls that had them escaping small accessory stores as quickly as they could. Neither of them minded, however: they always flew out of the entrance, bags slamming against their thighs as they thundered down the packed hallways.

Finally, they went to the brand store that held the items they needed (a white collared shirt with black lining for Changkyun, and a crimson tie for Jooheon), then made their way to the family restaurant.

Settling down at their table, Changkyun and Jooheon ordered their food, mouths already watering at the smell coming from the kitchen. "Dang, it's been so long since I went to one of these," Jooheon commented, resting his chin on a hand. Changkyun played with his napkin.

"Same here. Food looks good, though," he smiled, glancing at a neighbouring table's bibimbap. Jooheon nodded, his face bright. Healthy. Changkyun smiled secretly to himself. I'm so glad he's feeling better now. I'm so relieved.

Once their food arrived, they dug in. As they ate, Changkyun recounted stories from when he'd lived in America, which Jooheon swapped for stories of his childhood antics. Jooheon, as Changkyun found out, was a very naughty child, always wreaking havoc for his parents everywhere he went.

"They were almost relieved when I said I wanted to become an idol," Jooheon laughed, the focus in his eyes growing distant as he reminisced. 

"I can't say my parent were the same; I'd been slated to become a doctor for a long time when I told them I wanted to go into rapping instead. You can imagine the reaction they had," Changkyun muttered dryly, touched when Jooheon grabbed his hand in an act of comfort.

"Man, that must've been tough."

"Nah, they got over themselves." Pleased when Jooheon let out a hearty laugh, Changkyun spent the rest of the meal discussing his schooling and strict upbringing. Jooheon told of his merry band of school friends whom he often got into trouble.

After paying for the—quite frankly—delicious meal, Changkyun and Jooheon headed over to the movie theatre. Upon sitting down, Changkyun felt a cool hand slide into his, and his heart immediately tried to escape his thorax via his throat.

Giddily, he squeezed Jooheon's hand, his traitorous heart jolting when Jooheon gave a little squeeze back. "Love you," Jooheon whispered just as the trailers started to play. Changkyun brought the other man's hand up to his mouth, pressing a butterfly kiss onto the back in a silent reply.

_I love you too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COME SCREAM AT MY DUMB ASS ON [TWITTER](https://twitter.com/starry_stan)


	41. Keyboard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Hyungwon has a surprise for Kihyun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg I feel so emotional
> 
> go read go read! very smutty, very fluffy. 
> 
> uwu

As Hyungwon sat on the bed, waiting for Kihyun to get back from a late vocal training class, he reminisced. So much had happened over the past year; it was almost like a dream. If it is, I never want to wake up, Hyungwon thought sappily, leaning back onto his hands.

He'd changed the bed sheets just for tonight. Hyungwon remembered the first time he came across Kihyun's fan fiction like it was yesterday...

_The incessant beeping was beginning to get on Hyungwon's last nerve. Finally snapping, he stood angrily, his chair scraping loudly against the pristine wooden floorboards as he stomped over to where Kihyun had carelessly flung his phone onto the sofa._

_It was a late Saturday afternoon, and Hyungwon was—or had been—trying to read through their manager's detailed instructions of their tasks for the next week. There had been a clash, and Hyungwon had been given the job of re-jigging the schedule, since he'd been the one to organise the events that were clashing._

_However, it was impossible for him to concentrate when a certain someone's phone kept ringing obnoxiously. Fully intent on switching the phone to silent then putting it back down, Hyungwon's resolve faltered when he saw the app Kihyun was getting notifications from._

_"'Fanfic!' ? What on earth is a 'fanfic'?" Hyungwon asked himself, curiously scrolling down the notifications. Suddenly reminded that he shouldn't be nosing through another person's phone, Hyungwon hastily set the smart phone down then returned to his seat._

_But not before he'd memorised Kihyun's username._

_Smirking as he pulled up the website on his own phone, Hyungwon tapped on the home button. There, a small paragraph about the app and its purpose enlightened Hyungwon as to the kind of content he'd find there._

_Needless to say, Hyungwon was gob-smacked._

_"Holy fuck, Ki," he mumbled to himself, scrolling past the pages and pages of explicit fan fiction Kihyun had written. Interspersing between the smut were a couple of fluff fics (He seems to like writing those, Hyungwon noted) and some hurt/comfort, too._

_With a pang of jealousy, Hyungwon realised that Changkyun and Hyunwoo had been featured far more than he had. Frowning, Hyungwon pocketed his phone._ I know he'll never feel the same, but it still hurts, _he brooded miserably._

Hyungwon smiled softly, tracing nonsense patterns into the duvet. _Guess I was wrong about that, huh?_ He thought to himself, adjusting the strap on his shoulder. Whipping out his phone, Hyungwon pulled up Kihyun's latest fan fiction, just to make sure he'd got all the facts correct.

Despite the fact they were now dating, Kihyun still wrote fanfiction. They'd had a long discussion about it, but ultimately Hyungwon had stressed that as long as the pairing remained as Hyungki, he didn't mind.

Plus, they were an extremely useful insight into Kihyun's kinks.

Furthermore, Kihyun's latest masterpiece ("Mewl For Me, Baby") had been the inspiration behind Hyungwon's outfit for the evening. Hyungwon had known Kihyun was itching to tell him something, but he never expected it to be...

BDSM and pet play, huh? Never would have thought it, Hyungwon grinned demonically, adjusting the surprisingly realistic custom cat ear's he'd bought in his hair colour. The faux fur was soft to the touch, and the whole outfit gave him a thrill every time he looked in the mirror.

Hyungwon was wearing a baby pink lace bralette with a matching collar. Over the top, he'd bought a maid's frock (that was basically transparent) alongside an apron with a cute bow at the back.

His thigh-high socks had straps lining his inner thighs; they were kept up by an elastic brace right next to his crotch. The socks had frills lining the top and little pink paw prints on the soles. To top the whole outfit off, he'd purchased a tail, too.

A tail plug, to be more specific. 

In Kihyun's fan fiction, Hyungwon had been wearing pretty much the exact same outfit; the only difference was that he wasn't an omega. And Hyungwon certainly wasn't planning on bottoming tonight.

A tell-tale click of the door had Hyungwon perking up, and if he'd been a real cat, his ears would have quirked at the sound. His heart racing well over the speed limit, Hyungwon jogged over to hide behind the door, the blindfold in hand.

Hopefully, he'll agree. If not, I guess I'll just have to return all this stuff, he lamented, eyeing the various toys he'd purchased with his pay check. Kihyun's footsteps echoed through the corridor, each step getting louder and louder. Hyungwon ran through his mental check list one last time.

_Jooheon? Out with Changkyun for the night; probably visiting friends._

_Hyunwoo? With Minhyuk—they mentioned something about staying over night to finish choreographing something._

_Manager-nim? On holiday with his wife._

_Good. I'm all set. Now, all I need is—_

"Hyungwon? Babe?" _Kihyun._

Waiting for Kihyun to enter their room, Hyungwon tackled him from behind and slipped the blindfold over Kihyun's eyes. Kihyun struggled for a moment, until he heard Hyungwon's voice. "Hey, baby," Hyungwon murmured, letting his voice drop a couple of intervals. He felt Kihyun shudder, and a smug grin crept onto his lips.

"Hyungwon? What's going on?" 

Hyungwon paused for a second. "Babe, I've got to ask you a question. If you say no, I'm not going to be upset, okay?" Kihyun nodded, reaching blindly for Hyungwon's free hand. Hyungwon grabbed his boyfriend's hand out of the air, bringing it up to his mouth to press a chaste kiss onto Kihyun's knuckles.

Taking a deep breath, Hyungwon nodded to himself. _It's now or never._

"Kihyun... how do you feel about B-BDSM?" _Fuck. I stuttered._

He felt Kihyun tense in his arms, and Hyungwon loosened his hold. _Maybe he doesn't want to. That's okay, I just need to get out of this dumb outfit before he sees—_

"I want to try it." Kihyun curled in on himself a little, but Hyungwon was already smirking, placing kisses on his neck as little interjections to what he was saying.

"And what—" kiss "—would you like—" kiss "—to try?"

Kihyun's neck flushed pink, and Hyungwon grinned at the sight. How cute. "I—I want to be blindfolded. Just like this," Kihyun whispered, his voice wavering slightly. Hyungwon nodded against the shorter boy's neck.

"Okay... would you be fine if I, say, wore an outfit?" Kihyun had a full-bodied shiver at Hyungwon's words, which he took as an affirmative. "What about cat ears?" Hyungwon purred. Kihyun writhed in Hyungwon's grip, wiggling until he was facing Hyungwon properly.

"Shit, don't tell me... Hyungwon. Are you...?" Hyungwon snickered.

"That's right, baby," he hummed, subtly slinging his leg around Kihyun's own and curling it in towards his body. Kihyun's back arched until they were pressed flush against one another. "Honey, before we start, I want to make sure we both know the colours and safe-words," Hyungwon whispered, gently moving Kihyun over to the bed.

Dutifully, Kihyun followed him and sat down, nodding in agreement as he did so. The bed bounced from their weight as Hyungwon counted on his fingers. "Green means 'okay', yellow means 'I need a break' and red means 'stop', alright?"

"Got it," Kihyun nodded, clasping his hands. He was still wearing the blindfold, and for some reason, Hyungwon got a sudden burst of self-consciousness, despite Kihyun not knowing what he was wearing. Maybe it's the fact that he doesn't know yet that's throwing me off.

"My safe-word is champagne; yours is...?"

"Peach," Kihyun decided quickly. Hyungwon nodded, then remembered that Kihyun couldn't see him.

"Okay then, babe." Without further dawdling, Hyungwon lightly tapped Kihyun's chest until the other man was lying flat on his back. "Kihyun... there's one more thing I haven't told you." Kihyun quirked his head.

"What's that?"

"Would you like me to bottom?" Hyungwon made sure his voice sounded as breathy as possible.

"No. I want to," Kihyun breathed, his cheeks red as his head turned away from Hyungwon. Hyungwon grinned widely before leaning down to kiss Kihyun, deciding to start off innocently. 

"I'll prep you, then."

Kihyun nodded, and Hyungwon grabbed his lube. "Are you okay with handcuffs?" Kihyun nodded enthusiastically, offering his arms out to Hyungwon. He rolled Kihyun over onto his side then gently pulled the cuffs around his wrists, tightening the clasps so that they wouldn't fall off, but wouldn't chafe either.

"Rope?"

"Fuck yeah," Kihyun wheezed, his body shaking in anticipation as Hyungwon unwound the soft cotton rope he'd bought. 

"I'm not going to make it tight, because I don't want to hurt you, so you're going to have to be a good boy and stay still, alright?" At the mention of being a 'good boy', Hyungwon saw the hairs on Kihyun's arms stand on end, and an electrical thrill went through him.

"Oh, you like that, do you?" Kihyun whined loudly, his hips shifting as Hyungwon looped the rope around his knees and ankles loosely. He copied the knots he'd memorised as best he could, and when Hyungwon finished, he wasn't disappointed.

Kihyun looked like a birthday present just waiting to be opened.

Grinning maniacally, Hyungwon ordered: "I want you face down and hips up in the air. Can you do that for me, baby?" Kihyun moaned needily, rolling onto his front. His dick was already wet at the tip, pre-come dribbling down his slit as he panted into the bed sheets.

Quickly adjusting his ears, Hyungwon bent down and licked a stripe up from the bottom of Kihyun's balls to the rim of his clenching hole. Curiously, he traced circles around Kihyun's entrance with his tongue, captivated by the soft mewling noises Kihyun was making.

Without warning, Hyungwon plunged his tongue deep into Kihyun's hole. Kihyun cried out, thrashing fruitlessly as Hyungwon ate him out mercilessly. He flicked his tongue, enjoying himself thoroughly as he reached a hand around to begin lightly teasing the tip of Kihyun's cock.

At the first touch, Kihyun groaned, rutting into Hyungwon's hand. "No, no," Hyungwon chided, removing his hand, and Kihyun actually whined, the noise high-pitched and bratty. "You can't move, daddy. Gotta stay still and let your baby take care of you," Hyungwon murmured, his tone sultry as he tentatively returned his hand.

By this point, Kihyun's moans had disintegrated into something desperate and wild. His body shook with the effort of holding still, his hands jerking every time Hyungwon's tongue sank just that bit deeper.

Satisfied with the mess he'd made of his boyfriend, Hyungwon flicked open the cap of the lube and warmed it in a hand, the other one still rubbing Kihyun's tip. Kihyun moaned, arching his back as Hyungwon's stroking got more intense.

Humming soothingly, Hyungwon slid a finger inside his boyfriend, and Kihyun crumpled. "Oh, _fuck_ —Hyungwon," Kihyun gasped, writhing in pleasure as Hyungwon sank his finger in down to the knuckle, pulled out then repeated the action.

With every passing minute, Kihyun's breathing became more laboured. His body was now rocking with the effort of simply staying upright, and his dick was so hard it was practically touching his stomach. Hyungwon had let go of Kihyun's member, instead focusing on loosening up the shorter man.

When he moved to two fingers, Kihyun cried out. "Yellow," he gasped, a tear rolling down his cheek, and Hyungwon instantly removed his fingers, caressing Kihyun's face as he brought a cup of water to his boyfriend's lips.

"Are you alright? Do you want to stop?" he asked, once Kihyun had finished drinking. Kihyun shook his head adamantly, and even though he was wearing a blindfold, Hyungwon could see the other man's frown.

"I want to keep going. It feels really good—I just needed a break," Kihyun smiled encouragingly, then raised his hips and wiggled them seductively. _That's certainly all the encouragement I need,_ Hyungwon thought feverishly.

Soon, Hyungwon went from scissoring two fingers to thrusting in with three. An idea popped into his mind, just as he went to add a fourth finger, and he leant down to where Kihyun was breathing erratically.

"Daddy... can I fist you?" Kihyun froze, then rocked back on Hyungwon's fingers.

"Holy fuck, Hyungwon—I'm going to cum, but please, please, I need it," Kihyun keened, bucking into Hyungwon's hand. Gulping in air, Hyungwon drizzled more lube over his hand, then began fingering his boyfriend with a renewed intensity.

He was able to get four fingers in until the knuckles now. Already, an hour and a half had disappeared; he checked the clock next to him. "Yellow," Hyungwon murmured, nonchalantly, extricating his fingers and breathing deeply.

"You okay?" Kihyun asked breathlessly, a picture of sin lying on the bed sheets. Hyungwon nodded.

"I just wanted some water and time to recollect myself," he reassured. "I'm fine now," he grinned, plunging his fingers back inside. Relishing the shocked whimper Kihyun made, Hyungwon pushed his hand deeper.

Suddenly, his middle finger came into contact with a bud of hard nerves, and Kihyun positively _screamed_ at the light push. "Ah! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck," Kihyun cursed, his body writhing as his dick twitched.

Hyungwon smirked.

Forming a sort of cone with his hand, Hyungwon added a last squeeze of lube and began pushing his hand inside his boyfriend. With each centimetre gained, Kihyun drooled, moaned and begged for release.

"P-please, baby, I need to cum," he whispered, groaning when Hyungwon rubbed sensuously against his prostate. 

"Not yet, daddy," Hyungwon murmured back, his whole hand finally inside. "You're doing so well, daddy, doing so well for your baby," Hyungwon purred, twisting his hand a little. Kihyun gave a strangled sob, rutting into thin air in vain hope of relieving himself.

"You're not allowed to cum," Hyungwon started, lifting Kihyun effortlessly as he pulled his hand out, "until you're split open on my cock," he finished, his voice descending by an octave as Kihyun whimpered in his arms.

"Hoooly _fuck,_ " Kihyun whispered, his cheeks flushed as he rested his forehead on Hyungwon's shoulder, "okay." Hyungwon smirked to himself.

He was as hard as a rock, so it was easy to line himself up with Kihyun's entrance. His boyfriend's hole was deliciously pink and clenching around nothing; Hyungwon felt his erection bulge painfully as he watched Kihyun's head loll comfortably at being manhandled.

Slicking up his shaft, Hyungwon paused. Suddenly, he slammed Kihyun down onto his cock, and they both shrieked in ecstasy. "Oh, baby," Kihyun slurred, his neck against Hyungwon's own as Hyungwon set a tight, fast rhythm, slamming Kihyun down on his dick as he panted ferally.

"Fuck, daddy, you're so hot," Hyungwon hissed, throwing his head back as his own hips moved to meet Kihyun's with each thrust. Kihyun's voice raised in volume as he began bouncing on Hyungwon's dick. Hyungwon moaned, his voice low as he growled his approval.

Knowing that it would send Kihyun off the edge, Hyungwon loosened the other man's blindfold and tugged it off. Kihyun blinked blearily for a moment, still adjusting to the light.

When he caught sight of what Hyungwon was wearing, all the blood in his body flooded his cheeks.

"H-Hyungwon?" he asked, incredulous. Hyungwon stared up at him through his lashes, purposefully plumping his lips then biting them seductively.

"Yes, daddy?"

Kihyun wheezed, shutting his eyes then reopening them. "Ah—fuck!" Kihyun shouted when Hyungwon slammed into his prostate. Eyes wide, Kihyun flushed.

"That was—a bit too lewd-sounding, huh?" he mumbled, embarrassed. Hyungwon frowned, pulling Kihyun flush against his chest.

"Not to me, daddy. Never to me," he whispered, thrusting into Kihyun. Each time he did, he aimed for that sweet spot. The spot that elicited those beautiful moans from Kihyun. Kihyun whimpered at that, his neck finding purchase on Hyungwon's shoulder as Hyungwon's movements became more intense.

They were both breathing heavily, Kihyun's sweeter moans mingling erotically with Hyungwon's deep grunts. "I'm close," Hyungwon warned, panting as Kihyun nodded against him.

"Me—me too," Kihyun replied disjointedly, head rolling limply as he drooled. Hyungwon, in a burst of inspiration, lapped at Kihyun's drool then kissed him, opening up the other man's mouth in a searing kiss as their tongues intertwined sinfully.

The tell-tale heat pooling at the base of his stomach, Hyungwon's thrusting sped up. Kihyun was properly bouncing on his dick, his movements shuddering and uncontrolled as the knot wound tighter and tighter.

Then suddenly, Hyungwon came apart. "Fuck!" he shrieked, still plunging into Kihyun as he came. "So good for me—such a good daddy—such a good boy," Hyungwon muttered nonsensically, still coming down from his high.

Seconds later, Kihyun came with a shout, sobbing as his cum splattered both of their chests, the bed and Hyungwon's outfit. After a few moments of just breathing together, Kihyun opened his eyes, then blanched.

"Oh no," he whimpered, taking in the sight of Hyungwon's ruined clothing, "I'm so sorry." Hyungwon raised an eyebrow, then swiped a finger across his apron. Slowly, he brought the finger up to his mouth, and watched as the creamy substance dripped viscously down his slender digits.

Smirking as Kihyun's eyes went wide and his boyfriend flushed crimson, Hyungwon's tongue flicked out and curled around his finger, lapping up the cum until his entire hand was clean. "Thanks for the milk, daddy," he purred, his ego getting a boost when he saw Kihyun desperately trying to hide the half-mast he was already sporting again.

"I don't want to go again," Kihyun wailed, desperately hammering at his dick to go down. Hyungwon laughed, swooping in for a kiss.

"I did in your fic, though," Hyungwon whispered naughtily, and it was as if a light bulb went off above Kihyun's head.

"Hell, so that was why this all felt familiar," Kihyun lamented, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "Hyungwon... you are literally the best boyfriend I could ever ask for. Genuinely," Kihyun emphasised, shaking Hyungwon's arms. Hyungwon hugged him gently.

"Glad you think so, babe," he whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of Kihyun's head. "You've got your keyboard to thank for that."

Kihyun nodded. "Yeah. I guess I do."

Smiling at one another, they bathed together, dried off then clambered into bed.

"Love you," Kihyun whispered.

"I love you too," Hyungwon murmured back, already falling into a deep sleep.

\+ +

_Fin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the first multi chapter fan fiction I've completed and can honestly say I'm proud of. heck you guys, im so happy. to everyone that's been here since day one; y'all are amazing and I love you to pieces.
> 
> if you found this fic recently, thank you so much! I really hope you enjoyed it :3
> 
> for all future readers: thank you! im so grateful that you read my trash lol
> 
> \+ +
> 
> I hope this tied up any loose ends, and that you guys were satisfied with how I left things. I quite like the ending; if there's anything missing, im sorry!
> 
> I love hyungki as a ship; when I started writing this, I hadn't even considered it! I just thought "kihyun would make a great main character. now, who would oppose him? hyungwon lol" and thus, this fic was born. crazy stuff.
> 
> also, I never expected this fic to blow up as much as it did. nearly 7K views; im shaking in my slippers
> 
> \+ +
> 
> if you wanna come cry with me about how this is finally completed, feel free to find me on my [stan twitter](https://twitter.com/starry_stan) owo
> 
> I LOVE ALL OF YOU, THANK YOU SO MUCH!


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